All Comments on 'A Nerd's Guide To Getting Hooked Up'

Haha, that was great! Definitely one of the funniest, and yet most ... informative(?) things I've ever read. I'm a chick that goes for nerdy guys so I saw the title and was interested. I gotta say, very good tips, at least they've worked well on me. Nothing hotter than a nerdy guy taken out of his element and being absolutely confident about it, honestly. Well, anyhow, that's all I suppose, just thought I'd tell you that made my day heh later

... wow, I gess I can be called a nerd/geek whatever... but alas, let me just say, "life IS good" : P

Excellent work, Lothario. You have just sicced an untold legion of nerds onto the women of this world and created a whole load of competition for the rest of us... I could hate you for that, if I wasn't laughing so hard =) Great stuff. Funny, informative in a "this shouldn't work, but it probably does, more's the pity" sort of way and well written. Kudos.

Oh, by the way, I generally prefer beat 'em ups on my consoles =)

They make journals with R2D2 embroidered on the front?

Where can I find such a gem?

Great work! As a chick, I will totally back you here, but please don't forget to mention the hygiene thing. Look nice, smell nice, and leave the 3 day old tshirt at home. Thanks!

One of the most successful paths to teaching is strewn with humor. And you know your homo sapiens well, right down to the last foible. Which is what makes us human, no?

I'm another chick who digs the geeky guys and I gotta say, you got it right. (There are a couple times you got it a little too right . . . girls don't WANT to think they like guys a lot more who sweet talk them and spend lots of money on them, but any honest one will admit we do.) I'm lucky to have a geek who knows his stuff, and I assure you, he's reaped ample rewards for it.

Man, That was the most informative piece of art work I've ever read. You got all my respect man, you know your shit!

Oh, man. That was great. I think I identified with a little too much of it. Even if the specific mechanics of this article don't work for me, I think it will at least give me some inspiration on my new life project; "Getting Laid". My girlfriend of two years recently dumped me for my best friend, and being she's the only girl I've ever slept with, I needed some ideas on getting the rest of the female population interested. Rock on.

It is an excellent article. While reading, my focus was bothered by my mind replaying all the boorish fumbles I have made with women in recent years. No wonder I have never had a girlfriend! I wish I had stumbled onto an article of this caliber when I was in high school; things may have turned out differently. Well, knowing myself, perhaps not! Thanks.

Everyone should read that advice... whether nerdy or not, male or not, and getting any or not! Pure comic genius, and pretty acurate too. Keep it up man!

damn funny and brilliantly written. There's an element of truth in all good jokes...

You really hit the nail on the head. As somebody that has been through the nerd stage of life I am pissed as HELL that it took so long for somebody to put out the Nerd's Guide to getting laid ( Repeatedly ). I just hope that your readers laugh their collective asses off while thinking "HMMMM there is some truth to this". Your writing ROCKS please keep up the humor as well as the awesome stories.

keep up the good work... this article rocks,its too damn funny and real

May I add, do not overlook the under-rated female nerd. We are out there and we are horny. And we can act out scenes from Monty Python's Holy Grail with you!

Fellas, don't forget that those girls with friendly smiles and great boobs who are fringe-cool but dress like the rest of the snob squad may be closet nerds. Complicated, but my advice is to target the girl with a few extra pounds on her or the one who takes the more intellectual courses. If she gives you more than a perfunctory smile, there's no harm in pursuing. Even we who stand with the standoffish may sit in class and daydream of slipping off your glasses and kissing you until you reach for your inhaler. Don't get nervous, but while you're debating with the Prof, I'm wondering if all that exercise you're giving your mouth in class would pay off in my dorm room.

Thanks, this was hilarious AND informative!

i am/was a nerd and had no trouble but just stumbled onto this and found it totally hilarious

If anyone actually fitting this "nerd profile" read this,

DONT! take it as word.

half of this guys suggestins will only fuck you up.

