There Must Be A Mistake Ch. 29

Gordon held the high moral ground. Fred turned towards the center of the ring, and Gordon ran at him. He jumped into the air and aimed his left leg at Fred's middle.

Fred's mind was so cloudy from lack of oxygen, he nearly ruined Gordon's move. He stood there in a daze, put his arms in front of him to protect his chest, and leaned away.

Gordon had to delay releasing his right leg for a millisecond to make sure it made contact with Fred's right jaw. When it connected, everyone heard a sickening crack, as Fred hit the mat.

No one waited to see what happened; they were on the floor, attending to him seconds later.

The trainer yelled out, "Call 911."

Gordon asked, "What did I do to him?"

Monty replied, "Nothing a little wiring, and six weeks of rest won't cure. He will be eating through a straw for a while. You broke the hinge of his jaw. Bastard deserved it. If he hit you any harder, you could have lost your voice for life."

The EMTs were there within minutes, and Fred was on his way to be operated on 15 minutes later. After all was said and done Jeff walked to the center of the ring, raised Gordon's hand, and announced him as the winner of the match. Everyone cheered. It was like an everyday occurrence.

Gordon took a shower, and when he came out several of us were standing there.

Liz said, "You used my move, I demand compensation."

"I'm sorry Liz; I don't have any pennies with me. I'll bring some tomorrow."

"Pennies my ass, you broke the guys jaw. I want at least a quarter."

"Will you settle for a dime?"

"With all your money you're haggling with me?"

"My money is going to Holden and Richard. I have to protect their interests."

"Okay, I'll deal with Holden. I'll probably have more luck with a 6-year-old."

Monty asked, "What got you so riled up during the match? I've never seen you that focused before."

"As soon as Fred hit me, he started screaming it was an illegal hit and he tried to help me. As soon as everyone got to me, he moved away. My eyes were nearly closed, and he didn't think I could see him. He was smiling as he walked towards his corner. I knew, at that moment, he did it on purpose. He knew who I was. He played dumb during our conversation before the match, just as I did. I did it for a different reason. I didn't want him to hold back. He wanted to get that sneak punch in."

"I heard you in my head too dad."

"Really, I was rooting for Fred."

"You can stop your act now. I could hear you saying I was floating on air, and that you and mom were waiting for me on the portico of our house in Fairbanks. It was the same dream I had when Liz and Cathy were trying to drown me, but you were narrating it. You told me what to do, and I already had a plan how to beat this guy. All I had to do was get up and do it. So I did."

"I plead ignorance of that conversation. I was never any place near you, while you were down. I never left the scorers table."

"I would let you go on that one dad, except for one thing. I have this vivid memory of a drop of split pea soup floating above my head. Do you know what the most amazing thing is dad? You have a drop of split pea soup on the collar of your shirt."

"The boy is a scientist Doctor. Even though he didn't follow the breadcrumbs, he followed the drops of the split pea soup directly to you."

"You can't be found guilty in a court of law, because of one drop of pea soup."

"Can we go home now, I'm hungry."

"Will you let me know if there's a gun on the table?"

"You haven't started taking precautions yet?"

"We had to order them. They don't usually make them in my size."

Liz shouted, "I don't want to know. If it's that small you should keep it to yourself."

"You can ask Jennifer that question if you'd like. If you don't believe her, maybe you would like to take it out for a test drive."

"Dad, which one would mom kill first, Liz or you?"

"Probably me, because I would have killed Liz with what your mother calls 'my weapon'."

"You're bragging."

Monty said, "Liz, Jennifer and I talked, and he's not bragging."

"Oh shit, he'd kill me."

"You keep telling me that you'd love to go that way."

"Fucking, 'yes', I don't want to go while somebody is splitting me in half."

"Now you are getting picky."

"Ladies, you have an impressionable little boy here, who's hungry and tired. He would like to get home, be fed, and be put to bed, in that order."

"Doctor, would you point out that impressionable little boy to us please?"

"I'll be damned if I can see him."

"I think because he lied to us we should make him run home. All in favor signify by saying Aye."

"Aye, Aye, No, Aye."

"The Ayes have it, Gordon runs home."

