All Comments on 'A Bet That Went Bad Ch. 01'

Good Start, hope to see the rest soon, thanks.

The only problem is that I "hate" MBA's. I think that the have ruined many good companies with their bottom line fixation.

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Lots of fine sex in here and a nice braintwister on where it will be going!

I'm not sure the husband should have picked up a strange woman but I guess he was a little angry. However two wrongs do not make a right and let's be honest here the husband did make the bet. Okay he would not have expected the wife to give in to Luke but even so he shouldn't have had sex with Joan. As for the marriage? I am not sure where it can go from here. They both cheated so unless they become swingers the marriage is over.

<p>I've not read the other two stories today yet, but I see your still mixing first and 3rd person view in your stories.</p>

<p>I think the reason most people get on you about it is because you write a "DARN" good story. But you tend to screw it up by mixing views. When you switch between first person narrative and back to third person viewing, the reader, like myself, gets lost thinking I've missed something important in the story. And that confusion keeps, at least me, from enjoying the story as well as I could.</p>

<p>I think your a good writer, but please stop the mixing. It's not a good calling card to be known by</p>

-Risq

Decent story. Still wish you would pick a voice or make distinctive breaks if you are going to switch pov.

Please find a proofreader to correct all the grammar and spelling mistakes. Real pain...

Honey I didnt really screw Luke....

you're not a good writer but you do have an imagination. some can write just dont have the imagination. i think you can learn to write better.

HUH? how the fuck is this justified?-- <b>I hated them both, but I hated Luke 10 times more than Mary. </b>

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Good start but this ruins it. It is OBVIOUS this author is once again setting the stage for ANOTHER forced unjustified

reconciliation at all costs ending.

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Mary was told EXACTLY what Luke was doing as soon as the bet was made. Luke was being Luke and Luke did NOT that Mary knew all about the best. So why is this idiot wimp Jim more angry at Luke then Mary?

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a new low in stupid.

good story line, now tell why she did what she did, she knew and agreed with the bet by spending the money. This makes what she done even more sneakier and low down, they must have been laughing at him i only hope your not coming back with this being her revenge because the lover set him up.

good story line, now tell why she did what she did, she knew and agreed with the bet by spending the money. This makes what she done even more sneakier and low down, they must have been laughing at him i only hope your not coming back with this being her revenge because the lover set him up.

What?-- MBA student and don't have money for professional wardrobe. Man you DON'T have any ideas about MBA's, right? Just see what Joan/Candy says -- "Sorry to hear that, life really sucks sometimes. That's why I don't count on anyone but myself. I figure, I've got two months left in this hellhole before I get enough money for a professional wardrobe for when I get out of school. I can't go on a job interview with what I'm wearing now," she said looking down at her thong. Really???? Really??? Hmmm.....MBA's are NOT like this. There's a thing called "Educational Loan" and most important -- Many professional school PROVIDE JOBS. You lost 50 there. The story is good, but I didn't like the MBA thing. Hey Bruce22 MBA's are not that BAD to "HATE" them. I'M IN MY FIRST YEAR OF MBA SCHOOL.

You produce good stories, but you really make it difficult for the reader to know what is going on, and when. The reason is that you SERIOUSLY misuse first and third person rules. Grammar is not just a set of arbitrary rules that a writer is free to ignore whenever he or she wants. They are there for a purpose, so that the reader gets the meaning of the written word without missing something. Imagine how a military commander might act if he kept getting intelligence messages that were unclear because of grammatical errors.<p>

Learn, and I mean seriously learn, English grammar and how to apply it. Your stories would be 100% better. That also includes how to use quotation marks; how and when to use "I", "me", and subjective and objective pronouns, generally; and how to differentiate who is speaking to whom, and when. <p>

I haven't picked it up in any of the comments, but I believe that the affair between Luke and Mary had been going on for some time, even before the bet. The reason I think this is Luke's comment to Mary on the phone when he called to tell her about Jim's reaction. He said "...Jim knows about us." That has the ring of more than just a one-off. Also, Mary's fucking Luke happened much to quickly to have been the result of a short-term, concentrated seduction.<p>

So there is more going on than just the bet, I'll betcha.

