Trying To Get By Ch. 03

She shook her head, "Sometimes I can't believe me.

"Look, he's finished eating. I'll wash the utensils and then you eat. If we're gonna take him under our wings here - and I don't even know how to freaking DO that, then I think I'd better at least try to keep him from jumping out of his skin the way he does every time that I just move or scratch my nose."

--

Chen-Ya followed Nika to the shower and waited until the temperature was where Nika wanted it. There was a slightly awkward silence between them.

"What happened to my hair?" the shorter girl asked as she stepped back into the stream of the water, "I noticed it before, but I forgot to ask then."

"Most of what was from past your shoulders down was burned," Nika said sadly, "Worse because it was in a long ponytail. Ksana couldn't stand it after a while. None of us could, was another bad smell. So you have short hair now for a time," Nika smiled, "Looks good on you, I think, is still little bit long."

Chen-Ya nodded, "I want to thank you for everything, Nika."

She looked up and sighed heavily, "Can we please talk? I want to say things to you, but there is a lot to say."

She shrugged, "And I'm afraid to say anything wrong."

"Then say it," Nika smiled as though she held no fears to hear anything. But Chen-Ya already knew enough about the tall soldier, and had heard of her from the others. She wasn't actually afraid to say the wrong thing.

She was terrified to.

But she did her best to begin, starting softly and quietly while Nika began to use a very gentle soap to begin to clean away the dirt, blood, synthetic skin fragments and the overspray of the dye that was used to match up the slightly differing tones in Chen-Ya's skin.

With that task done, and satisfied in the way that Chen-Ya's appearance was now at least single-themed and also quite attractive, Nika began to remove her body panels and armor segments.

Chen-Ya saw it and began to do the same with Nika helping where newer pieces seemed unfamiliar to the smaller woman.

Finally, they stood under the water as close to the way that they were made as was possible. It wasn't pretty to maybe a person who was a whole human, but it was what they had and neither of them minded at all.

"When I first saw you, I thought you were Nishta. I was ... well, the way that I was there in the snow. Besides being bigger than me, you don't look much like Nishta. But I see her in your eyes. You have the same eyes and I can see into them. I know from what you did and how you stayed all day and night and hoped for me that you are the same as she was. It made me feel better to see you there."

Nika nodded, "In that moment, you saw your sister. It is understandable. Also, in same moment, I saw my Mila lying very hurt. I have not seen her in ... is almost eight years. I can never see her again. I can never find her.

"She was my daughter, yes. But in her, I had a friend. Each day, she was little older. Very grown up for girl so young, less and less like little girl. I knew that when she was grown, we would be best friends for each other.

"My husband was great love for me, was supposed to be for my life, I thought. But I was what I was and army would not let me go so easy. This made trouble for us. Slowly, he turned ... he turned from me.

"But Mila, never. She was closer to me each time that I see her. I was at apartment one day, home before she came from school. I found notebook in her room and I looked when I should not. What I saw there ...

"She was eleven then," Nika smiled, "Already she was good artist with pencils. I could see already that she would not be like me in my body and I was happy. I am - had good body. I still have this now after my repairs. I know this. But I can feel sometimes like I am like big horse, farm animal. Gives to me trouble all my life, little bit.

"I see Mila's drawings of girls and women, read her thinking that day - what she is dreaming of. She was still girl, but she was having changes already. I see that Mila likes girls more than boys. She was still girl so that can change and anyway, I have no trouble if it was how she wanted to be.

"My trouble ..."

She stopped washing Chen-Ya absently and looked off into space. "I never was like that then. I changed after. But back then, for Mila ... I wanted to be when she was grown up.

"I saw drawings of young woman with older woman, like Mila sees herself with me one day. To me, I see that Mila thinks what it would be like to be with me when she is grown. It shows to me her heart and then I feel that I wanted this too."

She sighed, "Then I think what is wrong with me? She comes home and my husband comes from work and I can stay for three days and then I go back.

"But when I am in my bed there, not at home ... when the lights are out ...

"When my hand found my nipple and I reached down with other one, I was thinking of it. I was thinking of when Mila grows up, hoping that we could be that way. We always liked to sit together when we were alone, watching television or anything. We liked to hug and kiss sometimes, just mother and daughter who are close to each other.

