Tonya, Tiffany & the Twins

Tiffany shook her head, the expression on her pretty face a blend of confusion and blankness. "Why would the president's parents name their son after an airport?"

Henry looked at his watch. "Look at the time, we'd better be going if I'm going to make that flight."

As Henry and Tonya left the house, the three teenagers walked to the front door. "Make sure you look for jobs while I'm away," Henry admonished his sons.

Tiffany was indignant. "But I already have a job."

"Not you Tiffany, I meant the boys," sighed Henry, as he and Tonya went into the garage and to his wife's car.

"I'm not driving?" Tonya asked as her husband got into the drivers' seat after putting his suitcase and carry-on bag into the back.

Henry shook his head. "No Tonya, I'll drive to the airport and then you take over and drive to work."

Already nervous about flying thanks to his sons and stepdaughter's conversation choices, the last thing Henry wanted to be subjected to was his wife's terrible driving on the way to cat the plane. Tonya was not the only bad driver in the house, his sons were completely irresponsible out on the roads, but the loser in driving competence by a large margin was definitely Tiffany. The fact that his stepdaughter was licensed to drive a motor vehicle proved to Henry that there was something fundamentally wrong with California's licensing system. Henry would have preferred to get into the car with the cat driving rather than with Tiffany driving.

On the journey out to the airport, Tonya looked at the envelope containing Henry's plane tickets and her blue eyes went wide. "Henry it's a long flight from San Diego to New York. Your plane leaves at 8 o'clock but you don't get there until 16.30 o'clock. That's like hours and hours and hours."

Henry was patient. "Tonya, because New York is three hours ahead of us the flight looks longer than it is. The actual flying time is about five and a half hours."

Tonya then looked at her husband's return flight the following Wednesday. "Henry, are you flying back on one of those like really weird English planes with the funny noses that can go faster than the speed of light?"

"I think you mean a Concorde Tonya," Henry said. "And they fly faster than the speed of sound, not the speed of light, nobody can fly at the speed of light. Why do you ask?"

"It's just that you leave New York at 12 o'clock but you get back to San Diego at 14.30 o'clock," said Tonya, her blue eyes most confused. "It doesn't seem long enough." She then paused. "Unless it's more hours than I thought. I don't like that weird 24 hour clock thing, clocks have only like 12 numbers, not 24 numbers. Or is it because of daylight savings."

"Tonya, it's because San Diego is three hours behind New York," Henry explained. "Remember, we went through all this yesterday?"

His wife looked worried. "Henry, I think they might have made a mistake with your return flight. It just doesn't seem to be enough time."

Humoring his wife seemed to be the best solution to Henry. "When I land in New York I'll check it with the airline, just to make sure it's correct."

"That's a good idea Henry," said Tonya.

Henry approached the airport, and pulled into one of the five minute bays. He and Tonya got out, Henry unloaded his baggage, exchanged a goodbye kiss with his wife, before Tanya jumped into the driver's seat and took off, Henry noting that his wife drove way too fast in her way out of the airport.

Checking in for his flight, Henry boarded on schedule in two minds about this week-long trip to the Big Apple. On one hand, he would be getting a week free of his slacker sons, his dopey second wife and her airheaded teenage daughter. On the other, he would be spending time in a city he didn't much care for at a course he didn't see the point of, especially the 'team-building' exercises that were to take place on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Whatever happened to the days when people just went to work and did their jobs and then went home again at day's end? Adding to Henry's disquiet was that he would be leaving the bank in the hands of the assistant manager for a week, an ambitious yuppie young enough to be Henry's son and who if he wore a hat to work with the words 'I Want Your Job' on it couldn't be more obvious that he wanted Henry out of the bank manager's office and his own ass in the chair.

One of the first to board, Henry went to his window seat, putting his carry-on bag in the overhead locker after retrieving the library book he intended to read on the plane and during the evenings at the hotel. He had been looking forward to reading the book for some time, a murder mystery thriller. As Henry got settled in his seat, he looked at his book and lamented he was the only person in his family who liked to read. Cam and Chris weren't friends of books nor were books friends of Cam and Chris, at school the boys went to no end of trouble to get out of reading novels and writing reports on them. Tonya was also a non-reader who wouldn't have picked up a book since high school, and as for the semi-literate Tiffany, he doubted she would be able to hold a book the right way up, let alone read it.