But, the bet leading to her having an affair is hanging on the edge of believability, unless you build her character as one of the dumbest on the planet, or somehow she is not really responsible (????). With a bet like that, it was a certaintly they would be found out. Also, we are faced as readers with the dreaded point of view problem again. It is so confusing the way you change POV from 3rd to 1st person. You have been doing it in all of your stories. You are going to get the nick name of POVpuff if you keep this up much longer.

So the grammar needs a bit of attention, but so what?

Great story! --- Is it finished? --- I hope not

im sure everyone will agree what a jackass he was to make that bet, i mean damn, theres no telling how bad his wife would take that. on the upside, he did immediately tell mary about it but her lack of reaction probably should have clued him in. think about it, you make a bet that one of your closet cant seduce your wife in a 2 month time table for 500 dollars and all she does is get a little snippy and then lets it go? i dont think so. also, you implied he had complete faith in mary and trusted her with everything so he probably thought it was a safe bet and an easy 500 dollars. now, i know some of you will say its partly or completely his fault for evening making the bet but he didnt force her to bang his friend especially when he told her how his buddy would try to seduce her. so, not only did she know what was happening but after saying she would never cheat on her loving hubby, she did it anyway. talk about commitment, huh? im def intrigued slirpuff but im not giving you a perfect score because somehow i think you gonna screw us with a crappy part 2, which so far have been exactly what youve been doing. you start off well, then it goes to crap. please dont say how its his fault so hes gonna try to work it out becaue really, everytime he sees his friend or wife, hes gonna think of them having sex and that would bother most men, if not all.

You make Mary such a selfish moron, how could any reader care whatsoever about what happens? Most guys would just cut here throat and drop her in a ditch. Not only is she a whore... you make her absolutely one of the dumbest story subjects on this entire site. Who cares?

The bet was dumb but she KNEW about it immediately and she KNEW that all the attention the other guy was giving her was for One purpose: to fuck her.

She KNEW eveything the other guy was doing was lie...

a trick...and angle or a scheme.

so why is the idiot husband 10 times more more angry at the other guy than his wife? Sure the husband could be more angry at the other guy than his wife....

BUT WHY?

… is Luke and Mary were involved at the time of the bet. Otherwise she’d have to be so emotionally damaged as to through away her marriage to have sex with good looking, love'em and leave'em type knowing he just wants the $500.00. 4 stars.

or at least a new season for the home team. TK U MLJ LV NV

I liked this story, quite a bit different than the norm. Looking forward to reading chapter 2...

A man so confident of his wife's fidelity that he bets his horn-dog friend that she wouldn't screw. She does, however, Now he screwed someone else before talking to his whore. How does this end? We'll see...

What is this -- a junior high school play. Boring.

get out of hand, how far do they go. TK U MLJ LV NV

Just in case you don't see what we are talking about, here is an example:

"I tried to reach for her once, but she pushed me back and said you need this more than she did."

Since "I" am talking, it should be "I need(ed)", or if you are quoting her you need quotation marks, as follow:

"I tried to reach for her once, but she pushed me back and said, 'You need this more than I do.' (NOT she did)"

by a cuck author stupid nuff to gamble his wife away.

nuther auto-bio by this author,,,again

Stupid authors that write stories without endings. NO! We, the readers, don't want to use our imaginations to write our own ending. We want you the author to do that. Garbage.

The first thing he does is go to a strip club, pick up some stripper and screw her. Talk about dumb and so much for any moral high ground.

of a good friend, shotgun blast to his crotch, will save a lot of marriages, maybe one to hers also.

cant really say his bet caused the infidelity, because he told her about it immediately. Yes, he was an ass for making that kind of bet. But, she knew what was at stake, and still cheated. Kick her to the curb! Remember, she took the money gleefully, knowing she cheated. Despicable!

