Widower Jack

Amy's mother, unfortunately, was simply beyond reasoning. Whenever I would tell Beth she was being too strict with Amy she would accuse me of wanting our daughter dead. Nothing I said ever made any difference to her.

I tried to spend as much time with Amy as I could and we had many fun Saturday afternoons together without Beth. Much later I began to think that it was the only happy time in Amy's adolescence. And, then, of course, she left home.

Amy's version, as she related it to Dr. Daniels wasn't much different. Her bitterness towards her mother was still strong even though Beth was now buried. It was her very strong attachment to me that I found surprising, but based on her recent actions, I probably should have recognized it for what it was.

Dr. Daniels ended our first session with Amy leaving home. I wasn't sure I wanted to be at the next session.

* * *

There was no drama between us during the time until our next session. We both knew what her adolescence had been like and she seemed satisfied that I had listened to her version of events without trying to deny her feelings.

The next session got right into Amy's life on her own. Dr. Daniels asked her a simple question, "So, Amy, how did you manage to survive as an 18-year-old girl all on her own?"

"Well, Doc, you know a pretty girl can always find a man to take care of her, right?"

Dr. Daniels smiled a knowing smile, but Amy sneered at her and continued, "Well, I didn't want that and I didn't need that. I learned early about men. While I was looking for Prince Charming, all I found were guys trying to get into my pants.

"Instead, I hooked up with friends. They were a bunch of loser drug addicts, but I was safe with them. Hell, I was the only clean and sober one in the group so I practically ran things. One girl had a trust fund and we all lived off that."

She smiled at the memory and continued, "Then I started dancing at a strip club downtown. I was the cute, new girl there and got plenty of good tips for quite a while. I had no interest in being one of the lap dance girls and since I wasn't 21, I couldn't be serving drinks anyway.

"But then I met some of the girls who really made money. Dating for money can be great fun if you do it right. That's how I learned how to take advantage of all those horny guys. I should have been an actress. I certainly played that part to perfection and the money rolled in. It's funny how much guys will pay for a little fantasy.

"I saw all types-their wives didn't understand them, their sex drives were too much for one person, their girlfriends didn't give blowjobs. It went on and on. I had one regular customer who said I reminded him of his daughter. He couldn't keep his hands off me. I made a small fortune from that pervert."

Amy paused and I was left hanging between crying and running out of the room to throw up.

Dr. Daniels asked, "So, Amy, now you're home with your father. How is that working out for you?"

Amy just shrugged her shoulders, "When Dad told me my mother was dying, it changed everything. I quit the life and went home. It was like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders.

"Life with my father has been good so far. We're not where I want to be with him yet, but we're getting there."

She looked over at me and gave me a little smile.

Dr. Daniels wasn't done, "But Amy, isn't a major reason we're here today because you continue to act inappropriately toward your father? How can you expect him to respect you if you won't respect him?"

Amy laughed at that, "Nice try, Doc. We're here precisely because my father respects me, loves me, and wants the best for me. What I want from him is to accept that I love him.

"I told you about that little pervert with his daughter fetish because my father isn't anything like that. No matter how hard I throw myself at him, he refuses to play. He doesn't have a daughter fetish. So now I have to convince him that I'm a woman with needs that only he can fill."

I was speechless and apparently the good Doctor was too.

* * *

That was about the end of that session and Dr. Daniels asked me if I would stay behind for a moment. I asked Amy to wait for me in the car and she left.

The doctor expressed real concern about Amy's near obsession for me. "Jack, I apologize for implying that you may have acted improperly with Amy. It's just that it's not that uncommon. Most daughters with 'daddy issues' suffer from a distant, uncaring father.

"Your situation is different, but it's certainly not unique. The difference here is that you weren't 'grooming' her for this, at least not intentionally, you were protecting her just as you should have. But the result is the same.

"This is a sad situation you're in here, but I don't think there is much I can do for Amy unless she's willing to see me one-on-one."

I was getting angry by this time, "You're the one who was supposed to convince her to see you, but you've done a terrible job of earning her trust. And what the hell is this 'grooming' you're accusing me of? This sounds like some sort of psychiatric nonsense!"

