Secret Love Ch. 1
by Deann Laws ©
"Samantha this past year of teaching you and seeing you grow and approve your clinical skills, I've noticed things change in me. You seemed so different than any of the other students and not so easily approachable. Always so quiet and to yourself. It drew me to you even more. I didn't know how to approach you. Maybe I have been a little more tough on you then the others, but I see so much more potential in you. I'm sorry for being so hard on you this year. It seems this summer we're both going through some changes. I've noticed you seem more confident and aware of yourself these past few weeks, and I've noticed some definite improvements in your clinical skills."
She said smiling at that last statement. At that moment Lauri reached her hand up and stroked my face.
"Samantha I don't understand these feelings myself but..."
"Sssh...it's alright you don't have to say it."
I reached up and placed my fingers over her lips. Dead silence passed between us as we looked into each other's eyes. I ran my fingers slightly over her lips. I looked into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity. She didn't stop me. I slowly leaned forward and gently kissed her lips so softly.
I pulled back slightly, waiting for any encouragement from her. She placed her hands on my face and pulled me into her for a deeper kiss. I felt her lips part and touch mine. Her tongue gently probed my mouth for entrance. I parted my lips and allowed her tongue entry. Our kiss was so soft and pure, like none other than I had ever felt before.
The kiss became deeper and more intense. I felt her fingers run through my hair as she held me into her. I pulled my lips away and looked at her and saw such a look of love and raw passion that took my breath away. Our lips forced their way back to each other, with more intensity becoming deeper and rapid as our hands roamed each other's bodies pulling each other closer.
I felt her hand gently caress my face as we kissed. I slowly reached up and caressed her breast as we kissed deeper. She let out a little moan as my fingers gently squeezed at her breast. She pressed her body into me even more. Our kiss continued and we began to let our passion take control when I knew I had to pull away before things got too out of hand. I had to take a breath, and to think about what was happening. Was she kissing me cause she was interested in me, or because she was in need and feeling lonely because of her marital problems?
I questioned myself and had to pull away. I needed her, wanted her, but I wanted her only if she wanted me the same way and felt the same. I knew my feelings for her were much deeper than a secret crush.
"I'm sorry Lauri...I didn't mean to..." I hesitated, not knowing what to say about what just happened. I turned away. I was too scared to look at her, or what she might think of me.
She didn't say anything. So I turned and slowly walked out, not looking back, hoping that maybe she would call out to me, but she didn't. She didn't stop me so I continued out the door. I was both shocked and in awe at what had just happened with her and I. Or how I was even going to face her the next day in class.
"This is great Samantha," I said to myself. "She is my teacher for crying out loud...damn...how the hell am I suppose to face her in class now? I just couldn't stay away from her, could I?" I said belittling myself.
All night the thoughts of the days events ran through my head, and how I was going to face her the next day. I wondered if she was thinking of me, and what she was going to say to me. It was late and I had to get some much needed rest. I laid my face into my pillow and started to cry. I knew I loved her, but I also knew that this could never be, and with that I cried myself to sleep, awaiting the inevitable of what the next day would bring.
I slowly woke up the next morning, not too motivated about facing Lauri in class. Well I knew I had to get moving so I better get this over with, one way or another. Either way I have to tell her how I feel about her, and why I walked out on her last night. Maybe she'll understand, or maybe not, but she has to know how I feel.
I hesitated walking into class that morning. I had this feeling of dread that I couldn't shake. I opened the door and sat myself down in the back of the classroom. Our eyes met. She briefly looked at me and turned away. My heart began to beat faster...what was I going to say to her. All through class I hadn't heard anything with lecture, thoughts of what I was going to say to her rehearsed over and over again in my mind.
Everytime I looked at her she would turn away. It seemed like she was purposely avoiding eye contact. I felt hurt by her actions but we still had to talk. After class I waited for the students to leave. Lauri seemed to be in a rush to get out of there.
