Thoughts Ch. 01

This is a story about Bob's life, his ups and downs and everything in between. I'll be submitting a chapter each day till all five chapters are posted. A special 'Thank you' to Estragon for doing the editing of my story and making it a much better read.

DG Hear

Chapter 1: The Early years

I'm Bob Beal and this story is about my life. Readers may hate me and even call me names. I've done that to myself many times over the years.

Everyone, and I meaneveryone, makes mistakes and dumb decisions. I know I made my share over the years.

The sad thing is, after making a mistake, at least a major mistake, you can't take it back. There are no do-overs in the real world, and you have to live with the consequences of your actions. I'm writing my thoughts and figure the mature (older) readers probably have been through a lot of the same things.

The middle-aged readers are probably going through the same things right now. The young people might be able to learn from my mistakes and not make the same ones. Please excuse if I jump around in the story. I'm trying to write it as the thoughts come into my head.

I'm sitting here at home by myself thinking about my life and wondering what it was all about. I was married to the same woman for over forty-two years and we recently got divorced.

I called my best friend Tom and told him I had a heavy weight I wanted to get off my chest. I asked him if he would like to hear the short version of my life's story.

Tom has been my best friend, my wife says my only friend, for the past eighteen years. He is my age and went through a divorce shortly after we met. I remember him telling me his divorce story with all the sordid lies that were part of it. The two of us were a lot alike.

He was now married to another woman, who is a real good friend of my wife's. I couldn't believe when he showed me pictures of his first wife how much she resembled his second wife.

Tom and I went to the local pub and I told him my story. He didn't talk at all other then ordering us another round of Fosters about every half hour. I will honestly say that Tom is the only guy I ever really trusted. I remember him spilling his guts out to me and I gave him my word that I would never divulge a word to a soul. I kept that promise and I knew Tom would too.

I took my first swig of the beer and started my whole sordid story.

She told me we just weren't compatible anymore; hell, we haven't been compatible for years. In fact, when we first met, we often talked about what complete opposites we were and how they say opposites attract. I guess somewhere along the way the attraction stopped.

Carol came up to me a few months back and told me she couldn't take it any more, she no longer wanted to stay married to me. It didn't come as a complete surprise. We really haven't done anything but argue since I retired early five years ago. I'm now sixty-three and she turned sixty-five.

I guess I should go back and tell you a little about our life and how we got together. Maybe you can make sense out of my life. I never thought we were any different than most couples we knew through our whole life. Both our parents stayed married until one of them died, so we came from decent families, even though they had their problems.

I met Carol when she worked for my sister in her family's grocery store forty-plus years ago. I was working at a factory, and going to college at night. I was always a flirt and would put the make on most any woman if given the chance. Hell! I was only nineteen.

At first Carol told my sister she hated me and that I was nothing but a skirt chaser; the fact is, she was right. I saw Carol as a challenge. I wanted her to like me. I would stop by the store three or four times a week just to talk to Carol. It took over a month before I could get her to go out with me.

Carol came from a large, low-income family. Her dad died before I got a chance to meet him. It was the same year that she started working for my sister. She helped support the rest of her family.

I came from a normal middle-income family. Both of my parents worked in the factories in the auto industry, that's how I got on. I went to college at night. I couldn't believe it when Carol said she would go out with me. We actually went to a drive-in. I remember the first time she let me kiss her, I felt something special. I tried to go a little farther but she wouldn't let me.

She did spill her pop on her blouse and, of all things, she got her skirt caught in the car door and it ripped. I was scared to death when I had to take her home and her older brothers were standing there waiting for her. I figured when they saw her I'd get my ass kicked.

Luckily, she got out and told them what had happened, that she spilled her drink and got her skirt caught in the door. She came to my side of the car and gave me a kiss goodnight. For some strange reason I was falling for her. I've never felt that way about any of the other girls I dated before. I think it was because of the challenge. We had been dating for a couple of months and we kissed a lot, and she did let me touch her boobs on the outside of her blouse.

