Dear Mother - Finding Penny

Her letters came in batches, it seemed. I would carefully make sure they were in order of postmark before I read them. About three weeks after I told Penny about Liz, I noticed there were a few days between letters. That was unusual. The earliest postmark after the gap told the story. She had been quite upset with my revelation about my relationship with Liz. I think she put it in a different category than her dating Brian. She felt that I had fallen in love with Liz, and that only her leaving to return to Canada had prevented me from choosing Liz ahead of her.

I had to examine my feelings pretty thoroughly when I read that. I had taken a risk telling Penny about Liz, and now it looked like it had backfired. My attempt at honesty was interpreted negatively, I thought. I didn't know what to do or say that would smooth it over and put our relationship back on course. I stewed about it for a day, and then sat down and wrote her a letter to try and make things right again.

My Dearest Penny:

When I read your letter after my telling you about Liz, I was very upset. I was upset because you were hurt by what I said about her. I have searched my conscience and I want you to know that I have no doubts about my love for you. Liz was a part of my college life and was very important to me, I admit. We were lovers, and I was very taken with her, but when I knew she was going, there was no thought of going with her. I was young and, I guess, impressionable, but I got over it. I never got over you.

When I knew you had called, I was excited because you were very important to me, even though we hadn't seen each other for three years. If I had known that you wanted to tell me that you weren't involved with anyone, I would have been the happiest guy in Oregon. I never gave up hope that someday, we would find each other. There were times when I wondered if I would ever see you again, but I never gave up hope.

It's a cruel fate that brought us together, and then tore us apart so quickly. I live for the day that my time in this place is over and that I can return to you. I am sorry if I have hurt you, but I could not live with myself without you knowing all of the truth about me. I hope you can understand. I love you and I can't bear the thought of not being with you. I hope you will wear that ring to remind you of that every day.

All my love,

Ron

It was two weeks later that I received the letter from Penny that let me breathe again. She understood, and now felt I had done something very important; I had told her all of the truth. She said she knew that I had taken a risk when I might have said nothing, and perhaps she would never have known about Liz. The more she thought about it, the more she was proud of me for being honest. She said she had never for a moment considered breaking our engagement. She was mine forever, she said. I slept much better than night.

I spent every waking moment with two thoughts -- survive this tour and get home to Penny. Home was now New York City. I was sending my pay to Penny, and she was looking after it like it was her only project. She and I wrote letters to each other constantly. You'd think we'd run out of things to say, but Penny would report on the latest investment move she'd made, and how much my pay had grown, and what the price of housing was, how we were going to qualify for a mortgage, and all that sort of thing. I guess that's the advantage of being a writer. I did everything I could not to tell her how soul-destroying this war was.

Penny was taking charge while I was in Vietnam and I couldn't have been happier. It helped me concentrate on my duty and focus on getting home in one piece. I had never prepared myself for a war, and I really didn't know how to conduct myself other that to follow my orders, do the best job I could, and try not to get a SAM up my backside. "The Goat" was a clay pigeon if we got too near the enemy, and we all knew it. I'll say one thing for this realization -- it sharpened our concentration.

The weather was also an enemy. The base was situated on the coast and typically, frequent bad weather made air-sea rescue ops nearly impossible. Like Miami, the humidity and salt water were demons on our airframe, and we could see that our days as an amphibious rescue unit were numbered. We were getting restricted on just how and when we could use the full capability of our bird, and it was frustrating to see the deterioration of this fine aircraft.

I served fifteen gruesome, grueling months at Da Nang and when I left, it wasn't with a sense of accomplishment, but a sense of relief. I had made it through in one piece. The whole posting had been an exercise in futility. Yes, we had found a few pilots and saved a few lives, but I wondered how much more we might have accomplished with a bigger effort. When I got home, I was fortunate not to be one of the targets of the protest crowd. I don't think one person in a thousand even knew the Coast Guard served in Vietnam, on water and in the air, in rescue and in combat.

When I arrived back in New York, I was delighted to find not just Penny, but Mom and Frank were there to greet me. It was a great feeling to be back on U.S. soil again. Penny had organized the whole thing, and I was even more surprised that her parents were on the way and would be arriving the next day. I hadn't seen them in eight years and I wondered what they would think of the man who was going to marry their daughter. I wasn't concerned, but I was on my best behavior.

