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Click hereTom got bold and said, "Nice shorts Karen, nice color too." They were a dark burgundy tone. Her ass fit well inside of them and her top was loose, so he saw a sufficient view of her upper body.
She laughed at his comment and said thank you.
"Should I wear these Saturday", she asked him. She smirked and told him to have a nice evening.
Walking into the house, there was soft music on. The lights were off, except a couple of 'dimmers' with several candles lit. Tulip petals filled a stretch leading up the stairs and down the hallway to their master bathroom, towards the Jacuzzi.
Yvonne was bathing by herself. She was drinking wine and listening to the soft music. She didn't hear Tom come in. He wasn't upset, but he still wanted to continue discussing the issue as well.
From the doorway, she lay against the Jacuzzi; he saw her body, her shoulders, and her breasts that were hidden from him. He always loved climbing in the Jacuzzi, mounting her to play with her tits, and just make love! She had prepared the area perfectly.
Undressing himself quietly, he watched her. He was down to his briefs and slid his hand over himself to wank it off. He quietly cleared his throat.
She quickly turned and apologized about what Tom and she discussed earlier. Yvonne said she wouldn't mention it again and would drop the idea forever, if it would make him happy with her. They were that dedicated to one another.
"Everything will be okay, honey. We can discuss that further, but later on, okay? For now, I think I see a true vision of loveliness and I'd care to pursue that, if you will allow me to", he tried to say in jest.
"Thomas, nothing would give me more pleasure then my own husband spending time with me here in the Jacuzzi."
He took off his underwear and his dick laid down. Yvonne never married Tom for lust or sex, although that didn't hurt their relationship prior to the marriage. They married because they were sincerely compatible and in love.
"Sit yourself down around me and let's play sweetheart, okay?"
So he climbed in the 'big bad ass' Jacuzzi as he always referred to it as and they occupied their time fruitfully.
It was nice. She played with her body and he played with her too. Then he played with his own body and she devoted time with him. Truly, it was an enjoyable time. They turned on each other and it was good. They became close again and kissed as their hands went on a discovery tour, as if they were young college kids, enjoying the wonderment of a new girlfriend or boyfriend.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 18 years agoI had more trouble with the style of this story than the plotline. I think you would have done better to tell the story in first person and not third. The conversations do not flow very well, particularly the ones between Tom and Karen.
BTW, most folks in the witness protection program stay there less than 2 years, so getting acclimated to a community is not a priority. I also think it highly improbable that someone in the program would divulge their participation so easilty as Karen had done with Tom. However, you've made Tom such an odd duck in his observations (he seems caught up in the style of dress of those around him) that Karen's behavior seems to fit right in with his.
I don't know where you are going with this story so I'll return to it when you've published all the chapters and I can read it in it's entirety.
Anonymousabout 18 years agoHey everyone, thanks for the critiques..good and bad..Either way one looks at this, it is only fictional. As stories go this is for amateur writers, so I'm not going to know everything about, well, everything.
I'm having fun with this as I try to have fun with other stories. So enjoy or don't. It may be a bit unreallistic, however it's a Fantasy story too..
Stoney
Anonymousabout 18 years agoCongratulations.
The actual problems with the story are : the changes in story viewpoint ---- BIG problem !
And the progression is so unbelievable --- I mean they're in Witness Protection so the first time she speaks to him she tells him her real name --- come on !
I'm sure that a good editor would be able to help you hone your text so keep going .
Kanga40about 18 years agocoupled with those annoying changes in person made this extremely hard to read.
Too much chopping and changing in the actual characters to hold any interest.
You need a central character for your readers to like. Who is it in this mish mash?
Anonymousabout 18 years agoIf it leaves you wanting more it's good. Possibilities for at least two different paths from here. I wait in anticipation...