She ended up being one of my sister's best friends, and she would watch their baby when my sister and her husband would go out. I made sure I showed up those nights. It wasn't long before we were having sex on the couch.

It all began with her letting me feel her up. I opened her blouse and started feeling her tits. God, they felt so good. I began massaging and kissing them. I remember Carol saying, "Take it easy, they're rather sensitive."

I worked my way down to her skirt. I don't remember why she was wearing a skirt, it was so long ago. I remember sliding my hand up her thigh and onto her mound outside of her panties. I kept telling her how much I loved her and rubbing her mound.

Did I really love her? Hell, I don't know, but I did care for her. I was still a nineteen year old kid with very excited hormones. I'd had a lot of girlfriends, and felt a lot of them up, but I never had intercourse. I'd felt a lot of boobs and pussies but never got more than my fingers in them. I thought this could be a first for me, with a woman two years older than me.

I was hot, really hot; I didn't want to blow my chances with her. Before I knew it I had her blouse and bra off and was kissing her tits. Next, I slipped my hand onto her panties. Before long my hand was inside her panties. It felt so wet as I rubbed my hand across her mound and down into her crevice. God, she was so wet, I knew she must have wanted it as much as I did.

It wasn't long before I had her panties off and my jeans and briefs off. I was rubbing my cock up and down her crack. I was doing everything I could to make it last. I remember her telling me to go slow, very slow, which I did, pushing my cock into my first pussy ever. It was so hot and so wet, I loved the feeling.

She raised her head and said she wanted to watch my cock go into her. It was so great watching her watching my cock go in and out of her, every time it came part way out it was wetter. I couldn't hold off any longer as I starting shooting my cum into her. She screamed out and told me how good it felt.

I pumped and pumped till my cock got soft. She grabbed some tissues, a handful off the end table and put them between her legs and ran to the bathroom. I grabbed some also and wiped off my cock and threw the tissues into the wastebasket.

I got dressed. She came back into the room and dressed also. She sat down and told me that it was her first time and that she was a virgin. She wanted to wait for the right guy and hoped it was me. Again, I really liked her but at nineteen I wasn't sure what love was. I told her I really cared for her too and we sat and cuddled as we watched TV.

I was a little on the nervous side now. I never told her it was my first time, which it was for intercourse. I didn't want to avoid her because I did care for her and she worked for my sister. I did a stupid thing and went on a date with another girl from college. Carol never knew about it.

It was just going out to get something to eat and making out in the car. I did finger fuck her and she gave me my first real blowjob. She said she was waiting to give up her virginity to her future husband, whom ever he might be. I knew it wasn't going to be me because I didn't have any real feelings for her.

After I went home I was mad at myself for cheating on Carol, even though we weren't officially going steady. I think I was afraid of a real relationship. It was a month later I ended up giving my class ring to Carol as a sign of our going steady. She accepted it and now we were a couple.

We had sex most every time we were alone. Most of the times I used condoms but every once in awhile we got spontaneous and I went bareback.

Then it happened about two months later. I stopped at the store to see Carol and she told me she was pregnant. It would have been pretty stupid to ask her if it was mine since she told me she was a virgin.

Thinking back on the whole situation I do believe she was. I really don't remember any blood but I heard there were other ways for a hymen to break. It was just the way that she was so fascinated at watching my cock go in and out of her and how hard she wanted to please me. One time she even asked if she was big enough for me. I guess it was because she was small and her pussy was really tight.

I asked her who all knew she was pregnant and she said she had told my sister. She was scared and I wasn't there for her to talk to. She followed up with how much she loved me and would take care of the baby herself. God, I felt like a real asshole. I might be a flirt and somewhat of a playboy but I wanted to do what was right by Carol.

I told her we would get married soon before she began to show anymore. That night I told my parents and they gave me the talking to of my life. At the same time they would back any decision that I made. They did think I was way too young to get married and the chance of it lasting wasn't very good.

