All Comments on 'What Now? My Ending DYJ'

a little light on detail, a little simple on plot, but big on potential for future improvement. looking forward to your next story.

An enjoyable read. Keep at it. Looking forward to your next effort.

You can stop your endings here. This is a work of art and you should be proud of the ending you have created. It took in the whole scope of betrayal, help, love, affection, greed and deep loving emotion.

becoming a skillful writer and plots you write about are good and wholesome.good job and keep writing.

A great and complex tale told with economy of words. Could very well have been an equally good series yet has greater impact here as told in this austere manner.

very well done! keep it up.

Well done. I tip my hat to you and hope that we have the opportunity to read more of your submissions.

A great first story. It read well, was entertaining, and had a good shot of reality. Thank you. Please keep the quality up there. Also thank you for not writing the typical cheating wife/ wimp husband story; there are far toom many of those already.

Can it be that H20wader has created some competition for not only himself but other writers as well?

You have done an excellent job of giving a very good ending to a story that could have went in many directions.

My hat is off to H20wader for taking a chance and allowing the very good beginning of a story to be finished by someone else.

Respectfully, Bushy Tail

Finally, the good guy and gal win, the bad ones get what's due them. Please write more

A new approach. Will be looking forward to future stories

playingcardcompany

The different points of view were done quite well.

Only one quibble, there was no mention of James telling Mark to leave Bev alone until the very end. This could well have been mentioned near the start when James was talking with Mark. I was expecting him to say somethimg like that, but all we got was the information that Mark wanted into her pants.

That was the only annoyance in the story, so in reality you did really well.

I will be looking for more from you.

I will look out for the rest of your stories.

Cheers!

B O O K M A R K E D !!!

I was so impressed with your finish to this story. And i loved it.

Thanks for a great story and ending to H2O's story

very well written and believable. Could this be considered the beginnings of a chain story?

Not a typical cheating wife/wimp husband story. You story was a real pleasure to read. Your characters appeared to be so authentic and the interplay kept my interest at a peak right through. Please keep the quality up there. Looking forward to more from a fine 'new' writer, so keep them cumming!

I really enjoy this and your other stories.

story and great ending, I do like your type of story ending where the bad guys get what is comming to them

Mike

That was much better to see beverly and james together .

This is a very good read. If it is your first effort, it bodes well for the future. I am already looking forward to your future efforts.

I'm sorry that I can't give you any constructive advice, but I am sure that it will be available.

I loved this ending to the story and the story itself. Yes please keep writing such... I think you can become one of the favorite authors if you do. I read the initial story some time ago and will go back and reread same. There has to be more to a story than just the cheating, and then the results of cheating to make a great story. Your background of a good man and good woman make it more. Plus, you did not make Marita into a total sex-crazed slut-wife like some do. I personally do not lot like some of the stories where the wives are made into sex-crazed sluts after having been good wives for years. A fling or an affair with even one man is more than enough to ruin a woman as a trusting husband's wife. The story does not have to have lurid sex scenes all the way through either. After all, that is not real life at all for women...or most men, is it?

Even better the 2nd or 3rd readings.

Nice continuation of the original. I'm glad James and Bev wound up together.

It was a bit short - but that changed as you developed on the site - I have worked down to this one heh -

Nice perspectives - stayed true to the original and developed a realistic ending -

Neat work -

This was a splendid idea, really. But unfortunately your execution failed. This does, very unfortunately, feel like a sequence of separate scenes and not a story. The dialogue is a) uncomfortable to read because of the lack of separation into paragraphs and b) not very natural at times.

In the end, this is a story with huge potential, but you are a long way from fulfilling that!

you have the gift of gab but you need to work on your spelling george

You said you have no problem someone else being with your lady. Well how generous of you. Not my style I must admit.

However guys like you provide guys like me the opportunity to do guys like you and their wives a favor.

I only have one rule with married women. I DO NOT CHASE NOR DO I SEDUCE.

