A Learning Experience Ch. 10

With a fast scissor kick, Jeff dropped him, and Zack quickly came from the other side and kicked the gun out of his hands. But then we were hit by the impact of a double barreled shotgun blast. We all dropped to the ground, and I said a silent prayer that no one had been hit, but apparently that prayer was ignored. I heard two motorcycles startup and roar off into the night, firing another blast as they went by, apparently thinking their buddy had been taken down, they were leaving him to his fate.

Once the roar of the bikes faded, I sat up and looked around to see the gunman again, this time on his hands and knees, his helmet was off, and he was wiping blood from his face. He had been the only one shot, taking a couple pellets to his face... but now he had picked up his gun, and it was pointed straight at me.

My eyes followed his down to my crotch. My dress had torn, and my gaff pulled away, and as I looked back at him, all I saw was the bloodied sneer he wore... he'd figured it out... I was his target. They talk about seeing your life flash before your eyes... but all I saw was the ugliest human I'd ever seen, and I prayed once more that after he pulled that trigger, he would leave everyone else alive... but I doubted it.

The crack of a rifle answered all my prayers that night. A hooded man in black clothing, with a nightscoped M14 slung over his shoulder ran up to us after the gunman had slumped to the sidewalk. He addressed Jeff and Zack, telling them to get me back to the Supper Club and that none of us were ever here, he looked around quickly, picking up our purses and gave them to Jeff. He seemed very familiar to me.

"Look, the cops will be here any second, PLEASE... get her the hell out of here!"

Now I was sure I knew that voice and my head shot around to look closely under the hood. I still couldn't see him, but I knew the voice from a darkened bedroom.

"Smitty?..."

But I was put in a fireman's carry as Jeff threw me over his shoulder and did as he was told, taking Mel and I to the place he felt we would probably be the safest. I tried to scream and stop him, but now my old ghosts were appearing. My PTSD pushed me into a place in my mind that I could hide in forever if I so wished. It was quiet... I became unconscious... and slept.

***

I had so many dreams this time around, they came one after another, never quite letting me sleep without some story giving me a constant Technicolor background. I remembered an ancient land of rock monuments and early Neolithic farming, a horse ride along a country road from the middle-ages. An 18th century mine and some of the first massive pumps ever built to clear them of water, then suddenly a sailing ship somewhere in the Mediterranean, possibly Egypt, close to Alexandria. Craziest bunch of dreams, not a lesbian in the lot of them. But then I think my soul wanted to simply not be in the here and now any longer. It had enough of this time period thank you very much... lets get ourselves someplace else... like... anyplace else.

But once I could feel some control coming back... oh lord... pain. It was... everywhere it seemed. This was not anyplace I wanted to be... and the darkness took me. A floating nothingness in which I could hear everything, feel everything, but the pain was not an issue anymore. I was 'hearing' and yet the echo was intense, as if I were now two different people listening from very different distances...

"The police are combing the neighborhood, but they won't come in here... in here."

"My God, Doctor... why won't she wake up? ...he wake up?"

"My best guess?... guess? She's had a trauma that her conscious mind couldn't deal with... deal with... and may never deal with... with. Look, Joscelyn may well be unconscious for weeks, maybe months... months... I really th... really th..."

"No... No we can't take that chance, we can take care of her right now as well as any hospital can... spital can."

All during these exchanges, I could hear noises in the background, and couldn't figure out what they were at first. Then I noticed short sniffs from time to time, followed by very low volume moaning. It was the sound of someone in great sorrow, sobbing quietly next to me, within a short period of time I recognized Mel's voice in the moan and my heart wanted to explode! Suddenly massive doses of adrenaline surged through me and my eyes fluttered open. Once again I found myself in my Mistress's bed and began searching wildly for my Melissa. I still could not see well, but I tracked her little sobs and rolled my head to the side where I felt they were coming from.

"Mel... please baby," I croaked out, "Don't cry..."

"DOCTOR!" she screamed, "DOCTOR, SHE'S AWAKE!"

"Josie! Can you hear me honey?" she called to me, then held me by my shoulders, shaking me lightly as my vision and consciousness returned, "Oh my... you came back to me... oh thank God honey... you've been asleep for 3 days now!"

Now that my Mel was next to me I drifted in and out for the next hour or so. Until finally the Doctor felt I was conscious enough to give me something to help me stay awake for a little while as they checked my various vital signs. My mind wasn't really interested in all the facts of what had happened... but some things would... and could not wait for another day.

"Wha-what happened to Jeff and Zack?" I asked first.

"After you fainted," she replied, "Jeff put you over his shoulder and brought you back here to the supper club. Zack and I followed him, and made sure no one followed us. But when we got to the door, no one was here... no one was at the door. I pounded on the door for awhile, and Zack went up to the front door and came back with Sara and her entire security detail who had just notified her that they had heard gunfire."

"We were setup baby," I said with tears forming again, "someone made sure we were gonna be alone when we left here, and then we would never come back."

Sara now walked in, followed by Rene' and were looking anxiously at the Doctor.

"Doctor?" Sara asked quietly, "Is she doing any better, can she have food?"