He plays this out by trying to throw in a few "blunt comments"

in order to hide the fact he has no idea what he is saying.

You want good tips?

watch a soap, or read a book, or even just try making a fool of yourself till you get it right!

just a question...hum...what about a "A Nerd's Guide To Getting Hooked Up" for girls...?? *blushes*

that was hilarious and quite on the mark i think lol

Just listen to this man.

I would date a nerd, have had him read this article.

I love your blunt, in-your-face style, and the tips aren't too bad either, though I think it's much more a comic piece than instruction guide. Some oral sex tutelage is conspicuous by its absence, and leaving the sex scene to go back to the car for condoms is just plain bad advice--a few in the front pocket keeps 'em handy.

Coming from a self profesed Nerd/Geek I quite liked this piece a lot.

I was hoping for some more scifi/gaming related tangents (lol) but anyways your blunt manner hammered in the point you were trying to put across.

thanks for sharing your wisdom and expierence, I hope I'll be putting this knowledge to good use one day. ;)

As a girl, I would have to say that this is some pretty good advice for socially-inept guys looking to get laid.

However, I'd give the small disclaimer that if a girl doesn't want to have sex with you in the first place (especially on the first date), it will be pretty damn hard to convince her otherwise. I mean, even the girls on Sex and the City had rules against sleeping with someone before the third date, and they're pretty slutty.

Anyway Lothario, you're great :) and I love your stories. Thanks for the laugh that this How-to gave me!!

Overall good advice for newbies, this method gives you a chance to get some, and some is better than none... But here are a couple thoughts/pointers:

1)Meeting girls. Most of my dorky friends are actually in good shape, intelligent, have money, etc. The problem is they're too fricking shy, and telling them not to fear rejection doesn't work. So the key is to PRACTICE interacting with girls. Try going to the mall and just Smiling at every cute girl you see. You'll be amazed at how many smile back. Then progress up to a smile and a hello, maybe even a wink. The idea isn't to pick up girls yet, but to build some confidence -- girls LIKE your attention, and you like giving it to them =)

2)Asking em out. Believe it or not, if you have the balls to do it, the reaction is almost always good (and almost never bad)! European girls I've met say the weirdest thing about America is not being hit on by random men! As long as you're not creepy about it, the worst you'll get is a 'no' or a 'I have a boyfriend.' Sometimes you'll get the number even if they have a boyfriend (which has happend to me plenty). At this stage, the guy takes all the risks, and the girl gets to feel flattered. Here's a little skit explaining what's happening:

Guy: I'm risking rejection/humiliation, but the potential reward is a date/making out/pussy!

Girl: I'm flattered that a guy thinks I'm hot enough to just ask out in public, if I'm like most girls it doesn't happen that often! I'll give him my number if I like him because he just made me feel good and worry about any potential boyfriends/SO's later.

3) Love vs lust: (or sex vs friendship)

Lots of dorky guys are looking for true love... as am I. Think of casual dating/hooking up as practice for that. If you meet that special someone and sleep with her on the first date, other factors will bring you closer later. On the other hand, if she turns out NOT to be the one, you've gained valuable experience for later, plus you both had fun (hopefully!)

The one approach that's 100% guaranteed not to work is the "I'll be her best friend first, and one day when she's not expecting it I'll tell her how much she means to me and she'll just take her Panties off." If you're close friends 99 times out of 100 she won't want to risk the friendship by sleeping with you! A girl knows she can get sex (if that's what she wants) wherever - bars, airplanes, clubs, etc. Friends are a little harder to come by. As a horny guy, you've GOT to make your intentions clear from the beginning, by hitting on her and asking her out.

