Was I Man Enough?

I had tried to call her yet again after that, but this time her phone was off and I didn't want to leave a voice mail. We'd called it a night and gone to bed.

It was half an hour later that Liz had slipped into my room. She was wearing one of my old tee-shirts and a pair of panties. She'd looked at me and asked timidity, "Please can I sleep with you tonight. I'll sleep on the covers; I just want you to hold me for one last time."

I held up the covers and she'd gratefully slid in beside me. She had curled up on her side and I'd curled up behind her and it was like the years had fallen away. She gave a little sigh and we'd drifted off to sleep. I had woken up before her and found that during the night her tee-shirt had ridden up and my hand was on her breast covered by hers. I'd tried to move my hand without waking her but her hand had tightened on mine.

Her eyes hadn't opened but I'd heard her whisper, "Please leave it there until I get up. It makes me feel so safe."

An hour or so later she had turned around to face me. She'd given me a kiss and said thank you, then she had got up and crept out of my room.

Liz was thumbing through my second novel at the kitchen table when she had gone white. "This is based on us isn't it?"

"Some of it is," I acknowledge, "But not all of it."

She was crying as she said, "Did I really hurt you that much?"

"I'm afraid so, at least that's what I thought at the time." I put my arms around her and hugged her. "It doesn't matter anymore; it's all water under the bridge Liz."

"I was a complete fucking idiot wasn't I, all I had to do was tell you or Dave and it would have been over. You already knew about the affair so what was the video going to prove. You would have stopped him going to mum and dad." She clung to me as she cried.

Finally, she was all cried out and after kissing me and her brother she headed back upstairs to freshen up.

Dave looked at me and said, "Do you think that you and she could get back together?"

I shook my head, "Too much time has passed, and we are not the same people we were."

"But you two slept together last night," he said. I looked at him quickly. "It's an old house the walls are thin and sound carries," he said.

"And that's all we did Dave, we held each other for comfort, I know that's all I felt mate. I love her, but I don't want her. We both need to move on. I told you about Mia at the pub; I've got to do some serious thinking about her, not about Liz and me."

He sighed, "You would have been a great brother-in-law."

I nodded, "And so would you have been and you're always going to be my best friend. Look you need to get Liz into therapy; I'll pay if you can get it set up. She needs a normal life, to get out into the world again and find the right person for her."

He nodded and promised to get something sorted out.

I asked, "Can I stay here a few more days. I want some time with my friends before I head back into the rat race."

"Of course you can," I heard Liz say from behind me as she walked back into the kitchen.

We walked over to the Plough in the afternoon for a late Sunday lunch and it really was like coming home. There had been some late spring flowers in the garden and Liz and I had picked some. We'd stopped at the church on our way to the pub and I'd laid the fresh flowers on my parents' graves.

That night Liz had slipped into my bed again. I'd held her and she'd fallen asleep with a happy smile on her face. In the morning she kissed me again and had told me that she loved her new big brother. Then she'd headed into the bathroom to get ready for work.

Both she and Dave were working that day so I said I'd meet them in the pub after work. I needed to work on my revisions so I set up on the kitchen table for the rest of the morning. Late morning I packed my laptop in my backpack and went for a walk around the village renewing old acquaintances, ending up a couple of hours later at the Plough.

I settled down at my favourite table with a pint and a sandwich and carried on working. I loved my house in the states, and it a great place to work, but God how I had missed this village and the people here. I needed to find a place here to buy, this was where my family was from and I wanted that connection again.

I was trying to use my phone to get onto the Internet when Jimmy saw what I was doing.

"That's not going to work here Danny, you can make phone calls but you can't get one of those fancy 3G signals inside the pub."

"Crap," I muttered under my breath. I was going to have to go back to Dave's and I was comfortable here.

"Hey don't fret lad, you can use our Wi-Fi, I'll get you the password." He walked over to the bar and came back with a piece of paper on which was written the word PASSWORD.

"So what is it," I asked? In reply Jimmy tapped the paper. Oh you've got to be kidding I thought; he wasn't!

