All Comments on 'A C&W Song in the Key of Life Pt. 04'

So RACC done. Part 5, Rob gets his?

Love that last line by the way.:)

so is rob going to get what is coming to him?

Hopefully a Texas sized ass kicking for good ole Rob. By Shelley of course. She eems pretty feisty. Moving faster now. Love it!

Predictable and boring

2* way to slow

Skittles was another name for nine pins (grandfather to modern bowling) and was quite popular down at the pub.

There's no anger, spite, pettiness, no hoops what so ever to them getting back together. Shes been fucking the guy that broke up their marriage and you don't even mention it, not saying you as an author have to btb or keep them apart forever, I just need to believe that these characters act as humans and not simple caricatures to tell a story. Nothing in this chapter was earned which diminishes the entire thing.

Screw the rest of you! I liked it.

for writing

Not bad so far.

Can we discuss the revenge on Rob. Any suggestions?

Surgery? drugged and raped? Life in a wheelchair?

Yes, there is predictabitlty here.

But with fine tuning to details.

Fun details and well crafted.

Good worksman with words

is our author.

Top ratings again.

This chapter wasn't as good as the others. The dialogue didn't live up to the previous chapters, and that sex scene was weirdly described. Thanks for the story, though. I hope the next one picks up.

Cog

Labs are good substitutes for disappointing spouses. No hidden agendas with labs.8

You clearly have a love of the written and a good comic sensibility. I smiled. I guess I want to know what happened to Rob, but does it really matter? Thanks. Very enjoyable and sweet. It suits you well.*****

You didn't. This was shorter and worse than the other chapters. Let me tell you why.

1) It was shorter, if anything.

2) It offered absolutely zero new information except their sleeping arrangements. Everything you 'told' us was easily inferred.

3) You did not tell us the name of the dog. The ONE thing that might have redeemed this nothing of a chapter.

I am frankly baffled at your editorial choices. This had wisps of humor at the end, so good on that. The writing and, IMO, characterization seems decent (show don't tell).

But your last post strongly hinted that you had this grand glorious theme, which would be enhanced by your truncated chapters. I, for one, as a writer and a reader, am telling you that what you consider both 'an irrelevant criticism' but also 'something terribly important enough to piss off the readers'...isn't working! The writing isn't bad. In fact, it's pretty good. But little is happening and the little that is, is sliced pretty fucking thin.

It's like a Subway sandwich: where is the meat? When you can hide it behind the lettuce, it isn't much of a sandwich.

But that being said. I am hoping that this actually goes somewhere. What about Rob? I already know where these two are going unless you throw us a curve (one might be nice). Maybe the dog's name?

And just as a note: getting naked and almost smoking a dong...that is cheaper than a stripper as far as the actors payday. They were either desperate or stupid. (Why choose one?)

I wouldn't continue reading this if you hadn't hooked me on your characters.

I like the writing.

You asked for help in improving your writing. There it is! When everything else is reasonable, supposedly minor issues like editing and pacing do become the grit in the transmission. JPB would have wound this whole tale up in 3 pages max (and cut off the end most likely)

So don't take my comments too hard.

5 stars, loving it

I like the humor you sprinkle around. You created more questions than you answered with the Traveling Willburys showing up at his door. The 'actress' got naked and seemed prepared to suck his cock. The guy took pictures, which should concern her. The guy and the wife left her naked and alone with an upset man with his dick out. That has the potential for problems. Why did they go through the trouble of finding the couple to apologize? How did they know it was not exactly what they were told so they felt the need to apologize? Did they spend more money traveling there to apologize than they were paid for the original ruse? Do actresses get naked and alone with strange men that aren't Harvey Weinstein? So many questions!

. . . but this one a 4. The hired actors notion just wasn’t executed well. Hired actors, and they were OK with one actually playing with his dick? Those are hired prostitutes, not actors.

It’s a fun, amusing story, but shoving a 454 into an old piece of shit Chevy? That’s more than just changing the engine mounts, and way more than a couple days of work! Who’d waste a 454 on a Chevy in the first place? You’d have to fabricate a different drive shaft, because you’d never find one the right length after a 454 and the new tranny, and if he didn’t shear the u-joints the first time he kicked it, he’d have turned the rear end into metal shavings.

Well, your comment lacks clarity as to if you are slamming the author or me. I will assume the later.

My scores are pretty fair for the effort I actually take (little). People whose writing I actually respect (hint: not you) seem to think okay of my writing, so I will take your critique with all the weight I actually give it.

When I comment, it seems that quite a few other people see the same flaws. But it seems that in a past life, I fucked your first girlfriend and since then, you seem obsessed with ME.

