Tittsburg P.I. Ep. 01

"Oh," chirped the girl in surprise, "I... um, think he was promoted, or something. I'm not really sure. Do you have an appointment with someone today?"

"Actually we don't," Sally continued, "but if you could just let Mayor Ravanus know that Sally Dithers is here to see her, I'm sure she'll be able to squeeze us in."

We watched expectantly as the girl pressed a few phone buttons in front of her, making absolute sure she was doing it right, and called in our request.

After some back and forth she informed us we could have ten minutes with the Mayor in half an hour. Sally thanked her and we made our way to a plush seating area, empty save for a couple having sex on a love seat in the corner. The man's pants were around his ankles and the woman's skirt disguised their efforts in no real way whatsoever.

"Mmmm, look at them," Candy dripped as we took a seat facing the lewd scene, "they look like they're in love. I miss my Barry." With those words she slunk low in the sofa and lifted her dress so her furry beaver could get a good look at the young woman gently bouncing on the man's lap. "You better fuck him good!" Candy announced to them as Sally inserted herself between Miss Lane and me, "one day you might look around and he'll be gone!"

The words were pained and came from a place of true loss, and both Sally and I looked on her in pity. The young woman however looked over her shoulder and just said, "He's my lawyer. Thank you though."

"Good luck finding a better lawyer then, if he ever... quits," Candy crossed her arms and sulked, causing her buoyant tits to bulge obscenely upwards.

"Jesus Candy," Sally's words echoed down the canyon of cleavage, "you make my mouth water when you do that, not to mention some other parts."

Candy looked down at her dress hanging on for dear life, and started sniffling.

"What is it?" Sally asked, throwing an arm over the pair of giant balloons.

"Barry used to have so much fun in there," Candy whimpered as Sally gently squeezed handfuls of the hilly flesh. "His little man would crawl in there all snug and then try to escape. I'd try to trap him, but he'd keep thrusting back and forth to slide out."

"Mmmm, that sounds so hot Candy," Sally consoled, her hand desperately seeking the space where Barry Lane's actual cock had been, "I can see why you miss him. Is this where he would go?" Her hand eased down the dark valley of flesh.

"Oh, that's it Sally," Candy said, looking her new friend in the eye with a sniffle, "It's nice in there, isn't it?" With that question she pulled her unwieldy dress aside to give Sally space to really climb in.

"It's so nice," Sally said, leaning toward her and almost diving headfirst between Candy's tits with her tongue out. The freakish sounds of breast worship broke out next to me, and of course it sounded swell.

Speaking of swell, I wasn't trying to flag down any rocket ships or anything, but my cock launched from within my detective's robe (I swear, look it up), and pulsed for attention.

"Oh Jack," Candy moaned as she took notice and licked her chewable lips, "I think this is turning you on."

"Well it's not, not turning me on, that's for sure," I said offjectedly, suddenly aware I was making up words. I grabbed my long cock and watched Sally treat Miss Lane's breasts like an oasis of sexual nourishment.

"Sally, do me a favor," Candy said, looking down at the young woman's face buried in the skin of her chest.

"Emmeephhnngg," Sally replied, her tongue slathering Candy's big tits like a basketball wash.

"Could I watch you pleasure Jack for a minute?"

Wait... what?! Why the hell would she want that? I've had so much head from Miss Dithers I could start a lettuce farm.

Sally looked up at her, puzzled for sure, horny for surer. She nodded sympathetically and said, "Anything you need Candy, you just think of Barry, okay?" Candy nodded her pouty face and wiped a tear off on her arm.

Sally rotated in her seat toward me and shrugged, "Well Jack, you heard the lady."

"I did," I groaned, and held my cock still as she slid off the seat and squatted between my spread legs. Candy scooted over, her bare knockers knocking into me as she snuggled up close.

Sally wasted no time, plopping an arm over each thigh and taking my cock from me. Her look was one of lustful hunger, as always, and she opened her mouth to swallow as much of my cock as she could. It was cute, but just another horrid attempt. Sally's mouth was so shallow I felt like an Olympic diver in the kiddie pool. It was her technique that got me though, every time. The passionate enthusiasm and creativity of this woman made my libido dance.