"Ha! Seems to be a common enough question," Dr. Goldmann smiled as he addressed everyone in the master bedroom suite, "I just got a call from Dolores and that was her first question as well. Yes, she can have food, no problem... if she wants... but what I want is for her to have as few visitors as possible for the next 24 hours... this young lady has been through trauma of the first order, and despite the fact she was unconscious, she needs rest, as in real sleep... understood?"

"Yes Doctor," Sara said, "we'll make sure she has as few as possible."

"Alright," He yawned, then stretched his back, "I'm going home then... you have the number for my service right? Give her the tablets on the end table every 3-4 hours if she starts feeling anxious again. ...goodnight Josie, glad your back with us!"

"Thank you Doctor," I replied, "As always... I owe you so much."

"Not at all honey... you call if you need me, all right?"

I nodded and grabbed his hand and held it to my face, kissing it softly, he blushed and I gradually let go and told him goodnight.

After he had left, Rene' asked me what I would like to eat after 3 days, and I simply laughed and told him "From you? Anything mon cher... anything."

Once he'd left, leaving only Sara and Mel with me... Sara told Mel to close the bedroom door, and fetch my white leather clutch I'd had with me when we had left the supper club. Sara took the clutch and opened it... taking out a small white envelope.

"After you got back, I had security go through your things just as a precaution, and they found this... it's addressed to 'My Darling Josie'... and we were going to open it and read it if you didn't come out of that coma soon."

I looked at my Mistress' face and it showed the terrible stress she had been under from all of these events as well. I sat up and hugged her tightly. We all cried together for a few minutes as the trauma washed over us. I was sure that no one involved with the events of that night, three nights ago, had slept at all since. Gradually I calmed down and once again we all focused on the hand written envelope she had found in my purse. I had no doubt who had written it, and my hands shook violently opening it. Inside was a single sheet of small white note paper. It said:

---

Dearest Josie, I discovered this latest plot only after it was in play. I pray I have been successful, and you are alive still. In any case, I must disappear. If the police question you, explain that I was your martial art's teacher and leave it at that. Danny Munroe, his brother Rob, and two others from our Pagans club were involved, as well as this ex-cop. Never discovered his identity, but he did seem to have some grudge against your father, although he was hired by the Munroe brothers for money to murder you. If my plans work out, they will all be arrested during a truck hijacking they are intending later tonight.

Remember to say your prayers for me baby! (burn this). Smitty ---

I fell into Mel and Sara's arms, my body wracked with anguish and inconsolably sobbing, I'd never felt so alone or saddened to never see my protector and hero ever again. Gradually I pulled back as my tears suddenly stopped. Sara saw what was in in my eyes, but I gave it a voice as well.

"I'll kill 'em... every Goddam Bastard involved!"

"No child..." Sara's reddened eyes shown a rare fierceness I had never seen, "he gave of himself to see you made it away from all of that evil, now you owe him a great debt. You MUST leave for awhile. We'll find out if these people were actually arrested... but now honor Smitty's sacrifice... make it count Josie, for his sake!"

"B-but... where? How?"

"We'll get your Doctor to schedule your Reassignment Surgeries a little earlier than he was going to, you'll be safe in London honey. You and Melissa can go, and I'll come and get you both and bring you home when you're ready. Perhaps we can make a grand tour of Europe on the way home, wouldn't you like that my dear? To actually see Paris? Oui?"

I felt the hate melt away with the lovely ministrations of my Mistress. She was right of course, spending my life tracking down every bigot that has taken a grudge to my need to change gender certainly didn't seem like much of a life.

***

A few days later, we heard all the Pagans that Smitty talked about had been surprised by a massive police roadblock that put an end to their planned truck hijacking, only Robbie, one of the Munroe brothers either got away, or was not involved. Sara contacted Doctor Goldmann and managed to somehow get my surgeries moved forward. Mel and I started packing for a long European trip, but the more we packed, the more she seemed to be troubled by what was happening.

The night we were to leave was a typical Philadelphia fall evening, a soaking rain was falling outside and it felt cold in the air, as if a clammy dead hand was laying on the shoulder of my coat, chilling me to the bone. We had all the bags in the hall, ready to go, and had said all of our goodbyes, we were simply waiting for the limo to take us to the airport.

I was running through my make-up case, making sure I had everything for the flight in the living room, when I once again, heard those tiny sobs that could only be coming from one person. I dropped what I was doing, unable any longer to ignore that particular crying voice, even for a millisecond... I had to find her and find out... what was happening here?

As I walked into the front hallway to our front door, a small humped figure sat on the cold floor crying her eyes out. She saw me and lunged, grabbing my thighs in her arms and holding her cheek against my crotch.

"Please Mistress!" she screamed, "Please don't do it!"

"Don't do what sweetheart?" I tried to counter. "What has you so upset darling?"

"Please keep your cock... f-for me?"

"You mean don't have the Surgery?"

"Yes. Please don't" she responded.

"But Melissa, we've talked this through MANY times, and you know you are asking me to give you something I simply don't know how to give..."

"But why?" She cried, "All you will get is pain!"

"Has someone been telling you about this operation Mel?"

