True Love Ch. 10

I spent the next couple months trying to pull myself back together. I didn't feel like the same man anymore. Even when Sam and I weren't dating each other, she had still been in my life. Now she wasn't, at all.

Sam had deleted her Facebook, changed her number, and pretty much erased herself from my life. I had expected to be able to call her or message her, but she separated herself entirely. All of my friends had tried to comfort me, but it was hard to find comfort without closure.

I wanted to tell her that I didn't care about what had happened. I just wanted her back. I can't remember a time in my life that I had cried so much.

Part of the fallout from her leaving to go to Brown, was having to go home for the holidays. Sam didn't even go home for Christmas. Since she had the car, my parents came up to school and grabbed me from college.

My mom had done her best to comfort me, but any efforts on her part were eradicated by my father and his comments. He was a mixture of 'I told you so' and 'serves you right'. He liked Samantha, but hated that I had been dating her. To him, she was he, Samantha was Sam. He disapproved of his only son being in a relationship with a man. He hated that his son was gay. He hated that when I was with Sam there was no chance of him having a 'real grandchild' in his words.

I hated being back home. I hated Christmas. I spent the entire time in my room or over at her parent's house. I badgered them both for any answers. I begged and pleaded, but they told me that they didn't know anything either. The said that the last they had heard from Sam was about her getting accepted to Brown and that she would be driving up there to settle in during the holidays. They told me that she wanted to get a head start on her studies. She hadn't mentioned me at all.

Being back home hadn't helped me at all. In fact, it made things worse. I loved my family, but everything felt empty without Sam. When Christmas ended my parents drove me back to college. I guess one good thing about the weekend was the new laptop they had gotten me. They said that they hoped that it would help with keeping up with my classes while on road trips with the team.

When I got back to my dorm there was a note on the door. It informed that I would be receiving a new roommate at the start of the new semester and to have my room ready.

At the time, I dreaded the news, but looking back now it was probably the most helpful thing in helping me to get over Sam. I cleaned the room and moved the furniture around back to a traditional bed on each side kind of dorm room. I no longer recognized my home for the last two and a half years. It was a relief. It felt like a fresh start.

My new roommate was an actual guy this time. He was a freshman who went by the name of David. David was from northern Texas. He was nothing like me when I first got to college. He was confident and self-assured. He was a guy's guy. He was into sports. He worked out. He was ineffably charming.

David was just an average student, like me, nothing special. His family was fairly large though. He had six brothers. His father was Catholic, but David didn't share the same faith. He was tall and built. He came to college on a football scholarship. He played linebacker and looked the part. He was staying here the first year because he had been red-shirted and the dorm he was staying at had flooded.

That first day with David as my roommate was so relieving. It was the least amount of time I had spent thinking about Sam since she left me. That was the case at least until David brought her up. You see, David, being the sports fan he was, knew who I was. He had seen the articles in the magazines about the first 'openly gay' baseball player, and me being a sure thing for the number one overall pick.

David didn't seem concerned with my sexuality. He seemed to be more curious about her and how we came to meet. The articles didn't say much about Sam when they were posted. The journalist had heard the buzz from around campus that I was in a relationship with a transsexual woman. The media was fascinated with this. All of a sudden my face was all over TV and magazines. I was labeled brave and bold for being open. Media nonsense. I ignored it. Sam had ignored it.

As heartbreaking as it was to talk about her, it was also therapeutic. I told him about how we grew up together. I told him more about Sam than I had told anyone. He listened to the whole story. When I got to the part about her leaving me and telling me about her unfaithfulness he merely shrugged it off. I don't know what I was expecting, but not that.

"That sucks dude. So whatcha gonna do about it?" He was fixing up his side of the room. He had put all his clothes away and was now working on putting up various posters. I saw one was of Ray Lewis and another was of Brooklyn Decker. "It's obvious you're hung up on her. I can hear it in your voice. I've never been dumped by someone I grew up with, but I have been dumped by women before." He finished what he was doing and laid out on his bed. "Also dumped my fair share of cheaters. It's not worth dwelling over dude."

