University Challenge 02

Then as the tick base of his erection stretched me even wider and his pubic mound ground hard against mine, he paused, buried deep within me. This blessedly gave my body a few more precious moments to adjust to the huge intruder while I looked lovingly into his eyes – big and deep brown with black pupils massive in the semi-darkness of the room. These were eyes you could fall head over heels in love with.

"Are you ok?" He asked. All I could do was nod as I looked into his handsome face.

His eyes stayed on mine as he drew himself slowly back. I felt the strange emptiness as his erection almost left my body. Then he thrust into me again and filled me completely. The sudden thrust shocked me and I heard a strange incoherent choking sound escape my lips as a wave of sensation passed through me.

"Sure, Nic?" He asked once again. Again I nodded, blinking.

And then we made love - real, deep love. I surrendered totally to this strong, handsome man I had loved without knowing it for so many years.

Looking back, it would be more accurate to say that he made love to me – I was so inexperienced about sex that I could do little other than lie there and try to comply with his desire, allowing my body to mould itself with his every movement but it was, for me, an incredible feeling.

And it was the best moment of my eighteen-year-old life, although all the time I kept worrying that I wouldn't be any good at it; that I would be a disappointing lay; that he wouldn't want me again; that he wouldn't love me because I was no good in bed.

But to my amazement, after very few thrusts my body had adjusted to his size, my copious lubrication had eased his way and I began to enjoy the pleasure of sex as well as the joy of making love. My two previous encounters had been brief, surreptitious and filled with fear of discovery. This was something entirely different.

Mike made love to me in long, slow strokes that took me from a terrible empty feeling as he pulled back, to a fullness I had never imagined possible as he thrust deep into me. I could feel the ridges on his shaft as they passed my tight inner lips and the grinding of his pubic hair against my mound as he reached his deepest point.

My fingers stroked his chest, then his sweet face in the darkness, then ran down over his muscular shoulders to his waist, then on to his firm, tight buttocks as they moved back and forwards rhythmically, driving his penis deep into my welcoming body.

Then his pace changed, his thrusts became stronger and wilder and he began to grunt. I began to feel a little frightened, not realising this meant he was building up to a climax. He thrust harder into me now and the room filled with wet slapping sounds as he thrust faster and faster, his penis inside me now beginning to hurt. I bit my lip again and gripped his upper arms, feeling him tremble.

He began to grunt, short coarse noises coming from his throat as his body shook and pulsed. His head within me seemed to swell to an enormous size and then, without warning, he pulled himself almost violently clean out of my vagina and before I could object my tummy was covered in pools of hot sticky fluid as my brother ejaculated wildly onto me, his body in strange spasms and low, animal sounds coming from his half closed mouth.

I lay still beneath him feeling almost abandoned and empty, half frightened by the force of our lovemaking; not knowing what else to do as the spasms and trembling gradually subsided.

It could only have lasted a few minutes but it changed my world.

Nothing in my limited sex life had prepared me for this. Drops of sweat fell from his forehead onto my face and lips. His breathing was heavy, laboured as he lowered his face to mine and kissed me on the lips again. He tasted salty.

Then he rolled over to lie next to me in the darkness, his body pressed close to mine. I lay there stunned, unable to move, my body feeling battered and so, so tired. I must have started to cry a little because I felt tears running down my cheeks.

"Nic? Oh sweetheart..." His voice was clearly distressed.

"I'm ok..." I snuffled, my nose filling with salty tears as the enormity of what we had just done began to dawn on me. Instinctively I pressed my knees together as if to hide the 'scene of the crime' and raised my knees almost to my chest.

"I... I'm sorry, I... I don't know... what came over me..." He mumbled, still lying stiff alongside me.

My chest ached with fear. Had we just destroyed eighteen years of sibling love? What had I done to make him want to have sex with me? Apart from wanting him myself!

"Are... Are you ok?" He asked earnestly. "I'm so, so sorry..."

His obvious sincerity helped me.

"ARE... you sorry, Mike?" I asked. "Or you just sorry it was me...?" I asked, afraid of getting the wrong answer.

"How can you think that?" He said, rolling onto his side and reaching over to hug me. "Nic.. I really love you... I really mean it, I... Oh Jesus, yuk..."

In reaching across to hug me he had put his forearm right across my belly where it got covered in his warm, sticky semen. He reacted as if he had been burned by the gooey stuff and we both burst out laughing - excessively as if delighted to have an excuse to break the tension.

As a release, the laughter worked and we turned and hugged again tightly, our bellies pressed together, kissing happily. The pool of goo spread over both our tummies but we didn't care, lost again in sore-lipped French kissing.

After a short time we needed to come up for breath.

"My God! We'd better get you cleaned up!" Mike said. "I'm all messy too!"

"In my handbag..." I smiled. Mike fumbled in the darkness and passed it over. I quickly retrieved a small pack of tissues and began to wipe my tummy clean, amazed at how much of the stuff there was and how difficult it was to wipe away. Alongside me, Mike was doing the same.

