Working Class

Thank you didn't seem the appropriate words, so I grabbed him and gave him a hug before I left. I walked home to find Mary and a now fully clothed Holly sitting waiting for me. I was fairly drunk by this time, but not so drunk that I couldn't speak. "You're clothes are in the case at the door, now please get out before I lose it completely." I had arranged for Mary to pack some essentials for her while Holly and I were otherwise engaged. She tried to beg me to let her stay, but I screamed at her, "Just get the fuck out NOW! I don't want to hear your lies any more. Please leave or I'll throw your cheating arse out on the street." She left and I presume went home to her parent's house, because less than half an hour passed before her mother was on the line screaming abuse at me. I had calmed down a bit by them so I let her rant on and when she finally stopped to take a breath, I said, "Talk to your daughter! Ask her where she was tonight and who was with her! Just in case she doesn't want to explain, I will tell you, she was cheating on me with Bullet Barnes and has been for the last few weeks!" Then I hung up, the phone did not ring again that night.

Mary had stopped over and helped me get the kids ready for school. She would drop them off and take care of them for me today, but I knew that I would need to address that problem urgently. If Holly and I were finished, I knew that in all probability, she would get the kids and the house, but the immediate problem was what was I going to do the next day and every day, until I was ready to talk to Holly again and come to some arrangement. I was practical enough to realise that we would need to meet and discuss the practicalities of the situation sooner rather than later. Financially, we didn't have the money for anything but parental care so Holly would have to continue as stay at home mum for the immediate future.

At work I got stuck in and brought the backlog caused by my preoccupation yesterday back up to date. I was eating my lunch when a police car pulled in to the building site. Two Bobbies emerged and strode purposely up to the Portacabin that served as my site office. They asked if I was Charles Givens and when I confirmed it was, they asked if I would accompany then to the station. I asked them why and the larger of the two asked, "Do you know a Mr Arthur Barnes?" When I confirmed that I did, he said, "We need to talk to you about an assault on Mr Barnes that occurred yesterday evening. Will you come with us on a voluntary basis or do we need to arrest you?"

I said I would follow them down in my car and rose to leave. The told me they would take me down to the station and the younger one pulled out a pair of handcuffs. I protested that I was prepared to accompany them voluntarily and that they hadn't arrested me so there was no need to restrain me. The older more experienced policeman must have sensed that his colleague was being a bit over zealous, so he relented and said, "Do you mind if I sit beside you on the trip to the station?" Clearly he was concerned that I would skip town or something. So I told him that was fine by me. At least I would have my own transport when they released me. Once at the police station I was ushered into an interview room and a Detective Sergeant Munro, a dour Scotsman, asked me a few questions before getting down to it. I told him precisely where I was last night and he made a few notes. He showed me a picture of Holly fucking Bullet Barnes and asked me to confirm that she was my wife, which I did. The questions went on and on, did I know she was having an affair? I confirmed that I did. Did I conspire to inflict Grievous Bodily Harm on Mr Barnes? I denied any involvement and so on and so forth. It was around seven pm before they released me, I guess my alibi held up and they could find nothing to link me with the perpetrators or they would have detained me.

As I was about to get in my van to go home DS Munro caught me up and said, "Son, you and I both know you arranged it and I will try my best to prove it. Personally speaking and off the record, the bastard got what was coming to him, but I think shattering his knee, breaking his arm and hand was a bit over the top, don't you?" I said, "I wasn't there, so I don't know how he sustained his injuries, but to answer your question, if it had been me there, I wouldn't have stopped with just the one busted knee! Have you considered that my wife may not have been the first woman he blackmailed into having sex with him? Good luck with your investigation, whoever did do it, did me a big favour last night. Goodnight."

When I got home, I was met by my kids, demanding to know when their mummy was coming home. I told them I wasn't sure yet, but soon. Mary appeared and ushered them into their bedroom leaving me to face not just my own mum, but Holly's mother, as well. For once they presented a united front. In no uncertain terms, my mum told me that I had to let Holly come back to her family home and that I needed to sit down and thrash out our differences! I didn't disagree with them, but said, "She's hurt me so much that I can't begin to explain it. I don't know if we can ever be together again and I feel an awful rage build within me when I think of what I saw and heard that night. I want to make her feel just a little of the pain she has caused me recently. Just to know she is suffering, as she has made me suffer is irrational but I can't simply forgive and forget!"

Her mother said, "She is suffering believe me. She has been crying since she turned up on our doorstep last night. When we got the story out of her, she saw the look on her father's face when she admitted her adultery and that hurt her believe me. She's always been closer to him than me."

I took a deep breath and said, "Do you know that Holly has never once said that she loved me? Given the circumstances of our wedding and everything, I didn't find that surprising at first and thought that she would grow to love me as I loved her, but she never changed and never told me she loved me! Not once, not ever! Granted, she's been a wonderful mother to our two kids and until recently, a kind and caring partner, but a loving wife, never! I had no cause to doubt her fidelity until recently and if she wants a divorce to be with her true first love, then I will not stand in her way."

