Why I Hated The Guy From The FBI Ch. 07

"I will not go. There is no way on earth I am going, especially with you. You will embarrass me to a point where I will kill myself willingly. You can go by yourself and tell them all your stories, but they will not believe you, because I will not be there to corroborate them."

His mom and dad stunned him. "Do not worry Antonia, we will go with you and verify everything you are saying. We will tell them we left Frank here to watch the children, because he had been bad, and was being punished."

Frank looked at his parents and said, "You two guys would turn against me? I need your help more now than ever before, to keep that little devil from wiping my mind completely clean and you would take her side. If I hang around her much longer my professors are going to wonder how I got out of kindergarten."

His father said, "Tell them it was the size of your feet, son."

Antonia and Gloria laughed as Frank yelled at his father, "Come on dad, I need a break from someone."

As he finished saying it, he turned his head forward, missed the step from the curb to the street, and fell flat onto his face, into a puddle. Antonia, Gloria, and Phil laughed hysterically, as Frank lay prone, in the water, with traffic swerving around him, and splashing him, every time they passed.

Several Italian police officers ran towards Frank, to offer assistance. Antonia, in her perfect Italian, said to them that it serves the dumb American right. He had too much wine, for breakfast and did not have enough food to compensate for it.

The policeman laughed, leaving Frank where he was. They laughed as they watched him struggling to stand up, as they moved away, slowly. When he was finally erect, Frank turned to his future bride and said, "God will get you for that one Antonia. He has no choice. You wished that on me, and it came true the very second you asked for it."

"God enjoys a good joke when he sees it coming Frank. Apparently, that one was too good to let go by unnoticed."

"I am not even going to say it this time Antonia. It is four simple words, used in a derogatory sentence, repeated many times for affect. I have said it many times, and I feel I am becoming redundant. So think about me saying it, loud and directly into your ear, over, and over again. If I thought I could live without you, I would go to a research station, on the Antarctic continent and volunteer to live there, year round, until I died."

Antonia laughed. "So when are you leaving Frank? Using that derogatory sentence, so often, and telling your parents that you are only marrying, because you feel you must do it, for your own sanity, does not sound like a proper reason to commit my life to you."

"Do not start with me young woman. I have enough going on in my brain, without you trying to rattle whatever is left of it. Just because you have turned my mind to mush, learned the rules I taught you and use them on me, better than I have ever been able to use them on you, is no reason to call off our marriage."

"Gloria, did you understand one word he said?"

"Are you kidding me, Phil? I am still working on what she said to him."

"Thank you dear. I thought I was the only one that was getting lost in this conversation. When we were young and in love, we expressed our feelings to each other, we told our parents, and after we received their approval, we were engaged. After the families got together, a date was set for our wedding. We got married, and then we had children. I have no idea how two young people go about preparing themselves for the rest of their lives without all this preparation," Phil lamented.

Gloria agreed. "Maybe it has to do with that 'Y2K' bug they made such a fuss about when we turned the century? It was supposed to screw up all the computers and electronic devices on the planet and those circling the globe. The kids of today use them so much it may have affected their brains."

Frank cut in and said to his parents, "Listen you two, you grew up listening to Perry Como, Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra. Then, rock and roll came along, with Elvis Presley, the Beatles, and the Rolling Stones. As you grew into old people, music changed again. The only music that remained constant in our house was the Italian songs: the tenors, like Pavarotti and Domingo and the operas by Joe Green."

Frank's mother yelled at him, "If you call Giuseppe Verdi, Joe Green one more time, I am going to cut your tongue out."

Frank replied, "Mom that is his name."

Antonia asked Gloria if she needed help holding Frank down, while she performed the operation.

Gloria said, "No, because I am going to shove my arm up his ass and grab his tongue by the root. I am going cut it off from that end."

Antonia laughed hysterically, because she was delighted by how her future mother-in-law looked at Frank, when she described the way she was going to perform the operation.

Frank groaned, at the picture his mind developed, when she said the "Mean Joe Greene" joke again.

