All Comments on 'A Bet That Went Bad Ch. 02'

Is this a mulligan or your new assinine direction?<P>

You took a decent story that was true to one of life's problems and dumped on it.

...a million years has this scenario played out.Hustler rates this one limp dick!Pistolpackinpete

was this wretched story written by a mental retard?. It appears so. There are so many awful things wrong with it... it is like the author INTENTIONALLY decided to screw up the ending just to piss readers off.

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In chapter 1 the wife says <i>"Luke, I was just walking out the door, what do you want? You still can't be horny are you?" </i> ... does THAT sound something a woman who has been RAPED would say?

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The wife's entire defense is absurd. Lets assume what she says is true. <b> How come she didnt come running home screaming "he drugged me"... OR "he raped me"... OR "he was blackmailing me!!!..." </b>

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Instead the wife hides out much like Luke is doing.

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And when caught the wife LIED again... "only once". If you are trying to convince your spouse that your were tricked or drunk or drugged... <b>when you are caught telling ANOTHER lie is NOT the way to do it. </b>

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There is NO possible defense for the wife going out with Luke KNOWING what he was trying to do.

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and the ending of Getting Joan and Mary together sexually with No hint of any lesbian tendencies smacks of an effort by some pathetic 14 year old Middle schooler dreaming about sexual acts with other woman.

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awful.

I was really looking forward to your submissions, but after the last two you have really been a big disappointment. Your stories start out great and have great potentual and then you blow the ending with very hard to believe resolutions which would never happen in real life.

Okay to keep the slut wife around as a fuck buddy, but to stay married to that shit is pure wimp.

but who the fuck is Larry?

It looks the author is pissed off, but i like the twist.

I'M SURE WHY TIHS KIND OF "ENDING" FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.

But sort of unreal... A lot of fun though! There are some menages a trois out there, though I always felt that Heinlein's theory of multiple husbands was closer to being workable.... Perhaps you should have classified this chapter as Group Sex.. Thanks

I dont know, I kinda liked it! made some lemon-aid there

that I caught my wife cheating, hooked up with a stripper and we all three lived happily ever after. Also, I do the maid both of their sisters and the next door neighbor's wife. We are all so happy about it.

I read a story to be entertained not to nit pick at little errors. I have said in comments to you before that people need to get a grip, it's just a story. However, these two chapters smack of anything but reality.

In the first chapter as it starts Larry calls Mary. Her stating that he can't still be horny does not sound like a woman being blackmailed. Then we read her thoughts and the next minute we are back to the party. I had to reread that a couple of times to realize that now the husband was speaking.

Anyway, sorry to be a nit picker but these are errors that hurt the story. I hope you take this comment as a its meant, that is to help your writing. Keep at it and I'll look forward to your next story.

your very simple, once again a good story line ruined by your stupid ending.

Of course I enjoyed the story but all three getting together in the end is wild fantasy at best. Kind of like a science fiction story. You have to accept the crazy premise and then just enjoy the rest of the story.

the ending to this story has pissed of the vindictive woman-hating bastards who need therapy. Too many stories on this site pander to their distorted views when, in real life, reconciliation is by far the most common outcome. Their sick attitudes are made all too clear by their total silence, and thus implicit acceptance, of stories featuring unfaithful husbands.

I don't have a problem with the general story and I certainly enjoy ones that have a unique ending. These are stories and they can be as realistically absurd as the authors wants them to be.

What I can't stand is the fact that a character's name changes halfway through. This means (to my experience) that its a story rewritten in one way or another. It usually means its stolen from someone else on another site and some of the names get changed. They just don't do a good job of finding all the names. Which is totally ridiculous if the "author" uses Word or other competent word processing programs. Luke/Larry was a crass and careless mistake. Perhaps you could slow down the output just long enough to make sure the names all fit from beginning to end.

Next time atleast proofread the names, i mean sometimes the bad guy is Luke sometimes its Larry. Make up your mind!!!

It's almost funny to see how badly this idiot can fuck up even a story as bad as his own.

about this one. Things earlier in the story simply don't add up with things later in the story--and it's the author's responsibility to keep things consistent (though I admit I may not have always succeeded myself in the doing this). Otherwise we can't trust the narrator, which greatly weakens a story. Thanks, ohio

You really surprised me. I never thought that the story will go this way. <b>No Consistency<b/> Between the two chapters

problem was not getting enough sex? strange and I thought he like his life before. and all of a sudden like the new fashion we have again bi's and swingers.

<p>I can't even.......</p>

<p>I'm at a loss for....</p>

<p>Was this supposed to be a stroke ending only?</p>

<p>Oh well.....</p>

<p>I can't say this was one of your best, Sorry</p>

-Risq

No doubt about it!!!!!

