With Her Blessing

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A wife's understanding saves her marriage.
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komrad1156
komrad1156
3,761 Followers

"Hello again, Kyleigh!" he said as he looked at himself in the mirror after carefully pulling on his very expensive human-hair wig. Ky Finley was now Kyleigh Finlay and she felt this wonderful rush of endorphins flood over her as she looked at the beautiful creature she'd become over the last ninety minutes.

Ky had sandy blond hair so Kyleigh could easily be a blonde herself, but she loved the look of darker hair and the way it made dark red lipstick shades really pop. It also worked better with her skin tones and she felt it let her wear the colors she preferred much more so than being blonde so for her, it was an easy choice.

She'd chosen a very pretty white blouse and a buttery-yellow skirt along with a matching yellow cardigan sweater for her first-ever date, and she was thrilled with the results. Careful not to entangle her shoulder-length hair, she gently hung a beautiful gold necklace around her tiny neck and fastened it securely in place. Then she picked up a pair of matching gold earrings and felt herself 'growing' as she pushed the posts through her recently-pierced ears. She turned left then right and loved the way they looked. Everything was perfect and all that remained was for her to step into her four-inch heels and take one last look at herself.

That's when she remembered the wedding ring. Ky's wife had bought it for Kyleigh when they came to their latest arrangement and he promised her Kyleigh would always wear it to remember she was pledged to someone else. She slipped it on her left hand over the dark red nail on her ring finger and smiled knowing she was indeed happily married to Vicki, who was upstairs sewing as Kyleigh prepared to start her new life.

______________________________________________________________________

One Week Earlier

"Wow! That was really nice." He lay there for a few moments and thought he heard her crying.

"I know I'm not the world's best lover, but did I actually make you cry?" he teased. That is, until he rolled over and saw that she was.

"Hey, what's going on? Are you okay?" he asked her.

"No," she sobbed.

He snuggled up close to her and said, "Honey? Hey, what is it?"

"I don't want to do this anymore," she said in between the sobs. He'd seen her cry before but never like this.

"I don't understand. We finally made love again after nearly a month and things have been...better lately. Haven't they?" She didn't reply. "Can you please talk to me? Does this mean you don't love me anymore?"

"No! Don't ever say that. Of course I love you." She was laying there, her chest just heaving up and down.

"Then what is it? Please tell me."

"I can't. Not right now. I can't think when I'm this emotional. Tomorrow. When I'm in control again. Okay? Can you wait until tomorrow?" she asked.

"Okay, sure. But if you're going to tell me you're having an affair, please don't make me..."

"What? An affair? Are you crazy? That's the last thing I'd ever want. Please!" She was beside herself. "Just give me some time, okay?"

"Okay. Take all the time you need. I love you," he said not sure if she'd say it back.

"I love you, too," she said. "I love you so much." And then she cried so hard he thought she might throw up. Finally, she began to calm down and eventually fell asleep. He watched her tiny body continue to shudder for what seemed like a very long time even after she was no longer awake.

Ky Finley was 32 and had been married to his wife, Vicki, for the past five years. She was 30 and had been married once before for two years. After they'd dated for a few weeks, she told Ky her first marriage ended because she found it very difficult to be...intimate. Ky wasn't the least bit concerned because he was supremely confident that any woman could learn to love sex if her husband or lover was ultimately patient, tender, loving, and giving. He was all of those things, and he was convinced Vicki would be an easy convert.

Part of his confidence was due to his having never been with any woman who didn't at least like sex. A couple of his past girlfriends could rightly be called nymphomaniacs and neither would have taken offense at the term because they absolutely loved sex. One of them was so insatiable he couldn't keep up with her. Another reason for his overconfident attitude was his own ignorance. He just didn't know there were actually women who didn't need or even want sex—at all. He'd never heard or nor even imagined such a thing. Therefore, he was 100% certain all he needed was a little time to win her over. Whatever went wrong with Vicki's first marriage wasn't her fault. It was because her husband just didn't take the time she needed doing the things every woman wanted a man to do and he would do all of them and more.