"Ladies you forgot one thing, if I run home, one of you has to come with me."

"Well Liz, I'm glad you have your sneakers on. We will meet you at his house."

"How did I lose?"

"I just said you did."

"There is something eminently unfair about that vote."

"Start moving Liz, I want to get home sometime tonight."

"It's a beautiful night Liz, why don't we walk?"

"What a wonderful idea Gordon. We can even see if the big dipper is dipping into the little dipper tonight."

"Get in the goddamn car before I shoot you both. I want to get home tonight."

"Way to go Gordon, you can be on my debate team anytime you want."

*****************

Gordon was in front of me, when we walked in the front door. As he passed the kitchen he said, "Dad be careful, mom may have a gun in her hand."

I looked at the kitchen table and knew why he said it. Sitting there were two open boxes of pregnancy tests, from different companies.

Gordon patted me on the back. "I guess Teddy is going to be Captain of 'The Good Luck 1 much sooner than we anticipated."

Jennifer appeared out of nowhere holding the results of the 2 tests in her hand.

"You are the luckiest son of a bitch on this planet Even. You are still shooting blanks."

My knees buckled, but I did not fall. I walked to her, took her into my arms, and pressed her to my body.

"You are the only woman I have ever loved. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving you something so precious, and so intimate, no one else could ever duplicate it. As Richard said, "I should have asked you first, because it is a joint parental decision."

"Do you think I am going to wait 3 weeks to make love with you, until your condoms arrive Even? We will be playing Russian roulette until then or do you have the courage to abstain from having sex with me?"

"I abstained, until the afternoon we were married. You abstained from the day you found out you were pregnant with Gordon, and married me. We've both done it before.

However, we have tasted of the forbidden fruit, and I don't believe we could lay together, and do it again."

"Do you have every verse of the Bible memorized? Why can't I get a simple yes or no from you, when I ask you an simple question?"

"What fun would that be my love? You wouldn't have time to decide whether to kiss me, or hit me; which one is it?"

I ducked, barely in time.

"Where has your sense of humor gone Jennifer?"

"Do you see those boxes on the kitchen table Even? My sense of humor left while I was waiting to see if the testers turned color. If they did, one of our agents would be very wealthy, and retired. However, he would be minus a gun and a few extra clips of ammunition."

"You do realize we live in Texas. You can go to a 7/11 and buy a handgun for $800."

"Thank you very much Even, I didn't know that. I'll pick one up tomorrow."

"You're welcome dear. Don't get talked into a big one, like a Glock 9 mm. Buy a 32 caliber automatic, because you're going to be right up against me, when you pull the trigger."

"Do I have to be that close?"

"Only if you want to hit me with a bullet. If you're right against me, there is a 100 percent chance that you hit me. From one foot away, the odds drop to 90 percent. From two feet away, your odds drop to 70 percent. From three feet your odds drop to 40 percent. From four feet, I live to run another day."

"Why do my odds drop so drastically, and so quickly?"

"Because your hand is going to be shaking wildly, and your eyes are going to be closed as you pull the trigger."

"I think I asked you this question when we first met on the airplane. Is there anything about anything you don't know?"

"I don't know. You would have to ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, that's something I don't know."

"I love you Even Zachariah Luck. What am I supposed to do without you?"

"I'm having the same trouble answering that question about you. I was almost hoping you were pregnant, and carried through on your threat to keep me at home. I would have been devastated watching that ship take off without me, but I would've had you for the rest of my life, and that would have been a great consolation prize."

"That was a wonderful thing to say Even, although you are full of shit. Nothing in this world, including me, could keep you off that spacecraft when it lifts off on Christmas Day. Your life is in that machine, and where it goes, you go."

"Would you two go to your room so I can get something to eat?"

"Are you jealous Gordon?"

"Absolutely, and now my only outlets are food and working out. At this moment I'm hungry, later I'll be downstairs working out so I don't hear the ruckus going on in your room. I turned the television speakers towards the wall facing your room to block out those wonderful sounds that used to come from my room also. It helps me sleep."

*******************

143. Subterfuge

They pulled their luggage off the carousel, showed security the matching tickets, and left the secure area. They hadn't taken 10 steps when they heard, "Sandra, over here."