"Oh god," Candy moaned and she grabbed my hand, bringing it between her legs, "look at her, sucking you like that. Oh Jack, please help me find Barry. I want to kiss him again." She pushed my fingers into her juicy tunnel where I dug around for hidden treasure. "I want to suck him again." This time she wrapped her arm around my neck and pressed her body against me, breathing in my ear, moaning, "I want to fuck him Jack. Ohhh god I want to ride his meaty cock again. I want to grab his dick with my slippery slit and fuckfuckfuck him!"

To say I came in Miss Dither's mouth was like saying I came in Miss Dither's mouth. She practically choked in surprise, as I'd never been that aroused by any oral play from her before. It must have caught her off guard. My hand was still inside my client's vagina, and not one of us noticed the Mayor of Tittsburg standing beside us.

"Ahem," she ahemed. Sally looked up and jumped to her feet in an instant.

"Mayor Ravanus," she babbled, wiping her chin, "thank you for meeting me."

"Miss Dithers," Vivian Ravanus snapped with some kind of stick-in-the-ass reply.

"Oh, and this is Candy Lane," Sally said, gesturing giddily, "you know... the wife of Barry Lane..." she waited expectantly for the girly giggles which would never come, "Barry Lane from Thunderous Heartbreak and Some Men Must Die..."

If crickets could chirp, they would have kept quiet for fear of pissing off the cold woman standing in the lobby waiting for the childish banter to cease.

"I am aware of who she is, Miss Dithers," she said, each word punctuated with condescension. "How do you do Miss Lane?"

Candy stood and straightened out her dress, "Very well Mayor Ravanus, thank you."

"And, I see you've dug Mr. Hammer out of his shallow hole for a visit," she sneered, glaring my way with disdain.

"Oh, he's with me," Sally admitted, "and I'm sure he won't be a bother," her look back to me confirming my obedience with a stern look.

I cleared my throat and stood nervously, trying to keep my spent anatomy within the confines of my thin robe. "I will be on my best behavior Vivian."

I knew according to her highness I didn't deserve a reply, but I got one; a silent reply... warning... a look of certain death... a snarl of an upper lip... I was in!

"Follow me," is all she said as her ass and it's stick turned to head toward her office. As we walked, Sally and the Mayor walked together. "What is this about Sally?" Vivian asked.

Sally caught her up as we made our way down the hall, and once inside her office Vivian gestured for us to have a seat.

The office was stuffy, the Mayor, beastly. Don't get me wrong, we'd slapped privates a few times before she became Mayor, but she ended up being too needy so I steered clear.

Sally wrapped up the background and handed off the conversation to me. Thanks.

"Well, Vivian, as you know Miss Lane came to me, and I have an obligation to uphold..."

"Get to it Jack."

"Um, yes, right. What do you know about a postal carrier named Peter who had a special delivery for your office two weeks ago?"

"I don't know anything Jack. We get deliveries constantly; how am I supposed to remember one package?"

"Fair enough. Is there anyone in the building who might recall? Someone in receiving perhaps, or at the front desk?"

Without warning or invitation, as usual, Sally interjected herself into the dialog. "What about Billy? He's been working the front desk for months now. Is he still around somewhere?"

My annoyed glare to Sally drifted toward Vivian, as this was actually a good question for once. Vivian however seemed to freeze in place. We all sat in the weird silence while the Mayor seemed to be considering this question.

"Well," she began at last, "I suppose a small parcel could arrive at the front desk, however most deliveries arrive in back. Do you have any idea what kind of package your postal carrier had Miss Lane?"

Candy looked up in response to her name, the Mayor's question pulling her out of some kind of mental reverie.

"What? His package? Oh... it was big alright. The way his hips pushed it around made me squirm so much I..."

"I think she means," I interrupted her lusty recollection, "his actual parcel, the one he was supposed to deliver to City Hall the day before his disappearance?"

Candy looked at me, confused, until the non-sexed side of her brain assumed control.

"Ohhhhhh," she elongated, "his package, yes, well I don't really know too much about that. He just mentioned needing to deliver something here."

"That's okay Vivian," Sally said, getting to her feet, "We appreciate the help. Is it okay if we ask around a little? It shouldn't take too much time."

Vivian leaned back in her chair and mouthed a pen between her taut lips, poor bastard.

"Yes, that's fine Sally," she said looking between my accountant and me, "just please for the love of god keep Mr. Hammer under control; and keep your investigation inside of an hour, would you?"