Antonia was still laughing at it. She said, "I will record it, when you perform the operation, and have copies made for the 10th school year reunion. I will have a special showing of it at the reunion, and I will give each of the girls their own copy. I am sure the girls listed in his books, will be thrilled."

Frank groaned, "My life is being ruined, bit by bit, by my mother, and a 100 pound weakling."

His father laughed. "Frank from where I am standing it looks like the 100 pound weakling has already beaten the tar out of you, and is ready to apply the feathers."

"Oh good," Frank replied. "All three of you are going to be on my case, forever. I may as well move back to the states and let Tony shoot me in the face. At least the pain will be temporary, and I will die young.

"My father would not do anything like that," Antonia said vehemently.

Frank turned and stared at her, but did not say a word.

She looked at him for a few seconds until her bottom jaw opened in surprise, and words dropped out. "He does?"

Frank did not answer, even though he wanted to. His father did the deed for him.

"Antonia, 37 years ago I was a member of a crew, fixing pipes underground close to a subway line. Our union rep had us dig holes, deeper than were necessary. Afterwards, he told us to get lost for a while. That was the first time I saw your father. He and a group of men carried three large sacks down the tunnel and threw them into the holes I had just helped dig. This happened several more times. Finally, I told my rep I did not want to work underground anymore. Afterwards, your father paid me a visit me, and asked me if I had a problem. I told him I did not. However, I was getting claustrophobic working underground and I needed to work where I could see the sky and breathe. He asked me if I was going to do anything stupid. I told him I anticipated living until I was 100 years old and the only way I could do that was to be a very smart man. Your father congratulated me, and told me that I would be working above ground the following week.

Antonia, your father had nothing to do with the plumbers union. However, he had just guaranteed me a job above ground. We all knew who controlled our union, and for your father to be allowed to speak for him, he must have been very high up in the food chain already. He had that kind of power, before he married your mother. Her family, here in Italy, added to that power. With Vincent's marriage to Donna, he has been increased his hold on power in Brooklyn. When Don DiAngiolla passes away, if your dad plays his cards right, he may wind up being the Don of the Don's, or as they say, "The Capo de tutti Capo." That or if the other Don's object to his rule, he could wind up dead.

Antonia was taken aback by all this news and looked to Frank to help her make sense of it.

He said to her, "Baby, not here, let's go to the Villa and get my parents settled and we will discuss it there. Is that okay?"

"I don't know Frank, is it okay?"

"Good thinking Antonia. Let me call Philip and make sure."

After a quick conversation with Philip, Frank told everyone that, they were spending the next few days as the guests of Philip Castronova, at his home near his winery. The security system at their Villa had not been completely repaired get and Philip did not want anyone put in jeopardy, while was repaired.

On the two-hour trip there, Antonia told the entire story of how she ensnared and destroyed Frank and his self-confidence, in one evening. The story of the party and Frank, not remembering bedding six beautiful women had his parents laughing in the backseat of their car for most of the trip.

Frank, on the other hand, was not amused. It seemed that Antonia had total recall of the evening. She did not leave one event, regardless of how large or small it was, out of the story. At one point, Gloria demanded that Frank pull into the next convenience store so that she could go to the bathroom and relieve herself. She was laughing for so long and so hard, she could no longer control her bladder.

By the time, they drove onto Philip's estate Gloria said, "One of you had better copyright that story, or someone else will. That will wind up being a bestseller written by you or someone else. I have always wanted to write a book, and with a little help from you two, I think that your relationship over the past few months would be perfect fodder for one.

Her husband said, "You have never been able to write a grocery list without using an eraser, how do you expect to write a book?"

Gloria laughed at him and said, "I am going to use the gorgeous new computer you going to buy me."

Phil said, "I used to keep a tight rein on our budget. I see now that that is a thing of the past."

Antonia reminded Phil that he could buy a very good computer with all the language, dictation, and correction software for less than $1000.00.

After Antonia told him that, he did not feel so bad.