I walked up to the front of class and waited for her to look up at me, but she continued to pack her notes ignoring my presence. "Lauri, can we talk please?" I said almost under my breath.
"Samantha, this isn't a good time, I have alot of things to do today." she said while avoiding eye contact. She grabbed her things and walked by me, totally ignoring me.
"Lauri, I think we need to talk. We can do it here, or in your office but either way I'm going to say this to you now, and if you want the whole damn department to know then fine with me! I suggest you don't walk away from me Lauri!" I yelled out to her as she continued to walk away. "You've been ignoring me all morning, and if you want to make this a scene then we can do that!" I started to raise my voice a bit as she continued out the door. "Damn" I said as I followed her to her office.
"Fine, Samantha, you want to talk, then let's talk!" She opened the door to her office and I followed her in and shut the door. She threw her things on her desk and crossed her arms and looked at me with disgust. "You wanted to talk, then talk. Let's get this over with cause I have too many other important things to do today!" Lauri said.
"Why are you so damn mad at me? What the hell did I do? Oh, I know, I kissed you! That's what I did, and then walked out on you! Lauri that kiss meant so much more to me than a kiss, I had to leave to think about that, and to hopefully give you time to think about what had happened. I have feelings for you Lauri. I'm sorry that I do, but I can't help but feel this way for you. And I want it to mean more to you than something casual as well. All last night I thought about how wrong it was, your married, and all of that, your my instructor, but I don't care, you mean so much to me. I can't stop thinking about you, or wanting you. But I have to know that you feel the same and want the same. God help me, but I am falling in love with you."
"Samantha, please don't say that. Your not falling in love with me. What happened yesterday was a mistake. I was confused, and upset with my husband moving out, and you were there, and I just confused my feelings with all of it. It should have never happened, and I'm sorry that it did. Your a wonderful person Samantha, but please don't think that this means anything more than what it was."
"Lauri, what about what you said, and how you felt towards me, was that all a lie? Didn't any of this mean anything to you, didn't you feel something when we kissed? You can't tell me that you didn't, and that this was just you being upset with your husband. I know there was more to our kiss than that...you can't tell me you didn't feel it. Please don't tell me you don't feel this. I love you, don't do this."
"Samantha I don't love you. I'm sorry but your going to have to realize that this was a mistake. I'm sorry that I hurt you, and this happened but we have to let this go. Samantha you have to realize that I am a very respectable instructor. I've always been so in control of my life. This isn't me, and this shouldn't have happened. And I ask you to keep this quiet. This never happened, and it should remain that way. This should just remain between us as our little secret, but as far as I'm concerned this never happened, and I suggest you do the same and move on. As your instructor I'm suggesting you to keep things that way. No one has to know."
I began to cry, the tears pouring down my face. I couldn't believe what she was saying to me and how cruel she was.
"So I guess this didn't mean anything to you. I expected so much more of you Lauri. I thought you were different. I didn't think you cared about your image so much, but I guess I was wrong. You can deny what we felt for each other yesterday, but I know in my heart the truth. And you don't have to worry about your precious image, it's safe with me. No one will know, its our little secret! Your right, this never happened!"
I slammed the door on my way out, the tears rolling down my face. I ran to my car, not wanting anyone to see me sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped in my car, my face against the steering wheel as my tears washed over my face. I cried for what seemed an eternity when I heard someone banging on my car window.
I looked up and it was shirley, my classmate from school, the new transfer student. I wiped my eyes and rolled down the window.
"Samantha are you okay" Shirley said. "I saw you run to your car upset, and I just wanted to come over and see if you were okay."
I sniffled and wiped my face. "Hi, Shirley. That's really sweet of you, but I'm fine. I'm just not feeling too good today so I'm going to skip clinic this afternoon and head home. I might take a few off-days from clinic. I just need to get some things together. But I'm okay, thanks for asking. Hey can you do me a favor?"
"Samantha are you sure your okay. I'm a great listener."