"But I notice that Mila was getting more ... "

She shrugged, "I do not know how to say it; she was getting more like we were girlfriends than girl with her mother. In her book I read how much she likes it with me, to sit with my arms around her. How it makes her to feel, things like this.

"As mother, it gave me trouble. I decide that next time, when we are alone; I would talk to her about this.

But it never happened.

Training program was cancelled, I had no money to travel right away, and then I find out that Vasily - my husband - he take Mila and move away I do not know where.

"Before I can find where they are, before I can make some money, these Yautja things take us. I have work and make money then, waiting only for chance to go home and look for my daughter. But then I was hurt - like you and they make me this machine woman. I cannot go back.

Even if I knew where to go, I look different now. Mila would not know me."

Chen-Ya had been watching Nika's face and she could see the tears even as Nika tried to wash them away. She reached up and pulled Nika's head down, kissing her softly and saying, "I know your troubles a little now. I can see that it hurts, but now I understand better."

"My grandmother had three children, all of them girls. We were poor, just people who have nothing where I came from, like millions and billions of others.

"Nishta was the first."

Nika looked down at Chen-Ya's face, "I thought that - "

"Please listen to me," Chen-Ya whispered loudly enough near Nika's ear so that she could be heard in the stream of the shower, "I'm trying to tell you how it was."

Nika nodded and began to use the soap again, but it was more her wanting something to do which kept her in contact with Chen-Ya.

"Su-Zha came next and Shayni after her, but much later. They were only a few years older than me. I was the baby, always the baby."

She frowned at nothing. "Grandmother had Nishta was when she was very young. It was a girl needing to eat, nothing more.

"It happened to Nishta too, the same thing. She was twelve when I was born. There was no money for a doctor; I almost killed her when I was born."

She looked up, "Su-Zha and Shayni were not my sisters. They were my aunts. Nishta ... "

She looked down at their feet and sighed.

"Nishta was my mother.

"Grandmother was dead when I was a baby. Nishta was the mother to all of us. It was very hard for her. She was so beautiful ..."

She looked up again and reached for Nika's face holding her cheek and running her thumb over the cheekbone, "I understand you, Nika. What was happening to you ... it happened to us. We took care of each other, working when we could find work and stealing when we couldn't.

"We only had a clean place and not much of anything else. We had only two beds, so Su-Zha and Shayni slept in one and I slept with Nishta. Because of what happened to her, no boys were allowed close to me. It was the same for anything to do with sex, like it was something to infect me. Nothing was allowed."

She shrugged, "I didn't know what I was feeling. When I was of age for something like that ... we began then."

There was only the sound of the spray and the dripping water for a minute or two. Neither of them moved. They only looked at each other.

Finally, Chen-Ya slowly reached up and put her arms around Nika's neck. She stood on her toes and looked into Nika's eyes.

"My mother and I were lovers," she said softly, "It lasted until they tried to arrest us for stealing. Then I was alone after they did this to me - made me what I am. They shot a girl down in the street. I woke up a slave.

"But I know what you felt."

She kissed Nika as softly as she could for a long moment until she felt Nika's decision to get involved from her side of it, just as soft and tentative as it was from Chen-Ya's.

She pulled back and left a quick hopeful kiss as she did.

Nika looked at her.

Chen-Ya smiled a little, "I have never learned how to live well by myself. I know that I need someone to make me a person who can live with a heart that works.

"You are not my mother. But I can see that you care for me. It's right there in your eyes and it never changes.

"I am not Mila. I am twenty-five years old, though I spent a lot of time deactivated. I am not eleven.

But I wish that I could be her, just at the time when Mila was grown for you. I want to be Mila for you.

"When I look at you, I see someone who needs somebody who cares about her. I care about you, Nika.

"Where we were, what I had with Nishta was not allowed. There were laws against something like that. But those laws were for other people; people who had homes with enough beds for everyone, had things and jobs and they didn't have to steal to eat - to make the pain in their empty stomachs go away."

She shrugged, "It doesn't matter anymore.

"Where you and Mila were, it must have been the same kind of laws.

"But for what is in my heart and yours, I think, it can be for us if we want it.