We got married by a judge less than a month later. We found a one-room efficiency apartment that was really cheap. It had a Murphy bed that pulled out of the wall and a small stove and refrigerator.

It was only a few blocks from my sister's store, so Carol could walk if I had the car. Also my sister would pick her up if she needed a ride. At least I had a good job with insurance.

I dropped out of college because we couldn't afford it and I really didn't like going anyway. My grades were even below average. I spent my evenings with Carol and our relatives and friends. I have to say we fucked at least five times a week. I was happy that I didn't have to wear condoms anymore; I hated those things.

I stopped talking for a little bit while Tom went and got us a couple of more Fosters. I then continued on with my story.

****

A little more about our sex life. As I mentioned we did it pretty often. I had borrowed a number of sex tapes from my brother in law and Carol and I watched some of them together. She wasn't big on them but did watch some of them with me. Sometimes after she went to bed I would watch them over.

I do believe it was warping my mind. I'll try to explain. I wanted to do a lot of the things I saw on the tapes. Carol was very happy with me eating out her pussy. Her pussy must have been extra sensitive because I could usually make her come while eating her out. She would get so wet and I'd get hard and have to fuck her afterwards.

God! How I love to see a woman on her back, her legs pushed up in the air and her pussy waiting to be taken by either my mouth or cock. I can get hard thinking about it and it hasn't changed. I still get hard in the hot tub just picturing it.

You notice I say we'd fuck instead of making love. To me is was all about coming and making her come. I couldn't say that fucking her and she having an orgasm, or me eating her pussy and her coming, would necessarily be considered love. Especially when everyone on the porno tapes came and there was never any love there.

I asked Carol to give me oral sex, seeing I was doing it for her all the time. It may seem odd but she didn't even like touching my cock. It was a lot of years before I found out why. I heard her tell our daughters when they were teenagers that she was almost molested when she was younger. She told them the story of what happened. I figured that's where the phobia about touching cocks began.

One day she said she would try and give me oral sex. We were in a sixty-nine position with me on the bottom. I was sucking the hell out of her pussy. She was as wet as could be and had an orgasm. Needless to say it made me very horny and very hot.

She told me I better not come in her mouth. I guess she saw the pre-cum and wiped it off with a tissue. She gently took the head of my cock in her mouth. It was so hot and I was too far gone and shot a load, most of it went into her mouth. She began gagging and went to the bathroom to throw up.

To say she was pissed at me would be an understatement. When she got mad she had one filthy mouth and called me every name in the book. She told me it would be the first and last time she would ever go down on me. She was close to being right. She tried one more time about twenty years later. I'll tell you more about that later.

Sex was sparse for the next few days, but we soon got back into it. She would let me eat her pussy and fuck her in most any position as long as she didn't have to touch my cock.

For me, the sex was good but I wanted to try more things. Over the next four years we had three kids. We had to find a bigger place to live. We found a nice house, which was a double and we rented one side. It had three bedrooms and a backyard for the kids. A few years later we bought a new house.

I was now old enough to go to bars, even though I didn't drink much. Carol on the other hand had a few favorite type drinks she liked. I liked it when she drank because she got horny. I could guarantee that a night on the town meant a fuck session when we got home.

****

Going back to her pregnancies. When I took her to the hospital for our first child, the nurse said I could go in and talk to her. That was a big mistake.

"You mother fucking son of a bitch, don't you ever touch me again or I'll cut your damn cock off!"

Needless to say she didn't take it to well. I didn't know what to think and I asked the stupidest question a guy could ask, "Does it hurt?"

After another round of obscenities, the nurse told me I should probably wait in the waiting room. She didn't get an argument from me. Our daughter was adorable and I told my wife, "We did good!"

She came back with, "I did good! All you did was put that dirty old cock in me and squirt!" I guess she wasn't quite back to normal yet.