"I see what you're saying." I really did. I had been trying to get her out of my head for the last couple of weeks, but I simply couldn't. Everything around me had made me think of her. As I laid in my bed and looked up, I thought about her because there was no bed hanging above mine. That unobstructed view reminded me of all the nights I spent staring up at the top bunk with her in my arms. "I just can't figure out how to get over someone. She was my first and only."

"Wow, that's amazing. I can't even remember my first time." He laughed. He pulled out his computer and started to look something up. "But, with my failed relationships I usually just went out and talked with my friends about the things that were bad with the relationship. Anything about her that you don't miss?"

"Something I don't miss?" I had never thought about it. I had always been happy with Sam. I thought about all the times we spent together. It was hard. "I guess I hate how she always took forever to get ready."

"Aww, come on, that's all women. You gotta think harder than that dude. Think about any fights you two had." He was still browsing his computer, but peaked over every now and then towards me.

"She had this habit of clipping her nails in bed. I woke up one night cause one had stabbed me in my sleep. I was so angry I slept on the top bunk."

"There you go. What else?"

"She was bossy. She was always telling me what to do. If she didn't like what I was doing, she would snap at me." I had never minded Sam telling me what to do, but talking with David, I found myself growing angry as I thought about all the times she would tell me to change my outfit or complain about a show that I was watching. "She would never let me relax. It was always constant improvement. There was always something more productive to be doing." I felt my blood beginning to boil. "She told me what to eat. She told me what to wear. She told me when to do everything." I spat out my sentences and David just laughed and agreed along.

"I've got some experience getting over women. I'm heading out to this bar I found online. Wanna tagalong?" He got out of his bed and started getting changed.

I sat in my bed thinking for a moment. I watched as he stripped out of his shirt and put on some fresh deodorant before slipping on a polo. I didn't know if a bar would help, but it couldn't hurt, right? It's not like I hadn't been to a bar. Sam brought me along with her all the time.

"Alright. I'll tag along. Should be fun."

I got out of bed and put on some decent clothes. As I buttoned up my black dress shirt, I realized that Sam had pretty much picked out my entire wardrobe. She said that I needed to dress more mature since I was becoming a public figure. It was just another thing. It added to the already monumentally sized list of things that Sam controlled in my life. I had listened to her without question. I had thought I had found an identity, but was it really me? I couldn't even tell who I was anymore.

"You alright dude?" I snapped out of my daze as David tapped on my shoulder. "You've been fiddling with that belt for the last few minutes."

I looked at David. He was so underdressed compared to me. He had on a pink polo shirt and some khaki shorts. Then there was me who was wearing a button up, slacks, belt, and dress shoes. All black. I looked like I was heading to a funeral or something.

"Yeah, I'm good. Ready?"

"Yeah dude, stop thinking and relax. You look good. Don't worry."

The hulking linebacker that was my new roommate smacked me on the back and shoved me out the door as we headed to the bar. I clutched the circular disk in my pocket and followed David.

---

-Samantha Summers-

I hadn't stopped crying since that night. Every part of my body ached with grief. I never wanted to hurt Alex. I knew it was horrible, but I needed to write that letter. I needed to give him a reason to hate me. He needed a reason to move on.

As much as I love him, I can't put my plans on hold for him. I need to further my studies. I need to help others like me, and I couldn't do that while following Alex around from season to season as he lives out his life.

I decided to separate myself completely. I had been thinking about it for months. I had hoped that there would have been an easier way, but Mrs. Apple had forced me into action sooner than I had wanted. I got a new phone. I deleted my facebook. I even had to get a new email after I saw the flood of messages, mostly from Alex, fill my inbox.

Moving to a new state was tough, especially after the break-up. I had no support. I had no friends. I felt lost. I needed it though. The move offered me a healthy distraction. I was able to settle in before the semester started.

I tried to stop thinking about, but it was going to take me time. After so long though I think I learned that I would never stop thinking about him. Every single guy I bumped into made me think of him. I avoided people for the longest time.

I missed him so much.

