by Pro_Ball_Player
Interesting character development. It will be interesting to see how this story evolves.
The only thing I suggest is... She needs to shave that thing. At the very least, give it a good trimming. ;)
Just my opinion, take it or leave it.
I can only imagine that most 'daddies' have had secret peeks, incestuous thoughts and have sniffed his young girl's panties. This story seems to be going sensitively to a very risky conclusion. At least she is old enough to know what is going on [or will, once Daddie's intentions are clear] Chapter 2, please. And plenty of panty play for this old Daddy!
You need to copyedit. There's no excuse for "severe" instead of "sever," or "said my peace" instead of "said my piece."
Picky? Maybe, but simple errors like this imply you're not serious about writing.
I'm sorry, but to me, having sex with an adopted daughter is not incest. And I agree about the copy editing. Waist/waste to/too/two among others drive me nuts.
where are the conclusions for "Spanking Kenny's Wife" & "My Fantasy Weekend"? You write with credibility and candor. What you write I read and yes with dick in hand but I also care about your characters. Sorry but there are fare too many "great" stories begun and never finished here on Literotica.
And in parting a final thought: "Daddy, Please Undress Me" needs, in my opinion, to accelerate to a higher erotic peak in the first chapter especially if you are not going to finish it.
Thanks for the wank anyway.
don't listen to the ones complaining about editing. they do the same to me. your story was very good and I'm really looking forward to the next installment. most importantly, it seemed plausible which is more than a lot of stuff on here.
Can't wait for chapter 2. Present it soon.......I love the type of story....... great stuff
This stuff is just fantasy. In the real world, daddys who think nasty things about their little girls are called sick basterds or child molesters. Dads don't think sexual thoughts about their childern. Only a childless idiot would suggest such a thing is normal!
Why is it that those who leave negative comments do so anonymously? Have some courage, please. And, to top it off, they still vote favorably. Makes little sense to me. What did make sense was the story. Well-done and I'm looking forward to the next installment.
I never understood why people nit pick every single part of a story. If they hadn't noticed, its all fantasy and we should be able to let go. If it is not safe here to get away from reality, where is it?
Yes, I know, errors take away from the reality that we are trying to create but if they are so lost in a story a few errors shouldn't hinder that, huh? O.o Maybe its just the writer in me talking.
I liked your story and am definitely waiting for another chapter. Taking it slow and letting the story build is a beautiful thing in this case. Especially with the detail you are putting into the characters, situations. *Loved flipping off Chad, that was excellent! Hehe*
Keep it coming and remember we are our harshest fans. *Kawaii Anime.
This has the potential to be a great story. So keep on!
Sure, little errors annoy. Sure it's not really incest. But the characters and story were believable - so I wanna read some more!
My only 'serious' complaint is that as a Brit, I've no idea what 'flipping off Chad' meant. Guess I'll live!!
Lukas
I'll be reading this more closely when I have more time (and maybe the inclination to come!) -- you've got a good voice and the scenario is very sexy. I can just see her in that little bra. Mmmmm!
Good start, I hope it heats up like the Greg/Julie serries. You write well and it's easy to follow.
Well written. Good characters. Can't believe anyone would have anything negative to say about your story.
I like the way you build your characters in a believable way. I don't mind at all that you are taking the time in the first chapter to build the background for what's to come (pun intended, haha). And the grammatical errors don't bother me. I assume you struggled with freshman English same as I did, haha. I'm giving you five stars because you are making the story seem really plausible. The situation, incest, does exist in more homes than you might imagine. And since this is sex without violence, between two adults who are not actully related, is this really incest? I would say not. And before your critics scream at me, I'm a female who was molested as a child. I do know about the emotional trauma involved. But this is a story, well-told and sensitive. It's about a thing which happens to many daughters. Just remember this is a story and not a courtroom confession. If authors can't write about incest, then should murder mysteries be banned also? What about stories of bank robberies? This man is a good writer, and I like his stories. He should be encouraged to write. He has a real talent.
Love the buildup for what is to come. Looking forward to Kissy and Dad exploring each other, as well as Dad exploring Kissy's delicious dirty panties.
All girls think about their Daddy in that way. I know I did. When are you going to give us another chapter?
Itty Bitty Titties are the BEST! Thank you for realizing that & giving us such a GREAT story about a young lady with a set of them. I came all over reading this tale! MORE, please. you rock Mr. 'Ball Player'! so HOT & well-written.
I have one criticism. When you write dialog, you don't write like you had it; "That makes two of us, Daddy, we're both defective." She said.
You write it like this; "That makes two of us, Daddy, we're both defective," she said.
See the difference? A comma at the end of the sentence with the letter NOT capitalized as to who is doing the speaking. <i>defective<u>," s</u>he said.</i> You did that throughout the story and it's distracting to some of us.
Otherwise, great story. I gave it a 5.
I enjoy reading erotica and sometime even fantasize when reading. While I normally don't enjoy most general stories, your stories capture my imagination. Thanks so much for displaying your talent.
I really liked your details on the daughter's birth defect as it was mine, as well. I do believe that being deaf does affect on our sexuality and the desire for sex. Thank you.