All Comments on 'A Case of Self Defense'

This was an absolutely *+#%ing great story. With some pounds of additional flesh it could well be a fine thriller book-wise. Kudos to the author.

You have a very good grasp of human foibles and present the story in a clear and concise manner. Not only that, you did it without the tedious misspellings, grammatical errors, and other mundane trivia that screw up just about every other story on here. Thank you for your efforts. I appreciate the time you spent on this story. Great read.

I love it when I'm surprised by the ending yet when I go back over the story the clues are all there. Exceptionally well done.

You expressed a bit of fear about this category because of some of the people who post, but then wrote an excellent tour de force with strong characters and a well thought out plot. Nicely done.

Unfortunately, in my experience perhaps 20% of prosecutors are of the convict-at-all-costs persuasion. When initially asked by a prosecutor what can they say happened, perhaps 20% of cops reply "what do you want me to say happened"? The evil prosecutor/ evil cop combination happens; the split penny scheme is classic; and the twists and turns are tremendous.

Until the very end.

Not only would the legal and business ramifications of returning the money destroy the lives of both Ben and Rebecca, but they are both too savvy not to realize it.

I find it hard to believe that Jennifer would accept their proposal. She killed Alain! I'd expect her to want to kill Ben and Rebecca.

Other than that - Great story.

I loved this story, very well done. I must admit to being suprised by the ending, I thought that Susan would have been the one who was involved in the theft and that the wife was being blackmailed/coorced into doing her boss. Nice twist.

It depends on the philosophy of the District Attorney.

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<p>In The Prosecutors, a reporter tells of his year with the prosecutor's office. The prevailing philosophy was that if they didn't think they could amass sufficient evidence to convict, they didn't want to waste resources on the case. The cops knew it and he didn't see any efforts to convict regardless of the circumstances.

</p>

<p>In Philadelphia for some time you see cases going to trial where it's hard to imagine how they convinced a judge there was probable cause to issue an arrest warrant. I don't know any other explanation for that kind of practice except that the District Attorney's philosophy was to convict everybody whether they did it or not. Cops recognize this philosophy and some are willing to cooperate in securing convictions regardless of the evidence. Many are not. I didn't take a survey so I have no idea of the percentages.

</p>

Could a scenario like the one in this story happen? It does - all the time.

I enjoyed the story and the well done legal scenes, particularly the details about impeaching your own witness and the other correct technical points. I was kind of bothered by the way you withheld the key information of the name but then a lot of people like that kind of misdirection.

Thoughtful, intelligent and well written. Please keep writing.

<p>Personally I liked much of the story and it was pretty good, but you kept doing one thing that I completely hated. You kept trying to "misdirect" me (and I mean me as the reader) away from figuring out what you were doing and where the story was headed.</p>

<p>What I mean is this, I kept wondering why you only introduced characters well after they came on the scene. At first I thought you were trying to build suspense. But you kept doing it. People would speak but it would be chapters later that you might actually name them as the other person in the conversation they had a few chapters back. Soon I had "no" idea who the main players were until the middle of the story.</p>

<p>But then you kept going around and round, was it Susan Flowers, was it Jennifer, was it someone else. You pointed out that Susan was in accounting and then you mentioned Jennifer as only being a Jr exec but you never said where, but in the opening the one with the idea to steal all that money and cheat on her husband was clearly mentioned as being someone in accounting.</p>

<p>Then you muddied the waters further by both having Jennifer "gushing" all over Ben at the party where he was first introduced in your story and later at the same party introducing him to the one man who would give him the job central to catch her at her own game, and while having Richard staring at her with jealousy, longing and lust that the husband and the reader noted. Not to mention that you had her telling Richard what a jerk/bastard Ben was before they ever met, only to have Richard witness her throwing herself at Ben publicly trying to give the reader the impression that she wasn't the woman in the first chapter.</p>

<p>I'm not bashing you. Please don't take it as I am, but the list of misdirections really goes on. And I'm just trying to explain why I really couldn't get into enjoying the story because I kept feeling like you were preventing me from figuring it out so that it would have a hidden but grand conclusion. </p>

<p> I can't speak for everyone, but I enjoy stories where the author gives the reader enough clues to either figure it out or go "Hey I missed that so that's what happened". But you didn't do that here. What you did was make it so that I couldn't figure it out until the story was over. That frustrated me.</p>