You got them both in bed with Jim. I wondered how it was going to end. I guess it didn't ...

He wanted to find out what was really going on between Mary and Luke, so he TOLD her she would be wearing a wire? How does that give him an accurate reading on the situation? What does he expect her to say when she knows he will be listening to every word? This does not compute....

Well, two crappy stories in as many days, (and one good one)it sure didn't take you long to be contaminated and start writing weird. What happened to the guy we started reading???

Well, the sex scenes are OK, the fight scenes are realistic, but worst of all is that the story almost a carbon copy of another story I have read on here. Did you write those also?

like the ending. He was right. His wife was a slut, she had no real reason to be put in a position where she got drunk with a man she knew wanted to fuck her and had no business getting so drunk she was not in control of her actions. She is supposed to be an adult. I would have divorced her and never had sex with her again. But you allowed them to reconcile to some degree. Personally I would have liked it better if Joan had stayed and Mary had left. It would have been more fitting.

Luke turned into Larry, hm? Well you are a sloppy writer. Same goes for the changes between 1st-person 3rd-person view. You REALLY need to tidy up behind you pal.

What could be better than to have a wife that you have something on her and then to have a lover who likes nothing better than to fuck you brain dead, and likes to suck pussy to boot. That would be a great life if you could hold up. Thanks..........Rich

Thanks Slirpuff! I was sure his surveillance was going to turn up an on-going thing with Luke and Mary. You fooled me. I especially liked the ending, this time. I usually like the whores to 'burn & fry'. But, for this story, it was a great ending. I am watching for your next story!!

Thanks again.

In the past, I have really liked some of this author's stories despite the grammatical errors, name switches, and flip-flops between first and third person. Some of the ideas behind the stories were quite original. But there are other stories in the LW category that start out with the premise that a man can't seduce the wife of another -- it's really not original -- and the characters are so poorly developed, the story is not logical nor is it credible. Jim is not a likable nor is he a sympathetic character. His method for getting even with Mary results in punishing her many times over; I really don't see why he does not just file for divorce. Jim has essentially stolen Mary's clothes. Once a gift is given, it is that person's property and for Jim to take Mary's dresses and the like is strictly illegal. Luke (or Larry) would have assault charges to file against Jim, not to mention the vandalism on his Beemer. Maybe if Jim spent some quality time in jail, he would learn something from the experience.

Mary's husband is a moron to think he could place his marriage back on track by bringing another woman into the home. This will naver fly.

I started off liking your stories but you are going downhill now. You turn the perfect couple into cheating sluts. The husband sets his wife up to be forced to cheat and gets pissed because she does? He immediately takes advantage of that and starts cheating on his once-perfect wife? The answer to his and her cheating is to get rid of the male lover and keep both his wife and his own slut? You really reached to turn this into a threesome story didn't you?

the silly bet, and the predicatble results happen. the problem: multiple times she did it with luke/larry, and didn't tell him to go to hell? THEN with the initial call, her tone seemed anything but something of a woman being blackmailed for sex. whatever degree of force initialy, it went to an excuse to keep it going on. the ending just collapsed like a bunch of cards.

Fuck it. We're not looking for Henry Miller here. It was slightly believable, and fairly erotic. I thought getting the 2 girls together should've taken a few more days.

As someone who's been cheated, I didn't like the fact that she cheated. Most cheaters really don't intend to, but that slippery slope of flirting and danger sucks them in, until they've done the unthinkable.

Not your best work.

why not she cheated on him why not have some extra pussy

NOT the quality of story that I have come to expect from you. Maybe, I was expecting too much. Chapter 1 looked good. I thought you had a different slant on the "betting on wife's virtue" story, especially when Jim informed Mary about the bet. Chapter 2 read like the script from a bad 60's porn movie. After reading the first chapter I actually thought that Jim knew that Mary and Larry were having an affair and was just using the bet to set them up. That's the problem with writing good stories. Everyone expects all your stories to be top notch.

have never lived wiith both a wife and a GF at the same time will say things like that.Double the girls Quadrouple the stress .Trust me I moved my GF in with me and my wife lol.I was smarter the second time asnd let wife meet her nd approve of her first .We are happy .Comment anom for obvious reasons.

I know that I am another late-comer, but something as poorly done as this story needs to be hit. Either you are incompetent in English or you are too lazy to read your crap before submitting it. In the beginning, I had to re-read the first few paragraphs before I finally figured out who was talking and when it all began. The descriptions of the sex were adequate but not arousing and the story plot just plain sucked. I can only add that I have no desire to read any of your other stories--another author, Slirpuff, on my do not bother list.