"Please, Jack. All I'm saying is that Amy has developed an unnatural attraction to you due to her vulnerability and your support. I'm not blaming you, I'm just saying it happened."

Now I was really angry, "This is total bullshit. You're saying my daughter is fucked-up because I was a good father to her?"

"Well, basically, that's the place you're at now. What you need to do is tell her in no uncertain terms that she must come see me without you present. You should tell her she can no longer live with you if she won't agree to individual counseling."

I realized that there was no help available here, so I merely said, "I'll call you later this week." I left her office quickly and went home with my daughter.

I'm sure Amy could tell I was upset about something, but I told her we would talk once we got home. The drive seemed to take forever. Once we were settled at home, I asked Amy to sit with me so we could talk.

"Amy, first of all, I want to apologize to you. I was wrong to force you to go to counseling. It really should have been something you decided you needed to do.

"And now that damn therapist thinks I should blackmail you into one-on-one counseling by threatening to kick you out of our house. That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard and it will never happen. I'm canceling the rest of our sessions. There will be no more counseling with that quack for either of us."

I paused and noticed that Amy's eyes were huge as she listened to what I had to say. I continued, "So, the question is Where do we go from here? I want to do whatever has to be done to get us good with each other, but I'm not sure what to do.

"Amy, you had a terrible childhood and it's my fault you had to leave home. I realize now that I didn't do enough to protect you from Beth, and I don't think there is anything I can do now to make up for that. I honestly believe that if I agreed to become your lover, taking advantage of you sexually, I would be doing exactly the worst thing I could possibly do. I would never be able to regain your trust. You deserve so much more and I think Doctor Daniels is right: I'm the problem, not the solution."

I could see the tears in Amy's eyes as I spoke. It struck me that it may have been the first time I had ever seen her cry. She sat looking at me for the longest time, too long it seemed to me, and then I watched as she pulled herself together and she finally spoke. It was with a cold, emotionless voice that she said, "Dad, you're the one who said she was a quack and I agree with that.

"I have never, ever felt that you didn't do enough for me. The only way to keep my mother from trying to destroy me was for me to leave. I had to do that and there was absolutely nothing you could have done to change that. In fact, the one thing that kept me from descending into madness or disgrace was the thought that there was someone who loved and cared for me and that was you."

At that point I didn't want to say anything without carefully considering my words and We continued to talk into the night. While it would be nice to imagine that we were able to talk out all of our issues that evening and come to a resolution, but that wasn't going to happen. I wanted a daughter and Amy wanted a lover.

I think the compromise we worked out left me on the short end, but at least it was a compromise. I simply agreed to go on dates with Amy just as if she was a woman I might be interested in. There would be absolutely no sex during this dating process and we would discuss everything before the next step, if any.

I was sure there was no future for us until she realized that I couldn't be her lover. So I was well aware that this was going to be a strange experiment. It was just that I didn't see any other choice.

* * * * *

* * * * *

And dating my daughter was indeed a very strange experience.

First of all, she was my daughter. We could just stop with that, but there's more.

She's only 23 years old and has had more sexual experience and more sexual partners than I have had in my 44 years. And despite what I have repeatedly told her, the truth is I am indeed attracted to her. In the years she was gone she changed and matured physically into near perfection and was no longer the little girl I remembered. But I couldn't let her know that.

The dating experiment began with the agreement that she would call me Jack while we were in dating mode and Dad when we weren't. I said that meant I was Dad when we were acting rationally, but Amy just rolled her eyes.

The first big decision was what to do on a first date. I suggested a ball game and Amy laughed, saying that our dates could not be anything that I had already done with her as a daughter. Since I had taken her to dinners, movies, plays, music concerts, amusement parks, biking adventures and nature hikes, I didn't know what was left.

I said, "All right then, I'm out of ideas. What do you suggest."

"Well, let's keep it simple and low-key. How about taking me out for drinks and few games of pool?"