4) The 'Boyfriend' factor. First off, don't mess around with someone who's married/engaged. Its not right (unless they're a swinger or something). But other than that, you'd be surprised by how little 'boyfriends' mean. A lot of girls just don't want to admit that they're single or dating a loser. So the 'boyfriend' she uses as an objection might simply be the last guy she slept with, a total loser, or totally made up. It's up to you to figure out the situation. For instance, my current gf has a lot of integrity and I respect that. I made my intentions pretty clear from the beginning when I met her, but she had a boyfriend. So we hung out for three months, but didn't even kiss. Yet as soon as her and the guy broke up (which I knew was coming from the types of things she was telling me) she called me and I was there to console her. A couple days later we were sleeping together. Yet another loser boyfriend bites the dust...

5) It's a war out there! There are so many pyschos, weirdos, freaks, and people with bad hygene. If you meet someone awesome, try to be the best man you possibly can and don't let her get away!

I'm a girl. A 25 year-old one. And I'm amazed at how well you understand us! The majority of this is excellent advice...in fact, I wonder if a few of the guys I've slept with read this article first!

I agree though, the condoms in the car...that just sounds awkward. If you get to that point, and there are no condoms in the room, I would explore some "alternative" activities. If you're good at those, a second date is guarenteed, because she'll want to know what you're REALLY like. And then on the second go-round you won't look like a weirdo when you pull condoms out of your jacket pocket.

Also, I read this once, and it's SO true - don't take a girl's panties off until they're soaking wet. She'll be begging for it. Trust me.

I'm a girl and I loved what you wrote !

I wish I could find a guy who'd follow what you wrote !

Should be awesome !

Some guys are just selfish only thinking about their own pleasure, it has to change !

write something like that for us about how to act with guys :)

What you guys like and stuff

I'm a girl and I loved what you wrote !

I wish I could find a guy who'd follow what you wrote !

Should be awesome !

Some guys are just selfish only thinking about their own pleasure, it has to change !

write something like that for us about how to act with guys :)

What you guys like and stuff

I'm not a geek, nerd, or anything of that, but I was not popular.. untill people found out I was actually good at sex! Well, to the point, when I read this article, I jsut thought like, "hey! that's what I'm doing naturally!".

By the way, massage is a damn good way to make her hot.. am I right? ;)

for helping a nerd loser like me god bless u and may he keep ur cock hard for ever

lol, im a total geek, but some how i managed to get hooked up with an awsome girl. i managed to get the top off, but not the skirt up...and well with this, i think i got the info i need. int+10 chr+6 dex+3 lv up!!!

brilliant

i love nerds

i love nerds that know how to fuck more than........nerds that teach other nerds how to fuck. (or is it the other way around? )

i'm entirely wet and out of breath, i have to go touch myself while lying on the floor of the shower.

hot.

Well it's about time someone put this into writing. I am a self-proclaimned Geek who has been trying a lot of these things ever since I was 21 (yes, I made A LOT of mistakes before then). The only thing that I can say is LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN! Now I will admit that I don't know body language, but since I am blind I have an excuse. Just go with the flow, and if she is remotely interested, what may not be sex on the first date will undoubtedly lead to a 2nd date, etc. If that happens you will have a better chance at mind-blowing sex when SHE IS READY! Always take her lead (except when the situation warrants otherwise). Anyway, great read!!

The question is, "Who the hell are you?" The answer is as follows.

You are not a nerd, which is a vital component that is missing from this article. This is evident from both the unneccessary insults and the first section. The insults don't add anything, not comedy or goading nerds to change or anything else that you might have intended.

The first section is quite neccessary, but done completely wrong. You suggest a COMPLETE LIFE CHANGE. Others may see it differently, but that is what the section is. The time spent to become some carbon copy coolguy will be taken from the nerds normal activities and obligations. Choices must be made and this is not as easy as you make it out to be.

The true key to section one can only be known by someone who made the actual transition. I would bet everything that is good in my life that the biggest part of said transition is an immense will to change, one that can't just be conjured like magic. Your way will likely end with either the nerds thinking that the problem is with them and not the instuctions, leading them to falsely think something more is wrong with them, or simply saying your how-to is dumb and putting paid to the entire idea of getting laid.