I AM AVERAGE HEIGHT, BEEN TOLD EXCEPTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE, CANNOT DELIVER A PICK-UP LINE WORTH A DAMN, AM QUITE SHY, BUT AFTER A WHISKEY OR TWO I AM QUITE CHARMING AND ATTENTIVE AND SEEMINGLY HARMLESS

MY RULE-THE WIFE HAS TO COME UP TO ME AND EXPLICILTY ASK ME TO FUCK HER. AFTER A DOZEN TIMES IT ALWAYS SHOCKS ME WHEN THEY DO. I AMNOT FRIENDS WITH THEIR HUSBSNDS BUT HAVE SEEN THEM IN THE SME BAR. HUSBAND IGNORES THEM, THEY END UP DRIFTING TOWARD MY CONVERSATIONAL GROUP. I AM INQUISITIVE, I WELCOME THEM INTO MY GROUP, I DO NOT FLATTER NOR TOUCH. THE ONES I HAVE BEEN WITH START HEADING RIGHT TO MY GROUP WHEN THEY COME IN WITH HUSBANDS. I M BLUE COLLAR GUY, BUSINESS UIT HUSBANDS SEE ME AS NO THREAT FACT IS THEY LOOK DOWN AT ME. WITHIN A COUPLE OF MONTHS WHILE HUSBAND IS TALKING TO HIS BUDDIES, WIFE'S PANTIES ARE AT HER ANKLES WHILE SHE ITS ON WOODEN STAIRCASE OUT BACK OF BAR WITH ME EATING HER TO ORGASM. HUBBY DOESN'T DO THAT. I HAVE HELPED HER GET DRUNK HUBBY HOME AND SHE CAUTIOUSLY PERFORMS HER FIRST BLOWJOB.

NEXT TIME TAKE HIM HOME SLEEP ON COUCH, SHE WAKES ME UP IN MORNING WEARING ONLY BATHROBE WHICH SHE EAGELY OPENS. THEN DROPS EAGDRLY TO HER KNEES TO PERFORM SECOND BJ OF HER LIFE. DROPS BACK KNEES UP AND WIDE OPEN AND WE FUCK ON LIVING ROOM FLOOR WITH HER HUSBAND ASLEEP SOME 20 FEET AWAY AND BEROOM DOOR WIDE OPEN

FEMALES ESPECIALLY UNSATISFIED WIVES LIKE TO TALK. SHE TELLS HER FRIEND WHO TELLS HER FRIEND. I AM 38 THEY RANGE FROM 24 TO 56

Another good story. I'm glad I found your work. I've enjoyed every story.

Toward the end you get the names mixed up. You write Mark where it should be James and visa versa. Same with Bev and Marita. If I am reading it correctly...

I'm not sure Baldwin is up to the challenge of such notoriety. Having only visited the "big city" to partake of the famous Pere Marquette streamer fishing, I doubt you will find the history buffs clambering cemetery walls for leads on logging crimes of the past. Besides, we are funding that wonderful prison system (public and private).... Do they need more fake news coverage?

Otherwise, not bad (especially as you didn't bore us with how he came into Trump-like funds) for a beginning.

sadly nearby

Smokepole

marita decrying, 'i should have realized it was you i loved. i'm so sorry'

i mean....she plotted to kill the dude for a fistful of cash. can't get much more cold blooded than that. the exact opposite of love. i don't know if she's delusional, poorly manipulative, or this is just btb author induced fantasy. but i doubt she would say that.

don't get offended author. we all have fantasies where the bullies apologize to us, 'i never knew you were so silently strong'. the reality is most don't give a shit, regardless of how it turns out. we're not important enough to others. even when, as a kid, i fought the bullies and won.....no one cared. i mean...i cared.

if Mark and Martia died

"History Lesson" is a fleshed out version of this story which I just read and commented on. It's full of details about where I grew up, traveled around and lived till around ten years ago and at the end of this you state you've never been to Michigan? Man, you sure had me fooled! I liked "History Lesson" much better just because it was fuller and more detailed. Still a good job. Signed: BTW

I would like to read the original story, but i didn't find storys of H2Owader

Pretty good add on to the original story.

Lovely story.

Thanks author JakeRivers.

It lacked drama. Too wordy in some areas, too sparse in others. Still, I do like revenge and it was well written from a grammar standpoint.

Story was good but seemed to go too fast considering how many words you took. On the other hand I like the ending.

Wonderful story! Mark got his, that POS. Marita got hers (the whore). Then James got his, from the beautiful young lady he helped that loved him for years. Bev also got hers, a doctorate, a loving husband she adored for years and 2 beautiful children...

Money, money, MONEY! That's what most LW stories are about.

3 star rating at best. She had 4 years of HS Spanish so why take French as a language minor? Plot was OK but poorly written. Sorry

3 stars for a mediocre written story. A rich and supposedly intelligent James was being duped by both Mark and Marieta. Totally rushed story at the end!!

H20wader has no submissions. unless he deleted everything.

Doesn't this overlap a lot with History Lesson which is three parts and much more detailed? Was this version first?