The Wrong Way Road Trip Pt. 08

She grabbed my hand, "Come and walk with me. It will calm him down, and me too."

After several minutes of silence as we made our way down the sidewalk, she asked, "What if it is a girl?"

Trying to maintain calm, I said, "I will love your child whatever his or her gender."

"I looked up the name. It can be a girl's name too."

I stopped and hugged my tense wife. "We will provide lots of love, either way."

"I shouldn't fuss like this, should I?"

"Lover, think of all the good things you are doing for Jeremy. You are providing nourishment and a marvelous elastic sack for her to grow in. Your blood is giving her a set of protections from germs. You and your partner send all sorts of friendly messages every day..."

"Oh Brian, hold me!"

After a long minute swaying together, she turned us around. "It is time for me to get to work. Jeremy still has pounds to gain and weeks to go. I'd tell you to beat me for fussing, like you used to, but that is not a good idea for our girl!"

She looked from under her lashes at me, an incredibly sexy glance, "You're sure a girl is ok?"

"Absolutely not! What a terrible idea. Adding to world domination by females!"

I kissed her hand, "I have a thought. When we get back, you will announce an important breakthrough. We have discovered that Jeremy works for either a boy or a girl."

"They will pound you into the floor."

"I know. I can wrestle and pinch important places."

"They tell me you haven't been after them lately."

"I am husbanding all my male energies for you and the baby."

"Um, we can still get it on, if you need me..."

"Enough! You are back to fussing. If you decide a stiff cock is needed, you know where to find one..."

I was amazed to see her frown, pick up the pace, and mumble, "Proud of that cock, aren't you?"

Almost skipping, she made it back to the apartment in a hurry, with a beeline for the coffee pot and the remains of the donut supply. Munching, she turned around, trying to look fierce.

Her voice was steady and strong. "I have an important announcement. He has been very bad again. Truly delinquent. When we were out on our walk, I asked him what if Jeremy is a girl. The obnoxious good for nothing held me and kissed me and said it didn't matter, he would love my baby!"

The strong voice faltered and tears came down her cheeks. The women rushed over, realizing yet another tender moment had arrived. Chooli diverted to my lap. Kissing all over my face, she whispered, "Definitely delinquent."

I whispered back, "Remember this. One of these days you will be big and grouchy and fussing."

She slipped to the floor and crawled to the pile surrounding Kate. The almost Mommy was clutching at them all, crying and kissing. I walked across the room and butt fisted Henry. "Are you ready for a pregnant, grouchy Navajo Scout?"

"Scary. Truly scary."

Chooli was giving him her darkest stare from the floor. Under my breath, I said, "She needs your special attention..."

Moments later, a kicking, screaming woman was carried off to their bedroom. The women on the floor looked at me and pointed fingers, "Naughty."

I asked, "Is any work going to be done around here?"

Chapter 28 - Surprise in the Night

The next weeks, in the sunny wonderful days of August among the pine forests of Flagstaff, were full of hard work cranking out scripts for the blog and filling in holes around the planned filming in Utah and Colorado. Henry and I went for runs and talked about how to transition from my role as Mac to his new role as the male lead in the blog.

I said, "Every so often, we will shift to a short segment about Mac and Lucy and Jeremy at Los Barriles."

Henry responded, "When do Henry and his French woman get to visit the finest beach in Baja?"

"What if Anne-Marie wrenches her knee on a double black diamond and her doctor says no skiing for two weeks?"

"Damn, Brian, you sure have good ideas. That should be good for two or three episodes."

"I have a feeling that you are not going south of the border without a certain Navaho Scout."

"What if a Tribal Deputy chases A-M and her Indian girlfriend to Baja, saying he is breaking up a drug ring? He could provide the comic relief?"

We turned around and I upped the pace, feeling good about another script scenario. "We better be careful with this approach around the women. They are going to want to know about all the beach action."

The two of us incubated that scheme for several days, finally deciding to let the women know as part of a laid back Friday barbeque just before the long Labor Day weekend. We were all out on the lawn between the apartment and Katie's house, guzzling beer and absorbing rays.

Kate was with us, fixed up in an extra large chair with cushions. Despite protests, she was instructed to stay strictly where she was while others did chores.

"Brian," she complained, "I am not helpless. Big but not helpless."

"Relax, beautiful one, your baby-making is almost over. A month to go. Enjoy the sun and talk to him."

"I thought we decided it was a her?"

"I'm trying to be gender neutral!"

The prospective nannies frowned and hissed. I grabbed a plate of hamburgers and tended to the grill.