"I cannot be your daughter, but I believe that maybe I can love you like she did, like she would have if it could have been."

She kissed Nika again and whispered, "If you want me, I want to be ... that - those words that you said about me."

"Lyubimaya moya," Nika whispered, "It means, my sweetheart."

She took Chen-Ya into her arms and hugged her, bending her head down to nuzzle against Chen-Ya's ear for a few moments.

Chen-Ya carefully took Nika's breast into her hand as she moved her head and began to kiss it, ending at last with her suckling very softly.

Nika sighed, "Devochka moya."

Chen-Ya looked up into Nika's softly smiling face as Nika said, "My little girl."

Chen-Ya gasped softly and she moved back up so they could kiss because it was what they both suddenly needed to do. It was soft and slow, but now there was more exploration in it as they slid their tongues against each other, pausing to lick each other's lips and then try to draw a tongue out between them to suckle gently until they began all over again.

"Say it to me again," Chen-Ya sighed as she moved down, her hand against Nika's back to pull them together. She began to lick and suckle again and Nika threw her head back and moaned out the words for a few moments before she kissed Chen-Ya's head.

Chen-Ya slid her other hand down and began to caress Nika's cleft, noticing instantly that her hand was covered in Nika's juice. She drew her hand back a little and crossed her fingers.

"For my sweet mother," Chen-Ya whispered as she looked up with a soft smile. She pushed her fingers in slowly and then began to work Nika.

The slow ballet went on. Nika was in heaven with a happily bursting heart as she reached down to lift Chen-Ya's leg.

Chen-Ya looked up, "I - I'm not used to my legs yet."

Nika smiled down very softly, "Hold me with this leg, my darling. What kind of mother would I be to let you fall?"

Chen-Ya understood and did as Nika said and her reward came to her as Nika slid her arm between them and ran her fingers along her new daughter's slit.

They ended up with Nika backed against the shower wall, Chen-Ya on her knees with her face nuzzling into the warm darkness of Nika's loins. Nika held Chen-Ya's head and cooed softly to her as her tears ran in the artificial rain of the shower.

When she came, Nika called out Mila's name once and she never called Chen-Ya by any other name than her own after that. Chen-Ya asked her why later when they were toweling themselves and each other dry.

Nika smiled as she carried Chen-Ya to the bed, "Because I have my little girl and she has her own name."

She laid Chen-Ya down very gently on the large bed between Ksana and Sveta who were there waiting for her.

"But I want to call you Nishta," Chen-Ya said, "I want to call you my mother."

"So you can. Call me Nika. Call me Nishta. Call me Mother. Anything from you makes me happy." Nika said softly as Ksana began to kiss Chen-Ya and Sveta began to tease and suckle her breasts.

"I wish to be this mother to you," Nika smiled, "just as my sisters who are not really my sisters are now your aunts."

She got to her knees at the bottom of the bed and took Chen-Ya's thighs in her hands as she moved herself up to place a soft kiss on the pretty flower before her.

"But to me, I have this chance to be the mother that I was meant to be, for you, Devochka moya.

"Your mother and your aunts will give you love tonight."

--

Yonyi lay on her side with her head propped on her hand. The cabin was dark, lit only by some low level night lighting on a few walls down near the floor.

She was smiling.

Paukah accepted the dynamic that they made between them. Once they'd gotten used to him being there, it hadn't made much of any difference to them.

After they'd all had their turns eating, things had just slowly begun. Yonyi had found a little of her wild side again and after a little while, Dana had found hers.

Yonyi sat on the bunk and Dana pushed her backward so that she had to put her hands behind herself a little to stay sitting upright.

Dana made a point of locking her eyes to Yonyi's and her expression was all business. "I like you so much, Yonyi," she said. "I see a girl like I've never seen before and I know that she feels the same way as me."

We have a saying where I'm from. Baby, none of this will mean a thing to you, but I don't care. Right here, right now, this is where the rubber hits the road."

She slid herself forward so that she was sitting on Yonyi's thigh as she moved forward until their mounds were in tight contact.

Reaching with her left hand, she took Yonyi's right calf in hand and pulled it up so that their bodies met even better.

