All Comments on 'A Man of Honor Ch. 01'

I’m looking forward to more, but the hook has been set.

Great start to this tale. Always like to read about my paisans. Please continue...

2 things that could interfere in any relationship or marriage, TK U MLJ LV NV

A fascinating first chapter! I'm looking forward to the next one!

I liked it very much...A good and easy read...Let's wait where the writer will take us...4* for this part

So many typos, missing words, etc. that it makes it distract from the flow of even this very short intro to the story.

you stopped for no discernable reason. You don't break up chapters by simply stopping, You need to look for some sort of breaking point. You haven't set up the situation, let alone solved it. That made this chapter a bit odd.

But you got me.

Got my attention with this dangerous liaison. This could get ugly and I'm probably not going to enjoy the ride but I am on the ride now, strapped in until it is done.

Good start.

I love the concept, and especially the cadence. Can't hardly wait for the next chapter!

Please finish How to destroy a perfect marriage first!

Good start to this story though.

Father In Law involved in compulsory prostitution and drug trafficking. So he brutally enslaves women and girls and sells addictive poison to children....causing untold amounts of misery and tragedy for who knows how many families. THIS is the great man the husband admires, the man of honor? Sounds like a world class piece of shit.

Sounds like the kind of guy Trump nominates for SCOTUS. LOLOL, if that last line offended or pissed off any Trump lovers...GOOD.

i like where this is headed. lets see where it goes

I wish you would finish your stories first then post these chapters in days not weeks and months apart. It's hard to keep up with a story this way when you are reading mutiple stories over time. .TJfP62

Wats a madder you never speak to an Italian befo.

Great start Dan, looking forward to your next installment.

An interesting story that I'd like to continue reading.

However, you need to proofread before you submit. You have sentences cut off halfway through ("This kid was going to mak"), words chopped in half ("never arr"), typos ("sicking" instead of "sickening"), people whose names change as the story progresses, etc.

We're all human and a couple errors might be expected but these were too frequent and distracted a lot from the underlying story.

While I'm playing grammar police, stop quoting everything. For example, you don't quote town names (e.g., "Upper Saddle River", New Jersey) or common expressions, even if they're slang (e.g., "made" men).

All that said, please continue this story; I think I'll like it.

Changes of POV, switching from Anthony's 1st person POV to 3rd person, missing words, sentence fragments.

Last paragraph didn't seem to have anything to do with the story other than Italian gangsters.

A lot more than most stories on here.

...but this is a good story, and your characters are very convincing and colorful. Please, continue. Soon!

The story was rolling along like the Godfather and was a pretty funny, stereotypical portrayal of a "made man" and his concern about his daughter. Anthony was spot on when he decided to drop Nina and never see her again. Nothing good could have come to his even dating the spoiled Italian Princess. He made a poor choice in ending it with a text, but who can blame him? No way he calls Nina ever again. Apologize for the poor choice of texting her, but never, ever talk to her again. Then he gets dropped off and you segueway into some random paragraph about John Gotti and the Gambino crime family. WTF?

I look forward to more after reading your intro!

Good character development and story start-sort of. This is like a movie teaser. Now the question is whether the movie lives up to the teaser.

BTW get an editor.

I hope you have this story well developed and that we see new installments quickly (please).

Thank You

Yes it is very good so far 5 stars

It's hard not to quickly assign stereotypes we all know to your characters, but they are taking on a life of their own to some extent. The teaser (gangster father-in-law tells son-in-law about the daughter cheating) and the characters coming to life provide enough of a hook to read Ch. 2.

Thanks for posting in LW. For some writers, that's as brave as taking out a gangster's daughter.

When his wife screws him over he will be so fucked.

Please don't tease us too long. You have me totally hooked already. Just don't end this like the Sopranos, please.

Love it take your time and tell the story you want to tell

Seen lots of great first courses end up as the only good part of a shitty dinner. More than a week between chapters and we know your stroking and reacting to comments. Almost never a good result.

Hope you prove me wrong. Thanks for the effort.

It's starting to get interesting!....I would love to know, what His Father In Law said to Him in the beginning of the Story?.....Can't wait for MORE PLEASE!......Fantastic Story ★★★★★ WOOF!

I like your stories, however I would appreciate them more if you posted them in there entirety. The reality of the situation is that people have to re-read your work in a month or so just to catch-up.

"My father-in-law informed me. I was lost for a bit, my father-n-law brought me back to reality." - So, is the "reality" that he is going to have to live as a cuckold, or is it that he is going to have to man up, defend HIS family's honor, and by doing so, defend his in-laws' honor as well.