Why do they always say "I can explain?"

What possible explanation can there be?

And as others have said, the person shifts are very off-putting.

my reaction to this after a second read is a bit different then the last. he went wrong when he went to a strip club, while he was still angry, confused and in an emotional frenzy. rather than a shotgun to Luke's crotch, how about cutting his dick off, and pounding up his wife's cunt with a sledge hammer. at the very least, old Luke will never ruin another marriage. I'd like to say she wont either, but you know women.

She knew in advance about the bet and what was at stake. She told him that she'd never cheat on him and then proved to be a whore. Now, busted, she wants to talk about what? Salvage what? I was married to two of the faithless cunts... working two jobs with the first.. came home unexpectedly from one and caught her fucking a 'friend' in our bed. She was history. .... Next one.... I was nearly killed in a bad accident, got a large settlement, started a business that made me a millionaire and caught that cunt cheating with a dumb ass punk when one of my men spotted her car with a guy that wasn't me in it pulling into a motel on the outskirts of the city and called me. I did the same thing that this guy did.... except that I had a detective friend close to the door taking video when they came out together... looking for her car, that I'd used my set of keys to move to the other side of the building. We got the info from the motel register that she'd used her credit card and they let us take video of the messed up fuck bed. I paid for and got a receipt for the cum soaked towels on the floor by the bed, which the detective documented and put in a plastic bag for her DNA... which was on them. I had a pre-nup. I called and had one of my guys go to MY house and change all the locks before she had a chance to get there while another dropped his helper off at the motel to pick up what used to be her car and take it to my sister's house... where it got locked in their barn. She never saw it or anything else again. All she ended up with were the clothes she was whoring in that day. When she came looking for her clothes, I told her that she didn't own any clothes. I told her that's what the pre-nup she signed was all about... that I'd paid for the clothes and that I'd bagged them up and given them to the Salvation Army and had thrown her makeup, douche, feminine products, hair dryer and shit like that onto the front lawn so someone must have picked them up. While she was sputtering, crying and apologizing, (making me spit on her and puke) I told her that the marriage license she'd fucked herself out of, the wedding album and her cherished champagne glasses had gone with that mornings' garbage pickup. When I told her that, she looked totally devastated and that's when I took the paperwork from my attorney, who was standing right next to me, contemptuously slung them at her and said, "You're served.... now get your dirty slut ass off of my property or I'll throw you off and have you arrested for trespassing." That was after seven fucking years and who knows how many cocks before she got caught. It was a LOOOOOONNNNNG fall for that arrogant bitch, who rode rough shod over a lot of people that I never knew about until later. Just for spite, I started fucking her three younger sisters and buying them nice clothes and taking them to dinner... which was a giant step up for them from where I'd originally found their cheating cunt sister. I got two of them pregnant and proudly took responsibility. I'm still fucking all three of them. They live where she used to and appreciate the life that she took for granted. Number one rule... Their sister is NEVER to call or be allowed on MY property or in MY house or they'll be packed and moved back to where they came from. They've lived with me for eight years and are first class unmarried wives... all with two and three kids by their sister's exhusband.

Am I a vengeful prick or what? Whatever... I sure get plenty of great fucking... especially the youngest.... you talk about tight pussies and vaginal muscle control....

I'm a happily unmarried man. My youngest brother is a lookalike for Tom Cruise but taller and he's jealous.... says I get more ass than a toilet seat. Strange how my first wife bitched that I was oversexed and then cheated... the second used to pass out because I'd make her cum so hard and she cheated. ... So far the three in the third union have shown no sign or interest in strange cock... ever. If somebody who's not supposed to hits on them, I hear about it or even hear them being told off on the playback, if it happens in the house. (They don't know about all the monitors and cameras that had installed that I can randomly listen in on or play back on my computer.) Woe to the son of a bitch who's ever dumb enough to force himself on one of them. I never want to use it that was but money is power. (If you don't believe that, ask Hillary.... because you can't ask Vince Foster. Nobody can ask him anything, which was the point.)