---

-Alexander Winters-

When David and I got to the bar it was pretty crowded. I had been here for two and a half years and had never been here. Then again, I had just turned 21 a little while ago. What I found strange was that despite being in a college town with several underage kids, the doorman didn't card and from what I could see as we walked around, they didn't ask for it at the bar either.

I think David found this out in his research and that was why he chose the place. He moved through the bar like it wasn't his first time inside of one. I couldn't help but notice how much larger he was than everyone. They all seemed to shift around him, bending to his form. I just followed behind until we reached the far end of the bar.

"What'll it be?" The attractive blonde behind the bar jutted out her chest to David.

"Two Buds." David had to shout. It was quite the party in here.

"Sure thing handsome." She moved quickly fetching two bottles from under the bar and popping the tops with practiced eased.

David handed one of the beers to me. I was a little shocked but took the drink and sipped on it. He took a sip of his and looked around. He apparently wasn't interested at all in the blonde who was obviously flirting with him. It was pretty amazing to see actually.

"See anything you like?" David snapped me from my thinking.

"Nah man. I think I just need to drink. I can't think about women right now."

"I got you bro. I can understand that." He turned back to the bartender. "Lisa, sweetie, this is my good friend. Anything he wants, is on me. I want you to take good care of him, he just got out of a long relationship." She just blushed and smiled at me before dashing off to another part of the bar.

"You don't have to do that dude." I just stared at him as he leaned his back to the bar and scoped the area. I couldn't believe how cool and collected he was with everything.

"Nah, don't worry about it. You're like a legend on campus. You're going places. You just got dumped. You need this."

I wanted to thank him, but was interrupted by a kind of unattractive brunette as she pushed herself onto David. Her breasts were smashed against his stomach. She seemed to be fairly drunk already.

"Is it true what they say?" Her voice was uncomfortably high pitched as she quite literally threw herself at David.

"Is what true?" David played it cool and gave me a wink before looking back at the drunk girl. It was as if this was something that happened all the time and he was signaling to me something akin to 'watch this.'

"You know, about black guys and their..." She trailed off in a nervous giggle as she flung her head into his chest, unable to control her neck.

"I don't know if it's true darling, but you're more than welcome to join me in the bathroom to find out for yourself." He tugged on her shoulder and led her away. He looked back at me with another wink.

It was that easy. Picking up women was that easy for David. Just like that I was left alone at the bar with a beer in my hand. I took a final sip and placed the empty on the bar. Lisa was pretty quick to come back over and throw the empty into a bin beneath the bar.

"So, friend. Want another, or something else?" Her voice was a little less enthused than before. Her face was also a little more depressed. It was clear that she saw David walk away with the drunk girl.

"I'll take a Corona please, if you have it."

"Sure thing."

Just like before, she placed it on the bar and cracked off the top before walking away and leaving me alone. I didn't even bother looking around the room. I sat on my stool and sipped my beer. It was strange to be out drinking without Sam. I had never had a drink without her with me.

I continued drinking for some time by myself. After my fourth beer I was starting to feel a little buzzed. The whole time I was there people brushed against my elbows and shoulders, squeezing in to give their drink orders. I didn't pay them any attention really. I was used to it. Most of my life I spent my time being ignored. It was actually only recently since I appeared on TV that people had started paying me any mind, but that was still a rarity. I was just a college baseball player after all.

"Hey!"

I ignored the loud chick beside me. I was sure that it was just another girl calling for Lisa.

"Hey, fuckface!"

For some reason, the insult seemed pointed at me. I looked up from my beer to see a familiar face.

"Trixie?"

"Yeah, Trixie, why do you look like your dog just died?" I don't know if she was alluding to my outfit or how my face must have looked.

"Sam broke up with me. She dumped me and ran off to Rhode Island."

"Ouch, harsh. That's life. So your plan was to come here and cry tears into your beer?"

"I'm not crying. I'm just drinking."

"Yeah, whatever, listen. The guy I was hounding ditched, and you and me went to the same school. Mind if I join you? Maybe we can catch up?"

Trixie didn't even bother waiting for an answer. She just pulled out a bar stool and took a seat beside me. Her actions were as blunt as her words. I didn't really know Trixie that well, but what I could tell was that she was brash.

