What Is Love?

What Is Love?

This is a very simple little story. I suppose that I'm a bit of a contrarian, but with all the stories about cheating wives and bitter divorces, I wondered what it might be like if two people divorced without adultery being the reason and still felt a sadness and a connection for what could have been?

There is no sex in this story.

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"Hey, Larry, how're they hangin'?"

I barely had time to think "Spare me!" before he was alongside, interrupting a conversation I was having with my neighbor and broadcasting his superficial joviality for all to hear.

Anyway, that's me, Larry Jenkins. I'm a union carpenter working for my old man. Like I always say, "It ain't exciting, but it pays the bills." I suppose that describes me as well. Nobody ever accused me of being exciting, but I work hard, take care of the people around me, and I get the bills paid. I always figured that if a man did that and had time after work to kiss his wife and play with the kids, then he was a success. I always thought that I was a success until two women told me that I wasn't.

Anyway, that fellow calling to me was Barry Roberts. He's a friend of sorts from the neighborhood. It was a Saturday afternoon in July, and we were both at the Harper cookout. Summer cookouts rotate through the neighborhood with each neighbor taking a turn, but the Harpers were among the most popular hosts because they had an inground pool. The Harper cookouts always started in the early afternoon. The kids arrived in their swimsuits and the parents arrived with salads, desserts, and the "just in case" beer.

Everyone turns out for the Roberts cookouts and that includes my ex-wife. Yeah, that's right. You heard me. My ex-wife lives in the same community as me. We had lived in an apartment on the edge of the community, and we got to know a lot of the people here. It seems crazy now, almost masochistic, but a few years after we divorced, we both wound up buying houses in this same community because this is where we had friends. I was the first to move into the community after the divorce. Then about a year later we almost talked about it. She said, "Bill and I are looking at a house over on Apple. I hope you don't have a problem with that." It wasn't really a question; it was more like a need-to-know statement of fact, but she seemed sincere. I just shrugged like it was fate that she would continue to plunge a dagger in my heart, and since I wasn't inclined to discuss it further, she eventually turned and walked away. I suppose you could say that I'm the type to hold a grudge.

You see, Deb and I married young. We were fresh out of high school, and I got a job working for my father. I figured I knew everything, and nobody could tell me anything. I got a paycheck, a truck, and a girlfriend. I was a man. Then the girlfriend got pregnant, and life got very real very fast. Beer, parties, and dancing turned into baby formula, mac and cheese, and diapers. I was working to keep the commitments at my job by day and working to keep my commitments at home by night. My wife needed help, our baby needed attention, and sex became a distant memory. On top of that, we were sleep deprived. I was tired, she was tired, and the baby was never tired when we wanted her to be. We barely lasted a year after the baby was born and then I became another statistic - a divorced dad.

Looking back, it wasn't anyone's fault and yet it was both our fault. We were too young for marriage, and we were way too young to be parents. We were still kids ourselves; we were kids having sex and playing house.

Anyway, mom and dad helped me out. I moved home and went to trade school. When I came out, I was better trained and ready for a real job. Dad hired me back and I was soon moving up through the ranks. We talked about me someday taking over, but I was going to learn every part of the company first. The other workers seemed to like me good enough. I got a little of the friendly "He's the boss's kid" jokes, but I eventually earned their respect, and the friendships were real.

When I was ready, I bought a house in that neighborhood near where I'd once lived, fixed it up, and started thinking that maybe I was ready to try marriage again. That isn't what brought me to the cookout that day, but I suppose it was part of it. You see, about six months before that I'd met Julie. We hit it off, started dating, and things were getting serious. We hadn't had "the talk" as yet, but I felt it was unspoken and we would be having it soon. You know what I mean, right? It's the "Are we getting serious? Are we exclusive? Where is this going?" talk.