Excuse any typos... I didn't proof read this. Just told my story.

“but it wasn't Mary's fault, only mine.” – Of COURSE it’s Mary’s fault, SHE’S the one who cheated!

"I can explain if you just give me the chance” – Again what “explanation” can there possibly be?

As for the bet, the bet was over, but in any case it should have prepared her to fend off his advances.

He is at fault, not Mary... come on, get a life.

Let me get this straight. He explains the bet to his wife so she decides to start going to lunch with the asshole. Then, she goes on a dinner date wit him and decides to get looped. Then she fucks him. She doesn't tell her husband and goes back and fucks him two or three more times. In spite of all her excuses about being drunk, she willingly and purposely put herself into situations where it could happen. I'm saying she wanted it to happen. Later bitch. I'd be done.

A plausible story for sure. I don't like cheaters on either side of the fence. The wife knew everything upfront, and still did the deed. When will the next dick dance come along and do it again? She is in the wrong here, and she obviously knows it.

Now the other side of the coin, is that the same night he beds a dancer. I'm surprised he had emotional stability to do it. This deed is also wrong, in my head. I know she came to him, pretty much like Luke went to his wife. They are still married. I know the younger generations sometimes think that swinging, and swapping, is ok, and that's fine, but what happened here was wrong. I don't think they should be married at all, or maybe they should be, as they both think that something on the side is ok.

Your a fucking idiot! His heartless CUNT wife's cheating made the marriage null and void. End of story! Hubby getting some tight young strange was the best medicine and guy can get when their heartless CUNT wife stabs him in the back. The CUNT knew the deal, lied and stabbed him in the back. She needs to burn. and his ex-friend is just that ex. If anything the ex-friend outed a cheater and probably, no definitely saved him before he had kids with this worthless CUNT.

Any asshole that would make THAT kind of STUPID bet with anyone, let alone his friend, deserves what happens to him! ....And the "friend" would lose his ability to fuck anything in the future!

In spite of all the negative anonymous comments, I found the story line plausible and agree he should never have made the bet. What bothered me most in this story (and several others of yours) is it is ruined by mixing voices, even in the same paragraph. and especially in putting in the wrong word (e.gl women instead of woman, fantasizes instead of fantasies to name a couple). First suggestion is to actually read your story out loud to yourself when you think it's finished. That should catch most of the issues that a spell checker will not catch. Just constructive criticism Slirpuff. I did, after all, enjoy the story

ER ...

I know most people won't think about this... but he only returned the money he had "won". He still owes $500 for losing the original bet!!! LOL Pedantic, eh.

I kinda liked this story, I blame the husband for putting her out there for Luke, very stupid, he deserved what he got. Mary didn't have to do it either, so I blame her too. Now she's probably going to tell him that it had been that one time only, (They all say that.) and that she hadn't enjoyed herself, however she was in the room with Luke for hours, she would have been out of there in twenty minutes if he wasn't doing anything for her, But the fool is going to believe her, I'm sure. What gets me is that this husbands are supposedly very smart, yet the wife always gets away with it until she gets too comfortable and overconfident and someone else catches her, another thing is. If he's so good in bed, Why did she go looking in the first place? anyway the story is kind of good.

Oh yes and he was an asshole too. Who cares what they do.

There is another author that does the same thing. One and a half pages is spent introducing the characters and does not let the story flow to the end. A big disapointment.

Never, ever bet something you can't afford to lose or easily replace!!

I think it is obvious that all 4 character in the story ("Jim, Luke, Mary, and Joan") are all idiots.

Why is the story moronic? Well, after it does cliche bet plot, which is nothing original, we are presented with a sudden rebound of the main character. He got the first woman he met to go with him to take his wife clothes (?). That woman tells him she is not easy and then immediately she has sex with him. Is writer stupid or he thinks that the readers are stupid?

1 star for nonsense.

Constant criticisms from anons and other commenters who have zero writing talent.

