All Comments on 'Time Out'

I loves moon pie tittie

MET spend a little more time weeding overused phrases, i.e. pools etc.

but I loves this: The addition of "hungry" gives it needed ambiguity, I know what you are talking about, but it could be also..., it opens it up.

"moon pie tittie

lapping hungry lips"

BWTF do I know?

dig this one. witty material needs that erotic feel. so, that time out is a great thing. at least that is how i interpret it. but these lines are my fave:

Like a candle in a blizzard

it's all I have

to keep me warm on a cold night

visions of you

in the dim light

The lights been green

for quite a while

but I have to take 'Time out'

when I think of you

*****

i'm taking a time out.....*LOL*.....nice write....don

even the pace, the rhythm of this one is hard and fast and strong just as is what it is depicting!

:)

Kisses,

T

You brought tears to my eyes....

This is Renegade poetry, NO SET STRUCTURE?

Alby-slapping the ruler here. Now I am Inspired!

Loved this one Art,

I have to say I think it is

possibly my favorite poem of yours.

I especially liked

I've looked down the barrel

of your intended words

daring you to shoot

so I could see your fire

there is still the smoldering

Absolutley cracking poem Art

More please ~ J

It needs tweaking. Of course, I could tweak a poem into oblivion.

This is a great stanza:

rumped and rode

like a washing machine

cat claw rake and bite

wild hair on a full moon

As Eve said - if you wanted to - you could tighten it a bit but the passion's there and it hold the interest.

I particularly like the frequent references to motion (both verical and horizantal) through out.

Tess

The first line brings so many thoughts to my mind... a child in need of discipline, strategical methods in sports for winning the game, and an all out retreat from reality. A great first stanza that builds. Like Eve I feel some tweaking is needed for I believe the poet can use more original descriptions..."pools" etc. but over all a wonderful read, variations in rhythm and speeds... stop and go that feels like a heart beat....

Du~

Mentioned in the Sunday reviews.

The reference to the red light/green light, brings to mind stopping at a crossroad in our life, in which we look back on the distance we've traveled and in which we decide in what direction we now want to head in. I also loved the following passage,

"Like a candle in a blizzard

it's all I have

to keep me warm on a cold night

visions of you

in the dim light"

Great images throughout.

My Goddess, Art! You really took Me on one helluva breathless ride tonight with this one! Geeeez! I'm NEVER gonna get over the pneumonia THIS way!<gasp, gasp> But it was well worth the money spent on the iron lung <wink>

Still outta breath~

Vixxx

and timing

abstract smiling eyes

says it all

a great line

agree with some of the others, needs a little tweaking

The washing machine is great, so easy to put yourself there. This made me think of rock and roll, don't know why it just has a beat to me. I like it a lot.