The Relief of Troy

I suppose the way I had balked at the idea of sex with Miles was an indication of my personality. It takes me a bit of time to come to terms with a new idea or pattern of behaviour. As the days passed, the cottages loomed larger and larger in my thoughts.

I talked the matter over with Miles and his comment was, "I don't mind where we live, as long as we're together."

I did sums on pieces of paper and finally, with Tony making it clear he wanted us out of the place, I decided.

Late one night I telephoned Pam. "Okay, Pam, if we can get a bank mortgage, let's buy the cottages."

"Oh Troy, darling, wonderful," she babbled down the phone. "I'll see the bank manager tomorrow morning."

She did more than that. Out of her own savings she slapped down a holding deposit on the cottages, and within a week had the mortgage papers in front of me for signing. With a shaking hand, I signed.

Both Pam and I had brought personal things into the cottages, but we had to buy items of furniture and have the necessary work done to restore the old bathroom and kitchen. It was amusing to note that when it came to furniture buying, the first item on both our lists, was a large – very large – bed.

There now began what I now think of as my halcyon days. With my pregnancy medically confirmed and the child growing within me, I basked in Miles' love. We still had our "Good morning" love session on a kitchen chair, and our "Hello" intercourse over the table. At night, in bed, we continued to love half the night away.

I am fortunate in that during pregnancy, I feel extremely well, but as my abdomen began to swell, the ever gentle Miles grew even gentler. He was determined that nothing was to harm the baby or me.

One of the really lovely things about Miles as a potential father was, that whereas many men saw a pregnant woman's swollen belly as ugly, he saw only beauty. He would run his hand over my belly saying, "You've never looked more beautiful, Troy. Since moving into the cottages, both Miles and David had dropped the "mother" and "Auntie" titles, and called us by our names.

Well before he needed to, Miles stopped penetrating me, and I resorted to masturbating him or giving him oral sex. I knew this did not completely satisfy him, but he was adamant that he would not take the slightest risk with me.

I think it was painful for both of us, as, despite the thickness of the dividing wall, we could hear the boisterous sexual revels of Pam and David as they reached their climax.

I was talking over this feeling of loss with Pam one day during lunchtime at work, saying how I was looking forward to the time when after the birth, we would be able to resume full sexual contact.

Pam became very thoughtful, then with extreme caution asked, "Do you think Miles likes me?"

"Of course he does, Pam. He's always been very attached to you since he was a little boy. You were his Auntie Pam."

"Look, Troy, don't get angry…its only a tentative suggestion…but do you think…would you mind…I mean…could I help Miles?"

"How do you mean, Pam?"

"Well, if you didn't mind and it was all right with David… just occasionally…perhaps once a week…I could…I could…Damn it, Troy, I could let him have sex with me."

She stopped, breathless. I stared at her, not certain if I had heard correctly.

"Are you suggesting that you and Miles have sexual intercourse?"

"Er…yes…I mean, only until…until you've got over having the baby…and…and if it would help Miles…it would be a loving thing to do…wouldn't it, Troy?"

I avoided her question and asked snappily, "Are you and David not contended with each other, isn't he enough for you?"

"Of course he is, Troy. I only thought as you and Miles were having sex as often as David and I, and suddenly Miles can't be with you properly for a while…well…I thought it would be nice to at least offer, that's all."

I suppose my question about she and David was superfluous, since Miles and I could hear them every night through the wall rejoicing over each other. As to her offer being "nice," I was not so convinced, so I took up another thread.''

"Pam, how do you think David would feel about you and Miles having sex together?"

Oh, I already asked him. He thinks it's a great idea. He even said that if I ever got pregnant he'd appreciate the same offer from you.

That touched a nerve. Since coming to live in the cottages there had not been the sort of commune style living that had been envisaged, despite the communicating door. We still lived separate lives, but I had seen much more of David than in the past. One result of this had been my contemplation of him as a desirable male, and wondering what it would be like having sex with him. I had kept this thought well hidden, even from myself, but Pam had made it surface by stating that David would like to have sex with me.

