The Warlock & the Wizardess Ch. 04

Author's note: This is a work of fiction. All characters are eighteen years or older. This story features anal sex, so be warned in case that's not your cup of tea. Consider this just a silly, smutty parody of a few fantasy cliches. Don't expect epic tones or anything even vaguely resembling seriousness and you won't be disappointed when you don't find them! Enjoy!

*****

Solemn and armor-clad, Aldarius Van Holt sat proudly astride his noble destrier, staring straight ahead, riding into the glorious future. The shiny, finely decorated yet strictly ornamental buckler he wore on his left arm marked him as a paladin of the Order of the Golden Shield, while the delicate bejeweled mace hanging by his side, obviously useless in any sort of real combat situation, indicated that he was a healer rather than a fighter, a holy crusader whose mending powers came from the benevolent deities of Light.

Dogmatically certain that the sacred symbols emblazoned on his silvery-white armor were a good enough reason to keep wearing the blessed plates despite the scorching sun beating down on him, Aldarius carried the stifling, unwieldy metal encasing him from head to toe with pious stoicism. Enduring that searing heat and crushing weight was just another test of his boundless conviction, and he was determined not to fail. With a heart full of righteousness and the Gods of Light guarding his path, the paladin was certain that nothing but success in his quest awaited him.

"What a pathetic clown..." Jadrik spat as he once again looked disgustedly at the knight leading their party down the dusty, sun-baked country road. "Just look at him! How can anyone be so full of shit?!" the warlock insisted before exhaling and slumping in his saddle. Sulkily, he pulled the hood of his black robes down on his thin face and tried once more to fall asleep while riding his horse, failing yet again.

"Bah!" Uli grumbled beside Jadrik, swatting a fly buzzing around his mule's neck. "He's just daft in the head, that's what he is. I'm telling ye, lad," the dwarf chuckled, "he's gotta be just about roasted inside that shiny armor of his by now. No serious warrior with a wee bit of sense in his skull would ever wear full plate gear out of combat on a fine summer day like this one!"

To stress his point, the massively muscled dwarf pointed at the reinforced leather kilt and unbuttoned buckskin vest he had on, complemented by the gigantic battle axe strapped to his back.

"Then again, he's just a human after all," Uli added, running his stubby fingers along one then the other of the two majestic swinging braids of his fiery red beard. "Daftness is kind of a racial trait for yer people, lad," he sagely concluded, "ye just gotta expect it to surface here and there."

Ignoring Uli's comments, too immersed in his own hostility toward the paladin, Jadrik musingly went on. "I just can't fathom what Shay sees in him anyway..."

"Not that much, apparently!" Uli guffawed as he pointed forward at Shayla.

Sitting her horse elegantly and with practiced confidence, wearing a short azure tunic and tight-fitting black pants tucked into her knee-high riding boots, the wizardess was proceeding beside her paladin fiance, shaking her head and yelling at him. She was arguing with him for the thousandth time and still she was failing to convince Aldarius to remove at least his helm before he succumbed to sunstroke and broke his neck falling off his horse.

The full and cumbersome headgear that the holy knight was wearing prevented his words from being intelligible for Jadrik and Uli, but they were both confident that the paladin must be babbling something about morality and duty and other very noble and thoroughly unpractical abstractions of that sort.

Being a young woman of fiery temperament and a seasoned adventurer who was actually giving a first-timer a few useful tips, Shayla was barely able to contain her ire at Aldarius's reiterated dismissal of her suggestions. Letting him trot ahead under the blazing sun, the wizardess halted her horse and waited for Jadrik and Uli to reach her, all the while shaking her head and making her jet black ponytail sway side by side as she mumbled angrily under her breath.

"You know, Uli," Jadrik said, unable to hide a grin, as he watched Shayla glare daggers at her armor-clad fiance, "even if we've been on the road for just two days, I'd say that the chances of that idiot getting fireballed by his own betrothed are increasing very rapidly."

"Aye, and he's way too daft to even notice," Uli agreed.

Crossing his massive arms on his barrel-like chest, the dwarf pondered over Jadrik's not-so-hidden agenda about somehow seeing Shayla's boyfriend dead one way or another before their quest was done. In truth though, the more Uli got to know Aldarius, the clearer it became that murder was completely unnecessary: unless the paladin wised up quickly, he would end up getting himself killed all on his own soon enough.