Back on line I checked my e-mails. Jenny was now threatening to remove vital parts of my anatomy with a rusty knife if I didn't call her.

I got Jimmy to get me a malt whiskey; I was going to need the Dutch courage for this call.

I opened my Skype program and started a video call to Jenny, there was only me and Jimmy around so I didn't bother with the headphones.

Her face appeared on my screen and she said loudly, "Where the fuck are you Daniel." I could hear Jimmy laughing from behind the bar.

"And a good day to you too beautiful. I can start the tour on Friday if you want me to."

"Youcanyouwillwhereareyou?" The words all merging into one long sound.

"I'm in the UK, Jenny, and I'm staying with friends."

"So two signing in London on Friday is ok?" She asked tentatively

"Yes, just send me the details, and I promise I will be there."

"Oh no you don't, I'm not going to let you out of my sight ever again. So I'm going to fly over and join you. Where are you exactly?"

I looked around me and laughed, "Exactly, well exactly I'm sitting in the bar at my local pub working on my revisions and drinking a great pint of real beer."

I swung the camera around and pointed it at the bar and Jimmy. "Say hallo to mine host. Jimmy say hallo to Jenny."

I saw Jimmy wave and heard Jenny call out, "Look after him for me Jimmy."

I turned the camera back to me and she said, "Rachael sent me the synopsis and the first chapters of the new book, and it looks really good. She said she's sent you her thoughts and suggestions, have you seen them yet?"

"Not yet, I'll have a look for it," I replied.

Then she asked, "Have you got the answers to your questions, Daniel. Did you get to talk to Liz?"

"I'm good Jenny, we had a long talk, and we cleared the air. I'm staying with her and her brother. There was a lot more to the story than any of us knew, you never know I might write about it one day."

"But what about Mia," she asked. "Have you spoken to her in the last couple of days?"

"I tried calling her but she didn't answer. Her office says she's on leave; I tried the house and no joy. I just hope I haven't blown it with her."

"I spoke to her yesterday and she knows you are in England. I don't think you need to worry; she was desperate to see you very soon."

"I need to see her as well. I need to tell her I was an idiot."

Jenny said, "Thank God for that, I thought I was going to have to smack you round the head to make you see sense. She's a good woman who's willing to give a lot up for you."

The bar was starting to fill up so I said my goodbyes and we finished the call. I tried calling Mia again but all I got was, the phone is switched off message. Her voice mail was full so I couldn't leave a message.

I checked on line for the local estate agents to see if anything in the village was up for sale but I couldn't find anything suitable.

"Typical," I said to Jimmy, "I've got the cash and there's nothing for sale!"

"You looking to buy around here again then Danny, me boy?" Jimmy asked.

"Yes, I miss the place."

"Good on yer, my son." He stood behind the bar thinking and then called into the back parlour.

"Maggie, what was it you were telling me about the couple who bought Danny's old place?"

Maggie appeared and said, "Mrs Beatty their cleaner was telling me that she's seen papers on his desk. His business is on its last legs and he's going to put the place up for sale. Mind you she's not happy with him, there's been some very vocal arguments apparently."

Jimmy said, "Talk to Peter, Danny, if it's up for sale he'll know. That's him over there."

I went over to talk to him, and it turned out that he was the local estate agent and yes he'd just been appointed to sell my old place. He hadn't even put the details on line yet. They wanted £1,750,000 for it, but Peter said he'd already told them that they'd be lucky to get 1.5 in the current market.

I'd just got an advance of $2,500,000 for the movie rights for my second novel so I told him I'd offer £1,450,000 for a quick sale. He said that he would put the offer to them tomorrow and he'd get back to me.

Liz walked in to the bar at five-thirty and came and sat down beside me. She was intrigued with the story on the screen of the laptop so I let her read it while we waited for Dave.

"This is really good Danny," she said as she was reading the story. I sat back sipping my beer and letting her read.

She suddenly turned to me and said, "Danny, I meant to give you this back this morning. When you sold the house the new owners found this in the back of a drawer in the kitchen." She reached into her handbag and gave me an envelope. Inside I found her engagement ring. I must have thrown it in the drawer when I found it on the table with her note.