You are really a 3/4 person you had a good story going then 3/4 way into it you revent back to your half ass writing. Damn I thought just this once you finish with a bang! What a waste!!!!

OK. i like the way you dream ............... what do you do when you are awake, jackoff? ...........

A loving wife story that has the man in control!!!! All those stories about limp dicked spineless bastards. It was time for a real man to show how to take control!!!

Great story!!!!

You know, the end of a story is supposed to be "surprising yet inevitable." This one's is friviolous and improbable, tacked on without regard for the game-playing or the serious feelings generated earlier. Since it's all arbitrary, I mean, why not get Larry involved with them sexually too, the fucker fucked, and he did make a sucker bet after all!

husband is the biggest piece of shit on the planet. His wife was raped and he supports her by becoming a slut.

And he's the good guy???

who needs enemies with a slut wife like Mary. however, having said that two wrong don't make a right.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story of love, infidelity, revenge, and redemption. A fantasy, true, but after reading so much depressing "Cheating Wife" stories with sad and unhappy endings, this is a treat! You could write an entire series of Jim, Mary, and Joan's sexcapades. Keep up the great work!

Jim is the one who put this into motion, and then his wife is raped.

He starts screwing a stripper and says that he now has two wives.

Stupid story not worth reading.

it's worth the money to be rid of her.

I loved the story, but I do have a question or two. In the first story the name was Luke, in the second story the name was Larry. All in all a good story. thank you again.

Bainsidhe

Then Joan calls one of her low life friends, she uses her key and cleans out the house.

Strippers are nice to their clients because they LOVE them, right?

The change from Luke to Larry was somewhat disconcerting, but the idea of having his wife setup a meeting with Luke and having her wear a wire was REALLY silly.

They would have had all week to setup any story they wanted Jim to hear. Also, the whole plot approach to having Mary and Joan part of a threesome was lame.

You have some well-constructed stories but this isn't one of them.

of your stories I didn't like. Yeah, the whole three some premise was not worth your usual plotting.

Oh well, You can't bat a thousand all the time.

and two fold to boot. TK U MLJ LV NV

Superman has women begging to fuck him while he abuses them.

... it was unbelieveable. The wire with Mary in on it? The threesome? 4 stars and I don't know why, I guess because I liked the first one and the good will carried over. You should rewrite "A Bet That Went Bad Ch, 02 revised:".

thoroughly unlikable protagonist.

The ending killed what ever was left of a crappy story.

Luke or Larry?

part II - 2 stars

But it lost something from ch.1. Two wrongs don't make a right.

What a terrible sequel! Neither girl showed any bisexual interest, yet they now completely fine to live and fuck together!? Hahaha... Terrible. And the first story was actually okay... Too bad man

Was the author thinking........

I don't get it?

Basically what most of the others are saying. First chapter was good, creative concept, then everyone turned completely retarded. So you don't trust your wife, can never trust her again, but you're perfectly willing to to keep her around, and oh, even though she or your new girlfriend have never showed any bisexuality whatsoever, are jealous of each other and treat each other like shit, they're perfectly willing to have sex.

Yeah, okay...

This story died at the end!

Not the usual quality for this author.

I bet on this story...it wasn't a good bet.

!!!

I can understand the reasons the writers who post to Loving Wives, render their characters with the intellectual and emotional capacity of five year olds.

They are writing to appeal to the majority of readers, how ever physically old they may be, have never psychologically matured beyond kindergarten. The anonymousies dim intellects consider the females in their lives as nothing more then toys. And if some other five year old is caught playing with their toys, they have a major tantrum. Up to smashing the toy/woman so that no one else ever gets to play with it.

If you think this is hyperbole, then consider the percentages of prison inmates, in for battery and murder of the women and children who were married or related to them.

is one of the worst.

The most sympathetic character is the wife. She was set up by her husband, raped, blackmailed and then treated like a piece of shit and for what - she didn't tell her poor excuse of a husband.

Joan comes across a floozy, ready to have sex with a man knowing that he's married and for what - a few of the wronged wife's dresses. In effect she is a hooker, receiving payment in kind.

Jim, the narrator, is a sore loser. If you can't afford to lose a bet, no matter how sure you are of the outcome, don't make it. He lost the bet, and in revenge smashed Luke's car, didn't pay up (the $500 he had received from Luke in the first place), throws his wife out, moves another woman in and forces his wife into a threesome and assaults Luke. What a piece of garbage.

If I don't like a story, I don't usually vote but this was so bad compared to the rest of Slirpuff's work that I had to give it a 2*

I liked this story until it started falling apart. This happened when he told the wife and the stripper that they all were going to be living under the same roof. After that I felt like the author was insulting my intelligence. I felt the title should have been "The Story that went Bad".

it went downhill from there...