A couple of days later, I picked up her and the baby and we headed home. My wife named our daughter Kelly. I told her it was fine with me, I like the name. After a few more days she seemed to calm down. By then we had company most every night coming to see the baby. It was about two weeks later before she would let me touch her.

She informed me that she was going to take birth control pills, which I didn't have a problem with. At least I didn't have to wear condoms. We did run into a problem. About a year later she got pregnant again even though she took birth control pills religiously. She blamed me for it. I had to wonder what the hell did I do wrong.

She told the doctor she never missed a pill. He told us that sometimes it happens, pills don't always work. He told us we must be a very fertile couple.

At least this time she knew what to expect. Our second daughter was born premature. We're not sure if the birth control pills had anything to do with it or not. The doctor said the baby would be fine and once her weight got above five pounds he would let her go home. We named her Kim. She was so tiny in the incubator; I had to cry hoping she would be fine. She was now my baby girl and I prayed for her good health.

My wife went to the hospital every day to be with our baby. A week later she was allowed to come home. I have to say that Carol was one great mother and later in life she was all you could ask for in a grandmother.

Carol told me she wasn't going to take birth control pills anymore. We would just have unprotected sex until we had one more child. She said she was hoping for a boy but either way it would be our last child.

There was thirteen months between each of the kids. The last one was a boy. Carol informed me that she was no longer going to take birth control pills. I could either wear condoms the rest of my life or get a vasectomy. I gave it a lot of thought. I know a lot of guys always thought about having boys and doing things with them. I wasn't like that, I could do the same things with my girls. I was lucky and had it both ways. I did have the vasectomy. I used condoms until I gave them my results a few weeks later.

Throughout their lives, it was my wife that spoiled our son the most. We named our son Kyle. I loved my kids even though my wife told me I wasn't the best father. It was one of those things we argued about.

I was still young and stupid. I felt like I never finished having more of a sexual background. I cheated on Carol and went downtown and had sex with a black prostitute. I always wondered if it would be different with a black woman. I have to admit it wasn't nearly as good as I got from Carol and way too fast. I felt sad and stupid afterward but it was something hopefully Carol would never find out.

I've read about exhibitionism and watched the porn where the wife showed her goodies. I thought about Carol and wondered if she would do such a thing. Don't misunderstand me here; I'm not a guy who wanted to be cuckolded. I just thought about showing off my wife. She was tiny, very pretty and big busted. I've watched a lot of guys look at her. She would flirt but it was just part of her personality. It fact if I told her she was flirting, she would deny it.

She had weight problems from having the three kids, but did a good job on keeping her weight under control. To me she looked pretty damn good.

When we would have sex I would really get into it verbally, asking her if she liked it, or did she want to fuck another man. Usually she would get mad and tell me to shut up but, over time, when she was a little drunk, she would give me answers. To this day she tells me they weren't true, but she just said what she thought I wanted to hear.

One day I was rubbing her tits. I knew just how to do it because her nipples were always sensitive. I was giving her a slow fuck at the same time. It was after a party we went to and she was feeling no pain.

"You like your tits rubbed? Does anyone else rub them better than me?"

"No, you're the only one to touch them." Please be quiet.

"Come on, you're twenty-seven and no one has ever seen or touched your tits?" I asked.

"Yes, they've been touched. I just tell them to stop." Quit talking.

"Have you had your tits rubbed without your bra on?"

"Uh uh."

"Did you let them kiss them too?"

"Yes, quit asking me. Just fuck me!"

The reason I asked these questions was because we'd gone out with some of Carol's friends and a couple of the girls are kind of wild. Maybe once every other month for the last couple of years they would have a girls' night out. To the best of my knowledge, I can't say that Carol has ever lied or cheated on me, but I have my suspicions.

I think back about her being a virgin at twenty-one. She was shy about our sex habits but now she doesn't seem to be as shy as she used to be. I know they went to all male reviews and a number of drinking establishments. Carol was always horny when she got home. I often wondered how she got that way.