Thoughts Ch. 02

You may want to read chapter 1 before this chapter. I'll be submitting a chapter each day till all five chapter are posted. A big 'Thank You' to estragon for editing this story and making it a much better read.

Chapter 2: I Tried to do better

I decided to change jobs and went into insurance sales. It seemed like a great opportunity. I was a pretty good talker and passed all the state tests. I put in a lot of hours but made a lot more money. Needless to say, Carol loved that part. When the kids were all in school, she got a full time job doing vending work in factories. Our life was very busy. Between the jobs and the kids, we hardly made time for ourselves. I would work all hours of the day and night, seeing I made my own schedule, but I always tried my best to make time to attend all the kids' activities.

With three kids they get into a lot of things. All were in sports and the girls also were girl scouts and in the school band. My son played every sport they had and even all the summer leagues. Carol was always there for them, and I tried to be. Thinking back, doing all this running around, we didn't make enough time for each other.

The job kept me away a lot of evenings. For the next fifteen years I worked for the insurance company. Then one day, after making a really big mistake, I got out of the insurance business. I did it in hopes of saving my marriage. We had saved a lot of money and made some good investments but I knew my marriage and family were on the line.

When Carol was going through her change of life, I didn't even want to come home. She didn't want to even talk to me unless it was something she figured I did wrong or something I didn't do. We went three months and she wouldn't let me touch her.

The kids were older now and pretty much took care of themselves. We were there for them when they needed us. The problem was, we weren't there for each other.

When I tried to cuddle up to her at night she would actually tell me she didn't like sex anymore. I wasn't sure what the hell to do. I had just turned forty and the kids were in the last years of high school. Our oldest daughter Kelly was ready to start college.

It was then I did something really stupid. I had a short-term affair with a woman I met. The odd thing was, she looked like my wife but was ten years younger. Her age had nothing to do with the affair, but I think the attraction did. It went on for about a month. Her husband had been in prison for over a year. She did have a daughter who was thirteen, that I met, but she just thought I was the insurance man, which I was.

In the beginning we just talked, and she told me about her situation and I was telling her about mine. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing. In the next couple of visits, she let me feel her up and finger fuck her. I could never stay at her place for long; I didn't want to raise any suspicions.

One night she called me and told me she would be home alone. Her daughter was staying with her grandmother for the night. I made an excuse to my wife that I had an appointment. She didn't even answer me as I left the house.

When I got to Sheila's place she had on a skirt and blouse. I knew we didn't have much time so we started kissing and I was fingering her. I pulled off her panties and we fucked for the first and last time. It might be hard to understand but I really felt bad about what I did. I hadn't cheated on my wife for at least fifteen years and here I was doing it again.

I told Sheila I couldn't see her again and that I was really sorry. She didn't love me and it really didn't bother her. All the way home, I hated myself for being so weak. When I got home, Carol was in the living room.

"Is she your girlfriend? I followed you and waited a half hour for you to come out. Did you fuck her? I followed you once before to the same house. Is that your daughter?" Carol just kept asking questions. Considering her past, she seemed mad but calm. She didn't cry or do anything that I would have expected.

I didn't think she would believe me but I told her the truth. "No, she's not my girlfriend and yes we had sex. It was the first and last time. It made me feel like shit and I told her I couldn't see her again. It's been three months since you let me even touch you. I know I was totally wrong doing what I did. I'm sorry and I will leave tonight."

I went on and told her how I spent the time with Sheila. How we usually talked about our spouses and lack of sex. I mentioned that her husband was in prison and that there was no love involved. Her daughter was not my child. I told my wife that I had the vasectomy long before she would have been born.

I really felt bad. When I was younger I was just a young cock that hadn't grown up but I was a man now with responsibilities and knew better. What was really odd is that I realized I really loved my wife now, and just threw it all away for nothing.

I told her I would go pack a suitcase and leave. I honestly didn't know what else to do. I figured I'd go to my parents. She told me that she wouldn't forgive me but I didn't have to leave. She needed some time to think about this and I could just stay in the extra bedroom. She didn't want me in her bed.