"I wasn't expecting... all this!" I said, feeling much happier at the lightening of the mood.

"I'm sorry, I realised at the last minute we weren't using a Durex and you probably weren't on the pill..."

"Well you were right there." I said, thanking God for Mike's good sense, suddenly aware of the possible consequences of what we had just done. This hadn't even crossed my mind when it was all happening. I threw the soiled tissues in the vague direction of the waste paper bin.

When I turned back, Mike was lighting a candle on the bedside table. The low light cast shadows across his strong, handsome face. I felt myself blushing. In the darkness it had all been a bit unreal. Now, with his naked, athletic body showcased in the candlelight, his long, flaccid penis still glistening with our juices, there was no escaping the fact that my brother and I had just had sex together.

"Are you sure you're ok, Nic. I mean...we've done a bad thing, really. I hope you don't hate me now?" His voice became anxious. "I mean, I thought I wasn't like Max... Really I'm not... Or am I just as bad after all?"

I stroked his worried face with my fingertips, feeling vulnerable but strangely strong at the same time.

"It's ok Mike. All of it's ok. I wanted it too. You're not like Max - you didn't rape me. I wanted it to happen."

The look of relief on his face was heartbreaking. He clasped my hands in his and squeezed them. We lay side by side in the candlelight and pulled the duvet over our bodies against the cool air in the room. I rested my head against his shoulder.

"Did it hurt?" His voice sounded a little worried.

"Just a little." I replied, snuggling closer to him. "At the beginning." I paused. "You're very good at it!"

I felt his body stiffen a little in pride and smiled inwardly as we cuddled.

"Were you... Was it... your first time?" He eventually asked, stroking my forehead.

I shook my head. "Not quite." I replied, hoping he couldn't see me blushing in the darkness. "Could you tell?"

He looked shocked. "Well, no... I never knew..."

"Don't worry, Mike. There's only been one boy before you and we only did it twice."

I could tell he wanted to know who it was but I wanted to keep that to myself.

"Have you... done it with lots of girls?" I asked to distract him, but half fearing the answer.

"Not many." It was a good answer. "And none of them felt like you, Nic!" An even better answer!

I smiled broadly in the half darkness, content – no, happy.

"So what made you... you know... want to do it... with me... me tonight?" I asked, genuinely curious.

He paused for a long time.

"I don't really know what came over me. When I saw you dressed so sexily... and the way the boys looked at you... I think I saw you properly for the first time..."

"I wanted to be grown up – I didn't want to let you down in front of your friends." I explained, unsure of myself.

"And you were perfect." He reassured me, squeezing my hand again. "You were still my sister but you were so much more, too. And when Max started doing his act on you I realised that you were one of the most amazing, most sexy girls I'd ever seen."

I glowed in pleasure the half light, his words helping me come to terms with the terrible thing we had just done.

"I think it was jealousy too – at least partly..." He continued, squeezing my hand again. "You looked so innocent and so sexy all at the same time... I thought Max would try it on but you wouldn't listen to me... and when I realised what had almost happened I knew I couldn't bear it if anyone... anyone else... did it with you... And when you were so close to me... and so warm and sexy... and I couldn't help it after seeing you so turned on... And, well, I realised what I've always known deep down..."

I waited for him to continue, hoping and praying that he would say what I felt inside. After what seemed like an age, I heard the words I will never ever forget.

"That... That I'm sort of... well, sort of in love you. Perhaps I always have been."

I positively glowed inside, but instinctively knew that simply telling him I loved him too straight away would sound trite and insincere. Instead I kissed his lips gently.

"So now we both know, don't we?"I whispered.

We lay in silence as the candle sputtered, my head snuggled against his chest, his fingers stroking me gently. I should have felt revolted, or at least guilty at what we had done, but in truth I felt neither. In the quiet darkness, I heard Mike's bedside clock ticking and strained to look at it.

"It's nearly three in the morning." He whispered in my ear. "When's your interview?"

"I'm on at nine." I replied. "Typical. We don't even get to lie in together. And Dad's picking me up at ten thirty so I can't even come back and see you afterwards."

"I'll walk you to the interview." He promised. "Just our luck, eh? I suppose we'd better get some sleep if you're going to impress them in the morning."

In fact we make love again almost immediately. It was sweet and gentle and this time Mike used a Durex. When he came, his penis was still inside me, which was wonderful and made us both cry a little as I felt him soften within my body.

***

The alarm went off at seven forty-five like a fire engine driving through the bedroom. I woke with a start and a monstrous headache – part sleeplessness, part hangover – to find Mike fast asleep, his arm under my neck. I was naked, stiff, sweaty and sticky. So was he.

In a panic, I grabbed the first towel I could see, opened the door and ran across the landing to the shower room, hoping none of his housemates were up and about. I was lucky and, ten minutes later, came back into Mike's room cleaner and fresher and feeling altogether more human although my vulva was very sore, my tummy ached deep inside from the battering it had received and I had a love bite on my lower neck.