Holly's mother asked my mother if she could have a word in private with me? My mother was a little reluctant, but nodded and left to join her grandchildren, I could hear them playing in the other room as Mrs Miller turned to me and said, "We've never seen eye to eye, you and me, have we? I resented you so much when you and Holly had to get married and I blamed you for causing it. I realise now that I was wrong and not just about that! You have turned out to be fine father and good provider for your family. That you love Holly so much cannot be denied, I've seen how you're eyes follow her when you're together and how you try to please her."

She paused for a moment and continued, "You said that you wanted her to suffer and I'm going to tell you something that will do just that. Once I have told you what it is, you will hold the power to hurt her far more deeply than she has hurt you believe me, but I don't think you will ever use this information as I believe you are too kind and considerate a man to stoop to such depths for mere revenge. I think you are doing Holly an injustice in thinking that she doesn't love you, just the opposite, she loves you so much and I think that recent events have made her realise it too late! That's for you to decide.

Another deep pause and then she said, "When Roy and I were married for about three year's I had an affair, it was stupid of me and I regretted it almost immediately. The upshot of that liaison was Holly! Roy is not her natural father, she doesn't know and I don't think Roy has ever guessed, I hope not with all my heart for I love him dearly. It would hurt her so much if she ever found out. If you want to make her suffer more than she is hurting now, you have the ammunition to do just that. Of course, it will cause me and Roy a lot of heartache as well, but I'm prepared to face that if that's what it will take for you to give her another chance! Think carefully before you act for you may reap more than you sow!"

With that she left me and my mother came back in. She didn't have to say a word, I knew what she was thinking. I asked if she could stay with the children for a couple of hours and I followed Mrs Miller and offered to take her home. She accepted and I had to smile when she saw the battered old van that was to be her transport. "Don't worry, it'll get us there safely." I said.

She looked at the van and back to me and replied flatly, "I've been in worse you know. Roy and I have been fortunate but, we started life in very humble circumstances. My family used to live in the tenements down by the shipyard gates. Communal toilet on the stairwell landing and a tin bath for bathing in front of the fire once a week whether we needed it or not. So, don't concern yourself, as long as it's reliable, it'll do for me.

Once in the van, she said quietly, "At one time I would have been a really snotty and refused your offer, but last night has made me realise what a bitch I have been towards you and I came to apologise and plead with you to find some forgiveness in your heart."

There was nothing I could offer in response to that plea. I drove to her home in silence, both of us with lots of thinking to do. I realised that what she had told me represented a great risk to her own family's present and future happiness and she was gambling that I would respect her confidence and in so doing would at least try and save my marriage. I knew that I could not inflict that kind of pain on Holly or Roy no matter how badly I wanted her to suffer. It would serve no real purpose to wantonly use that information just to hurt Holly, there was too much fall out in other directions. Her admission forced me to look again at my marriage and admit to myself that I needed to try if only for the sake of the children. Due to our financial circumstances, divorce or separation was not really an option. Either of those options would place me in an awful situation. I would need to find somewhere to live and also support my family. The mortgage was pushing us to the limit and the prospects of finding better paid employment impossible.

Mr Miller was waiting for us and called for Holly to come down stairs. Roy and his wife left us discreetly with a firm closing of the door. Holly entered the room and stood hesitating whether to come to me or wait for me to take the first step. I took the first step and asked her to sit down.

We sat there in silence for several minutes, finally I said, "I have reconsidered and would like you to come home. The children keep asking when you are coming home and for that reason and no other, I want you to come back. I realise that you have never loved me, the events of the past few weeks have convinced me of that. I am finding it very difficult to understand why you prefer him to me, but as long as you are discrete about it you can continue to see him. However, you must never bring him to our home or I will not be responsible for my actions. Roy Jnr. and Sarah will need to share a room for now as you and I will not be sleeping together. I will move into Sarah's room tonight and you can shift her stuff over tomorrow sometime."

I paused and she sat there head down and muttered something. I reached over and lifted her head, tears were streaming down her face and I told her to say it again. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "You don't have to worry about Bullet Barnes and me seeing him again, I never loved him and I know that now! I had this wild fantasy about our previous relationship and what might have been if I hadn't fallen pregnant with Roy. He realised that I still had some sort of a crush on him and exploited it. When I refused to let him fuck me, he blackmailed me into having sex with him and I admit that once we got going, I was well into it. I don't know why but it was exciting for me and it was like an addiction, I had more intense orgasms than I ever had before and the more intense they got, the more I wanted! I know I have never told you that I loved you, I have always cared very deeply about you and been faithful to you up until recently, but my last two meetings with Bullet helped me realise just how much I loved you! He was not the dream lover I thought he was in my fantasies and he was just using me for his own gratification. I think he chased me and used me to get some sick kick out of fucking the woman you had married and making you a cuckold. I suppose eventually he would have done something so outrageous that you would find out that he was fucking me and forcing you to respond. If you had that would have ended up with you in prison one way or the other. Instead, you found out before he was completely ready and I don't know how you didn't react the way he was expecting you to. It wasn't you that beat him up was it?"

