All Comments on 'Ou Sont Les Neiges D'Antan'

Interesting, 5th. I like the refrain with "December." That month is often suggested as an end to something.

Assuming you're interested in constructive criticism, I have a couple of thoughts to share with you.

First, I thought the poem would flow better if it was pared back a little. A good technique is to remove a line and then assess whether its absence altered the poem in any way. If not, the line is superfluous and should be deleted. Then do the same with one or more words in the lines you keep to see again if something can be removed without affecting the quality of the line.

Secondly, I thought the poem would have ended better if death was inferred, rather stated so descriptively. The ending felt melodramatic to me for that reason. I've already mentioned "December" which I think subtly positions the reader (as well as her pale countenance; I loved the contrast with the powdered faces of fashionable aristocratic women BTW). I think "stones" as gravestones can be effectively inferred, for example, "assembled together above the snow on the ground," or something similar.

I look forward to reading more of your poems.

Thank you for the advice. This is a rather old poem, so there are, no doubt, many ways in which it could be better. I am interested in following your suggestions, and perhaps writing a revised version, at some point in the future. Being a minimalist of sorts, I especially appreciate the paring back idea.