Three heads turned simultaneously, and they found Joe's parents waving at them. Deborah and Rebecca charged towards the grandparents, while Sandra just shook her head. Her children loved everyone with open joy, except for her parents, who treated them like objects of disdain. Her father may have changed, but she was not sure if she could ever forgive him, but she would never forgive her mother. She wondered how those two decided to have children.

When she reached Joe's parents' she kissed them both. "Hello Joan, hello Sam, you are both looking wonderful."

Joan replied, "You couldn't have timed it better, we just got back from Palm Springs. We played so much golf we have calluses on our hands."

Debbie said, "You waste your days chasing a little white ball all over God's green earth, knowing it would never go where you wanted to go?"

"Your grandfather's ball doesn't go where it's supposed to go. My ball does because I threaten it before I hit it."

Rebecca replied, "Your ball reacts just like we do, when my mother yells at us."

"I should have brought the bar of soap with me. We are not out of the terminal yet, and you starting to lie already. You never listen to me, except when it's late at night, and I tell you to go to bed. Otherwise, you run rampant all over the house, and me."

Joan laughed, "They sound just like Joseph, when he was their age. He would do anything to get out of doing what we told him to do. The only time he knew I was serious was when I took my black frying pan out of the pantry. From that moment on he was the perfect child."

"Do you still have that frying pan Joan?"

"Of course I do, it's guaranteed for life."

Rebecca asked, "Who's life?"

"I'm not sure. No one's died from it yet. You could be the first, or the second, it all depends on your mother's aim."

"Debbie we have nothing to worry about. If there was a fly on the wall, mom would miss the wall."

"Do you two see what I have to live with. I have two stand-up comedians that should have been twins. They feed off each other; it's not fair for any adult woman to try to keep two prepubescent girls from driving her crazy."

"We were very happy we only had Joseph. The things he did growing up would curl your little girls hair."

"You have to tell us now grandma, you can't leave us hanging like this. We need some ammunition when we E-mail dad."

"When we talked to your father, he said he hadn't received an email from you in a very long time."

"Is it okay if I say something bad about your parents mom?"

"As long as it's true, go ahead."

"Rebecca and I didn't send dad any emails for a long time because we didn't want to depress him any more than he already was. Living with mom's parents was the worst experience I ever had. We were not allowed to be kids. We were not allowed to play on the lawn, or inside the house. We would come home from school, and walk downstairs, because they were upstairs, and didn't want to be disturbed. Mom never went upstairs unless they called her. It was like living in jail. We never went upstairs to get something from the refrigerator if we were hungry, for fear of what they would say to us. We followed mom's example, we kept our heads down, our mouth's closed, and our opinions to ourselves. We didn't dare tell dad how we were living, because he would have come to Montpelier, and taken us away. That would have gotten him in trouble with the law, and he would have wound up in jail. We didn't want that to happen to him."

"So how did you wind up in Temple?"

Rebecca and Deborah stood up, did a little tap dance in their sneakers, and said, "Take it away mom."

Sandra told her in-laws the complete story of how Joe arranged to get rid of her parents, so she and the children could get down to see him. She told the part about the girls listening in to their private conversation while they were in bed. She related how the girls ruined the moment for them, by screaming out how many condoms they had in their handbags.

Joan asked, "How active are you two, and are you always safe?"

"Grandma, we are active every day but Sunday, and we are always safe."

"My goodness, not even Joseph was that successful."

"Check your mouth Joan, see if there are any hooks in there."

"You two lied to me?"

"We answered your question very truthfully. You asked us how active we are, and we are extremely active. Deborah runs cross-country, and I run the 5000 meter. While we do so, we are very safe, because we are always under the supervision of our coaches, and running with our teammates."

Sam and Joan were hysterical by the antics of their two grandchildren, while Sandra just shook her head.

"Do you to see what I have to put up with everyday? It's enough to drive a sane woman crazy. If you two say one word, I will wash your mouth out with soap."

The two children stood erect, zipped their mouths closed, and sat down.

Their grandfather asked them, "What did you two do the last time your mother won't let you say this time?"

