All Comments on 'Lyon's Den Ch. 11'

An ambush in an alley or dark street would be more believable. A squirrel foraging sounds like a large animal in the woods. A person? Takes real training and practice to walk quietly. And your two smoked up scum bags had to have sounded like a small deer herd. But, OK, you get a pass on lame plot device.

Still a good story. Hope you have a real good excuse why Daniel and Mary showed up, with a gun. P.S.: Guns haven't smoked since black powder was replaced in the 1880's with, smokeless powder. If the gun has recently been cleaned there may be some smoke produced by the gun oil residue being burned, but that dissipates quickly and happens only for the first few shots. Claiming to see a "smoking gun" is a distracting cliche', indicating the author has little experience with firearms. Get some advice in the future if you want to be credible.