Finally, the biggest problem with your how-to is your affected attitude towards women. At least I hope it is affected. Otherwise, you are just a piece of trash who knows how to bang stupid sluts, so he thinks he knows the Great Secret of Women. You treat all females as the group "women" and don't even consider that they are complex to the point that men seem ameoba. Really, you just know how to find one woman and her many copies and you know how to get inside her pants. The others turned you down so you don't even know.

In conclusion, your pile of drek will lead any unsuspecting nerd to his doom. Your advice may work in the short term but will almost certainly lead to the nerd being torn into tiny pieces or horribly depressed OR an hero, whichever comes first. You give no advice that will better equip someone for a real relationship or the repurcussions of sexual experience. In short, your telling someone who always used waterwings in a kiddie pool to jump into the middle of the ocean. Plain foolishness.

You fail.

Hiddie-ho, I'm the author of this story, and I have words for the anonymous coward who wrote the preceeding comment. I take no issue with cowards -- I enjoy my own anonymity -- but feel I must address some of his/her slights.

First, I'm a former nerd, now listed as a geek. He says I'm not a nerd, as though it's an insult. I love when people scream at the top of their lungs, "You're mean and inappropriate!" The irony of this angry outburst is completely lost on them, just as the satirical nature of my How-To was lost on... nameless guy. But I simply adore the evidence used to frame me: I use unnecessary insults, comedy and goading. Are such things beneath nerds? On the contrary, they are our life's blood. I distain, therefore I am. The very reason I haven't changed my shirt in four days is because I am intellectually superior to everyone I meet.

You say I demand a complete life change for the nerd in question. You're wrong, and you're right. Life is change, and we must all evolve, but the single unifying characteristic of all nerds is a tendancy to eschew change in favor of physical comfort, culinary comfort, and the path of least resistance. I wholeheartedly approve of the current definition of "geek" as being somewhat less socially crippling than "nerd." Geeks enjoy geeky pursuits but not necessarily at the expense of social success. In short, geeks understand girls, nerds don't.

Twist the semantics all you like, but my dream for all nerds is that they one day aspire to Geekdom, leaving the selfish conceits of Nerddom far behind. Geeks are fun, and funny, but nerds wear their social outcast status as a badge of pride. Fine, be true to yourself, but DON'T EXPECT TO GET LAID.

In any case, I don't care if nerds change their lives or not. My point is that successfully bedding a female depends on PRETENDING as though you've changed your life. Better still is to hide your nerdiness (but not geekiness) just long enough to introduce yourself to a woman.

As for my objectification of women... Dude. Seriously. Wake up and smell the Wii. Every single fucking article, story and supportive comment on Literotica is a post in favor of the objectification of sex and the human body as an instrument of sex. Don't you think I know women aren't meat? Neither am I, but I still put myself out there for a good orgasm every once in a while. Porn is either a harmless pursuit, an exploitative crime, or somewhere in between, but to single my How-To out for scorn when there are 100,000 other articles here that do the same thing... proves you jes' don't get it.

Nerds, keep on truckin. Look for opportunities to better yourselves by giving more to society than you take. Until that time, all I've done is given you the tools to get laid, probably by a girl who wasn't going to feel used in the morning anyway. (If I were a girl, that's the kind I'd be.) I think we can all agree, an exhausted, sexually-satisfied nerd is a nerd with less motive for revenge. We all win.

I don't disagree with "anonymous,” he does have a point about your article asking for a complete life change. And Lothario, I think you are underestimating the difficulty of making such a change. Maybe it was simpler for you, but I feel like a large portion of the nerd population would flail around in the water with some of your advice, and then proceed to get their hearts broken.

But this is where I agree with the author, your “How To…” is not a “How to Find Your Soulmate” its “How to Get Hooked Up” and for the title, the article absolutely stays true to itself.

I think it’s a really well done piece and deserves its obvious following. (Look at how many comments have been made!)

The advice is general enough to apply to most and it hits great points.

I loved it.

Thank you for writing it!