I am sorry that in a past life I fucked your girlfriend. She wasn't a good lay anyway...but about your speed.

Grace shrugged. "Go ask Alice." [when she's 10 feet tall]

studebakerhawk beat me to it! "beer and skittle" (lower-case)" - Skittles is a game, not the candy.

It wasn't even a case of believing Rob over him. She didn't even LISTEN to him! If she gave him a chance to explain, but didn't believe him it still would have been bad, but she didn't even give him that chance!

Just a silly little question - I know how the actors got her number, but she never wondered how a PI following a stranger knew her number?

"Go ask Alice" - Ask her WHAT?

I agree with HDK's questions.

first off, you're a good writer. and you wrote a decent story.

you seemed to be making fun of my suggestion last story with him being putt off that she was trying to buy back his affections with a new dog. you actually put in, "oh, i'll send him back to the shelter" as if i hadn't thought of that possibility. she's just manipulating him with that line.

they're just not in love. it's why i had a hard time being immersed. he's put her in his mind as "one true love" and really wont allow his anger to ever manifest. he's never actually yelled at her or punched a pillow. all he does is drink his sadness and anger away and pretend she's still the sun, moon, and stars. he's going to continue to suffer because she thinks so little of him. couldn't trust him over vs. his rando fraternity friend they spent a couple of evenings with. she uses her, 'oh, poor me' routine to get him to take her back into their home. she never once put herself in his shoes. i'm not even sure she's said sorry.hell, i think he's shown MORE remorse for being set up and having some girl force herself on his hard-on while he was drunk as a skunk. they are both really bad for each other. he'll never treat her like an adult, and she'll never act like one.

and the hired sex workers...actresses. that's...i'm not even going to touch that hat on a hat.

Not until they deal with Rob.

That way you got us to read at least to chapter four before we finally see that the author is a moron. OK, not fair, since I don't know you. You just create characters who act like morons, and you create dialogue that sounds like morons, and you fabricate a plot so lame and phony that only a moron could find any suspense or drama in it. And since you appear to think all this is actually plausible and reasonable, I just presumed you are . . ., well, you either get it, or you are incapable of getting it.

But I have a suspicion. I know Literotica requires that all characters in a story having sex must be 18 years old or older. But does Literotica require the authors submitting stories be over 18 years old? I ask because this story reads like it was conceived and executed by a 13-year old mind. Adults don't act like the characters you've created, middle schoolers do.

So her parents didn't disown her when she divorced her husband without explanation or counseling, but they won't even let her come back into their house because she moved OUT of Rob's house? Was Rob paying her parents too? And Shelly and Brainless have been moved back in together for weeks if not months, but the first time Brainless hears how Shelly was maneuvered and setup is when the Three Stooges show up to apologize? And it never occurs to Shelly and Brainless that the Three Stooges might actually still be in Rob's employ, with another scheme to break them up and secure Shelly's pussy for his own, some more? Do any of us think Rob wants Shelly for her brains? So they immediately embrace the Three Stooges, give them full run of their house to plant recording devices or plant other contrived evidence that Shelly or Brainless are fucking around.

And you totally forgot the ploy where Rob sends a DVD to Brainless showing Rob fucking her ass into a galactic orgasm while Shelly is loudly proclaiming Rob as the best lover she's ever had, and that Brainless is a eunuch in comparison. Shelly will blame it on the coke or ecstasy; Rob's got money, remember? And Shelly liked it, a lot. She didn't move in with Rob for love, she moved in to make the fucking more convenient, and frequent.

In fact, the only reason Shelly left Rob and came back to Brainless was because once she confronted Rob about his deception, he realized the revenge/deception sex was over, so he threw her now useless fuck toy ass out. Shelly forgot to tell Brainless that part of the story. Hmmm, more failure to communicate.

I think you've got great writing potential, but you need to get an adult to help you with the grown-up parts. And maybe a technical adviser for the customizing car parts.

Keep writing, but make it more believable, to adults.

This story had a lot of possibilities from the start, but you left so much out, it just didn't jell. You didn't develop the characters and expand on that. The chapters were too short. The ending, well the ending sucked, he just lets his friend walk away, he hooks back up with his ex as soon as she shows up with the dog. I hope there is another writer out there who will be able to expand on all of this and re-write it. I feel, I just wasted my time reading this story, it just misses the mark in all ways possible.

I gave it 4 because it read well, and had that country boy satire.

Well you didn't finish the story, and there are to many holes in it. Fictional as it maybe,

Tom never went looking for Rob to help answer some questions. Then finding out Rob was still around never opened up a Can-O-Whipass and none of Shelly's family intervened. They had been married long enough and supposedly the family really liked Tom? Hell, Jesse didn't even come in to play except to hop-up his blown up truck?? OH, and Shelly is a nurse?,,should know lies when she sees and hears them.