Other passengers were boarding, and Henry soon got to see his neighbors. Three young guys -- probably about college age, got into the seats in front of him, all laughing and talking loudly over the top of each other. Henry hoped they wouldn't persist with this during the long flight from the South West to the North East of the USA.

Across the aisle, a young couple took their seats. The young woman, very pretty with long blonde hair and wearing a revealing blouse and very short bubble skirt afforded Henry a glimpse of her lacy pink panties as she got into position and her knees came apart, and her tall muscular boyfriend wearing a tank-top and shorts got into his seat next to her.

"Looking hot Stacy," the young man commented.

"You look hot too Chad," the girl replied.

They looked at each other and immediately began to kiss, their hands going everywhere as they made out with passion, oblivious to the other passengers either in their seats, those boarding and the cabin crew trying to get things organized.

As Chad and Stacy continued to kiss, their tongues going down each other's throats, the disapproving Henry Grim thought to himself that if they wanted to find if each other still had their tonsils or if they were removed during their earlier years, then probably it might be best to simply enquire. Henry also thought that the two should probably get a room, as Chad shamelessly stuck his hand up Stacy's skirt, touching her up on her private female area through her pink panties, causing Stacy to giggle.

In the seats in front of him, the three young men were finding the nearby show to their liking, and getting more and more excited. After seeing a group of Orthodox Jewish men sit in the row in front of them, Henry then saw the passengers who would be sitting behind him. They were a mother and her two kids. The mother was a tall skinny woman with long brown hair, reasonably attractive but with a humorless and bored facial expression.

The daughter shared her mother's looks and hairstyle, a tall skinny girl aged about 14 while the son was shorter than his mother and sister, skinny and aged about 10, and he looked very active and mischievous, a red flag to Henry Grim especially as he found the boy would be sitting right behind him, the kid immediately kicking the back of Henry's chair as he got into position.

Soon Henry would find even more to be annoyed with the kid about, when the boy protested loudly as his sister went to take the middle seat. "Mom, you can't let Naomi sit next to me!"

The mother clearly wasn't impressed. "And why is that, Justin?"

"Because Naomi has her period, that's why." Justin replied.

"Justin!" snapped his sister, Naomi's face going bright red.

"Justin, keep it quiet," warned their mother.

"She can't sit next to me for five and a half hours all the way back home to New York in her condition," complained Justin. "Her hormones will leak out of her and into me, and turn me into a homo."

"Justin, shut up," the even more blushing Naomi complained. "Mom, make him stop acting like that."

"Justin, stop annoying your sister and mind your own business, you know she doesn't like talking about private things like that," scolded their mother.

"If you want a gay son by the time we land at JFK fine, then let Naomi sit next to me," said Justin. "Otherwise, swap seats and you sit next to me and Naomi takes the aisle seat."

"Justin, you are sitting next to your sister, and I am sitting in the aisle seat and that's the end of the matter," warned the clearly exasperated mother. "And you be nice to Naomi."

Justin stared as his big sister took the middle seat. "You know Sis, I read in some countries that menstruating women are made to live in a hut or a tent when it's that time of the month. We should get something like that for you when we get home, Naomi."

"How do you know I have my period unless you were spying on me again, you little pervert?" Naomi complained.

The boy put on a smartass expression on his face. "I saw you yesterday at the store buying a packet of white rectangle shaped things that you'll need to buy once every four weeks until you're about 55 except for when you're pregnant, but which I'll never have to buy in my life. Plus you've been in such a great mood these last few days ..."

Justin laughed, and Naomi elbowed her brother. "Shut up, Justin!"

The boy elbowed her back. "You shut up, Naomi, you're the older sibling, set a good example for me."

"Retard," Naomi shot back, clipping her brother around the ear.

"Spastic," Justin responded, pulling on Naomi's pony-tail and putting his face directly in his sister's face and blowing up his cheeks like a puffer-fish.

"Mom, please get Justin to stop annoying me!" Naomi wailed.

