Within You, Without You

At first, I thought my trip was a disaster. I had driven three and a half hours for a series of meetings in Center City, Philadelphia. I had a room booked and was planning on spending three days in conference and two nights in the hotel. The first meeting was Monday morning. When I came back from lunch, I learned that my schedule had been cleared.

It seemed the manufacturing complex of Sterling Enterprises was on fire. Not knowing how much damage they would suffer, or even if they would be in business after the blaze, Sterling representatives cancelled any further discussions. I was suddenly freed from any obligations. Once I got over the disappointment of driving so far for nothing, I decided to make the best of it.

My in-laws had a beautiful cabin in the Poconos on a remote lake an hour from my home. It was, more or less, on my way home, so I decided to stop in, stay overnight, and spend Tuesday fishing. My wife and I had a standing invitation to use the cabin like it was our own. To that end, I determined it would be simpler to neglect to inform my work, or my wife, that my meetings had gone up in flames. It would give me a quiet day on the lake, and I really felt I could use it.

I had been working for Simpson Tools for 25 years. I had started out at the very bottom after I had graduated from high school and had worked my way to a good paying sales position. I had been given that position four years ago. To my consternation, I had stagnated there. Newer, younger employees had passed me on the climb up the corporate ladder. I knew the reasons. The first one was because I was very good at my job, so management was reluctant to move me. They had never had a salesman able to secure so many large orders before I took the position.

The second thing against me was that I wasn't an engineer, or even a BA. The company obviously felt that college degrees were necessary for advancement. Since I had started with Simpson right out of high school, I never went to college. It wasn't that I was stupid or anything, though sometimes I wondered. I just hadn't been interested in any further schooling back then. Two years after leaving high school, I married Olivia. Within three years of marriage, we had two children and I knew I had to keep my nose to the grindstone. In my family, and in my area, a man supported his family the best way he could. So I did my best.

Now, 25 years later, I had one kid out of college and one in her last year. They were doing well. When the kids first left for college, my wife, Olivia, found employment in the office of a new car dealership. Our income was now enough that we were able to put some money away for our retirement and enjoy an occasional vacation. On the surface, it would seem that things were going well.

The problem was that I was not happy with my position at work. That seemed to make everything else in my life less enjoyable. I wasn't sure if I was simply burned out, or if being passed over for promotions was the root of my discontent. Possibly it was a combination of the two. A day floating on the lake would help relieve the stress.

By the time I repacked my bag and checked out of the hotel, it was after two. Then I was stuck behind an accident on the Schuylkill (Sure-kill) Expressway for a couple hours. I stopped in Allentown to eat a light dinner. By the time I drove up the wooded private lane to the in-laws' cabin, the sun was setting.

Long before I reached the cabin, I saw a new SUV sitting in the parking area. I swung my car into an old logging road that I had walked many times in the past. I followed it to a thick stand of blue spruce, effectively concealing my car from the cabin and the driveway to it. I had decided to quietly approach the cabin to determine if my wife's family had given friends permission to use it, or if someone was trespassing. They had suffered a couple break-ins over the years, so I was cautious.

I walked to the cabin from the north side. There was only one window on that side and it was in a small bedroom. It was unlikely anyone would be looking out into the darkening forest, so I was reasonably certain I could approach the building unnoticed. I kept close to the wall and worked my way around to the west side. There were several windows at eye level on that end of the cabin. One opened to the master bedroom and the other two windows were meant to bathe the large family room and stone fireplace with afternoon sun. Although it was a warm evening and the windows were opened halfway, I immediately noticed a small fire had been started in the fireplace.

Sitting in front of the fire were two naked people. I recognized the man as Bill Hesser. His father was the owner of the dealership at which my wife was employed. Next to him on the big throw rug was my loving wife, Olivia. She was sipping wine and stirring the fire to life with a poker. Her left breast was in Hesser's grasp. He held one of my father-in-law's imported beers in his other hand.

Olivia's father really got pissed when anyone used his private stock! I couldn't remember how many times he told me and my brothers-in law to drink the damn Budweiser and leave his beer alone. None of us had dared drink one of his beers in the last five years. He was that anal about sharing it.