<p>Once all the characters were introduced and the stage was set (read we reached the jury trial phase) I was sure I wasn't wrong in who was guilty (based on the defense motion set before the court before the trial ever started) and you had at that point stopped misdirecting me and I could enjoy the story more. But everything up to that point frustrated me and I couldn't enjoy it. But you are a good writer so don't stop writing, in the end it was worth taking time to read and we need a few good writers (^_^)</p>

-Risq

it's quite unbelievable --- you don't get to sense the nature of the story's unbelievability until about half way through, after Ben has found the evidence of his wife's cheating activities and her killing of one of her lovers... <p>

but once you get to that part, once you realize that that's what's going on, the whole cover up, at different levels, by different people.........(from the prosecutor.... to the detective .... to Jen's own stupidity, which she took it to be quite brilliant, all based on her assumption no one would ever find out about her cheating and money laundering activities... to Rebecca's "second chance" scheme with Ben, her "only love" whom she booted out some 8-9 years back, after she went nuts, having suffered from some trauma/rape... of course, not the second chance included instant mother-hood, since she would take over as Jennifer's twins mother/step-mother).... the whole story just didn't feel that believable. <p>

this is ESPECIALLY true where Ben's able to hold everything, every emotion, off until when the trial's done and he and Jen (to Jen supposedly happily, in a giddy state!), get into his car, to drive over to Rebecca's condo... that that's the time he really first gave her the shiver?.... while all the time, from the moment he discovered her criminal and murderious acts, until the end of the trial, the mistrial, he's able to "honey" Jen and she's able to "honey" him, each really thinking the other is a complete idiot? <p>

while very plausable, any hting is, I just have a hard time believing that.... with Jen, since she's a good actress, perhaps.... but not with Ben, the straightlaced, who would walk out on a woman he loved and never turn back, turn around, simply because she said get the fuck out, after she's been raped and was having traumatic stress...

A great job of keeping the suspense going on and on. Keeping the story flowing without revealing everything. This deserves a Golden Clit Award!

Really this is almost like a Colombo detective mystery movie where we know what's happened but we don't know how the perpetrator is going to be caught.

The reader early in the story realizes that the author is engaging in a lot of misdirection by not naming the characters and especially of course not naming the woman character engaged in a conspiracy in the opening scene.... or with the other guy Jeff. Up to that point the misdirection effort in the story is not too distracting but then the author takes us a degree too far.

The shocking conclusion at the end is not really a huge plot twist or that much of a shock. Once it was realized that Ben had complete access to the entire system the only thing left to figure out was whether or not the wife was being blackmailed/ raped (or some combination thereof) OR if she was the unnamed woman early in the story. And as the story went on there was less and less of the character Susan Flowers.

Extremely well done but like I said a little telegraph. Great story

Thank you, it was entertaining and engaging. You have written other stories and as you said, you are aware of the LW commentators. Sooooo... do not take some of the critics too seriously. You have good potential in this catagory.

looking forward to another

Gus

finally, a LW story that is not same-o same-o. and the husband is not a gay guy using his wife to eat other men's cum.

Thanks author. its longer than most LW stories, but its so engaging that it seems short. again thanks.

did infact take place in an european bank. It was discovered by the audit due to the small and very steady trickle of money transferred to various accounts, all in fractions of pfennigs. Good idea, but it didn't work. A very good story though.

Great story - the plot well thought out, and well written in a way that allowed the suspense to build until the very end. The only fault I had with it was that the old skimming fractions of pennies from bank accounts scam has been known for at least 40 years (I suspect an urban legend), so they aren't going to be caught with THAT one. Completely entertaining.

Misdirection is fine when the protagonist and the reader are misdirected together. But to continually leave out who is talking to build suspense is over the top. A few times works fine and is acceptable in even the best thriller fiction, but not as a continuous device. Secondly, the scheme of siphoning money in fractions from financial institutions has been known by every bank in the world since the advent of mainframe computers in the 1970s. I know, because I sat in conferences with data processing executives from banks who talked about exactly this problem and the security systems that were put into place to stop what your story is based on. This scheme can not work! Fractions of money are watched carefully by the current banking systems. However, your writing was otherwise terrific and so, like Risq, I still gave you 4 out of 5.

Cannot speak with any authority about the scheme to siphon fractions, but can say that bank security ain't what they claim. This has little to with my rating thought.