Mike was sitting at his desk when I entered, massaging his arm – the one I had slept on - and was making instant coffee for us both. I dressed as quickly as I could, pulling on knickers and tights, wrapping my best skirt around my waist and tucking a fresh, clean white blouse into its waistband.

Mike handed me the hot drink while he pulled on his Levi's and a University sweatshirt, then looked for his trainers.

"We need to talk, Nic..." He said, his face unhappy.

"We do, Mike, yes. But not until after my interview, please."

"But Nic..."

"If you're going to do the 'wham bam thank you ma'am' act on me I don't want to ruin my University chances by crying through my interview..."

"Christ Nic!" He almost shouted. "It's not that! Far from it! I just need to know... if this is the beginning of something or the end..."

I straightened my tights and slipped shiny black shoes onto my feet. I crossed to the desk where he was sitting and kissed him on the lips.

"We'll talk on the way to the interview." I said, and began to rummage among his shelves looking for my hairbrush and toothbrush.

Fifteen minutes later we were walking through the streets of the city on our way to the Department. Deep down I wanted to hold his hand romantically but, after last night, doubted I could do it in a sisterly way any more so I held tightly to my handbag and satchel, looking at my watch every couple of minutes and wondering how to start.

Eventually Mike began 'the conversation' we both knew had to take place.

"So where do we go from here. Nic?" He asked. "We've agreed we both wanted it at the time; that I didn't rape you, thank God! Should we chalk it up as a just bit of fun but basically a mistake and get on with our lives?"

"Is that what you want, Mike?" I countered, genuinely trying to understand his feelings but it came across as quite aggressive. "I thought we both agreed that we loved each other too."

"Of course we do!" he responded immediately. "It's not what I want at all! But I'm not sure what else we can do. It's not like we can go around as boyfriend and girlfriend. Everyone knows you're my sister - especially Mum and Dad."

We had reached the corner of the long road where the Department stood. I looked at my watch. Twenty minutes to go but I couldn't afford to arrive just in time. We walked onwards.

"If we could be together – like a couple - would you want to?" I asked quietly. "And I don't just mean for sex, however great that was." I could feel myself blushing as I remembered how he had made me feel during the night. "I mean a real, proper relationship. Do you love me... that way too?"

"Of course I do!" He replied, a little too quickly, then I saw the uncertain look on his face. My heart ached. I knew what I had to say but it went against every emotion in my body and every instinct in my mind.

"Then I think we both need a bit of time to work it out, Mike." I tried to keep my voice under control. It wasn't what I wanted at all but I forced myself to say the words.

"You're a truly amazing guy – drop dead gorgeous, funny, caring, sensitive - I can't imagine a more perfect boyfriend or a better brother, but I'm not sure you can be both. I'm not sure you want to be both."

For me, this was a long speech.

"So you're dumping me?" He asked, his face like a disappointed puppy. I could have hugged and kissed him on the spot.

"No, Mike! Please understand I mean what I said. You're coming home for Christmas in three weeks. If you still want to be with me when you come home – and if I still feel the same – then we'll try and make a go of it."

He looked relieved and pleased at the same time. I looked at my watch one more time. Eight fifty-five.

"I've really, really got to go now, Mike. Thanks for... for having me – in every way. See you in three weeks!"

I kissed him again, squeezed his hand, turned and went towards the main door for my interview.

"I love you, Nic!" He called after me. "Good luck!"

***

The interview went quite well and for a while quite took my mind off the extraordinary events of the previous evening, although they rushed back in upon me soon afterwards as I walked through the town to the coffee bar in which I had arranged to meet my – our - Dad.

In the bright sunshine of the cold morning it seemed impossible to imagine that, less than twelve hours earlier I had made love with my own older brother and had adored every minute of it. Surely the world should look different after such a momentous event!

But it didn't – the sun still shone, the November wind was still cold, the trees still waved in the wind. And yet my vivid memories and the undeniable soreness between my legs told me it was true – it really had happened.

I felt elated and terrified at the same time.

When I reached the cafe I noticed my overnight bag was on the floor next to Dad's table which meant he must have visited Mike before coming to meet me.

After the predictable 'How did the interview go?' session he asked me how the Open Day weekend had been and what I thought of student life.

"It seems great fun, Dad." I replied truthfully. "But I'd have to watch my drinking..." I joked.

"Hmmm." He made a disapproving noise. "Mike said you might be a little... fragile... after last night."

"Cheeky sod!" I thought aloud. Dad frowned at my bad language. "What else did he say about me?" I asked, annoyed.

"I'm just joking, Nic..." He laughed. "Mike said it was really good having you there and that all his friends loved you."

I relaxed. "Well, I thought they were great too – really friendly."

"He told me one friend in particular got a bit too friendly but he wanted me to tell you that you handled it really well."

I frowned. Maybe Mike was trying to send me a message.

"He said it was great to get closer to you, that you gave him lots to think about and that he's really looking forward to seeing you at Christmas."

Dad held the car door open for me and I slipped into the passenger seat, smiled, closed my eyes and almost immediately fell asleep, sore and exhausted.