The Prenup

I rang the bell Instead of just walking in as I normally would. I was surprised when Lisa answered the door. During the day, at least three servants were in the house, and they usually answered the door.

"David," Lisa said with a smile, "you don't have to ring the bell to come into your own home."

"I wasn't sure what kind of welcome I'd get," I said meekly.

Lisa introduced us to a heavy-set middle-aged woman who seemed quite pleasant.

"This is Helen," Lisa introduced the nanny. "She's going to take the children out to the pool. We'll sit in the kitchen where you can also keep an eye on them."

Once in the kitchen, Lisa offered us something to drink. I desperately wanted a scotch, but considering why we were here, I asked for a Pepsi. Thelma took a glass of water while Lisa poured herself a glass of wine. I remember thinking that it wasn't fair. If I had known that alcoholic beverages were on the menu, I would have ordered differently.

"Thelma," Lisa began, "David tells me you guys have been together for about eight years?"

"As much as we could," Thelma answered nervously. "David insisted that we only get together when you were on your trips. However, he would stop by frequently for an hour or two to spend time with the kids. He always managed to be at all the kid's functions."

Lisa gave me the strangest look.

"So, you've been happy with David? You don't want to find someone who could be a full-time husband?"

"David is the best man I've ever known," Thelma said with authority. "He's a better sort of husband and father part-time than I believe ninety-five percent of the men would be full-time. So, in answer to your question, I don't want a full-time husband. I want whatever David is willing to give me."

"I see," Lisa said with a tear sliding down her face. She quickly wiped it away and turned to me. "David would mind checking on your kids and let Thelma and me have some privacy."

I looked over at Thelma, and even though she was extremely nervous, she nodded at me.

I was wearing shorts since I had taken the day off, so I kicked my sandals off and dangled my legs in the pool. I watched the kids splashing around and couldn't help but wish that Lisa had wanted kids and hadn't cheated on me.

I glanced back through the kitchen window from time to time. At first, Lisa seemed to be doing all the talking. Then Thelma was talking, and Lisa seemed to be crying. Then they were talking back and forth while Thelma seemed to be writing. Finally, I saw the two women hugging each other as they cried.

Lisa then opened one of the sliders and asked me to come back inside. I was almost afraid to go.

Once inside, I was directed to the chair I had previously occupied. I wondered if alcoholic beverages were still on the menu but decided not to press my luck.

"David," Thelma said as she took my hand, "we've come to an agreement."

"Okay," I said slowly. "Is this something that I'm not going to like?"

"We'll let you decide," Lisa said. "Our agreement is to share you."

Talk about being blindsided. I came over this morning expecting to hammer out the details for Lisa's and my divorce. Now I was told that the two women in my life wanted to share me.

"I don't know about this," I said, sliding my chair back slightly. "Lisa, you cheated on me for almost nine years. And, yes, I cheated on you for almost the same amount of time, but you started it. I don't understand why you don't want to be with Gerard all the time. If you divorce me, you're free to do that."

Lisa started to cry, and Thelma punched my arm.

"Why'd you hit me," I demanded. I was even more confused and getting a little pissed.

"Because Gerard is dead," Thelma said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I didn't know."

"David, you're right; I cheated on you," Lisa admitted. "Gerard was my first love, and I didn't get over him until I met you. He broke up with me when I told him I didn't want any children. I was crushed by his decision, but I refused to back down. About three years after we were married, I ran into Gerard on one of my trips. His wife had died, and he was devastated. I wanted to be there to help him through his difficult time. He had truly loved Theresa. Anyway, one thing led to another, and we started our affair. Yes, I did love Gerard, but I loved you every bit as much as him, maybe more. At the time of Gerard's massive heart attack, he was pressuring me to divorce you and marry him. I told him that there was no way I was leaving you. I loved you too much. Now, I couldn't stand it if you left me, David. And I know you still love me, even though you've had a family with Thelma. So, you know that it is possible to love two people at the same time. I realize now that I can't have you all the time, but I, like Thelma, want whatever you're willing to give me."

