Two Grandmas Rocking On The Porch

To anybody who happened to drive down Brookline Road in rural Ballston Spa, New York on that summer day in 1998, the sight of the two elderly ladies sitting on the front porch of the old farmhouse sipping iced tea while a young lad mowed the spacious grounds of the property might have seemed like a slice of Americana.

Indeed, the young man with the rosy cheeks and the boyish looks looked the part as so did the senior citizens, but while the boy was an innocent the women were anything but and their conversation reflected the fact that while they may have looked like prim and proper ladies from the outside there was no doubt that they had a rather bawdy side to them.

That was certainly more true of 66 year old Ruth Comstock, whose knack of saying and doing the most outrageous things often shocked people who didn't expect such candor, than of Elsie Mundy, her longtime friend who was the exact opposite of Ruth in almost every way.

Quiet and reserved as most would expect a 65 year old woman, Elsie would often blush at the words and antics of her friend Ruth, but in many ways she envied Ruth for being so candid and fearless, especially since often Ruth would come out and say things that Elsie would only think about.

That was the way it was on that one afternoon in July as they sipped their ice tea, which Ruth had liberally laced with vodka as was her habit. The topic of conversation was Elsie's grandson, and it wasn't the sun that made Jason's grandmother's face red as Ruth said things that only she would.

***

"I'll bet the little girls go crazy about little Jason," Ruth opined as the fair-haired lad smiled and nodded as he pushed the mower past them. "What grade did you say is he in? Eighth?"

"No," Elsie said as she shook her head at her best friends forgetfulness. "My other grandson is the one that's in junior high and he lives in Vermont. Jason here is the one that's in college."

"Hard to believe that little critter is in college," Ruth suggested.

"I know, and please don't say anything because he's sensitive about that. "He's in his second year at State because he skipped 1st and 5th grade. Jason is a brilliant student."

"Okay, now I have them straight," Ruth stated. "Well then, I bet the girls at college chase him all over campus, with that curly golden hair and the dimples."

"No, as a matter of fact it's just the opposite. They think he's a little kid. I think skipping him ahead in school really hurt him socially because his mother says he's only had one girlfriend she knows of," Elsie explained. "His mother thinks he might be gay."

"I doubt that," Ruth said. "Not the way he looked at my tits when you introduced us."

"You think everybody looks at your breasts," Elsie tsk-tsked while shaking her head, but she knew her friend wasn't far off because Ruth's large bosom did get a lot of stares.

"Most do, including you my dear," Ruth clucked and then laughed when Elsie blushed deeper. "Did you say Jason will be here for a week?"

"Yes, that's when his Mom gets back from her cruise. Guess she's trying to find someone to replace her ex."

"Well maybe you can sneak down to my place if the urge strikes you," Ruth suggested.

"I can go a week without - you know," Elsie assured her friend.

"Maybe," Ruth said to her frequent lover. "Don't know if I can, especially now that I know your grandson is legal. Cute as the dickens he is."

"That IS my grandson you're talking about," Elsie reminded her.

"Wonder if he's a virgin? Haven't had one of them in a while," Ruth said. "Jason probably is because he sure looks like a little boy."

"He's a wonderful young man," Ruth said of her son's boy who was only about 5'5" and couldn't weigh more than 125 pounds dripping wet, which he was already from mowing in the heat of the day.

"I didn't say he wasn't wonderful," Ruth replied as they watched Jason stop briefly and wipe his brow, his tank top and shorts damp with sweat. "He's beautiful, it's just that - I mean look at him. His legs are almost as smooth as mine and he doesn't even have hair under his arms yet."

"He does too," Elsie responded. "A little. It's just that he's so fair you can't really see it."

"But it's amusing that you noticed it though," Ruth snickered. "Keeping an eye on how the boy's developing?"

"He's 19 for crying out loud," Elsie said. "How much vodka did you put in this tea anyway?"

"Enough to make me sit here and mentally undress the little rascal," Ruth mused as she put her feet up on the chair opposite her. "All sweaty and everything. Maybe when he gets done I could give him a bath."

"He takes showers."

"Then I could wait until he gets done and I could towel him off," Ruth said. "Maybe Jason would like having a woman dry his little twinkie for him."

"It's sure as heck not..." Elsie said and then promptly shut her mouth, but not before her friend's ears perked up.

"His pecker's not what?" Ruth said so loud Elsie was glad the mower's motor was roaring.