Starts with a "bet" of the man's wife's virtue...

plus it's not gambling if you can't lose and he KNEW he couldn't lose then punishes the guyfor winning...

then his loving wife who ONLY put out because she was either so drunk she had no culpability or was drugged turns out to be a slut...? one who is fairly easily willing to accept her husband's cheating - conscious cheating at that...?

Not so much... thanks anyway...

From loving spouses to degenerates...not one of Slirpuff's better efforts.

ends with a 3 some? really, the tough guy can break the blackmailers nose but cannot forgive his wife. She was forced, if he thought she wasn't, why goto the police? no crime committed. Now a threesome at the end? The wife really did nothing wrong, just feared her husband and had no one else to turn to. Who needs to be kicked is the husband, no communications between the both. re write the ending.. get over this threesome idea.

Totally implausible by most standards. Most women would never allow an invasion of her roost no matter how weakened her negotiating position weakened.

then commences rounding up his pack. TK U MLJ LV NV

Besides totally unbelievable ending, bad guy's name changed between chapters, Luke/Larry.

The guy gets his wife back and then some.

The Luke/Larry mixed naming doesn't say much for paying attention to what you write. Sad.

Once he knew his wife's story was true, no way is she going to allow Joan to stick around.

She may accept his fling with Joan as payment for her cheating, but that's it.

This was awful ,if not your worst effort then very close to it. Normally you come up with good plots, but this just stunk. As per your usual efforts, poor spelling, wrong tense, bad grammar & little or minimal characterisation. Yuck. 1 *

nightmare, turns into fantasy.

in real life the guys would not take his whoring wife back if he has a younger chick that makes hil cum like he has never be4 i know i would take her back i would marry joan and for the writter everyone can see you did have any inspiration half way the storry

Worse story you have ever written best consigned to the bog

First, this male ego bet was just that a locker room measure dicks bet. Jim deserved to get his ass kicked by Mary. Now, for me the real story is the dinner part between Larry and Mary. Lets face it, Mary was drunk, pushed there by Larry, the courts and the law call it rape. Mary was in fact raped, why Marry did not approach her husband afterwards, perhaps shame, guilt many other feelings felt by victims. Jim's approach, leave and find someone else. So much for a devoted husband. Instead of approaching the issue directly Jim hides and leaves. There should be a re write Mary nor Jim were the sharing type and never was. Larry was a predator plain and simple. Jim should be ashamed of himself after this discovery. I guess Jim too wanted an excuse to cheat and hopefully leave, after all he did pickup a younger woman and wanted a serious relationship with her. How sad of a next chapter please change it.

discovers she cheated, but really was blackmailed.. but... was really raped, I agree on that from other comments. The friend was a predator in the worst way. going out to have sex with a stripper? not really, then making a threesome? not really. Deal with the tragedy at hand and have solutions.. your chapter two is not a solution.

Nuff said.

That was simply ridiculous. This was really one of your poorer stories. I.m not sure why he's still married to Mary or why he's not in jail for assault and battery. And I'm really perplexed as to why Joan would get involved with him for any reason. And the two women exploring a bi-sexual relationship? Like I said - this was just to strange and implausible a story to make it entertaining. Try again.

I liked how it ended. he is a lucky man

but the only straight person in this whole story is the stripper, god bless her. her best move would be to finish her education, and get the hell out of Stupidville.

He figures out or determines that his wife was essentially raped, and then a victim of extortion. His answer to this is to force her into a polygamous relationship? Nice guy.

Ok first off this is not an autobiography. It is fiction. Secon, the story line goes as the writer envisions it. He started with Joan for his own ego more than to get back at Mary. Mary may have had typical reaction to rape and really didn't see a way out. That said, if she did have the whole rape victims response then she should have been withdrawn from her husband. But to lie and keep going back shows that she liked it and wanted it more than she loved her husband. The whole polygamist angle fits well from a guys perspective but not really in real life unless Mary was secretly or subconsciously submissive and bi, thus allowing herself to be "forced" into the threesome that her husband brought down on her.

I still believe that while the first time was forced the following times she went along. She didn't need too much convincing to start with Larry in the first time to go out to lunch or dinner. She should have stopped him cold and just ignored the ass, but instead went along with him. Now like I said first time was basically rape, but every time after was all on her.

Just my $0.02 here!

who is larry? and who is luke? not edited nicely

not a fan of the ending. He is mad at her for cheating and then fuels her lustful desires by introducing another person into the bed? Confusing.

As we say in England.. This was bollocks.

Oh God...

Why did you kill this story?

Garbage.