All Comments on 'Sleeper'

this is really good! loved it--:)

and it's a 5 in form and content, but I think it can be a 10. This strophe is amazing--

An ultra rapid zone in a bubble of my own,

a slow-motion clue of notions through a veil.

I live 10,000 lives in the timespan of a sigh,

but I find it so exhausting to exhale.

The rest of the poem--while excellent--is outshone by this. I would try to tighten up the rest (for example, lose the "so" at the beginning of your last stanza).

I hope you know I'm nitpicking because this is so good. :)

Woody Allen did a Sleeper too, but this one is so much more poetic... :). An excellent twist on the challenge line. That line had me scratching my head for some time, but you made it fit your poem so well.

jim :)