A hip arrived at mine from the side. "You are holding up, Daddy?" Ellie's lips were turned to mine for a kiss. "My ex-husband was a miserable father. Didn't help. Didn't relate to his new baby girl. Was totally useless."

I lengthened the kiss. "Your granddaughter has totally seduced me. I can only hope Jeremy is like her."

Natalie was walking now, and going from knee to knee in the group, still wobbling a bit.

After a while, I brought Kate a plate of dinner and sat next to her. She smiled and said, "The doctor says the first child's arrival is unpredictable, and we are to be prepared to go to the hospital at any hour."

"Any hour," I repeated and kissed her cheek.

After cleaning up the dinner dishes, I brushed my teeth and walked into our bedroom, where Kate was propped up, reading. She smiled at me and pursed her lips.

Before I could get there, she said, "Oh dear, my water has broken, get me a towel quickly."

In a couple of minutes, the mess was dried up and she was surrounded by anxious women. I quickly realized that Kate was the most relaxed person in the room. She been doing her homework and said, "I haven't had a real contraction yet, and it could be more than a day before I do. The instructions say not to go to the hospital until there are active contractions less than four minutes apart."

She called the doctor and apologized for it being a holiday weekend. From my end of the line, it sounded like a pep talk was being given. Kate hung up with a smile. "She's not mad. Wasn't going anywhere. Her pilot husband is working on the holiday for extra pay. Said to let her know when I have three hard contractions in a row."

I stood in the doorway, feeling helpless. I guessed Jeremy would decide how fast he wanted out. Did all that kicking mean it was a boy? I laughed at myself over a male delusion of aggressiveness. Not in this crowd, a voice said.

The two mothers, Ellie and Sharon, showed up and restored order. Ellie read from a piece of paper going back to her pregnancy, "This is a natural process, patience is necessary!"

Hisses were heard. Someone said, "Foo on you too."

I was sound asleep in the middle of the night when Kate woke me with a cry of "Oww! That hurts."

I sat up quickly. "Good," I thought to myself, "it's happening."

"Can I bring you something? Water? Tea?"

"Water, for now. It's right here on the night table."

I sat on the edge of the bed and held the glass. She smiled at me, "Feeling useless?"

I nodded. Suddenly, she moved my hand to her belly, which was really hard. "There it is, daddy. Jeremy wanting to come out."

I had read the birthing materials and knew this could last a day. Half that if Kate dilated quickly.

"Go lie on the sofa in the other room and try to get more sleep. I will call if you are needed. It's ok for me to move around until things get a lot more far along."

Someone sprinkling water woke me, "What the...?"

Kate had a squirtgun and was standing in the kitchen doorway. "You look too comfortable. Here I am, suffering through childbirth and you are sleeping it off!"

I roared across the room, pulling up at the last minute. "You are a menace, even in the middle of Jeremy's birth!" We hugged carefully. It was seven in the morning and the contractions were not yet regular.

"Are you hurting? Do you need a pill?"

"Make us some eggs. I will sit on a stool and tell you how awful it is."

Before she got to the stool, there was a contraction that bent her over with a groan.

"Ouch! That better be dilating me. Ellie is going to come over in a while and look inside."

By ten am, Ellie said there was good dilation and the doctor had been called after three hard contractions. She still needed to wait for the frequency to increase. Bodies circulated nervously until Kate said, "All of you go for a long run. Sharon and Ellie are on hospital duty."

I mouthed at her, "Me run too?"

"Yes, you too. Your son will arrive in his own good time." She was torturing me again about whether the baby was a boy or a girl. Reluctantly, I got my running clothes on and went out into the sun.

An hour later, winded and sweaty, we returned to find them gone. I was upset, but realized this was a good sign. I texted Ellie, "How is she?"

News came back rapidly. "Doctor says maybe two hours. Vitals and ultrasound good."

Chooli dropped next to me on the sofa. "Are you supposed to be there for the delivery?"

"She can't decide. Says yes one day, and no the next day. Has all these complicated emotions because I am not the biological father."

"You should go to the hospital so that if she changes her mind at the last minute, you are there."

When I arrived, Ellie was the only person in the maternity waiting area. "Sharon is with her. They said only one family member at a time."

I sat down and put my head in my hands. Ellie worked on my back. "Think positive thoughts and send them through the air to her."

Sharon came out looking serious. "He is presenting breech. The doctor is working to turn him around. If she doesn't succeed, they will do a Caesarian."

I looked at her, "He?"

They both smiled. "Yes, a boy. She has known for a while. His parts show on the ultrasound. Don't be mad, she wanted you to be surprised."

I put my head down again and moaned, "Husbands are so surplus to this process!"