My mind flashed to some biker dive where two big, burly guys would run off with my daughter while I stood there, looking silly, with a pool cue in my hand. I forced a smile and said, "I haven't shot a game of pool in over 20 years but I was pretty good in my time. You're on, but I pick the bar."

I did some research and actually found a place that was quite popular for dates, The Olde Public House. I checked it out in advance and was quite impressed. It had a full service bar, a dance floor with a DJ on alternate weekends, several pool tables, table shuffleboards and a few other games.

It seemed to attract a friendly crowd including groups of young women out together. More importantly, it was a younger group of people, mostly Amy's age, and a little too young for me. I was counting on that fact.

I also met the weekend bouncer, Jonny. He was a giant Samoan who was as nice a guy as you would ever meet unless there was trouble. I made the effort to get to know him and it came in handy later.

We were set. I just wasn't sure that I was.

When the day came, we had a light dinner and, afterwards, I dressed casually and waited to see exactly which Amy I would be dating, Was it going to be the sexpot from the disastrous birthday dinner or the sophisticate from the awards banquet?

I was quite relieved when I saw how she was dressed when she came out of her room. She was wearing jeans and a blue satin, collared blouse. The outfit was classy; it showed her figure but not a lot of skin. I was afraid she might dress inappropriately for shooting pool, so I was relieved. She looked good and I told her so.

* * *

We sat and ordered drinks. I downed mine quickly and that helped to take the edge off and calm me down. I was enjoying her company and things were going well. Looking at me with a smirking smile, Amy said, "Time for me to kick your ass in pool."

I laughed and led the way, "Ladies first. I'll rack, you break. Okay?"

"Sure, but let's make this interesting. If I win, you have to give me a sexy kiss."

"Well, ... but what if I win?"

"You won't, but if you somehow manage to beat me, I'll wash your car in my bikini."

I stuck my tongue out at her and began to rack the balls. When I looked up, Amy had her cue stick in hand, already chalked up, bending over as she prepared to break. That's when I noticed that the top three buttons of her blouse were now open.

I felt just the slightest rush in my non-functioning loins. I know it seems odd. I've seen Amy topless and even nude, but there's something about perfect cleavage that gets me every time. And here were two perfect globes, peeking out, framed in blue satin. It was easily the sexiest thing I had ever seen. This may have been my daughter, but she was damn hot.

As far as the pool game went, I didn't have a chance. I was trying to be discreet as I moved around the table to be sure that I had the best views of her during each shot and she was sinking the 8-ball while I was still drooling. She was laughing as she came over and said, "I'll collect on my kiss later. Do you want a rematch?"

I was able to concentrate a little bit better during the second game and I was holding my own when I noticed a clean-cut looking young man, probably Amy's age, talking to her as I was lining up my shot. They were at the far end of the table so I couldn't hear what he said, but he gestured toward me with his head as he was talking.

Amy was smiling when she turned to the young man and gestured for him to bend closer so she could whisper in his ear. Whatever she said to him caused his face to turn red and he made a poor effort of trying to seem nonchalant as he went back to his friends. I spent too much time watching their interaction and wasn't concentrating, so I missed my shot again.

Amy proceeded to run the table of her striped balls and easily sank the 8-ball to beat me again. We ordered refills when we sat down at the table and I asked Amy what had happened, "That guy you were talking with seemed nice."

"Yeah, well, he was a dick. He wanted to know what a hottie like me was doing with an old man like you."

That was exactly the type of thing I was hoping for, so I pressed her, "And what, exactly, did you say to him?"

"I told him that when that 'old man' got done fucking me tonight, it would be two days before I would be able to walk straight again. That shut the asshole up."

I had a mouthful of beer when she said this and my gasp resulted in a choking, coughing spell that was a little embarrassing. I was ready to leave.

I drove us to the front walkway of our house, jumped out, ran around the car, and opened Amy's door for her. She had a perplexed look on her face and asked, "Aren't you going to put the car in the garage?"

I smiled, "Not until I get you safely home. We wouldn't want your father getting upset, would we?"

I walked her to the door, opened it and continued, "Well, it was a fun night for me. I hope you felt the same way. I'll see you inside in a bit."