I twisted it around in my fingers and smiled, I could hold it now and I didn't feel bitter.

"No," I said, "You keep it. Think of the good times we had together when you look at it." I passed it back to her.

Liz smiled and started to say thanks.

"DANIEL! Noooo," came the cry from the doorway.

I looked up to see a white faced Mia standing there. She stood frozen for a moment before turning to run out of the pub.

What the fuck, I thought as I tried to understand what had just happened.

Liz went white and gasped, "Shit, Danny, you don't think she thought...." and she held out the ring.

I stared at her blankly until my brain connected the dots. "FUCK," and I was off after Mia.

Interlude 3: Mia

I spent the night curled up in Daniel's bed hoping that my replies to his mail would make him want to come back to me. The next morning I started my journey to find him and bring him home. I took a flight out of Denver to the twin cities. Roger had booked me on a flight to London that evening. He'd bought me a first class ticket, but I was so keyed up I could have been in the luggage hold for all I cared. While I was in the twin cities waiting for the flight I called Jenny to see if she knew where he was in England.

"Jenny, I'll be in England tomorrow. Please, if you know where he is, tell me."

She was silent for a while then she said. "He usually stays at the Park Lane Hotel when he's in London. Look I'll give them a call and find out if he's there. If he is I'll send you a message, that's the best I can do."

I could hear them calling my flight, so I said thank you and hung up. I boarded the plane in a daze and I left my phone on to the last moment hoping that I would hear the sound of an arriving text.

As soon as we landed early the next morning I switched on my phone and I heard the wonderful chime that announced a new text. It was a message from Jenny saying that Daniel was staying at the Park Lane hotel and she'd reserved a room for me.

I got a taxi to the hotel and as soon as I was checked in I asked for Daniel's room. I hit a brick wall, yes they had a Daniel Davidson registered. No, they couldn't tell me which room. They could call his room for me - sorry he isn't picking up, did I want to leave a message?

By this time I was in tears and I think the receptionist felt sorry for me. She tapped on her keyboard and said to me quietly, "There's a message for housekeeping. They don't need to make up the room until Tuesday as he's staying with friends for the weekend."

Friends? Yes, I knew where he was, the only place he could be would be the village in Kent. He'd told me enough about growing up in the village that I could have been born there.

"I need to hire a car," I told her.

"I'll get the hall porter to organise one for you." She looked at me critically as I stood in front of her. "I'm going to tell him to have it here for you at three o'clock. You are too tired to drive at the moment."

I looked at her and she was right, I was exhausted. What good would it do me to know where he was if I killed myself trying to get to him.

"Ok," I said, "But I need a wakeup call at two."

She smiled at me and nodded. The porter took my bag and showed me to my room. I was asleep on the bed almost as soon as the door closed behind him.

The trill of the phone woke me from a deep sleep. I dragged myself into the bathroom and stood under the shower to wake up. Just before three I was back downstairs feeling a lot fresher. I signed the document for the car. Thank god they'd delivered an automatic. I don't think I could have coped with driving on the left and a stick shift.

It was past three before I was on the road, I was following the directions the sat nav gave me and it sent me through what seemed like the busiest parts of London. I made it to the village by six and I swear I'd aged five years. Who the fuck thought up the idea of a roundabout I want to know. I pulled up by the side of the village green and I didn't know what to do next. I got out of the car and just stood there feeling lost. I was so close but I couldn't take the last step. A woman walking her dog came towards me across the village green.

I stopped her and stupidly asked, "You wouldn't know a Daniel Davidson would you. He used to live here until a few years ago and he's supposed to be visiting friends?"

She looked at the mad American woman and muttered, "Daniel....Daniel Davidson." Then her eyes opened wide and she said, "Ohh, you mean Danny, he's staying with Dave and Liz in that cottage." She pointed at a cottage about a hundred yards away.

I knew that Dave was Liz's brother but I wasn't expecting that Liz was living with him and that Daniel would be staying there as well. My heart dropped at that news.