This was a lot to take in and I needed to think about what she had said, so I said, "Let's wait till we get home and continue this discussion there."

I called her parents back in and told them that Holly and I would be going home together. I also advised them that we had lot of issues to surmount before we would be 'husband and wife' again, but we were both determined to give it a try. A look of relief flashed across both their faces and than told us to let them know if we needed any help. Marriage guidance councillors were thin on the ground back than and families were a lot closer knit than nowadays.

At home, Holly busied herself making some tea, while I told my mum and Mary what was happening. Mum, as usual had the parting word when she said to both of us, "Please don't take the easy option of divorce, take as long as you need to try and get together again. You have two young children to consider and a hasty action now may cause you year's of regret."

After Mum and Mary had departed, Holly sat down with me to continue our conversation. She repeated her question about whether I had beaten up her lover. I picked my words carefully and said, "I took no part in what happened to him. The injuries he sustained were well deserved in my opinion. If I had been there, he would be lucky to be still alive! The police more or less indicated that you weren't the first woman he had used as his personal slut!"

Holly's face reddened as she heard the bitterness in my reply. I was surprised, I thought that she would have been crying and begging me to forgive her for her indiscretion, but she kept her composure and when I quickly reviewed the conversations we had that day, she never once asked for my forgiveness. I challenged her on this and she retorted angrily, "What about you're affairs, are you going to mention them at all, or is this all down to me?"

"What affairs?" I thundered back, "I have never been unfaithful to you, you know that. What's put that crazy idea into your head?"

"I went round to your site office a couple of months ago and you weren't in, so I asked one of the guys where you were and he said you were over at No. 5 seeing to some problem with the plumbing. The guy was standing with his mate and they were nudging each other and eying me up. I told them I would go over there and find you. The bigger one said, 'You'd better knock loudly first, if you don't want to catch them doing more than plugging a leak' and then they both burst into laughter before his mate said, 'Some of these married ladies have just moved in and Gimpy takes personal care of their problems, if you know what I mean' and the first one moved closer to me and whispered, 'If you're looking for someone to put out your fire, then Bobby and I have just the right sized hose for you' I fled from that office and practically ran over to No.5 and peeked in the window. You were on your back under the sink and that slut was standing over you with her legs wide open. Don't tell me you didn't sample her charms, she was practically putting it on a plate for you!"

A quick flashback to the woman and No.5 reminded me of that occasion. I was lucky to get out of there alive. I couldn't find the leak she was complaining about and I had to get on the floor to see the waste trap connection when she started to unzip my jeans! I realised what she really needed and got out of there as fast as I could. I explained all this to Holly and I could see she was fighting with herself whether or not to believe me.

My patience was wearing thin, so I snarled at her, "So that's your excuse for fucking Barnes? Well if you had waited another few minutes, you would have seen me exiting her house like my arse was on fire!"

Now she started to sob, "No, I'll never have any excuse for that, but when he showed me those pictures of me fucking those boys, I thought well if you can screw around, why can't I? It's no consolation to you, but I truly thought from the way those guys were talking, that you visited No.5 on a regular basis. If you say that you have not been cheating, then I believe you and I'm sorry for doubting you. I'm also sorry for cheating on you and I hope we can find a way to get back to what we had before. I found out the hard way that I do love you and it's taken my infidelity to make me realise it!"

Having said all that she started to cry and I started to reach for her but the mental images of her fucking Barnes were right in the forefront of my thoughts, and that's what pulled me up short. By her own admission, she had enjoyed fucking him and was ready for more!

Turning my back on her weeping form, I said, "I'll sleep on the couch tonight, you can have the bedroom!"

Chapter 6 -- Reconciliation??

And that was how I spent the first night after our confrontation. Sarah and Roy were not too happy about having to share a room and this led to almost daily fights between them over some issue, real or imagined. Holly handed in her notice at the 'Badger' and agreed to work out the month of December. I noticed that she dressed in a more conservative manner and made an effort to be home within twenty minutes of chucking out time, certainly, she was never later than midnight in getting home. I moved into Sarah's room and Holly and I hardly communicated that first week. In the weeks that followed, we circled round each other like two wary animals, trying to decide which one was the boss. It was as if both of us were trying to avoid saying or doing anything that would cause the other more pain.

When she stopped work, we immediately felt the pinch. My painting commissions had dried up and without her wages to supplement our income, we had major financial challenges brewing. I wanted her to sell the Mini, but she argued that she would probably need it if she managed to get another job. I could see her point but was reluctant to concede victory to her, so we argued nearly every night about it. The other thing she started doing, was attending Mass every week. We had not been great church goers before but had both been brought up in the Catholic faith but I didn't go with her.

Easter was approaching and it was Holly who finally snapped and confronted me one evening after the kids were in bed. "How much longer are we going to live like this, we don't have a marriage, we never talk about what happened and as for forgiveness, forget it! You come in after work and always seem to take the high moral ground with me. I admit it, I was the one who fucked up our marriage, but I can't go on in this fashion, either you start making an effort to understand and discussing our problems like two adults or I think it would be better for you to acknowledge that you will never find it in your heart to forgive me and move on."