But reality proved to be a lot more difficult than Ky's imagination. Even after months of the most gentle, slow, and tender lovemaking with incredible amounts of foreplay, Vicki still had no interest in sex. Undeterred, he kept at it week after week until somewhere around the two-year mark, he began to wonder if perhaps this really might be unchangeable.

At his suggestion, they tried therapy for the better part of a year and Vicki went with him faithfully every week. She participated in every discussion and she did her part to complete whatever homework assignment their therapist asked them to do during the following week. All to no avail. She'd also had blood work done and learned there were no hormonal imbalances to explain her complete lack of interest.

As Ky lay they thinking all of this through for the umpteenth time, he couldn't help but wonder what role his failure to be as open and honest as Vicki had been may have played. She'd told him about her intimacy issues early on, but Ky hadn't been as forthcoming with her.

For as long as he could remember, Ky had been attracted to women's clothing. There wasn't a time in his life he could look back on when he was free of the desire. He'd tried at least a half dozen times to quit. Sometimes he vowed to go cold turkey while a couple of times he promised himself he'd taper off until he stopped—permanently, of course. Over the years, his efforts had cost many hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars as he purged everything he'd bought only to go out and buy it all again.

No attempt had ever lasted more than four months—until he met Vicki. She was so attractive and so...everything...he wanted in a woman that it made him forget those powerful urges. By the time he proposed to her he even began to think he may have conquered this thing once and for all. But after a year of marriage and the never-ending battle for intimacy, it reared its ugly head again. And it did so with a vengeance.

Ky was a small man. He had a runner's build and although he didn't look emaciated by any means, he was very thin. He also had a boyish face with bright eyes, a small nose, perfect teeth, and a very light, blonde beard. Hell, he couldn't even grow a mustache when he was 25, let alone a beard. All of that worked to his advantage every time he ventured into the world of crossdressing and after years of effort, he'd become extremely skilled at makeup application. With the right wig and clothes, he'd learned he could blend in virtually anywhere in public—as long as he didn't have to say too much too loudly. He could smile and order a drink or a meal without giving himself away, but he couldn't carry on a conversation as his too-masculine voice would betray him every time.

Just the thought of getting dressed as a woman was making him hard again as he thought back on how he'd finally fessed up and told Vicki about it at around the 18-month point in their marriage. She wasn't happy about it, but she said she thought she could deal with it as long as she didn't have to see it. It became their own personal version of of the US military's now-defunct "don't ask, don't tell" policy. It seemed to have no effect one way of the other on their sex life, yet Ky couldn't help but wonder if, at some level at least, it didn't play some sort of negative role.

Together, they made a lot of money, so Vicki didn't care at all when he told her he'd be getting a motel room two or three times a month. In fact, she was grateful he'd be out knowing she was guaranteed a night off from any potential sexual advances. Of course, she had no idea he'd begun leaving his room and going to various places dressed as a woman or she would never have been so nonchalant about his time away from home. This went on for a couple of years when Vicki told him she thought she would be okay if he wanted to dress up at home with one caveat. They had to stay on separate floors of their large, two-story home. He could keep his female attire in one of their three downstairs bedrooms and dress there while she could stay in their upstairs master bedroom and sew and watch TV, her two favorite pastimes as he pursued his downstairs.

This was perfect for Ky, who called himself Kyleigh, when we was wearing women's clothing. He loved the freedom of being able to move around the house, get a glass of wine, watch a DVD, or do whatever he pleased for the six hours or so he could enjoy being 'her' once a week. This arrangement worked perfectly for another 18 months or so, but Ky knew it wasn't going to be enough for much longer.

The one other secret Ky never told his wife was his secret, growing attraction to men when he crossdressed. At no point in his life had he ever found himself attracted to men when dressed as Ky, but the moment he was completely en femme, he felt so much like a woman that he could no longer deny the fact that he desperately wanted to be loved like a woman—by a handsome man. He'd found himself watching more and more porn on line in which crossdressers had sex with men and Kyleigh would invariably end every 'session' masturbating to her favorite fantasy in which some gorgeous man would make love to her. Yes, Ky knew the statistics. Most crossdressers were 100% heterosexual, but statistics didn't matter when one was in the minority. Kyleigh liked men while Ky preferred women, and that was that.