"Nice try, Jack, but you still owe me a kiss."

I knew she would hold me to the bet and I had already decided that if I was going to participate in this dating scheme, I needed to make her understand what she was doing. That young man may have been a 'dick' and an 'asshole,' but he was correct. Amy had no business being with an 'old man.' I wanted her to see just how creepy it was, so I took her in my arms, pulled her in close, and kissed her passionately.

She was surprised but responded wholeheartedly. She pressed into me and wasn't interested in letting go when I broke the kiss, saying, "Damn, you're making me wet."

"Your father will see you inside in a minute," I said as I headed back to put the car in the garage.

I was a little worried as I joined her inside, "Well, how did the first date go? Do you want to talk about it?"

Amy looked at me funny and I could see she hadn't fully recovered from our kiss, "Well, that depends on who I'm talking to here, doesn't it?"

I tried smiling, "Call me Dad."

"If that's the case," she replied, "I'm going to bed to take care of something. Good night." And off she went.

I had really screwed that up. Rather than Amy feeling icky that she had been kissed by a repulsive old man, she was heading for her bedroom with a bad case of the vapors.

Saturday found no improvement. Amy, as usual, brought me morning coffee in bed and started immediately talking about what she wanted to do on our next date.

I stopped her, "Come on, Amy, we agreed that there's no second date until we've discussed the first date."

She smiled, "And it was a great first date. You were fun, kind, and sexy. I'm a happy woman."

"Right, so dating a creepy, old man is fun for you? You have to admit that kid was right, you need to date someone your own age."

"Dad, you can just drop that nonsense. You're the kindest and sexiest man I've ever met and I can't wait until you make love to me."

This was not going the way I hoped it would, so I dropped it, "What do you want to do on our next date?"

"Dancing."

* * *

She probably wanted something classier, but I insisted on going back to The Olde Public House where we shot pool. The DJ Friday brought in a bigger crowd but it was still a fairly friendly and younger place.

Amy caught me by surprise when she came out dressed to go. She was wearing her mother's favorite, a sexy, black lace dress. It molded to her curves and was partially see-through. Amy wasn't wearing a bra but she did seem to be wearing some sort of panties. The impression on me was electric. My feeling whipsawed from a profound sadness for my departed wife, to complete wonderment at how much Amy reminded me of her, to guilt at the lust I was experiencing for this sex kitten. It was going to be a tough evening.

I kept a tight lid on everything. I insisted that we sit across from each other in the booth and we talked, we drank, and we danced, but it was all friendly and nothing more all evening. Then Amy excused herself to use the ladies' room. I watched her cross the floor as did several other men.

While she was returning, one of the men joined her, clearly hitting on her. I had hoped some decent young man would be doing this, but this guy was obviously a little tipsy and extremely cocky. Things were clearly going downhill fast.

I looked around until I spotted Jonny, the bouncer, and raised my arm to get his attention. I pointed at Amy and her stalker and Jonny nodded his head and started moving toward them.

Amy reached our table and sat down but the guy was persistent, "Come on, dance with me. I'll show you a good time."

Amy was still polite but firm, "I said 'No, thank you,' so please, leave me alone."

The guy wasn't giving up. Looking at me, he said, "You don't mind if your granddaughter dances with me, do you, Gramps?"

Jonny arrived just then and placed a giant hand on the guy's shoulder. But the mouth wouldn't quit, "Dude, I'm busy here with this fine, young lady. Go away and leave us alone."

Jonny began to crush the guy's shoulder and began walking him to the door while whispering in his ear. It was all done so quickly and quietly that few people even realized there had been any sort of problem. I would be slipping Jonny a twenty when Amy and I left that evening.

I turned back to Amy and asked if she was all right. She said she was and I said, "I'm glad Jonny saw that. There wasn't much 'Gramps' could have done for you there. Can't you see that you need to be with someone your own age who can watch out for you?"

Amy didn't even change expression as she stared at me and said, "Bullshit. If I had been here with some young stud, he would have jumped up and started a fight and everything would have gone to hell. I'd either be following him to the hospital or going downtown to bail him out.