The Weekend Pt. 06

How did she know this? She was him once upon a time. She too hid her vulnerability in plain sight. For her, sexual freedom kept her safe. She wielded it as a weapon against real love; real connection. Even after she married Josh, a part of her fought against his love because it made her feel too defenseless.

But Josh stayed with her. He fought everything tooth and nail for her love; even when he had to fight her. Now, because of him, she was no longer broken. Her heart was whole, and it was all due to him never letting her go.

That's what she wanted for her half-brother.

"Fuck her." Brian said, ripping her from her thoughts. "Fuck all women. You're all liars and hypocrites who want to be protected, taken care of, put on a pedestal; all while being treated as equals. Dad was right. Never give away your heart."

Naomi grimaced at the mention of their father. He was the ghost of her past that kept trying to haunt her. She had to constantly exorcise his blackness from her heart.

"Yeah, and where is Kenny now?" She asked pointedly with a huff. "Our sperm donor in prison serving a life sentence because his hatred of women made him shoot my mother, his own wife, in the face! This was the same guy who had two children by two different women at the same time! The only reason I knew you existed was because you found me when he was convicted. Is that the guy you really want to take relationship advice from?"

With a flippant wave of his hand, he smacked his lips and mumbled, "Man, whatever."

His indifferent demeanor didn't match his eyes. There was a loneliness there, one that Naomi identified with.

With a sigh, she said, "Love isn't an equation, Brian. You can't just do this, act this way, and instantly get it. Love takes time, effort, and yes, some pain. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there and look for it."

"I did that. Look what it got me." he said, pointing to his eye patch.

Naomi huffed and shook her head. "No, love didn't get you that. You got that because you tried to steal a heart that didn't belong to you. That wasn't love, Brian; that was arrogance. That was also you trying to keep your own heart safe by going after someone who wouldn't require you to give too much of yourself. That's the appeal of having lovers who are already married. The heavy lifting is done by the spouse. All you have to do is fill the blank that he leaves. If you really wanted to find someone, you would be looking for a woman who requires all of you, not just the shiny parts."

His eyes fell away from her to hide how her words affected him. They hit him; and hit him hard. It was like she was looking inside of him and telling him what she saw there.

A part of him just wanted her to walk out of the door and leave him to his self-loathing fate, just as she did all those years ago. When their father was first convicted of murdering Naomi's mother, Brian reached out to her. Between his co-dependent mother who would fuck anything with a dick and his absent, abusive father, his childhood was one of desperate loneliness. When he found out about Naomi, he thought that he finally found a kindred soul.

He was wrong.

She practically slammed the door in his face. She wanted nothing to do with any product of Kenny. She was just fine burying him and anything that threatened to keep his memory alive. To her, Kenny was just as dead as her mother.

For years Brian existed with this hole inside of him. At first, life with the Marines filled it with duty, honor, and purpose. But the war opened twice as many holes as it closed. Seeing his friends killed, maimed, or subjected to Agent Orange stripped him of tears.

He didn't do drugs; nor did he drink until unconscious. His addiction of choice was women. The pursuit of those most likely to present a challenge thrilled him. Single women gave in way too easily. They were available, so they offered no resistance.

That was how married women became vice.

For him, life was just fine; or at least fun. Then, he got a message on Facebook, telling him that the sister of his past wanted to meet up. It came as a surprise to Brian, but he accepted the invitation out of curiosity.

Since then, the two of them had been trying to bridge the gap between them. At least, that's how it started out. Naomi's agenda shifted the more she got to know Brian. She saw Kenny's shadow over him, and she didn't like it.

Her father needed to die, all over again. She was determined to kill him.

Before her, Brian thought love was a fallacy created by women to trap men into marriage. The example that his abusive father and harpy mother set was a testament to the fictitious embellishment sold to desperate hearts.

Then he met her husband; his brother in law. He met the nephew the never knew. They stirred something awake inside of him; a longing that he didn't know he had.

"How did you do it?" Brian asked in wonderment, snapping to the present. "How, despite dad killing your mother and leaving you all alone in the world, did you manage to make it out the other side?"

