The Only Double Standard

All my adult life, and I am nearly 65 years, I have heard and read some women complain about what they call “The double standard” but I have never been able to figure out what was meant by that. Actually, I knew WHAT was meant but I never could figure out WHY anybody thought such a standard existed. There may have been one many years ago, before I would have even had an interest in girls, but there certainly is no such thing now.

I am referring, of course, to the supposed edict that says something like: “It’s okay for men to have all the sexual fun they want, and to sow their wild oats but women are to remain chaste and untouched until they are married and are never to enjoy sex.” To some degree this attitude was held by certain ignorant persons in the United States in the 19th century but for practical purposes, it disappeared during the 1920’s. There are still some persons who believe that women should always remain virgins until they are married but they think the same thing about men so this is hardly a double standard. Many of these same persons also take offense at women wearing shoes and being not pregnant but their numbers are, thankfully, dwindling.

This is not to say there are no double standards when it comes to relationships between men and women. The most flagrant double standard is the one that says that males must be the ones who initiate and maintain relationships. Why is it that boys or men must almost always be the ones who risk rejection and take the first steps in advancing a relationship from casual to dating and perhaps beyond? Why is it that boys or men must almost always be the ones, again risking rejection, who approach females to ask them to dance? Why is it that members of the male gender are required to maintain a constant stream of flowers, telephone calls and gifts to members of the female gender? Why should it be an obligation of men to “pop the question”? How about some sexual equality here?

Some women may claim they do initiate relationships, or at least try to. When they say “Good morning” to a man, they may be twirling their hair in their fingers or doing some other thing which is, they say, an open invitation to him to further the relationship. I have news for these ladies. To almost all men, “Good morning” is a wish by the speaker that the listener should have a good morning. If the speaker is picking her nose or scratching her butt or twirling her hair or twiddling her fingers or whatever else she may be doing, the man doesn’t notice; all he hears are the words being said. If she opens her blouse and shows off her breasts, that would be noticed but with most men, it would take something almost that overt, the proverbial two by four across the forehead. Women complain, often with good reason, that men are not sensitive but it just might be that women are not honest and straightforward enough.

This is referring, of course, to the vast majority of the male population who are not rock stars, professional athletes or successful politicians or are not otherwise highly desirable. Such men are approached by women in hopes of establishing relationships, carnal or otherwise, but this is not the case for almost all men.

Admittedly, there are some men who object to women taking any kind of initiative. Such men probably also object to women showing independence in other ways such as speaking their minds, attending a university, striving for professional careers, succeeding in business, voting, wearing shoes or otherwise being “uppity”. Women who have any kind of independent thought are probably better off avoiding such men because no relationship would ever work out with them anyhow.

If it were to come to pass that women would take an equal share in taking initiatives as I describe, sometimes a man will reject a woman who approaches him, for whatever reason or for no reason at all. Well, ladies, get used to it. Women reject men all the time for good reasons, for poor reasons or for no reason at all. That is life. Rejection hurts but, currently it is almost entirely men who are hurt by it. According to the principle of gender equality, rejection by members of the opposite sex should be an equal opportunity risk.

Except for what I describe here, there is no wide-spread double standard distinguishing men from women in relationships.

Thank you for reading this short essay. I invite your comments, either concurrence or disagreement. I expect most of the women who read this will strongly disagree with me and I especially invite their comments, including vituperation. I will try to respond with reason and logic.