"Cindy. Cindy said 'No man in their right mind would have his Cock cut off!'"

"Can't you see the huge flaw in that logic? Melissa... I've never been a man... ever."

I gradually got her to stand and beckoned her to follow me back into the living room.

"I want to share something very personal with you, I've never shown it to another soul, but I want you to understand my darling. Here, in one of my old books is where I keep it."

I pulled out a folded piece of very old yellow-lined paper. Drawn, obviously by the hand of a child, is a picture of a naked woman. She has breasts and a vagina.

"A... A Lady At Last!" Mel repeated the title I had put at the top of the piece of paper.

"I drew her when I was eight years old, that was how I have always seen myself, Mel... you ask me for more than I am able to give my love... even for you. Can't you see how important this is for me?"

Her eyelids mashed together, throwing the picture down, she took off away from me. I followed her out the front door and at the couple steps at the end of our walk I nearly tripped and went to my knees.

"Melissa! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!"

But she was gone. Seconds later the limo arrived, with the driver jumping from his car to help me into the back. I was crying so hard, and was so wet, I was surprised he even understood me. He gave me a shot of brandy, and held my hand... until finally I explained where my luggage was and gave him my house keys to lock my door. I had lost my love once again, betrayed by my own genitals it seemed. Why had she been so sure I wouldn't do this? I never dreamed a night could be so black.

I used the radiophone in the limo to contact Sara, and told her what had happened. She promised me she would find Mel and make sure she was taken care of. It would be a long trip without her. I made it to the Philadelphia airport with just enough time to clean myself up, then catch the shuttle to JFK New York airport. It took forever it seemed to get through customs with my female passport, I was constantly worried one of these men might decide to do a strip search or something, but I finally got to the BOAC lounge and I had two very stiff drinks. I was booked on the Concorde night flight direct to London. The US ban on JFK Concorde operations had just been lifted the previous month.

I walked across the lounge to see what all the excitement was about. A needle-nosed jet was roaring towards the Jetway, no wonder I thought... it's too advanced for this world, its right out of some science fiction magazine, of course everyone fears it. I only wanted my Mel with me, the loneliness was building, and when they called everyone to board... I nearly ran... ran home to my parents... to being male again... to hiding in plain sight... staying safe. Then that small drawing came to me once again... "A Lady At Last"... and my legs walked me aboard the fastest commercial aircraft in the world. I couldn't make my full transition happen fast enough now, even if it could simply transport me instantly to my hospital room... I needed this more than anything... and yes... anyone.

Le Fin. --- So where does Josie go from here? After returning from having SRS in London, England, with her Mistress Sara, she traveled around the world in first class comfort. Introduced to celebrities, politicians, corporate officers and sports heroes. Always asked to first class parties as arm-candy for local playboys wanting to impress others with the most exotic erotic feminine bodies they could pile on. She seemed to have it all... and then one night, sitting on a park bench during a private party near Penn's Landing in the summer of 1986 something important occurred to the Maîtresse Joscelyn that had managed to re-create herself in so many ways. Nothing she was doing would ever leave anything lasting, or alter anything really, she could see people around her doing important work, leaving small 'pieces' of themselves behind as an almost personal legacy. She had helped with her Mistress' charity work, but still she knew she could do more. Sitting on that bench, staring into the waterfront... she suddenly saw that once again she would need to re-invent and start over.

The next day she brought her concerns to her loving Mistress, who contacted her closest friends involved with college admissions. One explained a new program just begun by the University Of Pennsylvania School Of Engineering for minorities, including transsexuals, who may have enough credits from other schools to qualify for an advanced degree in one of their programs. She qualified easily with her previous community college work, and enrolled in a graduate course in Computer and Information Sciences, majoring in Operating Systems Development. Graduating in just over 9 months, she had her first job for one of the largest suppliers of hospital and medical software in the world by the fall of 1987.

Heading the group that developed the first PC Networked Application in the company's history, she was featured on the front page of that company's annual report in 1990. She joined the ACM as a voting member and has since dedicated her life to the advancement of health systems all over the world, developing software for medical devices, along with software that managed Oncology Clinical Trials Tracking, Nurse Staffing, Personal Health, Diabetes, and Vision Care. However not one of these companies ever knew she had begun life as a 'he'. We are nowhere near an equal society yet, despite all of our advances, technology, and science... bigotry continues unhindered, with deep hatred for those 'different' somehow.

And yet... a transsexual streetwalker... a Stray Cat from Philly, pushed herself to become something no bigot could possibly cast aspersions on, a fully contributing member of the human race.

Well I've loved a million women, in a belladonic haze, And I ate a million dinners, brought to me on silver trays. Give me everything I need, to feed my body and my soul, And I'll grow a little bigger, maybe that can be my goal.

I was told a million times, of all the people in my way, How I had to keep on trying, and get better every day. But if I crossed a million rivers, and I rode a million miles, Then I'd still be where I started, same as when I started.

Keep yourself alive, come on, keep yourself alive! Ooh, it'll take you all your time and money... honey, You'll survive! (Keep Yourself Alive - Queen)

To my soulmate Griffin57, I survived for you, Always & Forever ---