So I'm standing there with my beer in my hand when Barry calls out, "Hey, Larry, how're they hangin'?" I turned, smiled, and raised my beer in salute, hoping it would suffice, but it didn't. He was on me like a tick on a dog and for the next five minutes I had to endure his nonstop diatribe without so much as a pause for a breath lest someone else get a word in.

I really never liked Barry. He was a braggart, and he was loud. What's more, it seems that whenever he looked at me, he had this smirk on his face that was trying to pass as a smile, but it wasn't. The guy definitely thought he was better than me, or he knew something that I didn't know. We talked for a bit, or to be more correct I listened for what seemed like an eternity. He ended by asking me how Julie was doing and was she wearing that little white bikini that she had? No, I never liked the guy.

He eventually wandered off and I resumed my conversation with a few of the neighbors. The kids played in the pool, I poured myself another cold one, and everyone settled into a relaxing Saturday afternoon.

I knew she had arrived before I saw her. My daughter's squeal announced them. The munchkin jumped into my lap and gave me her biggest, wettest kiss after saying hello to all of her friends. Dad came second, but that's okay. That's the way it's supposed to be when you're young and excited.

The neighbors had gotten used to the story, but still I could see their posture change ever so slightly whenever they spotted my ex. She and her new husband attended most of the cookouts, so running into her had become a predictable part of living there. I was in no hurry, so I pretended not to notice her and continued the conversation with my daughter.

It was about a half hour later when I felt a hand on my arm. "Larry? It's good to see you. Did Julie come?"

I turned to acknowledge my ex-wife, and with the best fake smile I could muster said, "Yeah. She's around here somewhere."

I can't quite describe the look she gave me. Was it an attempt to be pleasant? Was it sadness or concern? Was she jealous? Who cares? Too damn bad if she is. I made it a point to be pleasant, but I never encouraged any conversation.

"Well, if you see her tell her I said hello." With that, she turned and quietly walked away. It seemed like an odd thing to say since the cookout still had hours to go, but even after so many years women were still a mystery to me, and I soon forgot it.

It's hard to describe my relationship with my ex. She seemed to want to be friends, but I couldn't see the point of it. There was only pain there. She was always asking me how I was. Was that for lack of anything else to say, or an opening line to a conversation that never happened? No matter. She had moved on. She had her new husband, and we were sharing our parenting responsibilities well enough.

I did see Julie from time to time that afternoon and evening. She'd check in for a time, tell me the gossip she'd heard, and then be off again. When the music started up we danced, and when one of the neighbor wives asked me for a dance I obliged. That freed Julie to dance with the other men which is something she always seemed to enjoy. No matter. What harm could come with all the families and kids there? Besides, I trusted her.

Late that evening, when the sun went down, the grill was turned off, and the cookout slowly winding down, my ex sat down beside me. "Great!" I thought to myself. "Now what?"

"Larry, can we talk?"

She looked serious and I can be such a pig at times. "Sure. I've done it many times. I've even seen you talk."

She ignored my stupidity and quietly dropped her bomb. "Larry, Bill and I are worried about you."

That was new. Wherever this was going, I wasn't going to like it.

"Why would you two be worried about me? You have your life together. I have my life. Everything's working out."

Deb dropped her head for a moment and then resumed. "We're worried about you. I want you to be happy."

That's a laugh. "I am happy. You don't need to lose sleep over me."

I have to hand it to her. She never lost her composure. She remained quiet and calm and took all the crap I threw at her. "Larry, we've seen things. When you aren't looking, we've noticed that things aren't right."

I raised my voice and people around us turned to look. "What do you mean...!"

She interrupted me without raising her voice. She was always able to do that. "Larry, please! I need to tell you something."

I tamped down my annoyance, composed myself, and asked, "Okay, what is it?"

She looked at me and was trying to choose the right words. "Larry, don't be mad at me, but Julie can't be trusted."

I held my anger, but only barely. How dare this woman who didn't want me insult the woman who did?