He repaid the 500 but didn't honor the bet. A man with no honor gets what he deserves.

What Fuck up makes such a bet

Disrespected your wife

Otherwise well written again

And if? Read sequel continuation and hopefully we are on same track

Good story, But a really stupid.bet.

If you've read any of his(or her ) stories before, the husband is always the chump. In one story wife fucks a yoga instructor for about 10 hours, best fucking she ever had, husband finds out, she refuses to talk, she moves out, he gets knocked silly by her boy friend , but that's okay because it knock some sense into him. We know which story that is. How about the one, when at a party the husband goes to the kitchen to get more drinks and he hears his wife laughingly telling the other wives about his small dink, and her big vibrator , like her old boyfriend Bob, also the name of her vibrator. Naturally they end up in counseling, when he misses a date the cops pick him up and rake him in, but when the wife misses because shes out on a date nothing is said or done. I could point to any story this person has written to show the byes this person has. Like in this story the wife will have good cause for fucking the asshole, and the husband will be allover himself with apologies.

That's the way to take it.

But has dark2donut2 ever given a positive comment? As was already stated, never bet what you can't afford to lose unless that is your name is Brett Maverick. Signed: BTW

When can we expect the rest of the story??? I'm curious to see if he is a MAN or a CUCK...

Until he told his wife about the bet! He specifically stated to Mary “don’t sleep with him” which means don’t fuck him! Mary had no valid reason to go into that hotel room with Luke after the bet ended! Mary is just another Literotica slut!

I'm smelling a cuck on the next part.

I hate LW stories about bets. They just never end well for anyone.

This story hits too close to home. I hate it.

It's pretty jarring to have an opening scene from Luke's perspective, then Mary's, and then suddenly get dumped into a first-person narrative from Jim with no explanation. I had to double-check a few times to figure out who the hell the narrator was. Has to be a better way to arrange the story.

They were already doing it. He just gave him the money to allay an suspicion. Is he any better than her after banging the stripper?

I agree with *secretsal*, above. I realize it's pretty early in your Literotica career though. Your later stuff is better.

So far it's a good take on the "bet you can't screw my wife" sub genera of LW.

Unlike another commenter, I liked the beginning of Luke's sighting, Mary receiving that phone call, then switching to Jim's viewpoint. I've no problem with that. I was, however, disappointed with him & the stripper girl; he'd the high ground until then. Despite anything else, he's still married, and that WAS cheating. I look forward to what happens in Chaptr 2.

Having said that, your punctuation needs vast improvement. Quotation marks. Commas where they shouldn't be and many times not where they should. Punctuation helps the reader. Then, after a question, it's "he/she ASKS", not said.

It's not a story till it's completed. I'll tell you then. LP

hum looks interesting and unless it is another "oh it was all a misunderstanding they were planning a surprise party" kind of bullshit looks interesting looking forward to the next chapter

I think the $500 was cheap to find out his wife wanted some strange, and to get a divorce.

Never bet anything you can't afford to lose...

Enjoyed

next chapter please

Just another wimpy cuckold useless twat

Always funny when a man ends up with his cock in another woman's mouth (did she dropped and landed with it?). Unless they're divorced, that's cheating, whoever started it. Plain bull shit.

Stupid husband

Not sure why he was upset, he wanted the bet, he’s just a sore loser. Moral of the story…don’t bet what you’re not prepared to lose.

JIM IS A STUPID ASSHOLE

What a worthless slut wife. She assured him she’d never cheat, so she did. The husband wasn’t stupid for making the bet if he had a decent honorable faithful wife. But he didn’t. Ditch the bitch.

Call it karma, kismet, fate, people get what they deserve, don’t they?

I still hate LW bets, but the candy was nice.

Jim deserves exaclty what he got, minus the sex with the stripper. He literally gave Luke permission to try and fuck his wife. Whether he thought she would or not, he has no right to be upset considering he is 100% at fault for setting it in motion and allowing Luke to actually try to fuck his wife. What an idiot.