It's me the author again. There is indeed a way for a nerd to bed a woman without changing his taste in clothing, his petty cash level, his propensity for rambling about inane topics or his body odor. The method is known in several states as rape, or sometimes wrongful imprisonment.

Alright, that's a bit exaggerated, but you get my point. I'm not saying a nerd needs to change his entire core being in order to get a chick to sleep with him. What I am saying is the following: 1) A nerd needs to be willing to change FOR ONE NIGHT. Whatever path he's chosen in life is clearly driving women away, and he needs to spend time on a different path for at least an evening. This means ACTING like someone he's not, a far cry from "lifestyle change." 2) What the fuck is so bad about telling a nerd he needs to change? Stockbrokers, priests, supermodels and waiters must continually grow in wisdom, knowledge and relationship depth. From where I sit, the only group that thinks they're above such petty concerns are nerds. They can memorize pi to the one-thousandth digit, but they can't comb their hair? We choose the conduits for our energy. 3) I am absolutely drawing a distinction between long-term dating and one night standing. And I'll give you this next piece of advice one time and one time only, because it's so blaringly, magnificently, cosmically fucking obvious: If you're looking for honest advice on how to improve your relationships with girlfriends, wives, lovers and attractive co-workers, please look somewhere other than Literotica. This site is for porn. These stories objectify both sexes. Love and sex are not the same thing. That is all.

Does that ring a bell? Bill Gates, man. And there are loads of nerds running corporations and ruling the country. Think those guys have a problem picking up chicks?

A smart nerd wouldn't waste his time reading this junk on Lit, he'd get the money and the power and we all know, women would rather fuck a rich nerd, than some handsome dumb dude named SKip or Lothario.

I am not a nerd, by the way, but I did find your last comment rather silly.

Why the hell do you think a guy should impress a woman. I let them impress me. STop being a wimp and an ass kisser, pretending to be something else for a girl.

have some pride and the pussy will come to you, son.

Get money and the hos will come on a magnet, and you can still ramble on about pi or what ever, they will sit there nodding their heads like you just said the most intersting thing, you pussy whipped dude.

Dude, it is obvious you used to be a nerd. The stuff you say about confidence is true, but your ideas on the way to behave and the things to say are wayyy offf. Seriously, ask permission to kiss a girl? Laughable my friend and she is laughing at you on the inside. Ask her where she bought her necklace? Haha, yeah if you want her to think you are lame. Buy a $300 bottle of merlot... yeah u will get a 2nd date but I guarantee she will leave u after the date to go fuck some cool guy who isnt trying to impress her. This should be renamed "A Nerd's guide to getting hooked up with unnattractive, lonely women who have no standards."

You don't know what you're doin. All you're doin is gettin by because the girl is horny and you're around. One you're way to aggressive and doing alot of things without her consent. When you do that she can tell you're just tryin to get some. I won't lie a good portion is right. You have to act like a man and not be a nerd in order to get with her and without confidence you may as well get back on the computer and look at porn. Well, I wish you luck. Stop getting your information from MTV dating shows not all of it is the right move.

You know exactly what you're talking about. We're all about first impressions, with half of that being "What would my friends think of how this guy looks?" and the other half being "Can he carry on a conversation about anything I'm remotely interested in?" Somewhere in there, we also wonder if a guy will be any good at a) kissing, and b) fucking.

The nerd I'm fucking is not just a nerd, he's a major multi-programming language geek, a freakin' physicist, and a trivia nerd. Ugh. :-) Never kissed a girl until he was 18. He was even a MUD god at one point. Spends way too much time playing KOL.

So why did I, a relatively attractive liberal arts grad, consider going out with the guy? Shallow as it may be, he didn't look like a guy who would spend all night talking about ComCon or the merits of open-source software and then later maul my mouth and awkwardly try to get into my pants -- he didn't look like the stereotypical nerd. Khakis, a nice shirt, a good haircut, and nice shoes. And then I realized he was pretty comfortable with himself, that confidence that you talk about. And that he was really interested in ~me~, which pretty much sealed the deal. And when it came time to kiss or go home, he did actually ask if he could kiss me. And that's why I let him.