She took my hand. "Will you come with me? Please? Just this once?"

Reluctantly, I nodded, got up, and followed her. We walked through the house and out the front door, down the walk, and toward the neighbor's house. It was Barry's house as if I hadn't had enough of him for one night.

As we approached the house, I saw Bill crouched by a side window. He waved to us and walked to meet us at the front door. That's when I noticed that both he and my ex were both carrying their cell phones.

He gave me a sad look, nodded to my ex, and then opened the front door. I thought, "What the hell? We're just going to walk into Barry's house uninvited?" Yeah, that's what we did.

Bill gave me the quiet sign by putting his finger to his lips as we walked quietly down the hall toward the main bedroom. It was another dagger to the heart. My ex was right. Julie could not be trusted. I know we weren't married, but after what I saw I knew we never would be.

I was in shock and never noticed my ex as she put her arm around my waist and slowly walked me back to the cookout. To Bill's credit, he was right there with us, but he had the presence of mind to catch a few cell phone photographs first through the window and then from the bedroom door. They never even knew we were there. We had just come and gone without a sound.

They say you never know who your friends are until you need someone. This woman who I had hated for so long and her new husband got me home and sat with me that night. When the call came from Julie asking where I was, Bill quietly sent her one of the photographs he had taken and suggested that her presence was not desired. Of course, Julie ignored is advice and showed up at the house ten minutes later. As the rage overtook me, Bill held my arm. However, he didn't restrain my ex, who walked over to Julie and hit her square in the nose with one of the best right-hand jabs I've ever seen. Then she picked Julie off the floor, pushed her toward the door, and literally kicked her ass out of the house! I mean, she kicked her square in the backside making Julie fall to her hands and knees on the front porch.

Now I could add confusion to the anger and pain I was feeling. It was the start of a long night that would lead eventually to the healing of many wounds. My ex-wife and her new husband would heal my wound of betrayal, and then in time we would heal the wound between us. This woman that I had loved and lost when we were both too young to know what love is would again become my best friend with a new depth to our relationship, and I would eventually be forced to admit that she had married well. Bill is a good guy and he's good for her. It was time for me to let go of the anger and the pain. It did take time, but eventually I let go of the past and began to build a new life. I would eventually meet the woman I was meant to build a life with, and somewhat to my amazement she and my ex became close friends.

I was truly blindsided by Julie's betrayal, but even more surprised by the kindness shown me by my ex-wife and her husband. Perhaps it's a good thing that we cannot see the future. I think if I could, I would run from it and miss the greatest, if sometimes the most difficult, gifts that life has to offer. When Bill and my ex began having children, they asked us to be their godparents. I didn't see that coming, either.

I think that sometimes we decide to leave the pain behind us, and sometimes the pain is drawn from our hearts by the force of others. I seem destined to need the latter and I am grateful for it. We are not meant to go through this life as solitary beings; we need the company of others in order to be whole. Step by step, with the sadness and the joy, we navigate our way through life. Only we can say whether the journey was worth the effort. For my part, I can say that it is. I know as well as anyone that when we open our hearts to others, we risk the pain of betrayal and loss. Still, if the prize is the love of a good woman and friends who truly care, I know that risk is well worth taking.

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As I was finishing this story, I realized that I never named the ex-wife. In truth, I anticipated a greater level of anger and confrontation, but as I wrote it, I thought "Wouldn't it be better if she were looking out for this man that she once loved?" I kept her unnamed because I thought that doing it retained some of the anger that the narrator was slow to release. Anyway, that's the story. I hope you liked it.

I know that some readers will complain there is no revenge against Julie and Barry. To my way of thinking, Julie's punishment is to live without the love of a good man. Barry simply isn't worth the time. However, if you need a revenge ending, how about this: "Julie and Barry's betrayal of Larry was soon known throughout the community, and they quickly found themselves unwelcomed at every gathering from that night onward and soon moved away."