"Nothing."

"Too late sweetie," Ruth said, and when Elsie shook her head she pressed harder. "Come on. You're as perverted as I am."

"Hardly."

"You're perverted enough. Come on honey. You know how I love nasty stuff, and don't we share everything? "Saliva? Juices? That guy out at the Holiday Inn in Syracuse?"

"You're never going to let me forget that are you?" Elsie said as she recalled that time a year ago when she let herself get talked into a threesome with some guy they met in a motel bar far out of town after a shopping excursion at the Carousel Center Mall, the only guy she had been with in the 6 years she had been a widow.

"You don't want to forget it do you?" Ruth asked with an upraised eyebrow, and after Elsie finally shook her head no Ruth added, "Neither will I. We wore that poor guy out and he was half our age."

"Okay, but this is just between us," Elsie cautioned, and after Ruth agreed she took a deep breath while looking out at her industriously working grandson.

"Did you peek in at him in the shower?"

"No," Elsie said. "That's something you would do."

"If I had grandsons instead of granddaughters I probably would," Ruth admitted. "And I've been known to take a peek at them from time to time too. Heck, I've already admitted that. Go on and tell me your story."

"Last night Jason had taken a shower, and after he came out of the bathroom I went down to the hall closet to replenish the towels," Elsie explained. "I happened to glance at the guest room door because it wasn't fully closed, and Jason was in there drying off."

"Go on. This is so erotic. You looked in at him?"

"I didn't mean to, it's just that the door was ajar," Elsie protested.

"I know honey - you were just curious. Don't cry."

"I'm not," Elsie countered, wiping her moist eyes with the back of her hand. "It's just that I feel guilty."

"Why? Because you didn't just peek? Because you kept looking at him?" Ruth asked as calmly as she could manage.

"Yes," Elsie admitted.

"Did he catch you looking at him?"

"NO!" Elsie answered. "I mean, I don't think so. I hope not."

"So tell me about it."

"When I went by Jason he had his back to the hall, and when I saw his little rear-end, so pale with dimples just like it had been when I used to diaper him years ago when he was a baby," Elsie related wistfully. "He looked so adorable."

"I'm a believer," Ruth interjected as she kept looking out at the lad. "So then what happened?"

"I was about to go down to the closet because he turned around, but his head was buried in the towel because he was drying his hair, so for whatever reason I stayed where I was."

"And you saw him? Naked?" Ruth asked almost breathlessly. "Please tell me you did woman because I'm about to explode. You saw Jason's dick?"

Elsie's mouth formed the word yes but nothing came out so she nodded yes almost imperceptibly.

"Well? Does that little critter have a big one?" Ruth asked.

"I haven't seen that many of them, unlike you," Elsie cracked.

"Bigger than the guy in Syracuse?"

"Yes."

"How big?"

"I didn't measure it," Elsie exclaimed.

"Well let's see," Ruth said as she held her hands about 5" or so apart. "This was about what that Syracuse Richard had. Jason's cock is bigger than this?"

Elsie nodded, and nodded again as her friend kept spreading her hands apart a bit more until she finally said, "That's about right."

"Damn!" Ruth said. "I can't believe that little critter has something as long as that. And you stood there staring at his boner bouncing around while he dried his hair?"

"No - I mean - he didn't have an erection."

"WHAT?" Ruth yelped, so loud that it even got Jason's attention as he mowed around the tree. "Are you sure?"

"I know the difference between an erect and a flaccid penis," Elsie snapped. "It was pointed down and was swaying like a metronome between his legs."

"Damn. What did you do?"

"I think I was hypnotized or something but I finally realized what I was doing and hurried down the hall," Elise concluded. "I pray he didn't see me looking at him."

"Ever think that Jason might have left the door ajar on purpose?" Ruth suggested. "Maybe he wanted you to see what a big boy he is now."

"Jason? Of course not. The boy is very modest. That door is a bit balky so it probably swung open on him," Elsie told her friend.

"Is he cut?" Ruth asked, and when Elsie looked at her quizzically she elaborated. "Circumcised?"

"No, he isn't," Elsie replied, and after Ruth asked him whether Jason had big balls Elsie belatedly protested while saying, "I don't feel right talking about my grandson this way."

"You didn't mind looking though," Ruth said in tut-tutting her friends protest. "I would have too. You know what this story has done to me? I'm dripping wet. I'll bet you can see it from there. Look!"