I was both happy and sad. Maybe there was a way to salvage what was left of our marriage. I went to bed but didn't sleep worth a shit. The next morning I told her I was quitting my insurance job and going back to the factory. It would be a little less money but I knew I wanted to try and salvage what we had.

Carol and I were again on non-speaking terms. It was my fault but why did she end up forgiving me? She said it was because she loved me but I was never sure. I often wondered if she had done something similar and that was why she forgave me. I shouldn't have said forgave. Deep down she never forgave me. She brought it up during most every argument. I had no comeback for it and she knew it.

Because of my working there before, I got a job back at the auto plant. Even though my dad was retired, he called a guy and had me go see him. It was all about who you knew in some of these plants. My family knew the right people. I got my job back, and they even gave me my continuity of service back. That was credit for the time I had worked there previously.

My kids asked me why I quit the insurance job and why I was sleeping in the other bedroom. I explained to them that the money in insurance was good but I was tired of working so many hours. I wanted to spend more time at home. As far as the bedroom goes, I said I was a poor sleeper and was always getting up in the middle of the night. It always disturbed their mother. This was really true.

They knew that I would often be on the couch or the spare room when they got up in the morning. Nothing more was said. I honestly don't know if Carol ever said anything different to them.

A month had past and things were somewhat normal. I went to work, we actually had dinner as a family and I slept in the spare room. One day I was in the store and ran in to Sheila.

"So, how's it going? Your wife stopped by the day after we were together. She's a real pretty woman. I didn't know who she was when she came to my door. She said she wanted to talk to me," said Sheila.

"What did you talk about?" I asked.

"She wanted to know how long I've known you and how many times we made love. I told her you were our agent for a few years but only recently stopped and talked to me. It started with an insurance review and then we talked about more personal things."

"What did she say?"

"Not much, but I told her it wasn't love and it was only the one time. She asked about my daughter and my husband. I told her he was in prison and had another year to serve. She actually seemed nice. I know I wouldn't have been as calm as she was in the same situation."

"Anything else?"

"I told her that you said it was over and that you'd never be back. It was a mistake to begin with and you told me you were sorry. That was about it, and she left and I haven't seen her since."

I explained to Sheila that I was back home and got another job. I wasn't her insurance agent anymore. She said she knew because she met the new agent a couple of days before. He was introducing himself to his clients. His manager was with him.

****

Life seemed to be quite normal after that. I never told Carol that I saw Sheila and she never told me about going to see her. I figured that's why we are still together... I was honest with her.

It would have been a struggle financially for both of us if she would have kicked me out. As it was now, I usually took an allowance and deposited most of my check in the bank; Carol paid all the bills. If I wanted anything big I always had credit cards. I wasn't a wuss, other than I wasn't getting any sex. Mother thumb and her four daughters became my friend.

To the outside world and all our friends and relatives, everything seemed rather normal. We had the usual graduation parties, went to the kids' events and all family gatherings. The only thing missing was having sex. I often thought of leaving and getting a divorce but I couldn't do it. Looking back, maybe I should have but I found that I really did love Carol and wanted to work it out, no matter how long it took. I was lucky if we had sex twice a year and only because she had drunk too much. It usually amounted to me eating her pussy and a round of sex.

We had a rash of funerals in the next few years. Both my mom and dad died and so did Carol's mother. She was there for me when I needed her and I was there for her. No sex but shoulders to lean on. My parents really loved her, and my sisters like her more than they like me. Carol's like another sister to them. I don't know if she ever mentioned my cheating to anyone.

One evening Carol asked me if I wanted to go to a show with her girlfriend Marsha and her husband Ben. They wanted to know if we wanted to go with them. I had to admit that I was surprised since we would be staying in a motel. The theatre was a hundred miles away. We left early and went out to dinner. Carol looked fantastic. Ben even said I was a lucky man and mentioned I would probably get lucky that night. Marsha laughed and elbowed him in the ribs, not all that hard.