I thanked her and went to walk to it when she stopped me. "No one's home love, you will find him in the Plough." This time she pointed in the direction she had come from, at a building on the far side of the village green. She smiled and said, "It's so nice that they are talking again, they made such a nice couple."

I watched as she walked off. My pulse was racing, what had she meant? What was happening with Daniel and Liz? I hurried across the green and opened the door of the Plough. There was a little vestibule, I moved to the doorway and surveyed the bar. My eyes were drawn to Daniel, he sat at a table at far side of the room by the fireplace. A beautiful woman sat next to him, and I guessed she was Liz. Their heads were close to each other's and it looked like they were talking. Daniel was playing with something that glittered in the light from the flames.

I stepped closer and saw that it was a diamond ring. My heart shot into my mouth and then my worst fears were realised. He gave the ring to the woman and she smiled.

I heard myself cry out and I stumbled as I turned and ran out of the bar. I was running across the grass, I just had to get out of there. He still loved her and he was abandoning me. She'd won and I'd lost.

Daniel

By the time I got outside, Mia was halfway across the green heading for a parked car. I called to her to stop but she just ran faster. I wasn't going to reach her before she was able to drive off. The lights flashed on the car as she used the key fob to unlock it. I was still twenty-five yards away when she got it started and it began to move.

That's when I saw Dave running up the road towards us; his phone was in his hand.

I shouted at him as I pointed to the car. "Stop that fucking car, don't let her get away."

He stood in the middle of the road like a Spartan at the pass of Thermopylae and spread his arms out in a 'you shall not pass' pose. The trouble was I don't think Mia had read the same script as Dave because it didn't look like she was going to stop. The road she was on wasn't wide enough for her to go around him so I guess she honestly thought he would move and him, that she would stop.

Two conflicting assumptions don't work. There was a screech of brakes, a thud and a crunching sound all in quick succession. I'd closed my eyes at the first sound and I opened them tentatively as the sounds died away.

Dave was spread eagled over the bonnet of the car, which had swerved and hit one of the white wooden posts that bordered the village green. I ran over as Dave pushed himself off the car and patted himself down.

He looked at me, "The things I bloody do for you! I thought she would stop. This is going to cost you a glass of the best malt."

I opened the car door and Mia was bent over, her head resting on the steering wheel sobbing uncontrollably. Thank god the air bag hadn't triggered.

As I pulled the keys from the ignition I said, "Mia, darling, what were you doing? What are you doing here? I thought you were back home."

She looked over at me with anguish written across her face. She managed to say between the sobs, "Why couldn't you let me go. I saw you chose her not me; you gave her a ring. Please let me go Daniel."

"Mia, there never was a competition between you and Liz. All she was trying to do was give me my ring back. I told her to keep it, as a keepsake for the good times we'd had, that's all. You are the only woman I want."

The sobbing slowly ceased as I pulled her out of the car. "Do you really mean that," she whispered.

"Mia, I love you, I don't care what you did or what you do so long as you love me."

There was a glimmer of a smile on her face as she listened to my words. And then wrapping her arms around me, she buried her head in my chest as she started crying again. In between the sobs I heard her repeatedly say, "I love you, I love you."

I prised her face from my chest long enough to find her lips and kiss them. "I love you to Mia," I said. She responded savagely welding her lips to mine. Finally, we had to part due to a severe lack of oxygen to the brain.

Dave was standing behind us. "Danny, I need the keys, we need to move the car before the local plod appears and books all of us."

I passed him the keys, and Mia and I stepped away from the open door of the car.

As he slid behind the wheel he said, "I'm going to park it by the cottage. You two need to go and join Liz in the bar and tell her everything is all right."

I looked at him questioningly, and he showed me his phone. "She's panicking that she's screwed it up for you again." He pointed across the green as the figure standing by the door of the Plough.

Mia fumbled in her handbag and pulled a tissue out. She dried her eyes and very quickly repaired her makeup. She saw me smiling at her and she gently punched my arm. "You don't think I was going to meet that beautiful woman without first tiding up did you."

"You're more beautiful without doing anything," I told her. I took her hand and she squeezed it tight as we walked across the village green.

She asked, "What happened between you and Liz?"