All Comments on '3 Families Vol. 01 Ch. 01'

nice balance and good to see a story told with a back plot second. lots of room for forward plans. good character and buildup. 5stars

More please

I like your story so far, it is almost believable, but heavens your English sucks. See if you can get an editor here on Literotica. At least your spelling is mostly OK. Your grammar however is a different story. Honestly it will make your story more enjoyable for those who learned grammar at school. English is nor my first language, although if truth be told I am not sure which one is these days. I had to learn three foreign languages, including English as well as my native Dutch. I moved to Australia in 1973 and Dutch is not quite Lingua Franca here, so mostly I have spoken English since then. Learning extra languages makes grammar important, hence my noticing your lapses.

Really good story so far, I actually loved this story on the CHYOA site and always hoped for it to get written into a finished story. I think the grammar is fine a few typos. It's not like people speak in perfect grammar anyway.

5 stars from me so far but not for your grammar as that's a bit shonky but not as bad as others on this site that I've come across. So I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters as so far It's a nice story that you are conveying to us meer mortals that haven't the foggiest of how to put our fantasy's down on paper or on this format, so thank you.

WOW ... so looking forward to the rest of the story .... love the banter between everyone ... and the comments are just like what happened in my 6 sibling family ... was sure you were recording the hits ... thanks for the great read ...

Good start, nicely written and no typos! Looking forward to reading the rest of the series.

very good job so far thanks

Yep, liking this. Thank you

1. "Growing up he and her were inseparable" should be "Growing up he and she were inseparable"

2. "she was as well. Or one who didn't" Never start a sentence with 'or'.

3. "a few months younger then him and Jo" should be "a few months younger thAn him and Jo"

4. "Lezpires, The Awaking" should be "Lezpires, The Awakening"

5. "who's boobs where now slightly larger" should be "whose boobs were now slightly larger"

6. There is a heading "Spring 1999" but doesn't seem to be a time given to let us know when the flashback ends.

7. So many characters introduced on top of one another that the reader is left wondering who is who. I was about to grab a piece of paper and jot out a family tree when I decided it was all too hard just for a short story. Good for you though as I don't rate stories I don't read to the end.

Lots more time required on grammar and general plot/character development.

Keep it up though.

As a romantic and one who find mutually agreeable incest acceptable, I love full character and plot development in a story. As for sexual choices, practices, or preferences, I believe love has no boundaries, there is nothing bad or forbidden. It can be expressed in so many ways and levels. I hope the author is able to keep up with the standard he has set in this first chapter.