Dana kissed Yonyi fairly hard one time and pulled back to look down into those wonderful eyes for a moment.

"I'm here to take what I want. I'm here to make you feel good and want a lot more of this with me.

If I can make you mine right here, I'll take that too, but Yonyi, I'm pretty damn sure that we ought to be together."

The kisses were a little softer after that until their fires were truly lit, but Yonyi tried to agree. She tried nodding, speaking, moaning and sighing, but she doubted that Dana was getting any of it.

And she was wrong.

Dana was on her game tonight and for the first time in so very long, she knew it was working just when they needed it.

Paukah had only watched and never made a sound.

After some time, they'd noticed that he was masturbating and at first, they'd been content to only pretend to ignore it.

But after a long while, since he seemed to be able to go on forever, Dana had laughed and called him. He looked bashful, walking over and failing at hiding his arousal, but Dana had an idea.

She showed him that she was the boss in a quiet way, not wanting him to feel badly and withdraw.

She grabbed him by his horns and pulled him onto the bunk. "If you want to play, then you've got a few things to learn," she told him in a low voice.

The thing of it was that Paukah surprised her. He already knew how to please a female with his mouth and tongue because Yonyi had taken the time to teach him. It led to all of them together but there were rules and Paukah was careful to always ask.

Dana had a moment where she looked at Paukah and saw that, for their differences, he and Yonyi did really look like the same animal. She'd been preparing herself to be looking at a male version, but what she saw was pretty androgynous without looking absurd to her.

She forgot herself for a moment and reached for him. Paukah was startled to find himself in Dana's arms and before he could react, Dana was on him. The first kiss that she forced hit her like a truck.

This boy kissed just like Yonyi!

"Show me," she growled into his eyes as her hands ran over his shoulder and his ass, "Come on, show me."

She opened her mouth for a moment and watched as Paukah's eyes widened.

"Like that," Dana hissed down at him, "Show me how you mean it."

Paukah opened his mouth and she moaned loudly just to see his teeth.

Dana reached down and moved Paukah's stick down so it went between her thighs. With that done, she began to hump and thrust herself against him, amazed and delighted that Paukah seemed to know what she wanted from him and was careful to let her drive it all the way. She held him tightly and taking one of his horns in her hand, she just had her way.

He did it right for her and scored big amazed points for it. He looked up, but he was showing that he was hers in this. He had the parts, but this was for her. Despite the front that she was trying to maintain, she did come and found that she'd really enjoyed it.

When she rolled off Paukah with a kiss and a groan, Yonyi pushed him down again.

Dana saw it, but before she knew it, Yonyi pushed his hardness so it was against his belly and she slammed herself down with a loud grunt which told Dana that she'd done this before.

Yonyi looked pretty predatory to Dana, the way that she held herself up with one hand on his shoulder as she caressed his cheek.

"Not inside me tonight, little brother. We do this the other way that you like with me. Make me proud and let Dana see how much you can make."

He nodded up with a soft smile as Yonyi settled into rubbing her slit along the underside of his shaft. Dana didn't think she would have cared, but she did like to see the way that Yonyi was taking him like this.

She was getting what she wanted and giving him pleasure at the same time. Yonyi was obviously in charge here, but Paukah was a part of it and if he was submissive, it was very cooperative and hopeful.

She looked at their faces, from one to the other and then she understood.

They loved each other.

She leaned down and inhaled. There was no hint of any musky male scent to him. He smelled very similar to the way that Yonyi smelled to her. She licked Paukah's slightly parted lips for a moment or two before she drew back and smiled at him.

"Paukah, you sweet boy, could I please sit on your beautiful face?"

She heard his words, but she didn't need anything to understand what he said. She was careful not to kneel on his hair as she settled down over him and felt him begin. His horns turned out not to be an issue at all and she just found that she could perch there for him.

Dana looked into Yonyi's smiling face as she worked Paukah, "I think this is what you wanted me to see, what's underneath it.

"Honey, I've got all kinds of reasons against it, but the two of you are so fucking hot like this, I can't help how I feel."

She stopped speaking as Paukah's efforts began to get to her. When she could, she reached for Yonyi and put her arm around her. Her free hand took Yonyi's breast and they both moaned as she squeezed it softly.