So the sex toys he's now buying are not Fleshlights, but rather sex toys to use on me. Imagine my fabulous nerd's delight when he not only got laid, but got a second date, and soon came to find out he'd scored a bisexual submissive whose biggest turn-on is getting him off! Sometimes, even when he's geeking around with code for work!

You've got my number. Use if you will.

I can't really support anything that encourages anybody, even horny nerds, to get a quick fuck. I understand that men are sex fiends, but please, have a little ethics.

hey so i beg to differ* with the initial anonymous posting... this article has some real truths in it which are especially helpful for losing one's virginity... just based on experience i think that dudes are less concerned with the sentimental and memorable aspects of virginity loss than chicks are. also, i'm guessing that this how-to does not have the same significance to those on the older end of the spectrum, whereas i'm 19... and i think that your guide is not only witty and realistic, but very relevent to the lives of male virgins in [perhaps high school, but especially] college, and the daters/fuckers thereof. you put a lot of emphasis on making the girl feel safe and comfortable and such, as well as on letting her lead, all of which is especially true.<BR>

i'd also like to point out that the idea of "getting her permission" / "verbalizing your wishes" to kiss her is actually very true, my boyfriend did that with me and it's really sweet, definitely a nice gesture and props for politeness. anyone who doesn't believe that should read Great Expectations, which is a classic Charles Dickens novel for the illiterate among us. that having been said, i'd like to mention in closing that not all women are gold diggers and most will, in fact, respond far better to charm than to cash/power/materialism.<BR>

that's my take. thanks.<BR>

p.s.- in response to the comment directly before this one, a "quick fuck" between two consenting adults is not unethical. it's human nature. and guys are not the only sex fiends, girls who ignore the "slut" labels of society can be too... and there's not a damn thing wrong with that as long as proper measures of protection and courtesies to one's partner are taken.<BR><BR>

*kudos to Lothario the Great for writing a neat guide taking such a nifty approach at a common predicament.

hey so i beg to differ* with the initial anonymous posting... this article has some real truths in it which are especially helpful for losing one's virginity... just based on experience i think that dudes are less concerned with the sentimental and memorable aspects of virginity loss than chicks are. also, i'm guessing that this how-to does not have the same significance to those on the older end of the spectrum, whereas i'm 19... and i think that your guide is not only witty and realistic, but very relevent to the lives of male virgins in [perhaps high school, but especially] college, and the daters/fuckers thereof. you put a lot of emphasis on making the girl feel safe and comfortable and such, as well as on letting her lead, all of which is especially true.<BR>

i'd also like to point out that the idea of "getting her permission" / "verbalizing your wishes" to kiss her is actually very true, my boyfriend did that with me and it's really sweet, definitely a nice gesture and props for politeness. anyone who doesn't believe that should read Great Expectations, which is a classic Charles Dickens novel for the illiterate among us. that having been said, i'd like to mention in closing that not all women are gold diggers and most will, in fact, respond far better to charm than to cash/power/materialism.<BR>

that's my take. thanks.<BR>

p.s.- in response to the comment directly before this one, a "quick fuck" between two consenting adults is not unethical. it's human nature. and guys are not the only sex fiends, girls who ignore the "slut" labels of society can be too... and there's not a damn thing wrong with that as long as proper measures of protection and courtesies to one's partner are taken.<BR><BR>

*kudos to Lothario the Great for writing a neat guide taking such a nifty approach at a common predicament.

