All Comments on 'Ghost in the Darkness'

we change a few things, as an experiment. The word "calls" is important, so OK to repeat, may even be a good thing, distance may be be also.

A voice calls from the distance,

calls from the distance of time

not space.

Question for you, what feels better to you? Generally, it is OK to repeat what you need, and ruthlessly chop what you don't. I scored a new writer 5, don't take the scores seriously, they are a joke. However. if you find this comment, even remotely useful, go through some of the other submissions and leave one.

Also, spend twice (really more) as much time in edit as in write.

A strong theme, that of memory and emotions, something we can all relate to. A melancholy piece.

Last line; losing (not loosing)

Corpse_rider

Needs editing and cutting back to make it more poetry and less prose