"The way I see it," Uli mumbled out loud, "once we leave the road and get into the woods, he's gonna fall on a rusty goblin sword and die, just like that. Classic end of an idiot, slain by the first pack of scrawny greenskins he runs into. Ye mark my words, lad."

"I can live with that," Jadrik conceded, "as long as he dies, I'm happy. Still," he went on, getting serious, "I think you should start getting acquainted with the idea of chopping his head off on the quiet, just in case. I can't waste my magic on a rookie like that, it's just too undignified. Besides, Shay might get mad at me if a demon ripped Al apart in his sleep all of a sudden. I don't want to upset her now that we're getting close again. So," Jadrik reasoned, "if that sanctimonious fool's sad little Gods should keep him alive through this journey and allow him to get the information about the Chapel of Red Spires that he needs to get permission to marry Shay, well, in case all of that happens, you'll have to kill him."

"Me?!" Uli snorted, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand and tightening his topknot as he looked askance at the warlock. "I won't chop a daft rookie's head off, lad! It'd be an insult to my axe and my pride as a warrior! I could punch his dumb holy mug to a pulp, though," the dwarf added with a shrug of his broad, powerful shoulders. "Aye, that'd be all nice and proper."

"Be it as it may, the paladin must die," Jadrik briskly concluded.

The murderous scowl on the warlock's face didn't last long, turning all by itself into a sincere smile as soon as Shayla joined him and the dwarf. The wizardess's buxom boobs jiggled mouth-wateringly in time with her horse's easy pace, making Jadrik's cock stiffen in his pants.

"Hey, my sweet slut," the warlock greeted her, holding the reins of his black stallion in one hand as he leaned toward Shayla to fondle her huge jutting tits with the other. "Looks like young Al there is throwing another tantrum, isn't he?"

After their recent sexual encounters, the wizardess couldn't help but feel a naughty thrill whenever Jadrik called her his slut. Still, even though she liked his hungry stares and relentless attentions, she didn't want to make things too easy for him, so she dodged the warlock's grabbing hand and exhaled in resignation at his question. As both Jadrik and Uli feasted their eyes on the huge amount of juicy, wobbly cleavage displayed by her low-cut tunic, the wizardess spat out her frustration at Aldarius.

"He's such a clueless rookie! I don't know if it's because he's a healer or if dumbness is a requisite to become a paladin, but he acts like the stupidest, most incompetent adventurer ever! He doesn't even want to stop at the village up ahead for the night! He says we must ride on until the horses are exhausted, then we should sleep by the side of the road again, even if there's an inn we can stay at less than an hour from here! Can you believe that?!"

"Don't ye worry lass," Uli said, reaching a beefy hand to amicably slap Shayla's bouncy bubble-butt. "I bet he's gonna pass out any minute now. Ye know, heat exhaustion and such. Then we can tie a rope around him, drag him to the inn and let him cool off in the water trough. Daft paladin," he muttered, shaking his bearded head in bafflement, "riding all day in full plate armor..."

"Yeah, it's just too hot today," Shayla agreed, unfazed by the lingering sting left by the dwarf's smack on her round meaty rump.

Since they had left the Capitol two days earlier, both Jadrik and Uli had made no effort to hide their appreciation of her body and their desire to do more than just grab her big boobs and fondle her plump ass. Surprisingly, or maybe not so much, Shayla had found herself really liking the guys' barely contained lust for her.

After their recent reunion, during which she had let the warlock fuck her in every hole while the dwarf enjoyed her mouth and tits, Shayla had been very conflicted about her sentimental situation. Specifically, she had been wondering why in the Heavens she had ever stopped adventuring and had gotten engaged, to a totally inexperienced paladin, no less. On top of that, there was the fact that Jadrik was clearly still in love with her, and she couldn't deny her own feelings for him.

The warlock was as amoral and cynical as ever, with no goals in life except finding the key to ultimate power in one forbidden grimoire or another. He was a demon-fucking sex-addicted loner and he had even started a brothel specialized in succubus whores, and yet he was the best lover Shayla had ever had. Besides, he was the one person in the world who truly, genuinely knew her and appreciated her without judgment or reservations. With him she felt free to do things she wouldn't even dream of doing with anybody else. Jadrik always understood her and accepted her, no matter what. He made her feel things she had never felt for, nor with, anyone else. For all of that, she adored him.