Then there was the matter of me sharing my wife. I never indicated I was into the kind of shit. Olivia and Hesser were not going to gain any points with Olivia's father, or with me!

I suddenly felt exhausted and lonely. I had to consider how I should react to this betrayal by my wife. The game had changed instantly. The rules I had lived and played by were no longer in effect. What was real, what was fact, and who could I trust? Was I a laughing stock, a joke, to everyone at my wife's work, to her family? Who knew I was a cuckold? Was my marriage over? Had it been over for some time and I just didn't realize it? Did Olivia love the guy? Would she divorce me for him? Would that be such a bad thing?

I had to fight to keep my dinner down as I listened to the conversation between the two lovers. Their words seemed to sear into my brain.

"I can't wait to fuck you on that big bed, Olivia. I should be able to last a long time after that wonderful blow job you just gave me. I love the thought of waking up in the morning with you lying next to me. I'd like it to happen every morning," he added with a seductive smile.

"Bill, you know that isn't possible," corrected Olivia. "We're both married to wonderful people. We both have children and family we love. This is just a little adventure. Neither of us wants to hurt our spouses. They deserve better than that."

"To tell the truth, Olivia, my wife deserves better than me sneaking up here to spend the night in bed with you, yet it didn't stop me, or you," added Hesser. "You may be right that we don't want divorces, but we're certainly taking a chance on hurting them. Very few men are pleased to have their wife lie to them, or to fuck other men. Do you think Jack would just accept it?"

"Not "other men", Bill. You're the only man I have ever slept with, other than Jack. Don't make me out to be worse than I am," protested Olivia. "Would Jack accept it? I know he wouldn't actually accept it, but I think he could forgive me. We've been together forever. He loves me unconditionally. I'm sure of that."

"Olivia, is there really that much difference between cheating with one person and cheating with several?" asked Hesser. "If my wife told me she only had slept with one other guy since marrying me, I doubt I would feel relief that it wasn't more. Splitting hairs about the degree or extent of your infidelity isn't an argument I would recommend."

"Jack is in Philadelphia for a couple days, so this is a moot discussion. He will not know that I have a lover. He will never find out. This affair will run out of steam shortly and I'll never do it again," promised Olivia.

"I promised myself the same thing when I first strayed. That was five years and three lovers ago," revealed Hesser. "The truth is that every time I got away with it, I felt more and more invincible. You may drop me in a few months, but you'll be looking for the next hard cock to play with on the side. This is addictive, Olivia."

"Maybe for you, Bill, but not for me," countered my wife. "While this has been exciting the past several weeks, it's also been extremely nerve racking. I have felt guilty whenever I'm with Jack, or even when I speak to my kids. That bad feeling is beginning to outweigh the excitement I enjoy when I'm with you."

"Then I'd better get you into that king size bed and screw your brains out before you change your mind!" laughed Hesser as he scooped up my wife and carried her into the master bedroom.

I decided I had seen and heard enough. I felt no desire to go to the next window and watch my wife make love, or more accurately, fuck Bill Hesser. I felt depression sweep over me. How had I come to such a low point? Why did my wife have so little respect for me? Did I even want to continue my life? It was all fucked up and I saw little chance of transforming it into something even tolerable.

I turned to go back to my car. Then I got mad. Why had it taken so long for me to get angry? Had I become a man devoid of emotions? If I had troubled getting angry when I found a man fucking my wife, there was something wrong with me. I decided to explore my emotional state when I had the opportunity. At the moment, I had more pressing concerns.

I walked to the left side of the deck and reached under the apron. I found a nail and slid the key off that was suspended on it. Then I went up on the porch and opened the front door. The cabin was fairly large and I knew from experience that people sleeping, or fucking, in the master bedroom would never hear anyone enter the structure.

After the last break-in, Olivia's father, Hank, had installed a security system. Olivia had obviously turned it off. Her dad had spent more than a few minutes explaining it's workings to me. He could have gotten one that made all sorts of noises in an attempt to scare the intruders off. He opted for a silent alarm that went directly to the local township police department.