If I had been eyeing David as a possible sex partner, however remotely, had Pam been eyeing Miles in the same way? It seemed clear she had. That David had been interested in me, made me wonder if Miles had been contemplating Pam. Perhaps most people, however they try to cover it up, looked at each other in this way, wondering what they would be like in bed?

Pam interrupted these thoughts, and in an exasperated voice said, "Look Troy, just forget it. I thought I was offering something loving and not suggesting murder. I'm sorry I spoke."

Lunchtime was over and that concluded the conversation, but I could not, as Pam said, "forget it." It continued to rattle around in my brain for the next three days.

It got to the point where I felt I just had to test it out with Miles. I waited until we were in bed, and Miles was running his hands over my swollen belly and telling me how beautiful I looked. I started in slowly.

"Miles, you like Pam, don't you?"

"What a question, of course I like her." He grinned, "She never forgets my birthday."

"No, darling, I mean do you like her as a person…as a woman?"

"Well since she is a woman, how else should I like her?"

"Miles, what I'm asking is, do you think she's attractive?"

"Not as attractive as you."

"But you do think she's attractive?"

"Yes. David is almost as lucky as I am to have such a sexy mother."

"Then you think she is sexy?"

"Yes, she's…Look, what are you getting at Troy?"

"I was just wondering how you feel about her. I mean, have you ever thought what she'd be like in bed?"

"Well, I suppose…well, its natural isn't it. You look at a woman…Hey, what is this? Do you think I'm going to try something on with her?"

"No darling, but as we aren't…doing anything…"

"You thought I might try getting it with Pam," he said, finishing my sentence.

"Not exactly…"

"Then what, 'exactly'?"

"Miles, you won't be angry…?"

"Troy, I love you very dearly, but you're beginning to irritate me, so please, tell me what you are getting at."

"Well, Pam suggested that you might like to…to" I struggled to find a non-pejorative way of expressing it. "She said it would be all right if you wanted to…to relieve yourself in her."

Miles had still been stroking my belly, but now he stopped.

"Are you telling me that Pam would let me fuck her?"

"Yes, if you must put it like that."

"But you know I'm committed to you, don't you?"

"Of course, darling. But if you felt you needed to have someone, just until I've recovered from having the baby…then…"

"Then it's okay if I have Pam?"

"Yes."

"What about David. He's not going to like it, is he?"

"Well, you see, darling, he's already agreed to it."

"He's what?"

"There is something else, through, Miles. I think he and Pam are thinking of having a baby, and…"

"And he would expect you to do the same for him?"

"Yes. I wouldn't, darling, if you didn't want me to…"

"But it would be all right if I agreed?"

I felt as if I was on a sexual razor-edge. I knew I could accept David as a sexual partner, but I didn't want to lose Miles, who was my first love. I waited for his response.

"Troy, let me talk to Pam myself. I'd just like to get it straight with her what she's offering."

"All right, darling. The conversation seemed to have aroused him as I could feel his erection pressing against me. I asked, shall I masturbate you?"

"Yes please."

I began by flipping his foreskin rapidly over the crown of his penis, and as I felt him about to come, I finished him off with oral sex.

Chapter 13. A Kiss is a Kiss.

Over the following two days, nothing further was said about the possible sexual relationship between Pam and Miles. On the third day in the early evening, I noticed Miles going through the communicating door between our cottages. He was gone for about an hour, and on his return, looked very relaxed and cheerful. Still nothing was said.

I was getting near the time when I would give birth, but I was still attending the practice. At lunchtime, I could see that Pam had something to tell me, and I was sure I knew what it was.

To forestall her I said, "You and Miles had sex yesterday."

"Yes."

"I hope you enjoyed it, because I could see Miles did."

"If you must know, Troy, he was different."

"Different in what way?"

"I can't really explain, but it was different. Very tender and loving and taking it slowly. He made me come twice before he shot into me."

I was in a turmoil of jealousy. If I had not said anything to Miles about Pam's offer, or I had told him I didn't want him to take her offer, I felt sure that would have been the end of the matter. Instead, I had left it open to him to choose.

Lurking behind my jealousy was the fear that Miles would come to prefer Pam to me, and that would have all sorts of ramifications for all our relationships. Pam seemed to understand what I was feeling, and tried to placate me.