I thought it was an excellent story and it was well written and had a very good pace to it. Enough detail but not so much that things got bogged down. You also did a good job with the characters. One could easily visualize them and their actions and reactions.

An OH BOY are you right about passwords.

but all in all just sad, and I don't just think of Jennifer, no also your heroes Ben and Rebecca are less than lovable. and the rest of the criminals anyway. as nice as the story is to read, in the end you just have a heap of filth, scum , characterless assholes.... you name it. the end summs it up everybody is more cruel than the other. what a nice world to live in. what a poor fantasy to draw a fucked up world like that. besides that make two chapters or maybe even 3. it was too long.

I will take your word that the legal aspects of this story are factual but it doesn't make any difference. This is a great piece of writing and a very good story. I normally don't comment on the technical aspects of a story but there were a few names changes that confused me. Not trying to jump on you just a constructive comment. This story had to difficult to write because of all the ins and outs and because of the length. But JOB WELL DONE. Thanks for your hard work. I for one appreciate it.

At last, a story that has no mega secret kung fu ninja boxer ex-SEAL hiding his vast secret fortune that he has been amassing over the last few years since he bought out some company... with his other secret fortune from all his black ops, and who knows just where to get the latest in fashionable spy gear, not just the nanny cams from radioshack. Just an analyst, a lawyer, and some greedy idiots (criminal and legal). No drop of the hat psychotics or instantaneously sexually attractive and spontaneously ultra promiscuous types out for "revenge". Like getting laid is a form of revenge? Yeah, maybe back in high school.

i love a good lawyer yarn! you had sex, revenge, and utter desolation for the loving wife! and the husband gets an upgrade! OUT FUCKIN' STANDING!

Other than a few edits (You had Jennifer cited when Rebecca was speaking) this story had everything - drama, realism, and mystery. I wished that there was more development of the Jennifer character because while it seemed like she loved Ben the opening convrsation with Alain spoke to disdain of him. If her scheme had worked how was she going to explain this sudden wealth to Ben or would she just put it out as she felt the need? She had fucked her way to the top so eventually she would have replaced Ben. Once again an outstanding story -Thanks! I can not wait unti the next one!

I could only give it a 4. The misdirections noted above and the misnaming of characters, ie Jennifer/Rebecka and Bradford/and Detective Robinson counted against it.

A little more effort on the editing, and a little less leading the reader astray and it would have been perfect. Great job, anxiously awaiting your next story.

Somehow my comment did not get on the story... Oh well I remember that it

was enjoyable and that since I was raised on Sci Fi there is no problem if the author used some poetic license in his legal system. Still I felt that the legal part was tight and well put together.

<P>

It is amazing to me but the Anon above is right, none of the principle characters are likable. In fact basically they are all dishonest and unprincipled. Most of the support characters are painted with the same brush! My thanks to the author!

That was GREAT, one of the best i have read in a long time. Thank you

As an old criminal defense attorney I can assure the readers that the author took no liberties with the realities of the criminal "justice" system - other than Jennifer seemed to have been arraigned upon a complaint, and did not waive indictment (this legal gobbledygook is addressed to the author) - or maybe Illinois has gotten beyond requiring indictments in all felony cases.

The state I practiced in rushed cases to the grand jury, which always indicted, so that there would not be time for a preliminary/probable cause hearing - indictments were/are required in all felony cases

The only shortcoming of the story, and one I can't offer a solution to, is its length - getting readers of this genre to undertake eight chapter stories, each with more than three thousand words, and little sex, is a tough sell.

If you could come up with a different scam it would be good - the siphoning off of the fractional penny was tried many years (probably as a previous commentator suggested as soon as mainframe computers went into general use at banks) The scam combined with the state of the art video and computer equipment/techniques amount to a serious anachronism

Great piece of work - absolutely first rate lawyer story.

A really good read. It was a little long but it kept up the pace very well. I never felt I was reading too much filler. The neat thing was that I KNEW something was up, he obviously found some damning information when he broke into the companies computers but I wasn't sure what and where it would lead. This kept the interest up. The court drama was nicely played. The only thing I didn't get was why they were playing the district attorney like they did. Obviously he was arrogant and they used him for their own purpose but I think it needed to be built up a bit more as to why they tore him apart so badly. It was like they showed up in court with the animosity fully formed. Also, WHY would the district attorney withhold evidence? Just to win an election? That was a HUGE stupid risk and wasn't developed well enough. The detective's reason for going along with this foolishness wasn't developed enough ether. The DA's and detective's collusion was required for the plot so it was dropped into place and the reader is just supposed to accept their behavior as a foregone conclusion. Both of them being "bad" at the same time? This was a little weak. The rest was really good.