"Ruth!" Elsie hissed when her friend swung around and lifted her foot onto the leg of her chair and exposed herself.

As was frequently her custom Ruth wasn't wearing panties and even though her dress went down to her knees and made the area of her crotch shaded, she could see her friend's large labia glistening as she spread her legs for Elsie's benefit.

"You're incorrigible," Elsie said in mock disgust.

"And I bet you feel like coming over and burying your face in there to make it even wetter. I know you honey and you're horny too," Ruth correctly concluded. "Wonder if Jason is like a lot of young guys and likes pussies without hair like mine? Maybe you should trim that jungle of yours and find out?"

"I'm not showing him my privates," Elsie assured her friend who had started shaving her pubic hair as soon as she saw a grey one appear. "Besides, you always say you like me hairy."

"I do. I adore all your hairy bits. Maybe I'll give Jason a peek when he gets done," Ruth suggested as she put her feet down on the porch. "Maybe I'll put my feet up on the rail and see if he looks."

"And if I told you to please not to do that, it would only make you want to actually do it instead of just talking about it," Elsie declared.

"You know it."

"Of course there's always the chance he would think you're an sorry old lady making a fool of herself," Elsie suggested.

"Now that's a chance I believe I'm going to take," Ruth announced as she downed her drink and put her feet on the rail. "I think it would be great if you went inside and took off those slacks and panties and put on a skirt. Let the boy see that bushy pussy of yours and let him decide which he likes best, smooth or hairy."

"You don't expect me to..."

"Too late. He's done," Ruth interrupted. "Now hopefully he'll come over and chat some more before he puts the mower away. If he doesn't I'll flag him down."

"He's not going to look at you. Honestly..."

"This is so exciting," Ruth gushed as they watched Jason pull the mower towards the back.

"At least keep your dress down a bit - and don't spread your legs," Elsie pleaded although as soon as she said she realized that was a mistake.

"Jason?" Ruth chirped, and Elsie cringed when she saw her grandson stop and approach the porch.

***

"That sounds like fun!" Jason chirped just before putting the mower away. "I wish I had a present to give you though Mrs. Mundy."

"I want your presence more than your presents," Ruth said as she shifted her feet on the railing even farther apart. "But if you want to do something for me you can stop calling me Mrs. Mundy."

"Okay Ruth," Jason replied. "Happy birthday."

"Why did you tell him it was your birthday?" Elsie asked after her grandson went around the house. "It was last month."

"So it's a belated party," Ruth explained. "It gives us a legitimate reason for us having fun tonight."

"I can't believe this is happening," Elsie muttered under her breath.

"Believe it," Ruth said. "And I think you owe me an apology. You said he wouldn't look up my dress and what did he do?"

"Alright, he looked," Elsie conceded.

"He practically climbed over the railing is more like it," Ruth declared. "You can tell his Mom her boy is definitely not gay. He likes pussy, and come tonight, he's going to get a couple of them."

"You don't actually think that I..."

"Sure you will Elsie, and don't give me crap about how you can't because he's your grandson either. Who better to teach him the ropes? You stared at him naked after all."

***

"Grandma?"

"What honey?" Elsie said as she emerged from the bathroom, clutching the robe tightly around herself after talking a shower.

"Your friend Mrs. Mundy? She seems like a nice lady."

"Ruth? Yes, she's my best friend. She's a little wacky but I love her."

"I didn't know whether I should have said anything or not, but when we were outside talking - well - I could see up her dress."

"Really?" Ruth mumbled.

"Yeah, and she wasn't wearing any underwear."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think you were right not to say anything," Ruth explained. "Then again, you didn't have to look either."

"I know," Jason said. "I'm sorry. Just curious I guess. Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure honey."

"I would ask my father but I rarely see him," Jason offered. "I get along so great with you that I feel less creepy about asking you this than my Mom."

"What is it honey?"

"Mrs. Mundy. I mean Ruth. How come she doesn't have any hair - you know - down there?"

"Uh," Elsie said, fighting the urge to duck into her bedroom to avoid the awkward topic. "I - guess you did get a good look didn't you?"

"Sorry."

"Well, I guess the answer is that some women shave down there as a matter of personal preference."

"Oh. Mom doesn't."

"And how would you know that young man?"

"I accidentally saw her naked once," Jason admitted. "Please don't tell her. I didn't mean to. She didn't know I was home and the door was open when she got out of the shower."