"This is in the middle of nowhere," he had proclaimed. "What kind of chicken shit would worry about a recording telling them to leave immediately? Besides, I want to catch their asses, not scare them away. This will alert the local cops and they'll respond within 15 minutes, as well as call me and Sam. We'll be here right behind the cops and we'll be fucking loaded for bear!"

'Wow, I guess I'd better not come here without you," I worried. "You'll have me arrested or shoot my ass before I know what's happening."

"Don't worry about that, Jack," laughed Hank. "They will call the cabin first and see if you answer the phone and use the code. All you have to do is say "the fish aren't biting" and identify yourself and you'll be okay."

I thought about that conversation as I tip-toed into the family room and disconnected the phone. Then I did the same with the kitchen phone. There were no other phones in the cabin. Next, I set the alarm.

For some reason, I forgot to close the door when I left. I returned the key to its hiding place. Then I hustled back to my car and sped down the lane to the paved road. I was a mile away from the lane when I met a police cruiser headed in the other direction. I pulled between a couple cars in the parking lot of a bar and watched the highway.

About three minutes later, I recognized Hank's Explorer speeding up the road. I couldn't tell if anyone was in the vehicle with him. I knew that Olivia's brother, Sam, lived in the other direction, so it was unlikely I would meet him on the road. I pulled out of the parking lot and began the hour drive to a place I had once considered my home. As I drove, I wondered if it would remain my home very much longer.

I was awakened by sounds in the kitchen and realized that Olivia must have come home. A glance at the alarm clock told me it was just after three AM. It must have been an interesting few hours for her. I chuckled without mirth at the thought. Then I fell back asleep as I wondered if I would ever know exactly how events unfolded in the cabin after I left.

I woke up early and looked over at Olivia. She was asleep. Was it my imagination or were her cheeks streaked with dried tears? I shrugged and quietly dressed and left the house. It was still early, so I stopped at a small diner and had a good breakfast. Feeling as ready as I ever would, I drove to work.

Ralph Simpson didn't look very happy when his secretary ushered me into his office. By contrast, I felt quite relaxed.

"What's this shit about you retiring, Jack?" demanded Ralph before I could even take my seat. "If you want a goddamn raise, why don't you just ask? I don't appreciate being threatened by my employees!"

Where the hell was this coming from? How could my retirement be construed as a threat of any kind? I was now curious.

"Ralph, your own father retired a few years ago. You didn't give him holy hell for it, did you?" I asked. "What the fuck is the problem with me wanting to spend my old age someplace besides that shit hole you have me stuck in?"

I could see the surprise in Simpson's eyes as I spoke. I had always been the model employee. He had expected me to cower and stutter in his presence. Instead, I had out cursed and out-bitched him. This was something new and he was watching me closely.

"My father was 75 years-old, Jack! You're what? Almost 44? You won't be able to collect a pension for years. You can't retire at your age!" he almost shouted back at me.

"That isn't your decision, Ralph. I have just over 25 years in here and I qualify for a pension when I hit 55. I have two weeks vacation stored up. I'm giving you my two week notice and using my vacation time to cover it. It's done all the time around here. As I recall, your dad drew for six months after he left here. I don't think there's much else to discuss," I finished.

"Is it the office, Jack?" asked Ralph. "I've been thinking about moving Benson to the third floor and giving you his corner office, along with a nice raise."

I knew he had planned no such move and was pulling the idea out of his ass. I suddenly realized Ralph Simpson appreciated my work more than he had ever indicated, particularly in my pay check. It's funny how easy it is to negotiate when you just don't give a shit about the outcome. Once you have no fear of losing, it's amazingly simple.

"I'll tell you what, Ralph. I'm taking two weeks vacation starting this afternoon. I'll come back at the end of that time to listen to any offers you may want to make. I'm not promising that I'll accept, but I'll listen and consider what you have to offer me. I won't counter or negotiate. I'll either accept your offer, or retire from this company. That's fair, isn't it?" I asked.