Trixie was smaller than me. She wasn't too short though, probably just a few inches shorter. She wore dark makeup which stuck out on her pale skin. She wore colored contacts which gave her eyes an unnatural look. They were bright blue and a little off-putting. Her hair was obviously dyed. Her brown roots were visible underneath her blonde hair. There were streaks of various colors from previous dye jobs patterned throughout.

She was dressed rather gothic. Her arms were draped in black fishnets that covered her black tank top which revealed a slight mound of cleavage. I couldn't help but to look down and saw that she was wearing an extremely short skirt that only dropped down to cover her rear end and little else.

I kept staring. My eyes lingered on her equally pale thighs and down to her shoes. I was a little surprised to see her wearing a pair of Chucks. They just didn't seem like the kind of shoes you would wear with a skirt as short as hers. I could feel her watching me, but I really didn't care. I was now working on beer number five and Trixie was easy on the eyes at the moment.

"Nice Chucks."

"Thanks. For a second I thought you were going to compliment something else." She grinned sharply and took a sip of her cocktail. "Doesn't matter. I like when men stare. So, how's life? You know, besides getting dumped." She chuckled cruelly.

"Besides being kicked to the curb, I guess you can say that life is well. After this year I'll be leaving to go play professional ball. I'll be making millions of dollars to play a game that I love. I guess there's that." Even though what I said sounded good, I felt sadder than I had before. I looked down at my beer and sighed before turning to face Trixie. "What about you? How's life been treating you since high school?"

"Great." She laughed, and unlike me, she appeared genuinely happy. "I love college. In high school everyone treated me like crap. Here, people don't look at me funny. They don't judge me for things they don't know about." Her artificially colored eyes glared at me wickedly, knowingly. Her unique history was a point of gossip in high school and must have brought her immense social unrest after Sam and I had left. "You'd be amazed at the amount of curious guys in college that love girls like me." She looked down at her crotch and gave me another wicked grin. "I'm like a kid at a candy store here. It's amazing that Sam stayed faithful."

My face dropped down. I don't know how true her words were, but if they were? My God. I started to think about how faithful Sam was. I began to wonder how many others she had slept with. How many men? How many women? Was it only when I was away on trips? How many times had I pleasured Sam with another person's essence fresh on her tender flesh?

I felt sick.

"Oh." She nearly laughed. "Oh. I'm sorry." Her hand reached out and planted between my shoulders. She rubbed my back gently. "I didn't know." Even though her words sounded less than empathetic, I appreciated the gesture.

"It's alright. You had no way of knowing."

Trixie pulled her hand away. I could hear her messing with something. It took her a moment, but she handed me her phone. I looked at the screen and saw that it was set for putting in a new contact.

"Here. I know how it feels to be down in the dumps. It helps to have someone to talk to. I'm not the best company sometimes, but you were never mean to me. And I know you and Sam aren't the same, but she kept my secret and you two were like this." She held up her crossed fingers. "So, you can't be all that bad of a friend to have."

"Thanks." It was strange receiving a compliment from the girl who just before laughed at my misfortune and acted menacingly every time we spoke. "You're less scary than you come off." I entered my info and handed it back to her.

"I guess I can take that as a compliment." She laughed. Unlike her menacing amusement before, this time she sounded sweet. She typed on her phone quickly and a second later I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. "There, if you ever want to talk some time."

"I'd like that." I finished off my fifth beer, feeling better than I had in weeks.

"Alright. I'm tired of all this mushy shit. The nights getting late and I need to get laid." She smirked before standing up from her seat and looking around the bar. "I'll see you around Alex."

Just like that she was off. I was a little sad to watch her walk away, but I still felt a little warmth from having someone to talk to that would understand what me and Sam shared. It was nice knowing that Trixie was in a position to understand better than anyone else. I called Lisa back over for my sixth beer. I contemplated scoping the place for someone to spend the night with, but then thought better of it. That wasn't me. I needed an emotional connection. I couldn't bear to watch the person, who I shared an intimate moment with, walk out the door the next morning and never hear from them again.