"Troy, I'm not trying to take anything away from you. I'll stop now if you want me to. Miles was only trying to relieve his sexual frustrations with me. As I said before, you two, like David and I, have been heavily into sex, and then for Miles, it stops. I know he was the one who stopped it, and he did it because he wants to be sure nothing will harm you or the baby. God knows what sort of a state David would be in if I were the pregnant one. Why not let me take care of Miles until after you've recovered from the birth? After that, he'll get nothing more from me."

"It all right Pam," I replied. "It's just that I've never been used to this sort of open sexual morality."

She laughed. "And you're having sex with your own son, and are even pregnant to him!"

I had to laugh with her at the ridiculousness of my words. I had scattered the bits and pieces of sexual morality I had gleaned from my upbringing, and broken through one of the most dreaded taboos, and now I was worried about Pam and Miles? When I put it to myself like that, it did seem bizarre.

I moved over to Pam and saying, "Thank you for looking after Miles," I bent and kissed her softly on the lips.

I had never kissed Pam on the lips before, and I was disconcerted when, as our lips held together for a moment, I felt a little thrill of excitement ripple through me.

Pam must have felt it too, because she said, "My God, if you kiss Miles like that, it's no wonder he wants you so badly." Trust Pam to state the matter starkly.

Flustered, I move away from her saying, "Time to get back to work." I hastened from the room.

For the rest of the afternoon, I continued to be disturbed by our mutual, if guarded response, to the brief touching of our lips.

That night in bed I told Miles I knew about Pam and he, and asked him how it had felt. Oddly, he used the same words as Pam."

"It was different."

"How different, darling?"

"It wasn't serious. It was sort of lighthearted."

In a way, I was relieved to hear this. Knowing how seriously Miles engaged in sex with me, it was a comfort to know that it was apparently more casual with Pam.

From then on Miles went to see Pam a couple of times each week, obviously in search of sexual consolation. If it troubled David at all, it seemed to make no difference to the noisy nightly couplings we could hear through the dividing wall. This I also found reassuring.

Chapter 14. A Child is Born.

The baby was born at the due time. Miles, Pam and David were all present at the birth. It was a girl whom we named Angharad, a Welsh name meaning "Much Loved."

The presence of Miles, Pam and David seemed to draw us closer together into a bond of love that also embraced Angharad. It dispersed the remaining fears I had about Pam and Miles, as I saw that the physical was in its self, less important than the love and caring that gave rise to it.

As I took Angharad to my breast for the first time, with the others present, David gave a little gasp and said, "That looks lovely, Troy."

His remark surprised me because David had always seemed so brash in his approach to life, and I had not expected him to be so affected by the sight of a suckling infant. Added to my surprise was a feeling of uneasiness, as I observed a swelling in his groin. Clearly, he was becoming aroused at the sight of my naked breasts.

Whether this arousal was seen by Pam and Miles I don't know.

Miles was almost beside himself with joy over Angharad and his new status as a father. Long after Pam and David had departed the hospital, Miles stayed on, caressing and thanking me for bearing what he called, "His little baby." I had to correct him on this score, pointing out that it was "Our baby."

At one point in this time of tenderness, he casually said, "I wonder when Pam and David will have their baby?"

I smiled and said, "I don't think she's pregnant, darling."

"Oh no, she's not pregnant, but David told me that Pam is going off the pill so that they can have a child. Of course, it means I won't be able to…to be with Pam, I mean, they want to be sure who the father is."

For the second time I felt a surge of excitement spear me. If Pam became pregnant, I knew what it would eventually mean. As Pam ceased to have sexual intercourse, David would come to me. There was no compulsion for me to couple with him, but I faced the fact that my deep self wanted him.

It was not that I loved and desired Miles any less, but my circle of love had widened. It could now embrace David as well as Miles, and also…I hesitated as I recalled that soft kiss between Pam and I. Was I…could I…? I let that aspect rest for the time being, and focused once more on my sweet Angharad.

It was to be some weeks before I could return to work, so Pam battled on, trying to deal with some of my patients as well as her own. Once I came home from the hospital, she made a point of coming in to see me every day to give me the news and cuddle Angharad. It was during one of these visits that she told me she was going to stop taking the pill so that she and David could have a child.