Deep down Shayla knew that she and Jadrik were meant to be together, even though she had spent the last three years denying that disturbing yet powerful truth by trying to be a well-adjusted magic user and a sensible young noblewoman fulfilling her social obligations within the upper echelons of Imperial society. It was relieving for her to realize that, in the last couple of days, she had truly felt like herself again after a boring, self-imposed period of hibernation. Most importantly, she could finally sense the rekindled flames of joyous desire burning deep inside her for the first time in a long while.

Even though she hadn't given in to the guys' and her own urges yet, since they had started their journey Shayla had been thinking about sex almost non-stop. It was through sheer willpower and a perverse, deliciously torturous determination to let her arousal build up as much as possible that she had resisted Jadrik's constant advances and Uli's blunt sexual offers. At that point, the wizardess felt almost ready to explode, she was so overcharged all the time. And it wasn't just about sex, either.

Jadrik's lust and love for her made Shayla feel good, Uli's gruff presence made her feel safe and being on a quest made her feel in the right place, like it had always been the case whenever the three of them were adventuring together. Too bad that the quest they were on at the moment was meant to free her fiance from his oaths to his sacred Order so that he could marry her. And, of course, too bad that she did have a fiance she was supposed to get married to in the first place.

Sitting straighter on her horse, Shayla sighed and shook her head, dispelling her grim cogitations. Puffing out her buxom chest and trying not to let her doubts cloud the beautiful day shining down on her, she glanced at Jadrik. A happy laugh escaped her tumid lips at the sight of the hooded, black-cloaked warlock, whose face was almost totally obscured.

"Holy Gods in the Heavens, Jad, you're so ridiculous!" the wizardess laughed out loud. "Why are you hiding from the sun? Afraid you'll burst into flames? As far as I know, you still haven't deciphered the Lost Tablets of Guur'Gaazl the Undying, and you haven't learned the ritual of Demonic Metamorphosis. You're not a creature of the Endless Null, Jad! So get some damn sun on that sickly face of yours, come on!"

"Yet, Shay. I haven't turned into a creature of the Endless Null, yet..." Jadrik sulkily replied. "But I will! Someday, I will."

"She's right, lad," Uli chuckled along with Shayla, slapping her bouncy bubble-butt again to stress his agreement. "Ye spend too much time cooped up in yer study, always with yer necromantic books and hell-bitches. Just enjoy the fresh air and catch some sun, for a change. It'll do ye good!"

"No, it won't," Jadrik firmly stated.

Gazing at the wizardess and the dwarf in turn, the warlock testily explained: "Just so you two know, I read in the Alchemist Guild's Weekly Gazette that sunlight and sunburn and most things sun-related are in fact grievously noxious to the skin and can cause all sorts of horrifying maladies."

"That doesn't sound like a real thing, Jad," the wizardess replied, arching a thin eyebrow.

"It is! They are already experimenting the effects of protracted exposure to sunlight on gnomes, with disquieting results! And by the way," he went on, reaching his long fingers to caress the wizardess's smooth beautiful visage, "a soft, delicate and porcelain-hued skin like your own is especially at risk, Shay."

"Is that so?" the wizardess asked, smiling as she met the warlock's expressive brown eyes.

"Yes, absolutely! Maybe we should lather it with some sort of emollient," Jadrik grinned allusively, staring into her deep blue eyes. Then, pointing at his bulging groin, he suggested only half-jokingly: "I think I have just the perfect cream for you here. It will make your face all wet and moisturized, we only have to coax it out..."

Snickering back at him while she enjoyed the suggestive innuendo, Shayla unconsciously pressed her pussy harder into the saddle to stimulate her clit as she replied: "Promises, promises... Truth is, you're just a crybaby when it comes to being outdoors. You've always been, Jad."

"Of course! I am firmly against the outdoors in general," the warlock proclaimed vehemently. "I save my strength for indoor activities, as you well know, my adorable slut. I focus mostly on bedroom action because, well, I'm a romantic..." he said in an exaggerated purr that Shayla found comical enough to earn a laugh and a roll of her sparkling blue eyes.

She didn't protest at all as Jadrik's hand traced the finely-embroidered neckline of her tunic and his digits slipped inside the tight-fitting cloth, cupping a jiggly, heavy tit.

"Still," Jadrik added, fondling Shayla's juicy jug and tweaking her puffy, hardening nipple as she glared at him but didn't stop him, "in the right company any room will do. And even the outdoors, very exceptionally, might be fine. Like the shadows under that tree over there, for instance..."