The tired mother was clearly exasperated by her squabbling son and daughter, and the plane hadn't even taken off yet. "Stop annoying Naomi, Justin," she said, not making eye contact with either of her children as she picked up a magazine out of her bag to read.

"Like I said, if I turn out a great big Gaylord then it will be all your fault for making me sit next to her, Mom," Justin responded, before kicking the back of Henry's chair for good measure.

Henry was unimpressed with what was going on behind him, in front of him and in the aisle across from him but there was one unexpected advantage. It was the middle of summer school holidays so the plane was packed, but as yet nobody had come and sat in the seats next to Henry, so he might have a row to himself. He might even be able to shift across and avoid this little shit of a kid kicking his chair for the third time.

However, luck was not on Henry's side and he soon caught sight of the two passengers who would be sharing the row with him. And it wasn't hard to miss them, a middle-age married couple who waddled down the aisle, the husband close to 320 pounds wearing shorts and a tee-shirt out of which his fat bulged, and the wife about 290 pounds and her obese form wearing a sun dress clearly designed for a woman much slimmer.

The two latecomers, puffing and sweating from the exertion, pushed and heaved their ways into the seats next to Henry, pressing up against the window in the process, and it was only with difficulty that they put on their seatbelts. Henry thought that they might as well have tried to get an elephant into the husband's seat and a hippopotamus into the wife's seat, but he was polite and said, "Good morning," to them.

The husband and wife looked at Henry with blank facial expressions, grunted at him like a pair of pigs, then sat down and removed from their carry-on bag two large packets of chips, opening one each and sitting there staring with their dough-like faces, getting chips out of the bags and stuffing their faces, masticating the chips loudly and thoroughly with their mouths open, before repeating the process.

Henry, squeezed up against the side, sighed and shook his head. Five and a half hours of this, he thought to himself as the sound of the fat couple devouring their chips got stuck in his head.

Flight attendants took their place in the aisles for the safety demonstration as the plane taxied out for departure. Henry paid attention as did the Jewish men nearby, but those around him did not. Chad and Stacy in the row across continued making out, Chad's hands all over Stacy's big tits and their minds clearly not on airplane safety. Neither did the fat couple's minds appear overly concerned with safety, they continued to feed their faces with chips, loudly chewing them like cows chewing their cud.

The loud young men in the row in front of Henry did watch the demonstration, but throughout kept an incessant commentary on which of the female flight attendants was the hottest. In the row behind, the mother continued to read, and Justin laughed when the announcer described the procedures in case of a water evacuation.

"Don't worry, if we ditch in the sea the sharks will get my sister first and we'll all have chance to escape!" he shouted out across the plane, pointing at Naomi, who blushed and shoved her brother in response while telling him to shut up, Justin shoving her back and the sibling squabble continuing throughout the rest of the safety demonstration, Justin kicking the back of Henry's seat several times as well as snapping the strap of his sister's bra to really piss her off.

With the safety demonstration over and the flight attendants taking their seats, Henry thought it might be a waste of time for him. With two such fat passengers squashing him in, in an emergency he would have zero chance of escape.

The plane taxied along the runway, gaining speed and momentum and when a light flashed from the tower it took to the skies, gaining altitude by the second. Henry looked out the window below, and could see the sparkling blue waters of the Pacific Ocean below.

Around about now Henry knew his slacker sons and their surfer dude friends would be in that water, surfing rather than looking for jobs like they were told to do so. Henry hoped that a freak rip would suck his sons way out to sea, not to harm them obviously, but to take them to Hawaii where their mother could show some responsibility for once in her life and see what Henry had to put up every day with the two losers Wendy had given birth to. Grumbling under his breath, the grouchy Henry Grim picked up his novel and attempted to read.

But there were too many distractions for this simple task. The fat couple continued to chomp on chips, the crunching very irritating, and as soon as the seatbelt signs went off Stacy was out of her seat and on her boyfriend's lap, and straddling him as they made out. Chad pretty shameless about sticking his hand up his girlfriend's short skirt, touching her up on her panties.