Vivian stood and gestured toward the door.

"Thank you, Ms. Mayor, we'll be in and out of your hair in no time," said Sally, making me gag at a particular memory involving Vivian's hair.

"Very well Sally, and please let me know if I can be of any additional help in your search. Miss Lane, I feel really bad about your husband. If working with private investigators turns up nothing, please be sure to make use of our local law enforcement."

Yeah right, I thought, the local 'solve it yourself' brigade. She had to say it though, our taxes paid for that blithering side show.

Candy stood and even Vivian Ravanus couldn't help but gawk at her voluptuous figure as it swayed. Candy shook hands with the Mayor, thanking her for her time and followed Sally and me out of the room.

Once back at the front desk, we inquired how to get back to the receiving dock from inside the building. We worked our way down an elevator and a short hallway, entering the dirty backside of a government facility. The room was stacked with boxes and crates, and nothing looked to be in any kind of order.

A haggard woman sauntered over, looking like she'd been ridden wet and put away hard; that morning. Her hair was greasy and her clothes were smudged but tight.

"Gail?" I said, recognizing her as the janitorial lead in the building.

"Oh, hey Jack," she rasped out in a coughing wheeze, "what on earth are you doing back here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," I said, as Gail eyed up the scantily clad women who'd fallen in behind me. "I hope this is a promotion."

"You could say that," she gurgled, "Pay's the same, but at least the sun gets in here every so often. I assume you're looking for something?"

I introduced her to Candy Lane and filled her in on the story of the husband and the postal carrier. Gail considered the days around the disappearances and couldn't offer any immediate help.

"What you need to do," she said, scratching herself under a braless tit mercifully hidden behind her flannel shirt, "is head down to our infamous Postal Center. That's where your Barry would have started his search, I would guess." Her pupils grew as she began undressing me with her eyes.

"That was our next stop Gail," I said, stepping back from the leering stare, "do you know anyone we can ask for if we mention your name." Gail stopped eyeing up my robe for a moment as a light came to her eyes.

"Oh yeah, talk to Stanley. Tell him I sent you, and also that I can't wait for our next lunch together."

"You have lunch with Stanley?"

"Not really," she said with a smile, trying to touch my arm as I suddenly remembered an itch on my opposite shoulder requiring immediate attention, "but the last time we got together he covered me in gravy and basted me with his..."

"O-KAAAY," I interrupted as the three of us stifled a gag, "I think we get the point. We'll ask for Stanley and tell him... you said hi. Fair enough?"

"You know, Jack, feel free to stop back any time for a personal tour of," she ran her hands down her scrawny frame, "the facilities..."

"Thanks Gail, I understand," I swallowed, backing in the direction the girls had already run, "I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Have a nice day!"

A bee couldn't have made a straighter line for the elevator where Sally stood holding the door open. Gail still tried to keep the conversation going, but I crushed the Close button under my full weight.

"Goodbye Gail," I called between the doors as they sealed shut, "...you freaky shrew."

"She was something," Sally understated.

"Yeah, a Public Service Announcement about the dangers of becoming a horny old bag of bones. Do we have time to get to the Postal Center before they close?" I asked as the doors opened again into the main lobby.

"We should have plenty of time," Sally said, turning to my client, "unless Candy needs a break."

"Let's keep going," Candy moaned as if in the middle of intercourse, "as long as we can. I just know we'll find something today." So we set off from City Hall on our way.

The stroll to the Postal Center was uneventful as we passed through an empty park. I thought for sure the usual group of ballers would be out on the court, possibly cat calling after Candy, but luck was on our side.

As we entered the main counter area of the Postal Center, a couple of familiar faces greeted us, as well as some new ones. It was strange there wasn't any line, as there was always a line, and it was always the slowest line in the history of lines. Every person behind the counter looked our way and raised their hands for us to come to their station.

I bellied up to the first counter operated by a young girl with long red hair. Her name badge read Yvonne, and her lips read luscious.

"Hi Yvonne," I said as Sally and Candy hung back, "how's things today? Busy?"

"Oh yes," she said as if I'd just asked a straight A student if she had her homework done, "very busy. We've been keeping up with the rush though."