You created believeable characters and an engrossing plot. You brought them to life and we identify each of then as easily as we identified the characters in the first Star Wars film’s bar scene. My praise may mean little, but he encouragement of accomplished authors such as woodmanone and clocas should help you realize that you we do us all a great favor by continuing to write.

Really good story - my only criticism is that I got a little lost amongst the characters in the first few pages (although I understand why you needed to keep a veil over their identities). Love to read some more - sean

Thank you everyone for your comments, both good and bad. Now that I've got the general gist of the comments, I want to take a few things to point out some of the issues raised.

First, I fully understand that I engaged in misdirection by not identifying the female at the beginning. That was the whole point of making this a courtroom thriller. If you'd known it was Jennifer all along, there would have been no suspense. I did, though, drop her name toward the end of page three as the subject of at least five videos--remember the reference to Jennifer 5? And the very next chapter had Ben clearly torn by what he'd seen. This set up the real suspense: Was Jennifer a victim or the main criminal protagonist? If you'd all known this from page 1, I don't think there would have been any suspense. While I appreciate that this was misdirection, and not necessarily everyone's cup of tea, this is the whole point of a thriller. And, though subtle, the misdirection really started with the title. Though this appeared to be A Case of Self Defense raised by Jennifer in the trial, it was actually Ben defending himself and his daughters from his sociopathic, murderous wife, which is the ultimate ending upon which the title was selected.

Second, I agree with HarryinVA's comment that the ending was telegraphed. Frankly, I think I gave far too many clues about the Jennifer's involvement, but only experienced readers of mystery novels can usually spot such clues as they appear.

Third, I know full well that the split penny scheme is old. Hell, I learned about it in junior high school, and that was more years ago than I care to share. I tried to give it a believable twist, though, by making three co-conspirators that could cover all bases in keeping the scheme hidden: auditing, transfers, and altering and keeping hidden the changes in computer code. I'm not sure if this would work, but I confess to being ignorant about the world of high finance.

Fourth, some of the later comments point out--accurately, I believe--that all of the characters ended up being sleazebags. I agree. Frankly, that was the point and was fully intended. While Jennifer, Knight, and Broussard are clearly the worst of the lot, Ben, Rebecca, and Richards were nearly as dirty. Ben's only defense is that he had to do whatever it took to keep his daughters away from his murdering wife. Still, think of The Sting. Paul Newman and Robert Redford in that movie were cast as the good guys, but how can con men who steal for a living really be good guys? I believe the real world is differing shades of gray, and while Ben and Rebecca were certainly slimey, they were definitely less slimey than the others. Sorry, but I don't believe in superhero, perfectly virtuous protagonists; they're boring.

Finally, thanks to all who found my editing errors. This story was 69 pages of single-spaced typing on my word processor, and I re-read it ten times at least. Still, I inexcusably missed several mistakes that have led to confusion. For that, I apologize and promise to strive for better next time.

In closing, I really do want to thank everyone for their comments and criticisms, particularly Cloacas who took the time to private message me in response to a query for more detailed criticism. His points were well taken and thoughtful, and I only regret that AngiqueSophie has not yet weighed in. Oh, and Harddaysknight, Ohio, The Wanderer, and Britease. Come on, people, you're my inspirations on this!

First, of course I am tickled pink reading you’d appreciate my opinion on your story, sir, mentioning me even before such impressive LW icons as Ohio and Hard Days Knight c.s. I can only state that you have excellent taste, monsieur (grin).

Leaving silliness behind I must say that your story wasn’t easy for me to get into. Must have been my fault, but you not giving the female conspirator in chapter one a name led me to assume she were the same as Deborah further on, but she was married to Alain and the anonymous woman in the first chapter had told Alain about her sweet but stupid husband. Confusion galore, so I stopped for a bit, knowing I had to return, because the story was written so well.

It took your own comment to get me to realize how things should be understood (at once spoiling the plot a bit by giving Jennifer away). Now I have to judge the story through this veil of misunderstandings and premature information, alas. But it still is a well-created tale, nicely paced and plotted around some great cliff hangers. But I must admit it isn’t the kind of story I favor most (which of course is a very personal thing).