"I won't tell honey," Elsie said as she realized her grandson's story was eerily similar to her own. "Anyway, that's the reason some women shave down there like they do their legs and underarms."

"Okay, thanks Grandma," Jason replied. "Nice to be able to ask you things like that. I don't know much about girls."

"You will in time honey," Elsie concluded. "Now if you'll excuse me I have got to get ready for our little party."

***

From the kitchen Elsie looked out to the living room where her best friend was entertaining her grandson, and with the help of a couple of glasses of wine she was doing exactly what Elsie had feared. Ruth was seducing Jason.

Ruth was acting like she was 19 herself and had certainly dressed to impress the poor boy. Her short silver hair looked sharp swept back and she was wearing an outfit that no normal 66 year old woman would dare wear. Her skirt was short as it was and sitting on the couch it had ridden up higher still, exposed legs that were a bit full but shapely still.

Ruth had shed the blazer that at least had kept her looking somewhat tasteful, and now in the sleeveless yellow top Ruth was giving Jason an opportunity to see what her considerable assets looked like without a bra. Jason, also having had some wine, was now not even pretending not to look at Ruth's breasts as they hung down to her waist unsupported.

"Mine would hang down like that too without a bra," Elsie said softly to herself as she stared enviously at the woman she adored who enjoyed the attention her double D's usually got, although hers wouldn't hang down like that because of their size like Ruth's did.

Jason was clearly both overwhelmed and interested at the attention Ruth was giving him and she couldn't blame him for that because even though it might be silly for a senior citizen to dress and act like that in front of a teenager, she was able to pull it off despite carrying about ten or 15 pounds too much.

Elsie had to admit that she wasn't much better, having dressed up for this fake birthday party herself, although she had kept it tasteful. Elsie took a deep breath and went out with the cake to rejoin the party and try to rescue Jason if she could.

"Sorry I don't have 66 candles," Elsie said as she lit the solitary one on top of the cake she had hurriedly baked for the birthday party Ruth had decided to throw herself.

"I can't believe you baked this for me," Ruth said with a wink as the three of them sat on the edge of the couch and looked at the cake before Ruth blew out the candle, with Jason sitting in between the two grandmothers.

"I can't believe you're 66 years old," Jason said as his grandmother served the cake while Ruth refilled the glasses with the wine she had brought for the occasion.

"Why is that honey? Did you think I was older?" Ruth snickered.

"No. Heck no. I mean, you look a lot younger than that. You're so pretty," Jason said.

"What did you figure I was?" Ruth said, and Elsie cringed when her friend thrust out her chest and asked "44?"

"I guess," Jason responded, innocently not understanding what Ruth was referring to.

"Boy, you know how to sweet talk a woman don't you Jason?" Ruth responded as she put her arm around Jason's shoulder and gave him a squeeze.

"Well, it's true. Grandma is beautiful too. She doesn't look any older than my Mom," Jason said.

"He's a dangerous young man," Ruth said as she held him close to her, the side of her breast against his arm. "He's after us both."

"Oh, I think he's just being nice," Elsie said of her grandson.

"Hey, did you make a wish when you blew out the candle?" Jason asked Ruth.

"I did. Want to know what it was?" Ruth asked.

"It won't come true if you say it out loud," Elsie reminded her saucy friend before she embarrassed herself.

"It never comes true anyway. I was hoping a handsome young Price would come by and sweep me off my feet. You know anybody like that Jason?" Ruth asked her friend's grandson.

"No," Jason replied. "I wish for stuff like that too but it never happens."

"You wish for princes?"

"No," Jason giggled. "Girls."

"A cute guy like you?" Ruth asked. "You should have them climbing over you as handsome as you are."

"No, I don't do well with girls."

"You had a girlfriend," Elsie reminded him.

"She broke up with me though, on account of she said I didn't know how to kiss," Jason confessed.

"Well that's silly." Elsie remarked.

"She must be an idiot," Ruth exclaimed. "She should have tried to teach you."

"That's what I told her," Jason said.

"Show me."

"What?"

"Kiss me," Ruth repeated.

"I..."

"You said I was pretty, or were you lying?" Ruth challenged.

"No. You are."

"Then pretend I'm your girlfriend," Ruth said as she swiveled on the cushion and leaned towards Jason. "Let's see if she was right ot not."

"Is it okay Grandma?" Jason asked.

"I guess," Elsie said just before her friend made Jason face her before pressing her lips against his.