"That's really nice of you Shirley but don't worry I just need some time to myself. If you can tell Joan that I won't be in this afternoon and that I am taking the rest of the week off from clinic I would really appreciate that."
"Is that wise to be taking this time off so soon before graduation? Anyway, shouldn't I tell Lauri, she would need to know?"
"No! I'm sure Joan will let her know. And I have a few off days anyway so it shouldn't affect graduation credits, and one of the other students or you if you'd like can take my patients for this week. It shouldn't be a problem. Can you tell Joan for me?"
"Sure Samantha, will I see you on Monday?"
"Yeah, hopefully. Don't worry, I'm fine okay? Look I have to go, so I'll talk to you later than. Thanks, Shirley."
"Okay, Samantha, see you next week." Shirley waved goodbye to me as I drove off down the road.
"Oh Samantha this isn't wise at all." Shirley thought. "I need to go tell Lauri what your planning. You shouldn't be taking this whole week off. Well maybe Lauri will beable to talk some sense into you." Shirley thought to herself. "Hmmm...Yes, I need to go see Lauri and tell her. I'll go do that now."
A knock came at the door. "I wonder who that is now," Lauri spoke to herself trying to calm her nerves down after talking with Samantha. "Get yourself together here Lauri, people can't see you like this." Lauri straightened herself up. Lauri cleared her throat. "Yes, who is it?" Lauri called out.
"Lauri, it's Shirley. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a few moments."
Lauri opened the door for Shirley. "Yes come in. What can I do for you?"
"Umm...well I'm not sure if I should be saying this because Samantha will get mad at me, and I'm going against her wishes by coming to you, but I thought you should know that I just saw her pretty upset leaving in her car. She had asked me to go to Joan and tell her that she wouldn't be in all week and that she's taking her off-days for clinic. I tried to tell her with graduation around the corner that I didn't think it was wise but she didn't listen, and said she needed some time to herself. I know it's really none of my business, but I'm just a little concerned is all. She did seem really upset for some reason. Anyway, I just thought you should know."
"Thanks Shirley, you did the right thing by coming to me. Don't worry, I'll handle this okay? I'll talk with Samantha, but in the meantime maybe you should try and schedule some of her patients with yours as well."
"Alright, Lauri, I'll do that." Shirley said as she walked out the office.
"Hmmm...Samantha, what am I going to do about you?" Lauri pondered to herself.
After leaving Shirley standing in the parking lot, I started to drive. I didn't know where I was headed but I just had to get out of there. A nice cold drink I think would do the trick. I decided to drive to the local bar. Yeah, at 10am in the morning, I'm sure to have the whole place to myself.
"Damn, I missed the exit, well, I will take the next one." I said to myself as I swerved back onto the highway. I was crazy to think that she could feel the same for me. Who was I trying to kid?
My thoughts were driving me crazy, and the tears continued to come. My eyes were blinded from the tears, and I wasn't watching my driving too well as I swerved back and forth from the edge of the road. The exit was coming up fast, so I took a sharp turn to make it onto the next exit to take the highway back into town.
My sobbing continuing to increase. I wasn't watching my speedometer, or how sharp I took that exit, as I wiped the tears from my eyes, the next thing I knew was my car flipping over in the ditch.
It all happened so quickly. I felt the car swerve off the exit ramp but I couldn't get control of the steering wheel. Time was motionless as I felt the weight of the car twisting and turning into the ditch. Every effort to gain control was useless. My voice was silent. I couldn't even scream out.
I felt no pain as my body was flung motionless into the steering wheel and compartments of the car. Then I remembered nothing. I could hear sirens around me, and people shouting, but everything was black and still. I thought I could hear people talking to me, but it sounded so distant and muffled that I couldn't let them know I was okay. I tried to talk, to tell them where I was, but nothing would come out.
Then the blackness and silence engulfed me.
To be continued...
|Another top quality story by Deann Laws.|
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