They leaned on me, "Yes, but you are a family now. Everyone counts."

A nurse appeared, "If you are Brian, your wife is asking for you."

I followed, terror stricken. My Kate wanted me after all. In the corridor, the nurse gave me booties and a mask. "Do not touch anything in there. The fewer germs the better."

Kate was in the middle of a major contraction and the doctor was looking pleased. She said to me, "He is turned around and will arrive any time."

Kate was tired and teary, holding out her hand, which I seized regardless of what the nurse said. The monitor up on the wall showed both of their heart rates, which were under a hundred. The doctor saw my eyes and said, "Good numbers. She is a strong mother. This is happening quickly for a first pregnancy."

Kate groaned with another contraction and said, "Yes, and I am ready for it to be over!"

Miraculously, with two more contractions and a big push, little Jeremy was sliding into the doctor's hands, slippery as could be. I was motioned to stand back while he was wiped and patted on his tiny butt. A healthy cry rang out. What incredible music to our ears.

In a few more moments, he was bundled up and pressed to his mother's chest while the cleanup of his placenta was taken care of. The doctor looked at me triumphantly, "No tears, your wife is a tough one!"

I felt light headed and remembered that husbands did faint once in a while. There was a whirlwind of activity getting Kate and baby and various monitors ready to move.

"You may go to the waiting area. In a few minutes, someone will bring you to her room. I need to run more tests before deciding whether they can go home today."

Ellie and Sharon were on their feet, smiling at my smile. I said, "He is beautiful. She is ok. We couldn't ask for more."

In less than an hour, the three of us were standing next to Kate, who had a sleeping Jeremy resting in the approved position just above her heart. She whispered, "We are parents, Brian."

I smiled back and said, "You kept secrets from me."

"I know. It was really hard. Especially when we had that conversation about whether he was a girl."

I kissed her forehead and said it didn't matter. Jeremy was birthed, weighed six pounds and one ounce, and seemed to be perfectly healthy. The doctor said they could be discharged after a six hour observation period.

With so many nannies, I was shunted out of the mainstream of mother and baby care. I discovered an executive decision had been made that Kate and Jeremy would reside in Katie's house while we worked out a longer term solution to crowding. Chooli elbowed me into a corner and decreed that I was to take paternity leave for two weeks.

Her tone was fierce. I could feel the Navajo Scout in every word. "Silly man, you will make a hash of things trying to be CEO and new father at the same time."

I had not recovered from that dose of medicine when Kate informed me that my sleep was not to be ruined by Jeremy's nighttime feeding. "You will sleep in our bed. I will sleep in Katie's bed with one of the nannies nearby. If you are needed, I will call on your cell phone."

I ventured, "When does my exile end?"

"It is Jeremy's and my exile. It will end when a suitable routine has been established. I have been talking to him about that. Do you know he doesn't cry much?"

Within a week, Jeremy was bundled into his new carrying sack. My lovable wife took him for walks, determined to regain her shape and conditioning in a hurry. "Brian, I will be back to beating you in no time!"

The scriptwriters had come up with an angle on Lucy's baby. Two days after the birth, they ran a five second trailer of smiling mother and son with no voice or text. The blog went wild with questions. Page views jumped thirty percent. At the beginning of the next episode, an unusually adult Mac appeared by himself to announce that he and Lucy were parents of a bouncing baby boy and he hoped the viewers were as happy as he and Lucy were. The blog world demanded more pictures and lots more details.

The nannies discovered Jeremy was photogenic and when arranged with his Mom, the two of them generated incredible web traffic. The comment moderators were fielding all sorts of offers for commercial shoots. Jody said, with the edge in her voice, "They don't get to exploit our blog and they don't get to exploit Jeremy!" She had told me a few days ago that her inventory of nasty cease and desist letters was growing and ready to use.

One morning, I was still mostly asleep when someone sat on the edge of the bed. I could hear sucking noises and turned over. Jeremy was getting breakfast and Kate was smiling down at me.

"He told me in the night that he misses you. Misses the cuddles we had when he was still inside. I am afraid your exile is over."

Stunned, I moved over to make room. Jeremy got propped up on a pillow between us, and gave me a look that Kate said was a smile. He was only two weeks old and I was going to accept anything I was told.

Very shortly, the bedroom was full of people. Even Henry and Bruce were there, grinning at me. Sharon had Natalie in her arms, struggling to get down and being told no. She yelled, "See baby!" and got her way. She was allowed to reach across Kate and wrap her small fingers around Jeremy's tiny ones. The room broke out in sighs.

*

(Cont'd in Part 9 - Success Creates a Crisis)