As this battle raged over the following two years following Vicki's decision to let him dress up at home, Vicki again surprised him by suggesting she let him go with him to buy clothes for Kyleigh. He'd reluctantly revealed his secret name for his alter ego after she asked him directly if he had a female name for 'her.' Vicki didn't know a lot about crossdressing, but at their therapist's suggestion, she did read one small book which made her a lot more understanding of her husband's needs, and that's where she learned virtually every crossdressing man has girl's name for himself when en femme. The book didn't make her any more inclined to participate in it with him as she still found it mildly revolting, but it did help her empathize with him. In fact, she told him at the time she offered to take him shopping that what the book had done was make her realize his need to crossdress was similar to what she felt when it came to sex. That puzzled Ky so he let her explain.

"Imagine being told you can never, ever dress up again. How would that make you feel?" Ky hadn't needed to answer because he knew she knew the answer. It was purely rhetorical. She continued by telling him, "I see the power of your desire to do this as being similar to my desire not to have sex. Yes, one is a positive desire and the other is a negative, but they are both very powerful. Neither one is right or wrong. They simply exist. You've tried very hard to make yours go away over the years but finally made the decision to embrace it." She paused knowing what she was about to say would hurt him deeply. "The difference is, I can't embrace my desires and have what I want." She saw the hurt in his eyes and told him, "You know I love you, Ky. And you know it kills me not to be able to meet your needs. But it kills me that I have to do something—repeatedly—that I have no interest in doing. I don't say that to be mean, honey. It's just the way I feel. It isn't cliche when I tell you, 'It isn't you, it's me' because it really is me. I have no interest whatsoever in sex, but I'm not allowed to follow my heart because it hurts you so much."

Ky just sat and listened before saying, "I guess I never thought about it from that perspective before. Talk about the proverbial Catch-22. If you follow your heart, I get heart...broken, and we end up getting divorced. But if you follow your head and keep making yourself available to me, you're miserable." He paused before asking her, "Do you want a divorce, Vik?"

She shook her head and said, "God, no! I love you, Ky. I have no interest in living alone and even less in ever marrying or being with another man again. I want to be with you. I just don't see how I can ever make you happy, and that just kills me."

He saw her tear up again. That had happened numerous times recently as this issue continued to come to the surface. It truly was the 800-pound gorilla in the room. Ky also wondered if his crossdressing might be a silent, 400-pound gorilla so he asked Vicki pointblank about it.

"No, not at all. I mean, I don't like that you do that. I want to see a man when I look at you. But I'm so...pathetic...when it comes to being what you need in the bedroom, that I have to let you have this outlet. That said, it doesn't make me love or respect you any less. In fact, I've learned to accept it and that's why I want to start taking you shopping. I know how important pretty clothes are to you, we have the money to buy whatever you like, so if I can participate in this way, then that makes me feel better about us."

So for the next year or so, she'd done just that. They lived just outside of Columbus, Ohio, so they had an incredible variety of stores to shop at. And true to her word, Vicki really took a personal interest in helping Kyleigh look as pretty as she could. Of course, she demanded Ky go with her rather than Kyleigh, but Vicki soon learned all of her sizes, preferences, likes and dislikes and she seemed to very much enjoy these regular outings.

All that was in the past and Ky thought things were going reasonably well even though deep in his heart he knew they weren't. At some point, Vicki would have to draw the line on having sex and...then what? And tonight seemed to the demarcation point. Vicki had never cried like that before and Ky was reasonably certain that she'd be laying down some rules the following morning.

After a very long time of rehashing all of this, his mind gave up the battle and he drifted off to sleep. When he woke up around 8 o'clock the next morning, Vicki was already downstairs making breakfast. After they'd eaten and were enjoying a second cup of coffee together she said, "I thought this might be a good time to talk. About last night and about...us."

