All Comments on 'before we lose sight'

I love the play of language. This part just kills me:

a tantric transcript sanskrit

soul searching stumble

in your murderous mumble

muffled in my mouth

at last

One small edit: sheild = shield

What is she, a vampire or something? I don't understand why blood is introduced, where elsewhere in the poem the build up appears to be leading to a simple kiss. I have never read of hair being compared to a steel bar curtain shield. Kind of turns me off, as hair is so different from steel. Even if you want to use unusual words/phrases they still need to make some kind of sense in English. I gave this a "5" because of its uniqueness, but ideally needs to me tightened up, with the icky whimsy wordplay revisited. One can be simply too clever and you've crossed that line here...

I love it and I love the part fool mentioned. This is cool and unique and I truly believe you are the king of erotic poetry here at lit. :)