However, Gloria looked at him with evil in her eyes and said, "The house was in both our names. I want my 50% in a separate checkbook. I also want half of what is in the safety deposit box, in my own checkbook. If you are going to be the same skinflint you were back in Brooklyn, you can get a live-in maid, because I am going to live like I have money."

Phil looked at Antonia and said, "We have only been in Italy for 4 ½ hours, and you are already having a deleterious effect on my wife. She has never asked for money of her own before. Now she is asking for half of everything that is mine."

Gloria said, "I forgot something, I want half your pension, also."

Phil said, "You did not earn that, I did. You are not going to see a penny of that money, ever."

Gloria smiled at him, "During the 30 years you worked, all I did was bear your child, prepare your meals, clean the house, shoveled the snow, have the car repaired, pay the bills, wash your clothes, have your shoes repaired, and everything else to make sure when you came home you could sit in your chair and do nothing. Would you like me to prepare a bill for those 30 years of services, plus interest?"

"Frank, are you absolutely sure you want to marry that woman?"

"Unfortunately dad, I cannot live without her. I know it hurts, and I know you just met her, BUT TRUST ME, it will only get worse."

Phil looked at his future daughter-in-law and shook his head. "Antonia, in the words of my son, I hate you, I really, really hate you."

Antonia went over to her future father-in-law, sat on his lap, kissed him on both cheeks, and said, "That is the loveliest thing, you could have said to me, dad."

Frank, Phil, and Gloria laughed as Antonia snuggled into Phil's strong arms.

Philip Castronova was introduced to Gloria and Philip Gennaro, as he walked into the guesthouse. He was carrying three bottles of the finest wines his vineyard produced. He opened and decanted them, so they could breathe and talked with his new guests and began to get to know them.

Frank asked Philip to join him for a short talk, outside.

Philip said, "This sounds important, did Antonia steal your gun? Is she going to shoot me tonight?"

Frank laughed as he pulled Philip outside. "No, nothing that drastic, I think I know where my guns are."

"You only think you know where they are?"

"Philip, what I am going to ask you is very serious and I need you to think about the answer before you give it to me. For a short time, I worked for the FBI. They tried to pull me back in but I refused because of Antonia. They wanted me to try to get incriminating evidence against Tony Caruso and Don DiAngiolla, and your grandfather. Now I have to ask you this question, you do not have to answer it, and it will not affect our friendship. Do you know anything about your grandfathers' business relationship, with Anthony Caruso and Don DiAngiolla?"

Philip did not hesitate in his answer. "Frank, until my grandfather told me that Antonia was coming, and that it was my duty to protect her at all costs, I did not know who Anthony Caruso was, and until you mentioned Don DiAngiolla, I had never heard of him."

"Philip, I am so happy that was your answer. You may tell your grandfather about this conversation, you can tell him that you been hearing things about the Italian drug agency sniffing around his olive oil exports, specifically, Mamas olive oil. Within the next month or so, they are going to be all over his processing facility looking for drugs. He is involved up to his eye teeth. I am telling you this, because I need your help in arranging the escape of my father-in-law as a wedding present for my future wife. I am not going to let Tony live a life of luxury, but I am not going to let him live in an 8 x 12 cell for the rest of his life, either. Antonia, even though she may hate him now, could not bear the thought of him being in jail for the rest of his life."

"Where do you have in mind Frank?"

"I checked the U.S. extradition treaties and they do not have one with Tunisia. It is a quick ferry trip across the Mediterranean from Sicily. It would be easy enough to get him up here and back, quickly enough before anyone suspected anything, or we can go down to Sicily for a vacation, and meet on a boating trip in international waters."

"I will have to check the Italian extradition laws and see what they say about Tunisia," Philip said. "I think I will send my grandfather to Switzerland for a medical checkup, immediately."

"Good thinking, Philip."

"Now, Frank, how can I help you?"

