All Comments on 'Pan's Pen'

What?

Loved it for real, where the hell are you drifting too, the Sargasso Sea?, has to be dovetailed with Excerpt...

I feel like the first two strophes would wprk better switched. It's all a (very good) metaphor but wouldn't saying you wrote the letter come after you explain how that chip of finger came to be charred? Maybe not, maybe I'm reading too much into it, maybe I need more coffee. Anyway it's wonderful writing.

now i can't make up my mind if i prefer it as it stands or with Angeline's suggestion about swapping those first two about. now's not the best time to think this through, too noisy my end

but

have to say either way this is worth a solid 5. favourite bits are all the first v as it stands now and the last. Lovin' the last, both for its image and its sounds! 'kiss a fist, press send'.

incidentally, i'd like to see that send italicised or in inverteds. :)

and this, sigh:

traced by fingers

on this shore, a third shouted

to a passing storm.

Q: how good is that?

A: very

...dragged me from sweet sentimenality to sudden presence. The final lines in the second strophe seem out of place somehow eg. "like nobody's business, right?". Apart from that small irritation I loved this.

Tess

Only thing that niggled me was 'type in the palm of your hand' .... how would you do that? sounds painful, otherwise I loved it

Loved the opening stanza in particular - good stuff!

Seems a little pointless commenting without a small criticism. Inappropriate notions!!! To me it feels like its there just to fill in an necessary blank and ruins a poem that otherwise holds my interest carries me along to the end.

and thought Jeez, this one is the coolest I read today thus far. To me, a solid five. It flows quickly and is enjoyable to my ears.

Five.