You see, like most mysteries and crime thrillers, the whole affair is a puzzle. Nothing wrong with that, I love puzzling. But the structure of the puzzle plot took so much energy that there seemed to have been no time left for the people populating the puzzle – their character, their emotions.

My stories usually are weak in the plot-department, as I am way too busy to mold flesh on the bones. I fear with you it is the other way around. We’d make a great team, sir! (smile).

Nevertheless, I read your story in one long, captivated reading (after the above mentioned hurdle had been taken). I admired your impressive knowledge of courtroom procedures. And I do hope you will be writing more!

Thanks for a lovely read.

It took me longer to start reading it because it was so long, but it was a much more rewarding read as a single piece (and might not have worked nearly as well in chapters).

Yes, there were a few mistakes. So what? This is one of the finest works I've read here. I like reading mysteries. I like to "go with the flow" and not spend too much time analyzing it while reading. Your story worked perfectly here. I did figure out before the end that the wife was the mystery 3rd person, but I thought you wanted us to do so. I thought that you wanted us to be in the know for the final scene.

I have only one question, can time run out for those federal crimes? If so, Ben needs to watch his behind! Thanks a bunch. btw, it was not too long for me. Ttom.

I too did have a bit of difficulty following all the characters through the first 3 pages, but this is a minor criticism. Also, could have used a short epilogue, but again this is a very minor thing. This is a superb story, absolutely riveting. The court room sequences were great. There's some real irony around Jennifer's character - she's a greedy manipulative murderer, but somehow I have sympathy for her. Hope she gets some therapy. Five months plus in jail must have had an effect on her, but for better or for worse? Again, an epilogue would help - does she get her job back? Well done Rehnquist.

I still had a problem with the actual cheating on Jennifer's part, But I'm glad Rebbecca is going to have a chance at a normal life with Ben.

Ohio?? Come on! I enjoyed this tale. My habit is to skip over long stories until I read some positive comments. I read Harry's mostly positive comment, but decided to read it anyway. I found it a little hard to keep the names straight, but then so did the writer. I had no problem with any misdirects, as I am often accused of the same. (I am always know to screw up the charaters' names now and then) I did think the DA would have been much more thorough and not make such glaring mistakes when his future is riding on the outcome. All in all, Angie said it all! Good job and I will look for more from you. Thanks for the work.

The story was OK, but I had problems with believability from the first page. The basic crime (i.e., harvesting roundoff) has been a known potential crime for over 40 years, ever since computers have been used for accounting; and there are many safeguards to prevent it. Next time talk to a computer risks wizard to get a believable crime.

Another fantastic story by one of my favorite authors on the site! Looking forward to more of your stories.

The bit about stealing the fractions of a penny was tried decades ago. After Stanley Mark Rifkin did pulled his wire tranfer theft in the 1970's, the systems were changed dramatically. No EFT system today would allow any fractions to go undetected.

Your quote ... "I've never submitted a story in the Loving Wives category, and I'm doing so now with great trepidation. Frankly, the commentators in this section are brutal." Not to worry .. your story was well written and well conceived. Write another one ... Please!!

The only unanswered question I have is: what power did Broussard have over women? How did he coerce that many women? One of the videos alluded to his victim losing her job if she didn't cooperate. I can't imagine that same scenario being used on more than 20 other women without someone along the line bringing charges of sexual harassment.

Other than that, it was a well written story that kept my attention throughout.

An excellent story your Honor. Nothing more needs to be said. Hope you decide to write another in this genre.

Well done.

....reading this (regardless of the morbidity of knowing jen the mom was scum by page three)-was like watching an episode of "Cold Case". Very depressing.What testimony to a good author.

No system is going to let an account's password be attacked repeatedly. It will lock up at the 3rd or 5th failed attempt.

Especially at a bank...

What they Deserved they Greedy Threesome Money$$ was the Motivator and the End of them.

A damn powerful story. The right mix of genres with a little spice thrown in. Nice work.

I've paid good money for mystery books that weren't nearly as well done as this.

This is one of the most enjoyable that I have read in a very long time. Also congratulations on putting a fresh spin on an overworked senerio. If I could make any suggestion at improvement, I was slightly confused at the beginning when some many of the characters were introduced so quickly before I could remember who did what, but that may just be my shortcoming. anon jerry

This is great!

Loved this story. I sat glued for an hour, heart pounding, waiting to see how it would pan out. Good job.