She said nothing about her and Miles, but when a couple of weeks later Miles ceased his evening visits to Pam, I understood what was going on.

As Pam ceased taking the pill, I started. Miles and I had discussed the matter, and concluded that any further pregnancies might have a deleterious effect on my health.

"You've had a boy and a girl, so you don't need any more," he joked with me.

When I was ready, we returned to a full sexual relationship, including the "Good morning" and "Hello" couplings.

I also returned to work, but rather than dump Angharad in a baby minding centre, I took her to work with me where she slept much of the day in a cot I had installed in my consulting room. This enabled me to continue breastfeeding her and her presence seemed to have a positive effect on my patients, rather than be a nuisance.

Chapter 15. Troy Discovers Her Self.

Several weeks went past before Pam announced that she was pregnant. She and David were in celebratory mood, and it was a champagne evening.

Toward the end of the evening, Pam, slightly inebriated, took me aside and said, "You'll help David, won't you?"

I replied, "Of course I will, Pam," that little thrill racing though me again.

Pam pressed a kiss on my lips, letting it linger even longer than the first one. This sent another dagger of excitement through me.

I started to feel that I had been going through a whole series of identity shifts as far as my sexuality was concerned. First, there had been the conservative husband and wife relationship. This was followed by two lovers, then by my son. Fertilised by my son, I had finally accepted his sexual contact with my friend, and now I desired not only my friend's son, but her as well. Clearly, my sexual scope was much broader than even twelve months before, I could have imagined.

I continued to breast feed Angharad long after Miles and I returned to sexual union. He did not touch my breasts at first, but I recalled how earlier in our relationship, I had longed for milk to feed him once more at my breasts.

One night, as we loved, I took one of those chances that one sometimes has to take in a sexual relationship. I lifted one breast with my hands and extended its nipple toward him and said:

"Darling, would you like to taste my milk?"

He gave a soft moan and brought his lips to the nipple, and taking it into his mouth, began to suck. I felt serenity spread over me, and the thought came, "He is father of my child, yet he is still my child." Love embraced me, and I began to quietly weep tears of joy. After that, and for as long as I was lactating, I suckled him as well as Angharad.

One cloud appeared on my horizon soon after Pam had announced her pregnancy. Miles started to go into their cottage again a couple of time each week. I got worried to the point where I had to confront Miles.

"Darling, I know you're having sex with Pam again. What can she give you that I can't?"

"There is something," he said. "She enjoys anal sex so she lets me have it with her."

I was at a loss to make a response for a moment. However expanded my sexual interest had become, I knew it was the one thing I could never do, not even for my beloved Miles. I told him so.

"I know Troy, and I'd never want you to do anything that would trouble or hurt you. But Pam is happy to do it with me, and I admit I like the change. Do you want me to stop?"

His visits to Pam had not brought about any diminution in his sexual contact with me, so, turning another corner in my sexual journey, I said:

"Its all right, darling. If it adds to your sexual pleasure and Pam's, why not?"

Chapter 16. A New Experience for Troy.

The time drew near when David and Pam would have to stop having sex. The nearer the moment drew, the more eager I became. I would have other hands exploring my body, another penis in my vagina. I wondered how Miles would take it, so I spoke to him about it.

"Darling, you know what I must do for David soon?"

"Yes, of course."

"You don't mind?"

"David hasn't minded about Pam and I, so why should I mind if you are generous to David? You do like him, don't you?"

"Of course I do, Miles, I wouldn't let him touch me if I didn't."

"Troy, there is one thing I'd like to say."

"What darling?"

"Pam was wonderful with me. She didn't hold back anything. You will be generous with him, won't you? I mean, you won't just lie there with your legs open…?"

"Miles, I shall give him all the pleasure I can, but you know the one thing I won't do?"

"Yes. Do you want me to speak to him about it?"

"If you would, my love. It might save embarrassment later."

Miles went on, "Look, if I can arrange it, when you and David are together, I could go to Pam. I know we can't have sex, but I could keep her company for an hour or two. It might make it easier for you both, and probably for me as well," he grinned. "I might not like hearing you two getting noisy. I've often wondered how David felt when Pam and I were making a noise."