"Okay," was all Ky said. They'd plowed this ground so many times before he saw no reason to say anything or to get his hopes up as nothing ever seemed to change. Well, that wasn't entirely true. She had made some very big concessions for him and that realization solidified his concerns that he was almost certainly going to have to make a huge concession for her if he wanted to stay married to her.

Vicki began by reiterating how she'd continued to um...make herself available once a week or so for one reason and one reason only: guilt. She told him yet again how much she loved him in every other way but sexually. He listened as she told him...again...that she didn't blame him for any of this and that the crossdressing had nothing whatsoever to do with her lack of interest in sex. She ticked off how it wasn't painful and she had no hormonal issues and that she was just one of those women for whom sex held no interest. To her, it was no different than not wanting to go to a gym and work out. Going to a gym was something she didn't enjoy and she saw no difference between working out and sex except that not being intimate hurt her husband. So...she forced herself to get through it when the guilt got so bad she couldn't stand it any longer. Once 'it' was over, a wave of relief spread through her knowing she was safe for at least another week and perhaps two if she could stand it, even though it had recently slipped to three or even four.

He listened to it all very patiently as he sipped his coffee then said, "Vik, we've been over that a thousand times. None of that is new. The only change we've had is when you said you'd start taking me shopping which, by the way, is pretty amazing. I really appreciate you be willing to do that. It's actually something I really look forward to doing with you."

Vicki smiled and said, "Well, that leads me to something I've been thinking about for several months and just recently decided I wanted to suggest. It wasn't an easy decision, but it's the only thing I've been able to come up with that might help us solve our nagging problem."

Ky raised his eyebrows indicating he was listening and willing to hear any new suggestion.

She refilled her cup and sat across from him. "So...before I start talking, I have a confession to make and it's important for two reasons. The first is I did look at your computer one day. I wasn't looking for what I found, but I was looking where I shouldn't have been." She looked at her husband to gauge his reaction before she went on. His expression didn't change so she continued by saying, "The second is that what I found is the reason I'm making this suggestion."

Ky still showed no emotion, so Vicki plowed ahead. "I know from numerous past discussions that you have no desire to live as a woman. You enjoy being...Kyleigh...whenever you have the opportunity." To be sure nothing had changed she said, "Right?"

Ky nodded and said, "Absolutely. I have zero interest in actually being a female."

"Okay, just making sure." She smiled and it warmed his heart. Her smile was so beautiful as was Vicki herself. "I thought long and hard for a very long time about offering you the option of having a girlfriend, but I don't think I could stand that. Not because you'd be, you know, getting what you need from her, but because I'd be afraid you'd fall in love with her and well, end up leaving me for her. And that would kill me because I love being married to you, Ky. I want us to stay together. So that's not something I could live with."

Ky waited for her finish her thought before saying, "I want you to know that since I met you there has never been another woman, Vik. Never. Lord knows I've thought about it a thousand times over the years, but I've never cheated on you. Not physically and not even emotionally."

Vicki was sure that was the case, but she was deeply relieved to hear him say that out loud. "Thank you for telling me that, Ky. I couldn't blame you if you had, but it would still hurt to know you had." She took a sip of coffee then went on. "But I have an idea I think will work if what I found on your computer reflects what I think it is you want."

She waited for him to react, but he didn't other than a small, wry smile. "Go ahead, honey," is all he said.

"Well, when I was snooping around—and I was snooping—I thought you might actually have a girlfriend and I was sick with jealousy. But when I opened your laptop, a page came up that surprised me. It involved crossdressing which didn't surprise me. But what the person was doing—did."

Ky looked away. Not because he was ashamed but because she'd found out rather than him telling her what he was doing looking at that kind of thing. "Oh, that," he said rather sheepishly. "So I guess you put two and two together pretty easily then."

"Yes, assuming of course, I'm adding correctly," she said smiling again. "Ky, honey? I'm not at all upset by what I found. In fact, that's what gave me the idea I'm going to pitch to you."

komrad1156
komrad1156
3,761 Followers