A clanging crash of metal interrupted Jadrik's antics and made the three companions' gazes turn forward.

Face down in the middle of the road, with his helmet-clad head and part of his chest immersed in a huge pile of horse shit, Aldarius lay unconscious and motionless while his noble destrier kept steadily clomping on without him. The knight's blessed plate armor was so visibly heated up that cooking an egg on it would be no issue. Only a few nervous twitches of his passed out, dangerously dehydrated body proved that Al wasn't dead just yet, much to Jadrik's disappointment.

"There! Sunstroke, as predicted!" Uli boomed, laughing as he spurred his mule to trot ahead toward Aldarius. While he uncurled a length of rope, ready to drag the collapsed crusader the rest of the way to the village, the dwarf couldn't help but shake his head and snort in derision. "Bah! Paladins..."

*****

"Can I bring you something else?" the pretty daughter of the innkeeper asked as she gathered the empty platters from the companions' table.

"Aye, more beer of course!" Uli winked at the slim human girl.

"Coming right up," she replied with a smile. "Your friend with the shiny armor is awake, by the way. He's gonna be fine," the tavern girl added, blowing a stray lock of curly light brown hair off her face.

"Damn it! I hoped he might drown in the stupid water trough..." Jadrik grumbled, tapping nervously on the table with one hand while the other was busily at work on Shayla's lower back. Even as he lamented the paladin's failure to die, the warlock kept his fingers wedged inside the wizardess's pants, where they were incessantly playing with the protruding curve of her glorious bubble-butt and teasing her tight, clingy asshole.

During their meal, Jadrik had caressed Shayla's back with light yet persistent strokes, gradually moving down to her round shapely bottom. Starting over the light fabric of her tunic then slipping underneath it, he had traced and tickled the wizardess's spine, making her coo while his fingertips slowly roamed lower and lower. By the time his middle finger had sneaked its way into her pants and between her lush, round asscheeks, Shayla was past protesting.

Finding no resistance beside a few idle threats and sideways glares from her, the warlock's probing digit had kept traveling into that cozy fleshy valley. Sinking deeper and deeper, he had teased the little pucker of the wizardess's rosebud with a fingertip while the rest of his hand cupped and squeezed her beautiful plump ass, then he had gently eased his middle finger into her warm, snug anus. Tenderly yet unstoppably, wiggling and twirling and poking, Jadrik's digit had buried itself all the way inside Shayla's rectum before starting to move in and out of her tight, clutching sphincter. Beside some husky gasps, Shayla had not said anything while her lover delicately masturbated her asshole.

"Oh no, he didn't drown in the water trough either. He's fine, really," the tavern girl reiterated, much to Jadrik's chagrin. "My father called pastor Ben to heal his burns. He'll be on his feet in no time, I promise."

Jadrik cursed again. Perplexed by the warlock's reactions and by the silence of the squirming, flushed wizardess with the big tits sitting beside him, the innkeeper's daughter turned to the dwarf. The bearded warrior had been ogling her all the while, peeking unashamedly into the frilly neckline of her simple white blouse, taking in every displayed inch of her perky if not particularly ample breasts. At least that was a behavior the tavern girl was used to and understood all too well. Those other two were just weird, but then again most magic user were, as far as she was concerned.

"Right... So, more beer it is," the girl finally said, getting another lecherous look and a nod of approval from the dwarf. Then she turned around and made her way across the large empty room.

Uli's flinty gray eyes stayed glued to the tavern girl's taut little butt until she disappeared through the swinging kitchen doors, then he refocused on his drink with a grumbling snort.

"Bah, this human-brewed dishwater they dare call 'beer' wouldn't get a kobold drunk," he commented, chugging down the dregs of his mug. "But the service ain't half bad, I'd say, with a nice arse and young firm titties!"

"The wine is just terrible," Shayla said between soft whimpering sighs, setting her cup down after a final halfhearted sip. Then, as Jadrik slipped a second butt-probing digit down into her ass-cleavage to join his middle finger already snugly lodged inside her rosebud, she groaned in exasperation.

"Oh, for the love of the Gods, Jad, really?! Right here? I can handle a little teasing, but I'm gonna cum for real if you keep at it."

"So?" the warlock shrugged, replying in a calm, matter-of-fact tone. "You love doing stuff in public places, Shay. And making you cum is actually the whole point. Just relax and enjoy. "