She had to think for a moment before answering, "Honestly? I got lucky. I found a man who believed in me and loved me even when I didn't deserve it. It took me a while, and a lot of therapy, but eventually I realized that love was not what dad gave. Josh truly loves me, and he would never do anything to hurt me. Once that clicked, I no longer needed my freedom. I wake up every day knowing that when I need him, he'll always be on pillow next to me. There is nothing in this world that will make me mess that up."

A tear slipped down her cheek as her heart swelled with gratitude. She loved Josh so much more now than she ever did. Call it survivor's guilt, or a cosmic need to repay a debt to Karma, but she felt compelled to be here for Brian; to show him the familial love the two of them had been denied in their childhood.

"I believe in you, Brian." She said as she grabbed his knee and gave it a loving shake. "You are so much better than give yourself credit for. So, I'm sticking with you until you find your Josh. And you're not going to find her in the skirt of a booty call. No; you're going to have to look for her with your heart, and not settle for anyone who doesn't want to give you theirs."

He huffed sarcastically. "That could take a while. I'm a bit of an asshole you know."

She chuckled and playfully punched him in the arm. "That's cool, little bro. I'm not going anywhere."

Brian put the half smoked blunt into the ashtray. With a sigh, he gave his sister a tight-lipped smile and a small nod.

_______________________________________________________________

Regina's fingers were interlaced as her thumbs twirled around each other. Her hands, which sat in her lap, constantly moved as if rebelling against the silence that encased the therapist's office.

Tick. Tick. The clock's second hand seemed to taunt her with constant reminders that Lee was late for their very first appointment with the marriage counselor. The very first one! Their bruised and battered marriage was gasping for air, yet he had better things to do than give it the CPR it desperately needed.

The only thing holding her anger back was a thin veil of hope. When he finally did arrive, he would probably have some sort of explanation as to what could be more important than their failing marriage, which was crumbling all around them with each passing second.

Maybe there was an accident, and he had to help save trapped victims. Or perhaps his truck caught fire and he had to leap from his burning vehicle to save his life. There was even the possibility that an advanced lifeform from another planet desperately needed to study him. I mean, we haven't successfully proven that aliens don't exist, have we?

In all three of these scenarios though, he would also have to have lost his phone. Regina's phone showed zero missed calls, and the last text message from him was earlier this morning.

"Um...we can reschedule if you'd like." The counselor said as he checked his watch. His face showed practiced professionalism and patience, but even he was getting a little annoyed by his patient's no show. Only 50 minutes remained on their time slot, and that was drastically diminishing.

"He's coming." Regina said with definitive confidence that she didn't feel.

The counselor nodded as he breathed out through his nose. He wasn't really agreeing with her, just acknowledging that she spoke. In a calm voice, he said, "Well, maybe we can start with just the two of us. When your husband shows up, he can just jump right in."

Maybe she was deflecting, but this guy's impatience was starting to irritate her. I mean, wasn't he still getting paid by the hour? This session should be easy money. He needed to shut the fuck up and have a coke and a smile.

Okay, she was deflecting.

Regina calmly shook her head. "If you don't mind, Dr. Warner, I'd rather we wait for Lee. One of our biggest issues is communication, and a large part of it is my fault. So, I want to do my part in fixing that. Maybe it's just a silly gesture, but I want anything that I say about our marriage to be with him present. He needs to hear it first; from my mouth, and not as a second handed statement about a conversation that was had behind his back."

This earned her another nod; however, this one wasn't just a token gesture. Both eyebrows raised in a look of understanding on his face.

"Very well." He acquiesced and pushed no further. Her tone told him that the two of them would sit there looking at each other in silence for the entire hour if necessary.

A few moments later, the silence in the office was broken up by a knock, followed by the door opening. Both sets of eyes turned to see Lee entering the office. His face was apologizing before the words even came out of his mouth.

"I'm so sorry. Am I too late?" he said, as if asking permission to enter.

Regina had to turn her eyes away from him to contain the brimming anger and resentment. She crossed her legs tightly, hoping that would keep them from jumping up and running over to him with fingernails ready to claw his eyes out.

"Not at all. Please, take a seat. Let's get started."