It hints of some kind relationship between Shelley and Rob before the "engine puked."

Even fictional, seems it lacks some realism to it. Hoping there is more, to plug holes.

Meant only in respect, I do like your writings.

Who said this was the last installment? First rate writing here. The characters are not Mensa grade, so the logically 'rough' plot bits are not too jarring, dialogue ls excellent, and in this day and age, when you've fucked 30 to 60 people, maybe one more's not such a big deal. This author is in my top 10 list.

Only gripe, I don't much like the short chapters,

Chilley

I agree with @ScorpioJJ...Dealing with Rob is what is missing...3* for now

Chapter 5 awaiting approval

great keep it up love your story

I understand the set up. But Shelly never let tom say his piece and she lived with Rob for a year? Why take her back. Trust is the big issue. Plus if your caught with you pants down. It did not look good . But she bought the bait and never questioned why she was called to the hotel. He has to live with her mistrust ,can they overcome.? .also how did they get the timing of his pants down so perfect . If he had the time would he have backed away?

I figured the hotel thing had been set up with a couple of ladies of the street and their pimp.

The setup for "Go ask Alice" was perfect! LMAO!

Now I'm laid back in my recliner Waiting for Godot ... er, Rob ... to get his comeuppance. ;-)

Really wish you could have somehow flamed Rob for being such a nasty prick.

I have followed your story with due diligence and look forward to number five, but unless it is at least two pages there is no way you could end this story.

1. The RAAC was to fast. Still to many unanswered questions.

2. The comedy trio never explained why they had a change of heart and wanted to come clean.

3. The true motive behind Rob's obsession with Shelly.

4. The plan for payback (setting him up with a transgender and getting pic's then post them).

5. The dogs name (I'm betting on Hank Jr.)

With the length of your past stories at best you could only cover maybe three of the five. For what it's worth this one was still good but sucked in comparison to the other three.

I think you've done a great job with your protagonist: a Ga. Tech engineering grad who regularly acts about as dumb as a box of rocks; a thoroughgoing redneck who has actually heard the expression "beer and skittles" (though he doesn't understand it), and so on. I think you've done a fine job of voicing him, as well, and that isn't easy.

There are some holes I'm hoping you will fill in: a bit more depth to Shelley, though I realize it will have to come through his POV; where was the puppy during the afternoon-and-evening-long true confessions / drunkfest, and WHAT THE HECK IS HIS NAME??? (Sorry for shouting.)

Oh, and if it matters, I vote with the put-it-all-in-one-post contingent. This way feels like one of those "drama" things in the funny papers, where every sentence ends with an exclamation point and it takes a week for anything to happen.

Well done, and I look forward to the upcoming chapter(s).

-GA.

You say: "I vote with the put-it-all-in-one-post contingent."

But the comments would have been far fewer and nowhere near as much fun if AB had done that.

Lue

It still does not absolve him. Without him knowing that at the moment Shelly entered the room, he was still seconds from getting a BJ. The fact the woman about to give him the BJ was acting not going to go through with it is immaterial. In his mind he was going to cheat on her. That's all that matters. Knowing this information changes nothing.

<P>

The only good thing about this forced, phony, idiotic reconciliation is that the two deserve each other.

She came out of the bathroom naked, he had the expected reaction, then she pulled his pants down and Shelley was there before he even had a chance to react. He was ij the middle of trying to figure out how to get out of the situation, and probably WOULD have, had he the time, but Shelley was already there.

This is a pretty good story. Would prefer it all together but the suspense is fun.

In real life the ending would be quite unlikely. But this is fiction, so...

Nice wrap-up!

I don't know, she didn't believe him, wouldn't let him explain, doesn't even speak to him,, Divorces him, shacks up with his accuser, finally finds out is all a lie. Comes back and he forgives her....sounds legit to me.

I get the basic premise and facts as they went down. I can suspend my disbelief that a group of starving actors would be this gullible during the event and not have an inkling about the fact that they were set up to destroy a marriage. I don't care how much Rob insisted that they each "stay in character" it defies logic that they would not have even suspected the truth. There also is a large suspension of disbelief that they would get all the timing down to catch him at the worst possible compromising moment.

I can handle all of that with a grain of salt, but what I do not for the life of me understand is why, after a year, one of them has a "WOW, I could've had a V-8" moment and twigs to the scam, gets the co-conspirators together, scoots across the state, and pops by the house of the guy who they didn't know and who was the victim of the scam.

A year later they just drive to Dallas and start knocking on doors until they find him? Maybe they twigged the next day but just spent a year knocking on doors selling Amway?

This episode might have been better left untold.