- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Ghost in the Darkness
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Ghost in the Darkness
A voice calling me from the darkness,
calling from a distance of time rather than space.
pulling me towards it, drawing me in to the unknown.
My mind drifts, filled with memories from long ago.
I see your face, as if you stood before me now
with radiant eyes and a mischievous smile, you captivate me.
Your voice, crisp and clear, I hear you now as you call my name.
Ghosts of memories haunt my mind, frightened by what I find.
I close my eyes; I no longer need them to see you.
As if frozen in time, you stand before me.
Your eyes dancing with excitement.
How long will this last, I ask choking out the words?
As long as you want me, you answer as I feel your hand touch my face.
I'm paralyzed with fear, not from seeing you, from loosing you.
- COMMENTS
UnderYourSpellalmost 13 years agoNeeds editing and cutting back to make it more poetry and less prose
Anonymousalmost 13 years agoA strong theme, that of memory and emotions, something we can all relate to. A melancholy piece.
Last line; losing (not loosing)
Corpse_rider
twelveoonealmost 13 years agowe change a few things, as an experiment. The word "calls" is important, so OK to repeat, may even be a good thing, distance may be be also.
A voice calls from the distance,
calls from the distance of time
not space.
Question for you, what feels better to you? Generally, it is OK to repeat what you need, and ruthlessly chop what you don't. I scored a new writer 5, don't take the scores seriously, they are a joke. However. if you find this comment, even remotely useful, go through some of the other submissions and leave one.
Also, spend twice (really more) as much time in edit as in write.