Lee sheepishly walked over to the couch that seated his furious wife. Her beautiful face was motionless as she looked off to the opposite wall, but she was practically radiating anger.

"Well, our time is down to 45 minutes, so we need to jump right in. My name is Dr. Warner. I know you initially wanted to be seen by my colleague Dr. Carter, but she's very popular and has a full workload at the moment. So, I'm here to see if I can help."

"Yeah, Gina's been reading her books. I hear she's really good." Lee said, trying to break the tension by engaging himself into the conversation. He shot a glance next to him but found himself still ignored.

Dr. Warner nodded. "Yes, she is. Beth is a wonderful therapist, and a very good friend." He paused, adjusted the glasses on his face, and said, "But, with all due respect, I don't want to talk about her right now; I want to hear about the two of you."

"Of course." Lee said.

Dr. Warner looked to Regina sitting next to Lee, noting that she still wasn't responding. Right now, she was the embodiment of that still, quiet moment before the city destroying storm wreaks havoc and everything goes to hell. Her tense body and emotionless face was almost scary. It was like she was afraid of her own anger and it was taking everything inside of her to hold it at bay.

He thought it was probably best to start with Lee. Looking at him, he said, "Tell me, why are the three of us meeting?"

***

Regina quickly walked ahead of Lee, using steps as big as her ankles would allow. She cursed herself for choosing to wear these blasted heels. They were Lee's favorites on her, as well as her dress and perfume. She chose everything about her appearance to remind him of things he liked about her, and this asshole shows up 15 minutes?

Her strides were long, and her arms swung angrily in tune with her legs as she high stepped to the elevator. Lee knew he should chase her down and try to get her to talk to him. They needed to discuss the things that were said back there with Dr. Warner. Communication needed to flow freely between them, even when they didn't want to.

But he knew that look in her eyes; the body language. Words from him would only unleash the horrific contents of that mythical box. The last time he'd seen this look on her face, she disappeared for a weekend.

"Hey, wait up." He called out, against his better judgment.

She did not slow down. She may have even sped up a little.

Luckily, the elevator was slow. Regina crossed her arms and tapped her foot on the tiles under her. Her eyes shot a glance at the stairwell, but she wasn't sure she would survive the descent. Goddamn these shoes!

"I said I was sorry for being late, Gina." He said when he caught up to her. "I didn't realize that Malcolm's appointment would run that long."

Hearing the name of Lee's lovechild spill from his mouth so casually sent a burning streak of hurt and rage through her. He said it with a bit of self-righteousness, like plugging his baby's name into the reason why he was late should automatically get him off the hook.

Her head snapped around to face him. With narrowed eyes, she said, "You know the good thing about cellphones? Besides being able to pick it up and call me or send a text, you can do a bunch of other neat little things with them. You can use them to tell the time, set an alarm, or even use the calendar app to remind you that at 3 pm on Friday, you will be trying to SAVE OUR MARRAGE!"

That moment was cut by the elevator doors parting, which Regina stalked through without hesitation. The two guys who were already inside of it instinctively stepped to the side, making sure the give the angry woman a wide breadth of space. When Lee stepped onto it, they gave him a sympathetic look that told him they didn't envy him at all

It wasn't until they were out in the parking lot that Lee looked at his wife with knowing eyes and said, "This isn't just about me being late."

Regina, who was walking ahead of him to her car, stopped and turned to face him. "What?"

"All this anger that you've got going on. It's not just about me being late."

"What the hell are you talking about?" she said impatiently as she glared at him.

Lee had to take a moment's breath to gather his words before he said, "I see the look on your face every time I talk about Malcolm." He saw that she was about to deny it, but he cut her off. "Don't lie! If we want to give this a fair shot, you can't lie about important shit like that!"

Her eyes rolled as her mouth snapped shut. Her lips pouted to let out a long breath before she relented.

"What d'ya want me to say? That I absolutely HATE the fact that you have a child with another woman? That the two of you going to doctor's appointments and setting up a trust funds and whatnot makes me physically ill? You want me to admit how insanely jealous I feel being replaced by that bitch just because her skanky cooch happens to be fertile. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?"