hey so i beg to differ* with the initial anonymous posting... this article has some real truths in it which are especially helpful for losing one's virginity... just based on experience i think that dudes are less concerned with the sentimental and memorable aspects of virginity loss than chicks are. also, i'm guessing that this how-to does not have the same significance to those on the older end of the spectrum, whereas i'm 19... and i think that your guide is not only witty and realistic, but very relevent to the lives of male virgins in [perhaps high school, but especially] college, and the daters/fuckers thereof. you put a lot of emphasis on making the girl feel safe and comfortable and such, as well as on letting her lead, all of which is especially true.<BR>

i'd also like to point out that the idea of "getting her permission" / "verbalizing your wishes" to kiss her is actually very true, my boyfriend did that with me and it's really sweet, definitely a nice gesture and props for politeness. anyone who doesn't believe that should read Great Expectations, which is a classic Charles Dickens novel for the illiterate among us. that having been said, i'd like to mention in closing that not all women are gold diggers and most will, in fact, respond far better to charm than to cash/power/materialism.<BR>

that's my take. thanks.<BR>

p.s.- in response to the comment directly before this one, a "quick fuck" between two consenting adults is not unethical. it's human nature. and guys are not the only sex fiends, girls who ignore the "slut" labels of society can be too... and there's not a damn thing wrong with that as long as proper measures of protection and courtesies to one's partner are taken.<BR><BR>

*kudos to Lothario the Great for writing a neat guide taking such a nifty approach at a common predicament.

yikes! sorry for posting that about 4 times! my bad.<BR>:/

this should be a guide for women you silly nerd. go play world of runecraft

I thought this was hilarious, and had a lot of truth to it. Fantastic job of writing!

I have a Nerd fetish so I still want them to be themselves but this article helped my last boyfriend. He can still be my Nerd but that doesn't mean he has to be a jerk. Thanks for the article it helped me out a bunch.

As a Nerd, *AND* a girl..I can appreciate this guide..

Someone needs to make a Nerdy-Girl Guide.

...but there's a lot I disagree with. Like your view on how to obtain women.

Maybe I'm just easy, but I hate when guys spend money on me. Just get close, touch my arm now and then, whisper, tell me you want me - even if its embarassing or shocking, trust me, I'll be turned on by how straight-forward you are. It's simple and a much shorter way of getting lucky.

I'm not like all women though, you have to judge how to get the woman you're with by how they talk and react to you.

But trust me, there's nothing sexier than a guy's hand grazing yours or touching your stomach, his face close to your's whispering. Doesn't seem sexy, sure, just flirty, but us women have quite the imagination (Even now my imagination is running wild!). Touching is a very, very good way to get that imagination started. And when the girl you're with is already getting herself worked up, without any clothes removed or kissing involved, you are a god among men. Your chances just went up by SO much.

I also don't like talking about myself. If a guy forces me to hold up the majority of the conversation and its about myself, he's slowly losing his chances. Sure, I love the talking, but let's face it: no one likes talking about themselves all the time. Its pretty obvious when a guy is trying to get in your pants by asking you about your hobbies, or where you got that necklace. We know you don't care, you're not fooling us - trust me. And when it comes to me, I'd rather be told I'm wanted than being played with to be a reward. Please, spare me your lack of interest.

So, I don't fully agree on your dating advice. But, whatever works for you.

Good advice all-in-all. Good luck on anymore pieces you write. =)

I thought it was, well, funny.

Great sense of humor.

And I picked up a couple Do's and Do-not's as well.

I can not agree with the "spending-money" part. But I loved the story and laughed a lot.

Maybe I'm just a tad weird,but I don't get the whole pretending part. I think nerds are a very loveable race. Nerds can get laid, ofcourse it may take them longer to find someone to sleep with... and they may be unfortunate enough to sleep with a girl who actually wants a relationship.

God save the nerds, boys with quirky habits who can't complain when you go on about some obscure hobby, boys who are grateful for the sex you give them, boys with intellects bigger than their biceps...

hey im nerdy but that doesnt stop me from hooking up.

and for someguys out there man theres no magic behind being with women just be yourself seriously im not kidding

I sure hope this is an attempt at humor, 'cause if you meant it, you're giving lousy advice. "Be yourself, and find someone who likes that self" is always the way to go.

