All Comments on 'It Will Always Ache'

so exquisitely narrated, this poem is a feast for the psyche.

Is this a form? Not sure which if it is, but it has a nice tight construction and a lot of "sound" (or to use your word, "sonority") that brings it to life. To me, "enterprisingly" doesn't work with the rest of the poem: it doesn't fit with the sensual almost violent imagery of the rest of the piece. And I'm not sure I know what you mean by "bloody fountain of your offering," but that kind of ambiguity is not necessarily a problem in a poem, may be my problem reading it.

Version 2? Or is this version 1?

This one is better than the other. You trimmed some phrases and the poem flows a bit better here, and you twisted the ending to a more poetically satisfying solution. Well done.

......they said! Didn't see the other version but it's hard to believe it's better than this. I agree with Ange about "enterprisingly", it seems oddly out of place and distracts while the mind tries to visualize the motion. Apart from that - a fiver.

Tess

Nice repetition and it seems to me to be some kind of form poem (not my area of expertise). It could to be a little less abstract though and possibly edited a little more agressively.