I shouldn't have worried. Mr. and Mrs. Lane arrived and immediately treated me like their son. They were proud to have me in the family, and proud of my service accomplishments. They got along great with Mom and Frank, and that was a relief. I was nervous that there may have been some after-effects from Mom's divorce and disappearance, but apparently Penny had explained everything to them just after I left for college, and it wasn't a problem.

The only unhappy situation was my inability to have some private time with Penny. I had gone fifteen months without begin able to hold her and make love to her. Now, with both parents around, we couldn't find a way to be alone and renew our love for each other until our folks went back home. I was curious about how Penny's parents could afford the trip and she told me. She had invested my pay in two very good stocks; Polaroid and Texas Instruments. They had done very, very well, and the dividends had paid for her parents' airfare. I was very proud of my lady. She was something special.

When Mom and Frank and the Lanes had said their goodbyes almost a week later, making us promise to set the date soon for our wedding, we finally had time to ourselves. That first night together was as wonderful as I imagined it during all those lonely nights in Da Nang. We made love and held each other and then made love again and then held each other until we fell asleep. I remember waking a couple of times in the night and reaching for Penny just to make sure she was really there. I would pull her closely to me and kiss her shoulder and taste that wonderful taste, smell that wonderful scent. I was home again.

I had six months left of my duty and I knew now that I would not re-enlist. I loved the Coast Guard and I loved flying my "Goat" even more, but I knew both were coming to an end, and I was going to have to find a job on "Civvy Street." The truth was I already had a job offer -- with Frank, flying for North Island Airways. I wanted that job very much, but there was a hitch. Penny had her career here in New York. I couldn't make her give that up. She had sacrificed so much to get a break. I had waited so long to be with her, and I wasn't going to let anything stand in our way.

Frank had offered the job about one second after I told him my time in the Coast Guard was just about done. He needed another pilot, one who had amphibian qualifications, and he was happy to wait for me. Under any other circumstances, I would have signed right there and then, but I told Frank that I had Penny's career to think of and I had to talk to her about it. I hoped he would understand and he did. He smiled and said something about how long he waited for my mother to come along, he could wait a little longer for the son.

I was almost afraid to talk to Penny about Frank's offer. It would mean uprooting Penny from New York and her having to start her career all over again. On the other hand, it was what I truly wanted to do. I loved the Pacific Northwest and I thought Penny would too, but I couldn't just ignore how hard she had worked to get a foothold in her chosen profession. It took me quite a while before I had the courage to talk to her about our future.

"Penny, I uhmmm ... wanted you to know something. Something important," I began.

She looked up and smiled. "Yes?"

"I'm not going to re-enlist in the Coast Guard when this tour is up," I said slowly.

"I know. You've already told me that," she said smiling slightly.

"I ... uh ... wanted you to know that I've had a job offer," I said, very hesitantly.

"Really? Tell me about it."

"I ... uhmmm ... well ... Frank offered me a job at North Island," I stammered.

"Really? And what would you be doing there?"

"Well, flying. I'm a pilot and Frank needs another pilot with my qualifications."

"Yes, you are a pilot, aren't you." She was teasing me.

"The thing is ... it's not here ... it's in Washington ... the one in the Northwest, I mean." I was still stammering.

"I know where it is." She was almost ready to burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" I finally asked.

"You ... you are, my love. You are afraid that I won't want to go to Bellingham, aren't you?" she challenged.

"Uh ... well ... your career ... here in New York. It's just getting going. I can't take you away from that," I said with almost no voice as I finished.

"Oh, Ron. You were thinking of me and willing to sacrifice for me?"

"Yes ... yes I was. I waited so long for us to be together. I wasn't going to let if fall apart because of something I wanted,"

She came over and sat in my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. "My dear Ronald, my typewriter is portable, and so am I. I will go with you anywhere you want to be. I love you and I won't see you give up something so important to you. Writers can write anywhere. Just ask Frank's neighbor, Ernie Gann," she paused, wrapping me in a resounding kiss. "Frank told me about the offer, Ron. If it's something that will make you happy, then I'll be happy."

"Really? I ... I don't know what to say. Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm very, very sure. I love you and I want to be with you and besides, your mom told me how beautiful it is there. She said it was a great place to raise our children."

"She did? Uhmmm ... how many?"

"Oh, I don't know ... maybe two ... or maybe ten," she laughed.