"You should wonder if you're going to get lucky," said Marsha and gave him a kiss. Carol just laughed. I remember the days when she always laughed. They were some of our happiest moments. They were few and far between anymore. She once told me it was my fault that she couldn't trust me and her happiness left.

After the play we went out and did some drinking. There was dancing and I asked Carol if she wanted to dance. Marsha and Ben were already on the dance floor. Carol got up and I held her close. We danced good together, we always did. We had more drinks and danced even more.

I danced with Marsha and she mentioned how happy Carol seemed, I had to agree. It was like the old Carol was back. We left the lounge and headed up to our rooms. I was surprised when we had a king size bed instead of two doubles.

Carol was a little high but not drunk. I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure what her plans were. She asked me to unzip her dress. I did and she slipped it off and went into the bathroom. I took off my suit and hung it up and figured I'd sleep in my briefs.

When Carol came out of the bathroom she had on a negligee. She looked sexy as hell. After looking me right in the eye she kissed me. I have to say I was totally surprised. Since all our troubles, she would sometimes kiss me on the cheek but I figured it was for show but there was no one there but us.

I kissed her again and held her in my arms. I felt myself getting hard and I'm sure she felt it too. I went over to turn off the lights and we just had the lights that shone through the window.

Carol asked me to lie on the bed. I did and as I got on the bed she slipped off her nightgown. I couldn't believe it when she straddled my face with a leg on both sides of my head. We were in a sixty-nine position. She was totally naked and her pussy just above my face.

I reached up and pulled her down and gave her pussy the sucking of a lifetime. I sucked, licked, tongued and ate her pussy. Her juices were flowing and she was extremely wet. I didn't stop and she had an orgasm on my face. I continued to suck on her pussy.

After her orgasm, she started actually playing with my cock. As I mentioned this only happened one time right after we got married. Now she was gripping my cock. She had her hands around my cock and was sucking the head only. It felt good but it was easy to tell she wasn't experienced at this, which was a good thing.

She licked my cock and then took a tissue to wipe it off. The cheap tissue would get wet and I had little pieces stuck on my cock. I had her stop and wiped the tissue pieces off my cock.

I asked her to lie down. "I tried but I just can't do it," she said about the oral sex.

"It's ok, I love you and want you to know that. I'll still eat your pussy whenever you want."

I got between her legs and for the first time in over six months I was making love to my wife. I raised her legs and held them up. I slowly and methodically pushed my cock into her. She had another orgasm almost immediately. I continued to pump in and out of her.

It was like old times when she said, "Fuck me Bob, fuck me, I'm your whore tonight."

I couldn't hold off much longer as I filled her with cum. I was so happy when I felt her have a third orgasm. I rolled off of her and we went to sleep. Sometime during the middle of the night I woke up and had another hard-on. Carol was on her back so I lifted one leg and positioned myself at her pussy. She was still wet from our earlier lovemaking and I entered her very easy.

I pushed my cock in her and I could feel her responding. I know she wasn't totally awake but was sure of what we were doing. I held off for as long as I could and when I thought she was having an orgasm I came again inside of her. I felt her pussy spasm and knew she had come also.

I slipped my cock out of her and she rolled over on her side and went back to sleep as did I, a very happy man.

The next morning we met Marsha and Ben for breakfast and the first thing Ben asked was if I got lucky the night before. Marsha gave him another elbow.

I didn't answer but Carol told him, "Yes he got very lucky," and she and Marsha laughed. I sat there and ate my breakfast.

The girls wanted to go shopping. Ben and I agreed to take them, hell we didn't have a lot of choice. Carol said she was going to change her clothes as did Marsha. We headed back up to our room and I watched Carol dress. She put on a skirt that was quite short for her along with a blouse that was quite tight.

I noticed she didn't put on any underwear or pantyhose but didn't say anything. I had to wonder what was going on. She never went out without underwear or at the very least pantyhose. I had to piss and told her I would be right out.

