All Comments on '78 Minutes'

Really good entry! I loved the twist at the end.

This is solid, especially for a new writer. You present the story in a crisp and clean manner, yet manage to give a great deal of detail. You've done this by weaving the details into the story. We know their basic background. We know who they each are now. We see why they don't work. Your dialogue is simple and direct, which fits the story.

You evoke emotion, but probably different ones depending on how the reader interprets the story and scene. You frame it as the subs' trust issue, and that is an issue. However, my emotions are flaming at the Dom for setting her up for failure. I really hate that, thus I'm pissed at him. Respect is freely given until there is reason not to respect. Trust is earned. He knows her fears. He spoke specifically to hit that fear and then acted in support of that. To me that's a violation of her submission. And he did it to make her fail. So. He's not a super-duper Dom. He's a vindictive ex.

Now, none of that is a criticism of your writing. It is one reader's interpretation and response based on personal preference and history. Readers won't always see what you see in your story,and that's okay. Take people's comments with a grain of salt. Learn from them, good or bad.

I never thought of it that way but I can see your point. I was thinking more of him testing her rather than trying to break her but, after reading your comments I can see where I didn’t express that clearly.

Thanks for the input.

He isn't a Dom. He's still a mad Ex. He knows her and uses that knowledge to make her fail. I don't think that's the goal of a Dom. He turned out to be a manipulative prick. What's fun about that?

1 star

You changed perspective halfway through. In the begining "SHE remembered" and "JESSIE followed him home". That's third person perspective. Then all of the sudden "that angered ME" and "I yelled". That's first person perspective.

You shouldn't change in the middle like that without a good reason. It's distracting and disorienting for the reader. Of course there are sometimes reasons to break those rules to achieve some kind of effect. But I didn't see that here - here it just looks sloppy.

Which is a real shame, because I think you've got a great little story here. Your dialouge was strong, your main character was surprisingly well developed, and your pacing was brisk, the way I like a story. The 750 word limit probably played a part in that. I enjoyed it, but I would have enjoyed it more if I didn't have to stop to figure out the perspective change.

I think you wrote a good story that drives home a point, I enjoyed the story but I was disappointed that the Dom was interested in breaking her and not giving her a real chance. He knew her fears and used them so she could not succeed in submitting to him. A good story for sure and I look forward to more from you. It does seem vindictive. He would have been better to not test her as he would not come off the way he did. Not too good a Dom that uses what he knows so she will fail.