"Uh ... how about two to start with, and we can decide after that." I was beginning to regain my self-control.

"OK ... whatever you say," she grinned.

"You're having a good time with this aren't you? You knew all along I wanted to keep flying. You knew about Frank's offer. You never said a word. You're devious!" I said, stabbing my fingers into her ribs and tickling her aggressively.

She squirmed and wriggled, trying to get me to stop, all the while laughing. "OK, OK, I confess," she shouted, still laughing.

"I love you, Ron. I always have and I always will. I will go with you anywhere. I will have your babies. I will be there for you every day," she said, suddenly serious.

"Oh God, Penny, I am so lucky. I have everything any man could ever want and more. I am so lucky!" I said, burying my head in the crook of her neck.

-0-

The wedding took place in Bellingham. Aunt Hilda and, of course, Frank and Mom as well as Penny's parents were in attendance thanks to another dividend that Penny had cashed from our investments. Tink and Chip also made it. Tink was my Best Man, and Chip and Frank were Ushers. All three of us were coming to the end of our enlistment, and only Chip had decided to re-up. Penny and I would go back to New York for my remaining three months, and then move to Bellingham permanently.

The days before the wedding were a bit of a blur. We had decided to find a place to live despite the fact that Mom and Frank had invited us to stay with them for as long as we wanted. We felt that we needed some privacy, but we were grateful for their thoughtfulness, just the same. We could make an offer on a home and close escrow within three months, having a home waiting for us when we returned from New York.

Frank was now the principal owner of North Island and had just bought a Grumman Goose from a Canadian Lumber Company. It was in great shape, and it wouldn't take me long to get qualified in the smaller aircraft. It was like a three-quarter scale Albatross, and sitting in the left seat, going over the controls was like old-home-week for me.

It was all so familiar, and yet, it was different. This Goose had retractable pontoons and big viewing windows for the nine passengers we would carry. I would no longer be in the Coast Guard, and my flying time would be directed toward passenger safety and smooth operations. Frank had drilled me pretty well on the differences between Military Ops and commercial aviation. I had a lot to learn. But, just the same, it was flying!

The good news was that I wouldn't be on a commuter run. My assignment would be to fly wealthy men and women north to remote fishing camps on the Central and Northern B.C. Coast. I learned that during the summer months, I would be very busy and we would need another pilot to fulfill all our obligations without my going over my flying hour limits. I told Frank about Tink being available.

Frank was very strict when it came to safety. I wasn't surprised and I wasn't unhappy. I knew the risks of putting in too many hours without relief. A couple of times, coming back from long search and rescue operations, I was so tired that I made mistakes, and my co-pilot had to bail me out. I learned soon enough to let the right seat do some of the flying, especially on long hauls.

Penny and I found a house a few miles northeast of the airport. It was a little farming community called Lynden, and it was only a twenty minute drive to the airport. The three bedroom rancher was plenty big for the two of us, but Penny had a surprise for me when we moved in. She was pregnant! I was one happy guy. Not only that, Penny had a job with The Bellingham Herald, our local newspaper. They were happy to have an experienced writer available for features, and Penny was even happier that she could work from home, and I could drop her copy off at the paper on my way to work.

When I sat back and thought about it all, I couldn't believe what had happened to me in the past nine years. I had discovered my mother's affair, saw her disgraced and thrown out of her own home only to discover that my father had engineered the whole thing. I left my hometown of Aberdeen, and I've never been back. It took me three years to be reunited with my mother, but when I did, the rest of my life unfolded before me. She was married to a great guy, happy in her new life and looking years younger than when I had last seen her.

Her husband, Frank Trimble, was a pilot and had never been married until he met Mom. He knew a good thing when he saw it. He introduced me to flying, and I've been hooked ever since. Somehow or other, everything seemed to be pointing in one direction. I joined the Coast Guard and got the chance I was praying for when they taught me to fly, and for almost four years I got to spend a lot of hours in the left seat of an Albatross.

Then, just when I thought things couldn't get any more satisfying, I found Penny. Even better, we both realized what we had known years ago ... we were in love with each other. It only took a couple of hours to confirm it.

And now, here I am. I live in the Pacific Northwest where I really love the country, I'm married to my childhood sweetheart, and we have a child on the way. I'm still flying, thanks to Frank, and that's all I ever want to do for a career. What more could I ask for?

Nothing!