She didn't say anything special to me as we met Marsha and Ben. Marsha was dressed similar to Carol. I had to wonder if she had panties on. Ben told Carol she looked great and sexy. I wasn't really happy about the comment but it made Carol smile. I told Marsha she looked good also; which she really did.

We went shopping and the girls shopped together. Ben said he wanted to go over to the sports section. I told him I was going to the men's section. I wanted to buy a couple of shirts. We all went our own ways. We figured we would meet up later.

After getting my shirts I noticed Carol and Marsha go and look at shoes. This store had the shoe salesmen that waited on you. I couldn't believe the two of them sat down and a young man in his twenties was waiting on them.

When they told them what they wanted he got them their size and began to put them on their feet. From my vantage point I could see under Marsha's skirt. I could see her white panties and so could the salesman. I knew it had to give him a hard-on.

Next he helped Carol. She raised her leg as he put the shoe on her foot. She looked up and saw me and acted like I didn't exist. I couldn't see under her skirt from my angle but I could see the salesman looking under her skirt and she knew it. Believe me when I tell you I was not happy. I realized I didn't want my wife showing her private parts to anyone.

I turned around after looking at her and walked away. My stomach sank. What the hell was she doing? I thought we were finally getting back together and now this.

Ben and the girls found me over by the TV's. They said they were ready to go home. I went along but said nothing. I must have really hurt Carol for her to do this to me. I figured it was her payback for what I had done to her. I had to wonder how often in the last twenty-five years she had done something similar.

That's one of the biggest problems with cheating. Since I cheated I was always on the lookout to see if Carol did also. Ben dropped us off at our house. Carol carried in her packages and I took in our suitcases.

I knew I had to say something, it was killing me inside. "Carol, I can't believe what you did. You showed your pussy to that salesman. I thought things were getting better with us and now you did this. Was it payback for having the affair?

"Last night was one of the nicest nights of my life in a very long time. Why Carol? Why did you do that?"

"Don't you remember when you used to ask me to let other men see me? Did I want other men to touch me, to fuck me? How many times have you asked me questions like that?" As I mentioned Carol has one hell of a memory when it comes to all the negative things I've said and done.

"Carol, I was young and foolish. I didn't know shit about life. When we had sex I thought about you and other guys and wondered what it would be like. You're so damn pretty and I know guys always looked at you. I didn't worry because you were my wife and I loved you. It was just sex talk while making love. I never wanted it to happen.

"I'm older now, not a young kid. When you showed that guy your pussy it took something out of me. I guess I deserved it for what I did to you. I have to honestly say it was not a turn-on. If you want to continue to be that way I'll have to leave. I love you and I deserved it but I'm not going to live with you knowing what you are doing. I'm sorry for hurting you." I know I had tears in my eyes as I took the suitcases into the bedroom.

Carol followed me into her room. While I put her suitcase on the bed she dropped her skirt. With her back to me I watched her. She had on a pair of black shorts, not panties but shorts. She must have put them on while I was in the bathroom at the motel.

She turned around and looked at me. "I wanted you to know how much it hurts when your partner cheats on you. If you would have been glad I did what I did I would have left you. I couldn't stay married to a man who had so little respect for me, even if we had been married twenty-five years."

****

Things seem to be a little better after that. We still argued but she didn't throw the sex mistakes in my face as much. Now it was more about the things I did or didn't do. After the kids left home, it got even worse. Absolutely nothing I did was good enough. I got to a point I'd let her do it herself. What the hell was the difference? I was always the one at fault.

I think I need to go back and tell you what I figured brought all this on.

Up to the time Carol hit her change of life everything seemed better except her always wanting her way. As the years went by we seemed to get farther and farther apart. She didn't like to do the things that I like to do and complained whenever she went with me whereever I wanted to go.

Even when we went on a cruise, she asked another couple to go with us. I got the feeling she didn't really like being with me. They were our friends so I really didn't mind. We had our own cabin. She even drank enough one night that we had sex.