"It would seem so," I said, leaning on the counter. "Hey, is Stanley around? A friend told me to ask for him when I got here. I just have a couple questions about our normal carrier."

Her face changed from eager to please to 'please don't ask me about that.'

"What?" I couldn't help my curiosity.

"Well, it's just that Stanley isn't working here anymore, and... well, it seems as if everyone stopping in today had the same question."

"What, about Stanley?" I asked skeptically.

She looked confused for a moment and then said, "Oh, nonono. Not about Stanley, I'm not sure what happened there. About all the carriers who quit."

"Come again?"

"The carriers who quit."

"Quit?"

"It seems so. A bunch all quit without notice, just stopped coming in."

We stared at each other in silence as my mind processed the new information and Yvonne beautifully sucked her lower lip and batted her long lashes.

"On the same day?" was my spectacular follow-up question.

"I don't think so," she looked up in thought, "but in the same month or so. All men too."

"All men?" I challenged.

"All men," she parried.

That's what was different about the front, there were no men around. Come to think of it, the only man they saw along their entire trip to and from City Hall was the lawyer giving it to his client.

I looked around, and the other three women behind the counter seemed to be keeping themselves busy in the usual way. Jilling off had become a spectator sport as of late, and I was a huge fan. The ladies seemed to be eyeing me up in a fantasial way as they all paddled their pink canoes behind the counter.

I peeked over the edge where Yvonne stood, and sure enough she wasn't wearing any pants. Her free hand was crammed inside her underwear as she chewed her lip more aggressively in my direction. That wasn't what I'd been looking for however; I was looking for clues as to why all the men would quit seemingly solid government jobs.

The only thing I noticed besides Yvonne's rosy carpet matching her drapes as she pushed her panties down for me to see better, was a wastebasket full of candy bar wrappers and a cushioned mat designed for standing all day.

"See anything exciting?" Yvonne asked as I leaned back to my side of the counter.

"You have a lovely, um, workstation there Yvonne," I said with a wink, to which she smiled 'the smile' at me. "I was really hoping to talk to Stanley however. Do you know where he lives by any chance?"

"I don't, but there's a directory in the back I could bring up," she said, donning the eyes of a huntress, "for a price..."

My body had never been so used and abused as it was that day with four postal workers, a luscious bombshell and my nerdy accountant all taking turns on me like I was St. Dick and they all kept remembering more toys they wanted stuffed under their tree.

As we walked through town again, staggered in my case, with Stanley's address in hand we noticed the people who were around. It was indeed only women, and all of them were looking quite untended to. I picked up the pace, feeling a lot like Peter the mailman all of the sudden as many eyes drifted my way.

We hit a quiet backstreet and the trees offered more shade and more cover for me. I tried to stay close to Sally and Candy, but their conversation made it difficult.

"Have you ever tried modeling?" Sally asked, watching Miss Lane's undeniable rack wobble hypnotically.

"Oh sure I have," she said, "but all the dumb picture taking before getting to the sex part got to be really annoying."

"I bet it was," groaned Sally with a grimace and a grunt. "But isn't it more boring sitting home all day waiting for Barry to come home?"

"I don't just sit at home silly," Candy said with a playful slap to Sally's arm, "I'm filming a show; all day."

"A show?" Sally asked, "What kind of... ohhh, a show... I see. Who else stars in it?"

"Just me," the blonde revealed, "but I have a huge audience online every day."

"Ohhh, so like webcams and stuff?" Sally deduced.

"I don't know," Candy said as we rounded a bend and came close to Stanley's address, "I just start the camera and people pay money to watch me do stuff."

Sally thought about that, "Mmmm, sexy stuff I bet. Like what?"

"Sally please," I had to interject before she started making it with the nearest mailbox, "let my client keep her private life to herself if you don't mind."

"It's okay Jack," Candy said, "just simple stuff Sally, like washing dishes and painting my nails."

We all stopped walking at the same instant, Sally and me because we couldn't believe what we had just heard, and Candy because we'd arrived at Stanley's house.

"Wait," Sally couldn't help her damn self, "you mean people actually pay money just to watch you..." then Candy reached behind to scratch her back, this simple act pulling up her dress and exposing her bare and luscious cheeks of plenty to us, "ohhh... right. That."

I smiled as the goddess unintentionally explained her show without even realizing, which was surely the draw.