I think that this guide, funny as it is, is a little redundant. There's absolutely no need for a guy to stop being nerdy to get girls- as a girl who has fallen for her fair share of nerds in her time, goofiness is endearing. And, because they haven't bullshitted with me, I've been more than willing to make an advance on each and every one of them. Hell, I jumped on most of them, in fact.

There have been two nerds who made the first move on me- one used the 'Can I kiss you?' approach, and one just attacked me with his tongue. Shockingly, neither of them got any that night.

I'm not saying nerds shouldn't make a move- but if a girl is actually worth your time, and appreciates your shyness, she'll probably pluck up the courage. And for God's sake, be yourself- we know when you're just pretending to be interested in order to get some- you stare at our tits more than you think, afterall.

Think of it this way, in RPGs u choose the conversation option that gets you the reward, not always the one you feel is best. Do that IRL and bobs your uncle.

“Hey world, I’m a male! I’m good in the sack! There’s more to me than RPGs and Vanilla Coke and my mom’s hand lotion!”

>.>

<.<

Vanilla PEPSI but otherwise dead on balls accurate >_<

I've gotta say, just reading this makes me want to head to the mall and start chatting up whatever pretty little thing catches my eye. A real confidence booster and some great advice I thought.

Methinks it's been far to long since i've last had a roll in the sack and this little advice guide might be just what i need to get started again.

I say 5/5 my good man!

You rock! From a woman's perspective that was great reading.

It reads like that big brother only out to help his slightly pathetic little bro in a time of need. I enjoyed it immensely, and while I knew most of what you wrote, the way you wrote it down gave it a fresh taste. I give you five stars and kudos. Hell, you could even get this published!

From the perspective of a nerdy girl, this was overall a lovely article but it had 2 major, gaping flaws.

1: "Now I know what Penthouse told you -- it’s fun to tease a girl, and she’ll enjoy it. That’s a lie." Now, don't take forever to get her clothes off, as that will make you seem insecure about. However, if you take time gently stroke her back and play with breasts, you'll give her the impression that, you want to fuck HER. Also, taking your time will give the impression that a) you could wait, and the sex is her idea and b) that he really care about her pleasure. This will make her want to fuck YOU, see? Ripping her clothes off, on the hand, gives the impression that you want to get off and it really doesn't matter what you're sticking your dick into.

At some point, your mouth should make contact with her breasts AND her pussy, as this will further give her the idea that you care about her pleasure, and that you find her pussy attractive and don't see it just as a dick-sized hole, which will make her feel more comfortable and more likely to come. I don't care how inept you are if your toungue, study a fucking diagram if you have to. Cunnilingus will also help with problem 2:

2: "You can’t help wondering if you’ll come before she does, leaving her dissatisfied and wondering if she made a mistake by letting you fuck her.... and she’ll give your wiener a second chance to drill the hole." Nononono. If the lady comes before you do, you must then go down on her. Why? Because you want her to fucking orgasm, that's why. In fact, if you play with her clit a bit BEFORE you stick it in her, she'll come faster, and the pressure is off you. Once she comes, wait a few minutes, cuddle some, and THEN fuck her again.

Ya, im a nerd. Tried the be yourself thing, it doesnt work. Todays dating life is different, this pretty much gets down to th nitty gritty. Nice to finally use my time productively instead of being alone.

that was amazing dude. Seriously, kudos. So many lols :P

#seehowitgoes

A lot of that is good advice but some of it is not a hard copy that you follow line by line. Some things have to be improv depending on the woman and the situation. The money can be an example, you dont have to spend a bunch of money to impress a chick.You can make a girl feel guilty on how much you spend. If that helps your cause than whatever but it might hurt your goal. This is coming from a guy thats a geek, just a geek.

This, good sir, is hilarious, and well-written

Not nearly as witty as the author thinks it is. However, there's a lot of good advice in here. Thank you for the information. :)