Deborah asked, "Will you indemnify us from all harm?"

"Yes, I will protect you from your mother's wrath."

"Becky and I were having a particularly good time at our mother's expense, as it came to the cost of the trip here. When we finally told her the actual cost of the trip, she made the ultimate mistake; she left us an opening we could not ignore. She said, "You two drive me bananas." We decided Rebecca would take it, because it was much too easy for me.

Rebecca said, "Mom, you don't need to drive to go bananas. Its not even a short walk. A few short steps will do it."

Mom screamed, while we took off in different directions. It was so much fun."

"Sandra have you thought about sending them with Joe, your whole life would be safer."

Sandra teared up. "I wanted to go with Joseph, but the girls decided they would be giving up too much, so we are staying."

"In our defense, we'd like to say we spoke to Doctor Even Luck, the head of the project. He told us to think of our own best interest, and not the interest of our parents. He said adults heal faster than children do. He said there were no children our age going on the flight, and we would be very lonesome. We couldn't in good conscience go with dad, and give up our own lives."

Joan said, "It was a very good decision on your part. You're still in middle school; you haven't had your first dates yet. You couldn't possibly grow up and be normal children or adults in such a closed society."

"Thank you for understanding grandma; it was a very tough decision for us."

"Okay, what shall we do today? Adult women go shopping, and the rest of us go fooling around. What would the fooling around people like to do?"

"We have our itinerary all filled out grandpa. How are you legs after all that goofing, I mean golfing?"

"My legs are just fine thank you."

"That's wonderful, because today you're taking us to the Willis Tower Viewing Center. It's on the 103rd floor. You should be able to walk that easily enough."

"Have you two ever heard of a man called Elisha Otis?"

"Do you mean the man that invented the elevator in 1854, with pulley systems and safeties?"

"Don't ever walk into one of those again Sam. They will eat you alive."

"It would seem so Sandra. Have you ever tried ball gags on them?"

"I wouldn't know what to do if the house was quiet."

"It would take a while, but you would get use to it."

"While you're in there, could you get a couple of collars and leashes please?"

Deborah started jumping for joy. "I always wanted to be collared. Soon will be eating collard greens."

Joan said, "Get them out of the house before I pee my pants."

"Don't worry grandma; it must be a family thing. Mom did it in an airplane."

"That's it, you're dead. There is nothing sacred, or secret to you. You will never receive an allowance, or any part of my money. You will learn to respect me and my secrets."

Sandra ran to the bedroom, closed the door, and began crying.

Joan asked the children, "What's the matter with your mom? You didn't say anything so terrible for her to crack like she did."

"Mom is under a tremendous amount of stress. What we are doing is trying to get her to laugh every day, and to keep her mind off it.

She is in love, and always has been with our dad. She wants to go with him, but she will not leave us alone.

Dad gave her $10 million so we would never want for anything.

Whatever she said in the note she left for her parents must have shocked her father to the core. He sent her $200 million. It must have been close to the end of his money, because he just settled a lawsuit for $400 million for an accident our mom had.

We can't become emancipated, because were too young, and no means of support. Being totally honest, that's why we came here. We have a plan, and it will only work if you two agree to it."

"What did you two reprobates have in mind?"

"We are not vampires, but we may ruin your lives for 7 to 8 years."

Joan said, "Sam get me my stomach medication, a tranquilizer, two aspirin, and an ice pack. Forget about that. Bring me all my medications. I believe I know what these two rascals have in store for us. I'm going to need every one of them."

"I know I'm going to need all of mine honey. Look at the gleam in their eyes. They are the spawn of the devil."

Deborah said, "No we are not, we came from your son."

"That's exactly who we meant little ones, Joseph, your father; that little devil."

"Our father was bad?"

"No, Joseph wasn't bad, he was worse than bad, he was impossible. Our only problem with him was he was also a smart as hell. We were in school more often than he was. He snuck into more Cubs games than any other kid alive. It got so bad, when the truant police called to see if he was sick, and we said no, they would say, "Oh there is a Cubs game today. We will pick him up." That's where he'd be in the right field bleachers, screaming his head off, until the police picked him up bodily and carried him away.