I blew out some air and slumped in my chair. I know this is a wet dream for many guys, but all I saw was the potential nightmare. Everything in my body screamed that two women wanting the same man was a recipe for disaster.

I looked from Lisa to Thelma and then back again. I could see hope and fear in both women's eyes. So, I decided to play stupid.

"How exactly would this work?" I asked.

With that, Thelma pulled out a pad and began reviewing the schedule. The agreement was quite detailed, but the basics were that Lisa would remain in the master bedroom. Thelma and the kids would have the north wing, where there were three bedrooms and two baths. I would stay with Thelma Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights. I would stay with Lisa Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Sunday, I was free to sleep wherever I wanted. Just because I was sleeping with one woman or the other didn't mean that there would be sex all the time. That would be decided between the couples. However, if either woman decided they didn't want to have sex or couldn't have sex, I wasn't allowed to go sleep with the other. There were a lot of other rules, but that was the basic agreement.

I told them I would have to think about it. I was extremely leery about the entire idea. But both women insisted that it was either a sharing arrangement or nothing. I didn't believe that. I was pretty sure that either woman would gladly take me full-time. But then my mind went paranoid. What if they were serious about sharing or nothing? Would I be risking losing both women? Anyway, I had to take a trip the following day, so I told them I'd give them my answer when I got back.

I was surprised that I could work so effectively with this monumental change in my life looming over my head. But after I wrapped up the contract with Stellar Enterprises and was flying home, I realized why I had been able to work on this trip. I had already made up my mind. I accepted the deal.

Thelma went back to her brother to draw up this new agreement. His eyes bugged out of his head when Thelma told him what it was all about.

After Thelma finished explaining the deal, his first comment was, "Fuck me with a crooked stick! David, I hate you with my entire being." Of course, I knew he was kidding, so I kidded him back.

"You could still get a mistress of your own," I offered and promptly got a smack from Thelma.

"I wouldn't dare," Tim admitted. "Not only would Gloria cut my balls off, but she'd make me eat them."

The agreement seemed to be working well until almost seven months in. I can't say that my sex life is that much busier. However, it is more consistent. I have sex at least three times a week. But there are times when it's four or five.

Since there was a nanny to watch the kids, Thelma returned to work at my office. At first, Lisa was a little putout, but she fixed the situation to her satisfaction. Lisa hired Thelma away from me with a higher salary and better benefits. Now Thelma works for Lisa and seems quite happy.

About a week before the seventh month, the two women grabbed me as I got home from work. They explained that there was a problem with the agreement, and it needed to be amended. In my mind, I'm going, "Oh Lord, what now. Can my life get any more fucked up? The answer was yes."

Sitting me down at the dining room table, Lisa immediately explained the problem. "David, I want to have a baby."

I know it's redundant to say I was confused, but by now, all of you understand this is my usual state of mind living with these two women. If I was to guess for a thousand years as to what they wanted to talk to me about, I never would have guessed that it would be that Lisa wanted to have a baby.

"I know I said I didn't want children," Lisa said quietly. "But I see how much fun you have with your kids. And I see how much they love you and how much you love them. I want that feeling also."

So, what was I supposed to say? All I could think was, "Okay." I guess that was the correct answer because both women squealed in happiness, hugging and kissing me. But then Lisa tossed in the kicker.

"Also, David, Thelma, and I have been discussing it, and we agree that I shouldn't be married to you."

Now I was in panic mode. It sounded like these two women wanted me to get Lisa pregnant, and then they planned to kick me to the curb. I knew they had become close, but I never expected them to fall for each other and want to get rid of me.

"Let me see if I've got this right," I said, looking at Lisa. "You want me to get you pregnant, and then you both will kick me to the curb. I don't think I want to be part of that. If you want to get rid of me, just say so, and I'll leave peacefully. However, if you guys think you're going to cut me off from my kids, I'll fight you tooth and nail."