"I feel like I'm being blackmailed, Jack. I'd prefer to settle this right now. You know that the company considers you one of our most experienced people," schmoozed Simpson. "We don't want to lose you."

"Keep that in mind when you formulate the offer, Ralph," I suggested with a smile as I stood and walked out the door.

I stopped at the bank next and spent half an hour moving some money around. I wasn't sure where things were headed, but I didn't want to be stupid about everything and wind up with nothing. Next I went home and backed my bag. I wrote a brief note and placed it on the kitchen table. Then I took my cell phone and placed it on top of the note. That would make it obvious to Olivia that she wouldn't be able to call me.

I once again found myself at the cabin on the lake. This time, however, it was unoccupied. I carried my bag in and put it in the guest bedroom. Then I went back out and carried in my supplies, which consisted of three cases of beer. I stuffed as many as I could in the refrigerator, filled up a cooler, climbed into the aluminum rowboat, and went fishing.

I was surprised at how well I was doing. I had to return to the cabin in a couple hours for more beer. It looked like I was finally going to reach my limit! I had yet to catch a fish, however. Around dusk, the gnats started bothering me, and I was having difficulty casting, so I headed for shore. My somewhat fuzzy thinking brought me to the wrong side of the lake. I realized I was more fucked up than was safe on the water.

I pulled along side a dock and crawled out of my boat. There were several cabins on this side of the lake, along with docks. I managed to secure my boat. Then I covered my face with my jacket to keep the bugs away. I stretched out on the dock and fell asleep.

"You're trespassing on private property!" droned a voice. "You can't stay here. I'll call the police if you don't move!"

That was all I needed! I slowly sat up, pulled the jacket off my face, and looked around. It was now dark. I had picked a pretty nice place to pass out. The dock extended in various levels all the way to the cabin and became part of the deck. There were lights glowing all along the way to what I realized could not be considered a cabin by any stretch of the imagination. It must have been over three thousand square feet and the front was almost all glass. The inside was lit up and looked rustic, yet modern, if that makes sense. A blonde woman was standing near me, as I struggled into a sitting position. She looked vaguely familiar.

"No need to get your panties bunched up," I replied with only a slight slur. "I had a beer or two more than my limit and I thought I'd relax here until my head cleared. I'll get in my boat and leave right now."

"No!" the blonde almost yelled. "I'm sorry if I raised my voice, but I will not let you get in your boat in your present state. I've seen you around the lake. You're related to Olivia Reynolds, aren't you?"

"I guess I am, at least for the moment," I replied slowly as I mulled over the fact that she called Olivia by her maiden name. "You don't have to worry about me. I can make it across the lake. It looks like I have just enough beer left, if I row fast."

As I spoke I nodded toward the six cans of beer sitting in my open cooler. Then I noticed all the empties scattered around the boat. I would make a fortune recycling!

The blonde woman chuckled a little as she took me by the arm and led me up to her mini mansion. In a little while I was sitting in her kitchen, drinking coffee and eating a delicious steak. I began to feel better immediately.

When the blonde told me her name, I recognized it from the stories my wife and in-laws had about the various people on the lake. Janet Hone had gone to school with Olivia and was now a widow in her early forties. Her husband had been very successful on Wall Street, but the stress had taken its toll and he died of a massive heart attack in his sleep at the age of 45.

Janet had moved to the family vacation home for good. She sold their brownstone and had settled into the lakefront home a few years prior. I had seen her a few times over the years while I was fishing. She cruised past me in her rather large motor boat a few times over the years.

I never realized what an attractive woman she was. She had her hair in a pony tail and she wore a light shirt, unbuttoned almost all the way down with a low cut, frilly looking thing under it. I could see the swell of her breasts and they looked perfect. She seemed like a regular, if exceptionally good looking, woman and not some rich bitch.

"I can't thank you enough, Janet. You have been far too good to me, especially under the circumstances. I will repay this kindness first chance I get," I promised as I slowly stood. "I'll be on my way now."

I took a somewhat unsteady step as I spoke. That was all it took. Janet was quickly at my side, supporting me with her hands.