The pain written on her face screamed out. Even the anger mask that she was trying to wear couldn't cover it. She crossed her arms and turned her head as her chest shivered to contain her tears.

Lee's lips tightened as he nodded. "I know about the feeling of being replaced. I know because that's what I deal with it every time I think about that weekend. Every time we talk about it, some new bit of information pops up that makes me sick all over again. The way you talked to him, spent time with him, had sex with him; it was more than a booty call or a revenge fuck. You were trying to get over me. So yeah, I get it."

Regina angrily wiped away her tears and shot him a look. "You don't get shit."

Her face was ripe with self-righteous anger. Seeing her, standing there like the wronged party did something in Lee. It was like she poured baking soda inside of him and stood back to watch the bubbling explosion.

"I'm sorry, are you actually insinuating that what I did is worse than what you did? Please say that you don't consider my slip in judgement equal to your calculated and manipulative chess move!"

Her eyes widened as big as her mouth did. Her face was nothing short of a mask of incredulity at his gross understatement.

"Slip in judgement?" She asked, her voice raising a few octaves. "That's what that was, huh? Just a little momentary lapse. Well, when you put it like that, I have to wonder what the big deal is. I mean, sure you made a choice that connected you to her FOR LIFE, but at least you didn't mean to do it!" With that, she started to stomp away. However, more words popped up in her head that made her stop and turn back to him.

"And for the record..." she continued as she walked back towards him. "What you did was not a mistake; it was a choice. Several choices; actually. You chose to have little lunches and coffee with her. You chose to get drunk with her at that bar. Then you chose to go into her home, take off your clothes, get yourself hard, stick your dick inside of her foul pussy, and pump away until you injected millions of sperm cells into her body. Those aren't slips in judgement, those are also calculated choices. You wanted to fuck her; so, you did. The difference between me and you is you tried to hide your shit. So please, stop excusing yourself."

She had a point, but he stuck to his guns. "Even still, you can't even begin to compare betrayals."

"Why not?" She asked. "Because of frequency? You only did it once, so it's not as bad. Is that the thought pattern?"

Lee's nostrils flared like a bull as his eyes glared angrily. "That's not it, and you know it. You know why what you did was worse. Mine was a bad choice, and it was one born of selfishness. I'll admit that. But you and I both know that I never set out to hurt you."

Lee stepped closer and leaned in, because this was his main point. She needed to hear this.

"What you did was vindictive and evil. You purposely went away with that asshole because you WANTED to see me in pain. You wanted me to be in that house, all alone, torturing myself. You knew how many times my heart would break. YOU KNEW, yet you decided that you wanted that."

Her face saddened as regret and guilt filled her eyes. With an exhale, she nodded and dropped her eyes to the ground as she said, "Yes, I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to feel a fraction of the pain I felt when that woman showed up on our doorstep with your baby."

Before the small victory of that confession could settle in the air, she looked up at him with something else in her eyes besides guilt. It the scar of her deepest wound; the one she had to bandage every day.

With a voice filled with fresh pain, she continued, "For you, the nightmare is over. All that's left is how you feel about it. Brian and I are done. No matter what happens to me and you, you can move on with your head held high. You won! You kicked his ass, and now it's over. But for me, my nightmare is just beginning. I'm trapped here because I love you so much; yet being with you means that I must accept being second best. Malcolm will always come before me which means that SHE will always come before me. She has the ONE THING I would give anything to have. So yeah, you can beat Brian up, fuck me better than him, and pound your chest like a real man. But me...I can only give you a weird look whenever you mention your son."

A disbelieving chuckle came from his throat. "You honestly think it's that simple? You think because I kicked his ass and we had sex that all is right with me? You think all this anger is over him making you cum a few times?"

Lee shook his head, like she just didn't get it. "This isn't about him, it's about you. There is NOTHING that you can do to me to make me want to see you in pain. NOTHING! Even now, as furious and hurt as I am, the thought of bringing you agony makes me cringe. That's how it is when you truly love someone. Their pain becomes your pain. Seeing them hurt is no different than your own body hurting. Even when you don't like them, that connection never severs. For someone to purposely engineer a plan that will bring pain to another person, they would have to hate them. And right now, you just admitted you hated me!"