"What!" Thelma's voice went up three octaves.

"No, no, no, David, you've got it all wrong," Lisa said in a rush as her face flushed red. "This is my fault; I didn't explain it right."

"David, we don't want to get rid of you," Thelma said as she rushed to hug me. "I love you with all my soul. It would crush me if you left."

"David, I feel the same," Lisa had tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Well, then, I haven't got the foggiest notion of what you two are talking about," I said with exasperation. "I need a drink." I didn't care if it wasn't on the menu.

"I think we all should have a drink," Lisa said as she took my hand. "Once we're all calm again, I'll try to better explain what we want to do. But, David, I want you to understand that we will respect your decision whatever it is."

"Okay, Lisa," I said after I finished my first scotch, "explain to me about the baby first. Are you sure that you want a child? This is a radical change for you."

Of all the things those women discussed before our arrangement, having another baby wasn't one of them. But after seeing all the fun Thelma and I had with our kids, it must have begun to stir Lisa's biological clock. After a while, the desire to have a child of her own became overwhelming. This new wrinkle necessitated modifying the agreement to allow Lisa to have me more often, especially when she thought she might be fertile. I thought Tim would choke to death when we told him the latest modification we needed. He kept telling me how much he hated me until I reminded him what it was like with a newborn.

It took four months, but eventually, Lisa got pregnant and delivered a beautiful little girl, Charlotte. She has her mother's eyes and my smile. Thelma and the kids adore her.

As to the suggested divorce, it was another chapter in my crazy married life. When Lisa was talking about not being married to me, it was just another part of the craziness in our ever-changing agreement.

Specifically, Lisa wasn't talking about us getting a divorce right away, nor was she wasn't talking about us staying divorced. In one of their many discussions, Thelma commented that she worried her kids would face the stigma of being born out of wedlock. Lisa agreed with her and proposed a solution. Remember, Lisa has a ton of money, and money can buy you just about anything. The new agreement called for me to divorce Lisa after our child was born. Then I was to marry Thelma, but Lisa was going to have the paperwork changed to show that we were married during the time when our kids were born. Then Thelma and I would divorce, and I would marry Lisa again. If you're confused, think about how I feel.

Some of you, no doubt, are thinking about the money part of the prenup. To be truthful, it never occurred to me, but it did to Lisa. She had the agreement written so that the change in status didn't negate the original agreement. But by then, I didn't care about the money. I was assured of at least five million dollars under the original agreement. And over the years, I had invested wisely and had accumulated another six million dollars. Still, it was heartwarming to know that Lisa was looking out for my interests.

Shortly after Charlotte was born, I signed the divorce papers and married Thelma. I don't know how Lisa did it, but she had the marriage license, and the records changed to reflect my supposed marriage to Thelma. I asked Lisa why she didn't just have the records changed without the marriage ceremony. I was told it was a women's thing, so I shut up about it.

I stayed married to Thelma for a year then divorced and married Lisa again. After another year, I divorced Lisa and married Thelma. Don't ask me to explain why; they simply told me that they each liked being officially married to me.

The only downside of Lisa having a child was that Lisa's parents now wanted to visit more often to see their newest grandchild. That put a real kink in our living arrangement, and I was pretty sure that Lisa's parents weren't buying the story Lisa was feeding them about keeping her administrative assistant close at hand. Also, I would catch them looking at me when they didn't think I'd notice. Lisa's mother had a look of admiration, and her father looked at me with pure envy.

You're probably wondering what the kids thought about this blended family. They obviously wouldn't think anything about it while they were young. But as they got older, they would be told that their mothers were very good friends, and I had been married to each of them at different times. They would leave the rest rather vague. When the kids become teenagers, I have no doubt they will figure out that ours is not a normal family.

Tim calls me about every other month to get an update. I think he lives vicariously through me. I know the entire situation is totally screwed up, but I love my kids and my wives. Thank God we have enough money to make it all work.

As I said at the beginning, my life is totally fucked up, but it's fucked up in a really good way.