A waste of talent. You should be writing novels and getting rich.

Enjoyed it. A nice twist at the end fooled me as I tried to pre-empt the outcome. Well done.

AMAZING!

This was a great story, but a huge turnoff. Not exactly what this site is all about.

Well done author!

ned to identify the lead characters in the frist few paragraphs.

A little long to hold the ineterest of all b ut the most dedicated. Keep writing.

I enjoyed it alot, i think the only thing i would like is more sex, as that is why i read on this site. You do show alot of talent and would like to read more.

i love this story, your one heck of a writer. and i like the fact that you didnt name the female accomplice, it made the story a bit of a mystery. thanks for a great read

Brilliant read, as quoted already great idea not naming female involved in theft.

Please keep up the great work

I could visualise a lot of the story that you were writing. Good technical plot, lots of real life thrown in (including laws, courts, etc), and also a satisfying finish. My review cannot do your story justice. Good job!

I really enjoyed this story, especially with its opportunity to learn about things like dismissal with prejudice and affirmative defense. I appreciated that you gave readers all they needed to know to figure out the mystery for themselves without resorting to any deus ex machina in the end.

One thing troubled me.

Why was it necessary to specify that Rebecca's rapists were three BLACK guys? It adds nothing to the plot. It does contribute one more brick in the wall of racism. I'd hope that if you ever revise the story that one word could come out.

Thoroughly enjoyed the plot, the dialogue and the eroticism. Well done.

I need to revise my whole philosophy on how I browse categories! I usually skip over the "Loving Wives" stuff since cucks & cheating wives usually does nothing for me. The only reason I read this is because I happened to see your name on the Bar and Grill story (another great one by the way) and realized I'd been inadvertently skipping your posts! Well at least I've had fun catching up.

My only minor issue on this story is that the skimming fractions idea is a bit recycled, and in reality there are plenty of safeguards against it. But the nuts & bolts of the smuggling operation was immaterial to the real drama here. Your story construction, leaving out just enough tidbits to add to the mystery, only to be revealed later in climactic order; it's superbly done.

Okay, well I'm caught up on your stories, and while I look forward to more, I need to catch up on some sleep. Damn you, Rehnquist, and your ridiculously engrossing and addictive tales! Some of us have to work in the morning! :)

great piece of writing!!!!!

You did an excellent job with your story. It was very believable and it moved along at an excellent pace. I really loved your happy ending. In the tradition of PAPATOAD and TTB, you certainly have a take no prisoners approach. It doesn't get any better.

Great story! Why say more.

A really interesting, well put together story, and an excellent primer on the US court system.

I would give this a 5/5 but I don't have an account. Anyway like what the others said, this is a very realistic story and it played out very well and this has been the best story I've read so far on the site. Keep it up

Not 100% realistic, but it is fiction after all. Well done and very enjoyable.

Loved it. Another great story to add to your growing list.

A very great story. You are an awesome writer. More great storys please.

And enjoyed it a lot. Thanks for writing.

Wonderfully done, would make a great movie.

He should be writing fairy stories for 5y old.

author has improved dramatically since this early cliched effort

Great story, loved it.

By a mindless "writer" whom likes to hear him self talk.

Damn Poms !

Tell the truth, schweinehund !

That said, the writing seemed a little awkward in the beginning. I know it was to keep the air of mystery, but I believe it could have been worded slightly better.

I started reading the story hoping to get off...imagine my surprise as the way the story would end, became more important than sex scenes. Great job!

Thanks for a great ride.

I like it because it was a different take on the cheating wife genre. The cheating wife here did her thing for money, which is pretty common in real life.

I agree with Angelique that I prefer it be about the people in the story more. Expressing their thoughts, feelings, and reasons for their actions. All of them, not just one.

Still, this was a decent story. You are as good in your style as Jake60, Stang and DQS, though I prefer Steele because he developes each of his characters more.

I might offer that as a 45 year State cop we don't change our testimony to please a Prosecutor. I know for a fact that City Detectives will help do about anything to help the DA's prosecution. It's all about conviction success with them. Plea bargains are all about that as well.

Thanks much for writing and publishing this. Even up to the end, I thought Susan had done it. I saw the earlier hints otherwise, but dismissed them.

I was very self satisfied, lol, when I just could not let go of the fell on my ass part. I never found a reasonable way out of that and while Susan kept popping up I was not quite convinced it was her.

