Walter and Natalie Ch. 01

I had been passed over for promotion twice and I knew exactly why. I seemed more valuable to the company in my present position and I didn't kick up a stink when I was passed over either time. I was beginning to think about alternatives for my fifteen years of service and one of them was to go out on my own. I had clients that asked for me by name based on my past ability to look after them. I took pride in having the lowest incidence of audit in the firm and my clients knew that. So did my employer.

But first, I needed to deal with my personal life. If my boss didn't like it, too bad. I had plenty of accumulated time-off that hadn't been used so they could just squat if they didn't like me taking a few personal days to look after my family.

Our first visit with Doctor DeVire was a disaster. To begin with, the good doctor was primarily interested in Natalie's story rather than the reason for my concern in the first place. She had either pre-diagnosed my wife or hadn't been paying attention to Bryce's notes from our interview the previous week. I listened to this for about ten minutes before I interrupted.

"Doctor DeVire, I'm not sure you understand why we are here. My wife has been exhibiting signs of depression or something else equally as disturbing. Her behavior has deteriorated in the past two years and I was the one to insist on her getting treatment. Am I making myself clear?"

"Do you have a PhD in psychology, Mr. McGuire?" she asked, a detectible sneer in her voice.

"No, I do not."

"Then kindly leave this process in my hands. I know full well why you think you are here but I'm trying to determine if your assessment is accurate. There's no point in my trying to prescribe a method of treatment until I've satisfied myself that I understand what the problem is."

That shut me up. She was right of course, but I still didn't like how this was progressing. For the time being I would remain quiet until I was convinced the doctor was getting at the cause of Natalie's problem or had some other strategy in mind.

"Now, Mrs. McGuire, lets talk about your relationship with your family ... specifically with your children."

"What do you want to know?"

"Well ... let's start with how you manage the household. Your husband is away at work each day so you have almost a half day that you are entirely in charge. Tell me about a typical day."

Natalie went on to describe a normal weekday from getting up in the morning right through until I got home in the evening. I noticed her voice was quite mechanical, displaying no particular emotion.

"Does your husband help you with the children when he's home?"

"Not really. At their age they're pretty self sufficient. He goes to the school events when he can. He helps with their homework if they ask him to."

"Do you help with their homework?"

"Sometimes. Most of their classes are on subjects I don't know much about. Biology, physics, algebra. It's been too long since I took those things in school and I've never really used them since."

"Yes ... of course," the doctor paused. "How would you describe your relationship with your children?"

"Fine! We get along just fine. They're old enough to look after themselves for the most part. I just have to remind them once in a while if they forget to do something."

"Do your children hug or kiss you often?"

"I suppose so. I haven't really thought about it. I usually get a kiss on the cheek from my daughter when she leaves for school."

"Has that been happening lately?"

"I guess so. I haven't really noticed."

"And what about your husband? Does he hug or kiss you when he leaves for work or when he comes home."

Natalie looked at me and blinked, then back at the doctor. "I don't think so. Not for some time. I guess he hasn't felt like it lately."

I almost rose out of my seat to protest when a quick hand-wave from the doctor told me to sit down and keep silent. Inside I was boiling. This whole line of questioning was surreal. Natalie made out that everything was just fine when I knew bloody well it wasn't. Worse, I wasn't being given the opportunity to dispute her opinions.

I sat listening to her questions and Natalie's answers for the remainder of the session. As I listened to the conversation I began to think of what I could do to check up on this doctor. I couldn't understand why I was there if my input wasn't wanted. I decided to have a personal conversation with Bryce. I was hoping he could give me some insight on her without violating a confidence. It was worth a try.

Our trip back to the house was virtually silent that morning. Natalie had gradually opened up to the doctor but I didn't hear any admission from her that she had been unhappy or frustrated with either her life in general or me in particular. It was almost surrealistic in content. It was as if both the children and I were imagining the whole scenario. My only hope was that the doctor was trying to get a handle on her view of things before she got around to my view.

When we got home, Natalie went about her normal routine other than preparing a lunch for me as well as herself. She was either distracted or keeping her emotions hidden. I didn't detect that she was angry or frustrated. I didn't detect anything at all.

After lunch I used my cell phone to call Doctor Holmes' office and left a message requesting he call me on my cell to discuss a personal matter. I didn't want Natalie to know I was checking up on Doctor DeVire.

I went back to work for the afternoon and found I had missed little if anything in my absence. As I sat at my desk, I began to think more seriously about starting my own practice and to that end I began to make a list of the clients who contacted me directly to handle their tax affairs. There would be no guarantee that they would all follow me to my business but I felt at least two thirds of them might. That gave me at least a start on developing a budget.

Bryce phoned me just after eight that evening and I moved to the workshop to talk to him. Natalie was busy in her room and I don't think she heard me take the call.

"Bryce, I need an opinion on Doctor DeVire. I know you think she is very good at what she does, but I was concerned about her point of view during our first session."

I began to describe the one-way conversation that excluded me and also her retort when I interrupted her to ask about the direction her session was taking.