"I think he's going to hump her!" called out one of the young men in the row in front, he and his friends laughing like hyenas and the other two expressing their hope that Chad would indeed hump Stacy in front of a plane full of passengers. The young men discussed in detail how hot Stacy was, and no details were spared in the discussion of what they wanted to see when Chad to do with, or more accurately to Stacy when he humped her.

Unlike the young men, the more conservative Henry Grim hoped very much that Chad didn't hump Stacy, but it looked a distinct possibility as Stacy stroked her boyfriend's cock through the front of his pants, and Chad slipped his own hand down Stacy's pants, Stacy giggling at her boyfriend's touch to her pubic hair, pussy, bottom and anus, Chad getting sticky fingers in the process.

The movie started screening and it was some lame-brained science fiction movie that would have appealed to Cam and Chris. The young men in the row in front screeched with laughter at a Uranus joke in the early part of the movie, as did Justin in the seat behind, the boy kicking the back of the seat again to Henry's extreme irritation, as the man sat there thinking that few things amused his sons anything more than the planet Uranus, unlike Henry Grim, who found Uranus to be in no way amusing at all.

"Justin, shut up, this movie is lame even by your standards," Naomi complained.

Justin put on a patronizing tone to his voice. "Sorry Sis, I realize you're in a delicate condition today ladies' wise, and I won't annoy you again."

"Mom, Justin won't stop annoying me," Naomi complained.

The mother sighed and thought she had the perfect solution to her problem, ordering some sodas from the beverage cart that some flight attendants pushed past. Henry didn't think it was such a great idea, considering how hyperactive the son was the last thing he needed was more sugar.

Henry's observation was the correct one. While the mother and daughter sipped on their cans of soda, son Justin took a huge mouthful, then put his face directly into Naomi's face, gargling on the soda like he was using mouthwash.

"Ew Justin, that's disgusting, stop doing it," Naomi snapped.

Justin laughed as he swallowed the soda, some of it going on his face, before belching directly into his sister's face, reveling in her repulsion. "Justin gross, stop bothering me!" the young girl protested.

The mother sighed. "Justin, if you belch in your sister's face again, I'll take the soda off you."

Justin's attention went from his sister back to the movie, and he screeched with laughter at a scene where a UFO chased some homosexuals. So amused was Justin that he forgot he had a can of open soft drink in his hand, and waved his arm around, some of the cold fizzy liquid going over the top of the seat and landing on Henry's bald head.

The fuming Henry Grim glowered into the row behind as he got a tissue to wipe his head. The mother looked across and sighed. "Justin, don't spill soda pop on the man," she said, before returning her attention to the magazine with no apology to Henry from either her or her son.

Next to him the fat couple had finished their chips to Henry's relief, but to his dismay they then opened up their carry-on bag and extricated two more large packets of chips, opening them and beginning to mindlessly crunch on them as well.

Henry again tried to read his book when a young female voice, high-pitched and girly just like those of his wife and stepdaughter cut into his thoughts. "Excuse me Sir, we have the special kosher breakfast you ordered."

Looking up, Henry saw the face of a pretty blonde flight attendant looking at him, the girl something of a cross between Tonya and Tiffany in looks, and appropriately her name badge read 'Tina', a cross between his wife and his stepdaughter's names.

Henry shook his head. "I think there must be some sort of mistake. I didn't order a kosher breakfast, I'm not even Jewish."

Tina looked confused. "Then who did?"

"I think one of those gentlemen over there," said Henry, indicating where the Orthodox Jewish men were sitting.

"Oh right, sorry Sir," said Tina, the girl rather than making for the Jewish gentlemen were sitting went instead to another man in front of them, before he also clarified the mistake and the Jewish man behind him finally got his kosher breakfast, another flight attendant bringing his companions their own kosher breakfasts.

The flight attendants soon distributed the breakfasts to the rest of the passengers, and Henry observed with some revulsion the way his chip-obsessed neighbors ate in complete unison. They took a mouthful of breakfast, a sip of juice and then ate some more chips, then repeated the process.

Henry put his own breakfast and coffee on his tray-table, within seconds had to grab them and avoid them ending up on his lap when the young guy in front of him abruptly pushed the seat back.