The Reunion

I looked down at his wedding ring and laughed. "You really are a first class piece of shit," I told him. His mouth opened in shock. "Is your wife here tonight? Or do you just wear a wedding ring to fool people into thinking you're not really gay?"

"I'm not gay!" he stammered, in a voice so loud that people turned their heads to stare at him.

"Then why are you hitting on a transgendered woman?" He recoiled in shock, and melted into the crowd. I was pretty sure he wasn't going to tell any of his classmates that he'd just tried to pick up a man. I returned to Andy and Audrey, who was clinging to his arm. "Aren't you a little old for him, sweetie?"

"You've got some nerve," Audrey scowled at me.

"Take your hands off my man, bitch!" A crowd started to gather as Audrey and I squared off. Cat fight!

The crowd parted to make way for Mrs. Dumphrey, who had been watching it all with displeasure. "What is the meaning of this?"

"This bimbo insulted me!" Audrey pouted.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Mrs. Dumphrey told me imperiously.

"You can't kick out a member of the class. This is my reunion, we're on private property, I paid to be here, and I'm sure you didn't."

"You're not a member of the Class of 1995!"

I reached into my purse and pulled out a business card. Jay Fawcett, Executive Vice President of a household name. Mrs. Dumphrey blanched when she read it. Then her eyes slowly raised, as she studied me intently, from my painted toes and killer legs to my shapely physique and striking face. She was still staring at me when I pulled something else out of my purse: a cashier's check in the amount of $1,000,000 payable to The Grove Cleveland College Scholarship Fund. Mrs. Dumphrey fainted dead away.

* * *

In the limo on the way back to Cincinnati, Andy asked me if I'd lost my mind. "I don't think so, baby. All in all, it's been a pretty amazing couple of days: I found you, made you into my dreamboat, screwed Mrs. Dumphrey and did some good for the kids in Dullsville."

"What makes you think she'll really resign?"

"She has no choice. When the Board of Education reads the letter I send them, stipulating that my contribution is contingent on her keeping her promise, she'll have to go."

"How about you? How can you go back to work, dressed as a woman?"

"That was the hard part. But I've been meaning to step away -- I've got all the money I'll ever need -- so I told my boss this afternoon. Although he's so cool, I could probably stay anyway."

"But you'll still have to dress as a woman for a year."

"Who's complaining?" I pushed the button that raised the privacy screen between us and the driver.