"I realize it's improper for you to comment on another doctor, but I'm not comfortable with what took place today. I'm almost convinced she has an already formed opinion and isn't listening to my side of the story. Do I have options if I'm not satisfied with the way things are going?"

"Of course. You're not bound to use any doctor you're not happy or confident with. Is this going on your company medical insurance?"

"Yes. They accepted your referral."

"Okay, then contact your insurer and see who the alternative doctors in this area are. They always have several that are approved. If worse comes to worst you can drop Doctor DeVire and chose another. I would suggest you give her a chance to develop her method before you do that. Perhaps she's just using an unorthodox procedure."

"Thanks, Bryce. I'll give it a bit of time but I have to tell you I'm uncomfortable with what I see and hear so far. I'm going to keep a tight rein on it. Thank you for your help."

I flipped the phone closed and leaned back against my work bench. I had to admit I was maybe jumping the gun on this doctor but she was giving me a very uneasy feeling during that hour we spent with her. If I couldn't shake that feeling in the next one or two sessions I would pull the pin on her and look for someone else. I didn't want to do that. It was hard enough to convince Natalie that this was necessary. Starting again would be even harder.

I hadn't said anything to Natalie yet about starting my own business. Since we weren't speaking to each other very civilly over the past two years, I kept my thinking to myself. The other factor was my lack of commitment to making a move. I wanted to. I thought I could, but ... it was easier to just leave things with the status quo. That was me ... think about it but don't do anything.

My recent episodes with Natalie had given me a new outlook and I was beginning to think I should take advantage of my new-found confidence.

I considered asking Natalie for her view on today's session but changed my mind. I would wait for next week before voicing my opinion. If she wanted to talk about it, fine, but I would be careful to be non-committal. I didn't want to poison the well before I'd made a decision about Doctor DeVire.

The week passed and by the weekend I could see a distinct change in Natalie. She wasn't demanding and she wasn't projecting a bad mood. However, I didn't get any sense that she was happy. She just ... was. Neither up nor down. It was disconcerting but at least I took comfort in the fact that it wasn't the "old" Natalie.

"She's awful quiet," Karen said to me on the weekend. "She doesn't say much but at least she's not pissed off all the time."

"What have I told you about your language, young lady?" I said sternly.

"Sorry ... but you know what I mean. It's kind of creepy the way she is now. I can't tell what she's going to say."

"Just give it some time, Karen. We've just started the counseling sessions so it's too soon to expect results. I think your mother has had a real shock since this all happened. She's probably trying to figure out what's going on herself."

"I hope she gets better, Dad. I want my old Mom back," she said, tearing up.

I gave her a hug and told her to hang in there. I had to admit, I wasn't any more sure of what the future would bring than Karen was.

We were a little less tentative around each other on the weekend. Natalie still wasn't very talkative or demonstrative but we did talk and didn't try to avoid being together. I did my usual weekend chores without any prompting from my wife. I would have anyway but it was nice to just do them as I planned, when I planned.

All the while I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't relaxed. I was tense and only the physical exertion of my chores brought some temporary relief. I'm sure it was the uncertainty about what was to come with Natalie. Were we going to be able to save this marriage? I hoped so. I was betting on it.

I couldn't conceive of what I would do if we divorced and I couldn't have Karen and Rob with me every day. Divorce would be the very last resort. I would fight for our marriage with every ounce of energy I could assemble. I would not give up until the last chance was gone. I was not going to surrender. That was yesterday's Walter, not today's.

If I was upset with the tenor of the first session with Doctor DeVire, I was mystified by the second. It was almost a repeat of the first hour except the doctor spent the entire time questioning me. I found myself trying to second-guess the point of her questions. What was she trying to learn? Did she believe what I was telling her about my wife's behavior? I really couldn't tell. Some of the questions seemed irrelevant to our situation but I answered them as directly as I could. I had nothing to hide so there was no need to mask or distort my answers.

I did notice that the doctor was watching Natalie's reactions to my answers. I wasn't sure but I thought she might be making notes about them rather than my answers. At the end of the session, the doctor gave us her overview.

"I believe we will need to meet individually once every week. After several sessions, I will suggest we meet together to review where I think we are. I'm not a big believer in dragging this process on indefinitely so I'll try and make my assessment as soon as I feel confident of my findings."

I felt a little more positive than I had a week earlier and decided to continue with Doctor DeVire.

"Do you think these visits are doing any good?" Natalie asked as we drove home.

"To be honest, I can't tell. I'm not sure what her method is. I didn't understand the reason for some of the questions but I gave her honest answers. Maybe our next session will tell us more."

"Are you still angry with me?"

It was a question I didn't expect. "No ... no ... not angry. Maybe I was a month ago ... even a couple of weeks ago, but not now. I'm just hoping and praying that this doctor can get to the bottom of whatever is bothering you. I want to know why you are unhappy. Once we know that maybe we can make some progress."

I expected her to argue that she wasn't unhappy at all but that didn't happen. Maybe she was beginning to understand and believe what I was telling her. Our morning session with Doctor DeVire was at least somewhat more on-point. The rest of the ride home was in silence.

To be continued

Editing by ErikThread and DaveT with my thanks for their thoroughness and helpful suggestions. Any errors are mine.