"The feds are going to be watching my father-in-law like a hawk. They know that Antonia and I are going to be married in December. The date will be the first Sunday in December, after Thanksgiving, so his return ticket will show him returning by the 14th of the month. At his end, both his house and Vincent's will be decorated, both inside and out for Christmas, like every other year, but maybe a little bit more, because of the new baby. However, what I need is a diversion at Kennedy Airport. I need another Rose and Anthony Caruso to fly back with Donna and Vincent. Can you check through your grandfathers sources and get me a pair by that name and age group here in Italy. They do not have to be married, all they have to do is be at Milan Airport, get on an airplane and fly to New York. We will give them a vacation in New York and fly them back a few weeks later.

"Do you have a picture of them?"

"I am sure Antonia has one that you can use."

"Okay, let's go inside and explain this to everyone, because we may all have a part to play in this game."

When they walked back into the room Antonia said, "Dammit Frank, you have that look on your face again. How much trouble are you going to get into this time?"

Philip answered for him. "Antonia, actually it all depends on you."

"Me, what the hell did I do?"

"They are your parents, and if you want to see your father in jail for the rest of his life, this discussion does not have to start. Your mother will not have a husband for the rest of her life, and neither you nor I will know how she will take that. Frank has told me that he used to work for the FBI."

Gloria and Phil said, "What!"

Frank replied, "Later folks."

Philip continued, "He has come up with a very ingenious plan to keep your father out of jail, but not live in the luxury that he is used. He will not like it but again he will not be in jail. He will also be in a foreign country, where he will have to learn that he is not at the top of the heap anymore. What do you think Antonia?"

"If I say no it stops here?"

"If you say no, this discussion never happened."

Frank reminded Antonia, about Vincent. He told her that the FBI might not go after her father for two, three, or five years, because their initial target was Alberto DiAngiolla. If her father was given all that time to indoctrinate Vincent into the family business, she could lose her brother also.

Antonia screamed, "I will not let that happen. Vincent may be as dumb as a post, but I will not let him go to jail because of my father."

"Then listen to my plan, think about it, make it better, find holes in it, and plug them. Everything revolves around you and our wedding."

"Go ahead Frank. I believe you have everyone's attention."

24. The Beginning of the Beginning

On September 10, classes started for both Antonia and Frank. Antonia took to it like a duck to water. Frank, on the other hand, struggled like a swimmer with lead weights on his feet. He had not been in a formal class setting since high school, and he found lectures to be as boring as chewing cardboard. He thanked the computer gods for having invented translation software. He could say what he wanted to convey in English, and it would come out on his paper in Italian. Every evening Antonia finished her work hours before he did, and when she went over his work, she laughed at how he stumbled, with the use of language.

One of his female professors called him up after class to discuss a paper he handed in and asked him, "Who is Antonia?"

"She is my fiancée; we are getting married in December."

The professor laughed. "Make sure you turn off your microphone, when you are transcribing notes, and you two are arguing. You sound like an old married couple already. There is more cursing, and death threats on this paper, then I have seen since the Godfather Part 2."

"I am going to kill that woman."

"There you go again Frank."

"Professor, she does this to me every time. I proofread this paper and deleted all the parts where we argued. The mistake I made was asking her to print it out for me, while I showered. Instead of deleting the original, I made another copy. I told her which one to use and had it queued up on the screen. She did this to me on purpose, just to embarrass me."

"You two must love each other very much Frank, otherwise guns would be involved."

"I could not live without her. She drives me insane, but she is my reason for living."

"This is Italy, Frank. We thrive on passion and love. Both of you will have a long and happy life."

"I am not sure about long, but I sure am going to be happy."

When Frank picked Antonia up after class, he grabbed her by the neck and said, "One more sneaky trick, like the paper I handed in to my English Lit. professor and you will walk to class in handcuffs."

"I thought it added a touch of realism to your paper Frank. Otherwise, it would have been boring and had no depth to it at all."

"That is the last straw, Antonia. You are cut off for three days. No sex at all."

"That is not fair Frank. All I did was add spice to your paper. Did she lower your grade because of it? Did she embarrass you in front of the class? What happened, Frank?"

"She kept me after class and made fun of me. She told me she had not seen so many death threats and so much cursing since the Godfather Part 2. I do not know what grade I am going to get, because she did not tell me. However, I am sure it will be lower than when I deserve."