All Comments on 'brown juice'

as you would say:

hehheh<charmed> or something like that, you have some nice stuff going on here.

Tinas five gallon buckets

were hum drums for hours

bang bang bang drum roll splat

to sip the brown juice

that was buttermilk sour

spew spit spat yak

the faces of the ugly

but this stanza is too choppy:

Our little band

needed the boost

to sound as good

as the parents

after drinking

... the brown juice!

You need to lengthen the lines. Read the stanza that begins with master plan. Notice how much smoother that one reads?

A little more improvement and you will be almost as good as uncle Pervy!

Here's where they learned their lesson well

And it was all self-administered!

Loose knit musical group - children in fantasy mood trying to emulate - reality.