By the end of the trail I was certainly happy the divorce was coming and Jennifer was going to be put out to pasture, but there was a bit of uncertainty about the why. He was a good man to hide her videos, that was clear, very little in how you built Jen showed her for what she was. Just little hints like reducing her extracurricular activities, another line that stuck in my gut.

Thanks for a really good read!

This was pure addictive reading... Nearly trashed my laptop when it hung between pages but luckily managed to restrain myself. :-)

Absolutely excellent...

Again: Love, love, loved it!!!!

1. $90,000 per month is impossible. First the statements are monthly and if they withdrew on a daily basis any account with a balance of less than $180, assuming a very high 2% interest rate would draw no interest. At 2% interest, the interest on an account of $180 is slightly less then $0.01. Therefore, someone with $180 balance should receive $0.29 instead of $0.00 per month interest. Therefore, it would be immediately obvious if the withdrawals were on a daily basis.

Even if there were 2 million interest paying accounts; an extremely high amount for any large bank, the average in a month would be 2 million times 1/2 cent or $10,000 per month, not $90,000 per month. $10,000 per month is not chicken feed but divided between three people that is only $40,000 per year. Not an amount that would justify taking that much risk.

2. You cannot login without providing both a user name and a password. Therefore, without providing a valid password, he could not discover the user name. Therefore, instead of millions of attempt for the password, it would require trillions of attempts for the combination of user name and password.

3. After 3 or 4 failed attempts the system would lock out. Either for 15 minutes or else it would require resetting by providing additional information including the answers to 3 of 6 or more security questions. Therefore, no more than 100 attempts could be made in a 24 hour period. The sun would turn into a red giant before the trillions of attempts could be made. Furthermore, the system would note the failed attempts calling attention to the fact that someone was attempting to break in.

4. Out of all the employees the bank has, it is highly unlikely he just happened to select Broussard. And, even if he did, to look for security problems about the last place he would look is at emails. Instead he would see if he could break into and change bank accounts. Furthermore, such email wouldn’t exist since Jeff and Jennifer would not allow email communication between them. Any, communication would be verbal.

5. You cannot break into a home computer by knowing the email and password. First, if he is not on his home computer he would not be on the internet making it impossible and, even if he was, the home computer has a firewall.

6. If you are living with a wife, it is not possible to assault 23 in your home without going to prison. Perhaps 1 or 2 or even 3 or 4 but even that would be a stretch.

The story is original and well written. However, since at least 5 things are impossible the story is forty times more far-fetched then the twilight zone. Therefore, I could only give it a 2** rating.

know about anything except how to smoke a cock?

Tell your story walking DWmoron

know about anything except how to smoke a cock?

Tell your story walking DWmoron

DWmoroncuck probably knows a lot about shit

Having it for brains helps a lot.

DWmoroncuck probably knows a lot about shit

Having it for brains helps a lot.

It's refreshing to read a plot written by an expert on the subject matter, as this one was. It allows for some very realistic settings and dialogue within the context of the plot. I'm not a fan of court room drama, and I also realize that US civil and criminal laws tend to differ from state to state. Yet, the peek through the window of the workings involved lends a credibility not usually encountered in many short stories, while catching and holding a reader's interest.

Another point to mention is how intelligently Ben and Rebecca planned the "defence", insuring justice and revenge were meted out to the satisfaction of the two characters and many readers.

While a few readers might consider some of the events improbable, they truly aren't a far stretch from the truth. Plus, how entertaining would a story be if it wasn't embellished a bit.

I thoroughly enjoyed the fourth reading as much as the first.

My only complaint is, it wasn't a novel.

Thanks for sharing.

This is essentially the same plot as that in Superman III with Richard Pryor as the main bad guy.

Nice job though.

and the mouse trap didnt work for this type of rat.. TKU MLJ LV NV

The story starts with her screwing Alain Broussard and making plans with him. You get the feeling she is cheating on her husband with this guy.

He suggests start screwing this guy Jeff to suck him into their plan.

Then in chapter 3 she comes home after screwing Jeff and her husband Alain Broussard is there. This is her husband?

But he is pissed because she screwed Jeff?

Who's on first? What did I miss? Are there two Alain Broussards?

It isn't Jennifer when Alain was pissed it was his own wife Deborah remember what he was thinking "I fuck other guys wives my wife doesn't fuck other guys" or something like that.

The fractional penny scam? Gave it one star as soon as I read that.