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Click herePartners get boring; I get lost in a crowd;
Drunks end up snoring; Screamers are too loud;
Critters aren't legal; Teens tend to swell a bit;
I ache when spread-eagle; Think I'll stay celibate.
(With apologies to Dorothy Parker)
Partners get boring; -- banal (but harmless)
I get lost in a crowd; -- cliched
Drunks end up snoring; -- banal; drunks+snore? work harder at poetry;
Screamers are too loud; -- ditto;
Critters aren't legal; -- somewhat interesting language;
Teens tend to swell a bit; -- unclear (hence not too useful) but harmless;
I ache when spread-eagle; -- graphic (and a bit of a cliche; but where is poetry?)
Think I'll stay celibate. -- a transparent attempt at humor, not original, not really funny.
You seem to have an ok brain. Use it, use it way harder. Peace.
Nicely Parkerish... a hint of meter and wit. Well done.