I'm a firm believer in not posting Chapter Ones prematurely. I personally have a ch 1 that is could probably be posted soon. However, I see the story going two more chapters that need a lot of work. I will NOT post ch 1 until all chapters are ready.

I may even include chs 2 and 3 in one posting.

My only problem is that I did not wish to know about her future adultery.

...please complete one! Love them all!

This reads as a potentially interesting story as I am rather familiar with such family interactions from my youth. The primary issue is the very slim information in the first chapter and unless each chapter (how many will there be??) follows on a daily basis, the story will fizzle rapidly.

Tiny Tim

I was really into your story. For reasons not needed to be said respect was always at the forefront of my old school life. With this, its short sighted, and not respectful, in my opinion to lead your reader into investing in your work without a real return for that investment of time. One short chapter of introduction in setting up the story, and then its over? What is that? Why would you not want an even more tied in reader?

As short as the chapter is in your style of writing it needs to be three times as long, or release three chapters together. Who cares what others on this sight choose to do, put your reader and your story first. No direspect, it is a compliment to your writing style and ability.

Thanks

Seems like more than honor is at stake. Father’s and families position in the community; father’s position in the mafia, where he cannot appear to be weak; quid pro quo with his son-in-law (an attorney); his daughter’s lover who violated the honorable man’s territory, to say nothing of family’s standing and reputation. Justice will be swift and certain against his daughter, her lover and any other involved parties. Son-in-law must be vindicated.

It’s a good start. Chapter 2 soon I hope.

As someone who wouldn't react like that the protagonist irritated me with his cowardice.

Never hurt to have a second pair of eyes checking out your story, which usually help prevent you from posting you text with unfinished line like this:

Vito let out a sigh. This kid was going to mak

It also can make you realize you keep flipping from first to third person in the middle of your story. Basically, it makes your whole text a whole lot better.

I get it - it is the setup. Nothing is supposed to happen here. I can really blame Anthony for his reaction - sure, it looks quite cowardly, but, in a way, it was about self-preservation, which, ultimately, turned out to be the right move, given that Nina eventually proved herself to be less than an ideal wife.

The draw to this story is, however, not her adultery, but the relationship between Vitto and his son-in-law, and how the mobster will convince Anthony to not dump his wife over her betrayal... 'Cause I don't see Salerno helping him going BTB on his own daughter, and I definitely do not see him allowing Tony to divorce him either. So... what's the resolution here? And no - killing off her paramour won't change the core problem of their marriage - she cheated and made a mockery of their vows... How do someone who work for a Man of Honor allows such disrespect without imposing some consequences? Consequences he cannot enact, since Nina's her father 'pride and joy'...

Get me to this part of the story - that's what I'm here for! By the way... what's the chance Joey Mangano turns out to be her lover? Pretty good, right?

But it definitely needs proofreads and edits. There are places where it lolike a sentence may have been rewritten, but fragments of the ordinary remain. A proofreader could flag those segments for cleanup and suggest ways to improve readability and flow.

According to this 'writer' all the errors are caused by uploading to the portal here, not his actual writing, but I can see his writing has NOT improved at all. He states this in a comment on chapter 3 of How to Destroy a Perfect Marriage.

He is repetitive, this whole chapter basically kept repeating previous paragraphs, really went no where and the dialogue is stilted.

I understand how difficult writing in English can be when it is not one's first language. Take heart though! Help is just around the corner at the local public library. Because speaking English is easier than writing it, pick up a couple of books by Ernest Hemingway. I recommend In Our Time and The Old Man and the Sea. Begin by reading a few of Hemingway' sentences aloud --sounds just like natural speech, doesn't it? Notice he uses fewer compound sentences than simple and complex. If you don’t know the differences among these three types of sentences, use your search engine to learn. Also notice that most plural nouns in English are never formed by using an apostrophe. Read some more. Try to convert some of your own writing into Hemingway’s style. The problems with poor punctuation in your writing can also be cured by an hour or so of dedicated study. Here again, the internet can be your friend; there are many sites offering help with grammar and punctuation. The best way to help your own writing is to read the work of writers who write well.

I get it. I have no problem people reminding me my writing sucks. I'm a storyteller, not a writer. I know where I am at. Keep smiling!

There is llno problem with the writing. This was a great hook chapter. Bring on the next chapter of this series.l

A brave (proud) man dies but once a coward dies many times

Why start a story and publish it if it is no finished especially when you mention cheating at the start but. Ever even talk about what happened. Is this a story or just teasing?

no

Although he posted other work on Literotica until November of 2019, the author never added to this series after submitting the next chapter which was in no way a conclusion to the tale.

1* for wasting my time.

When first we practice to write boring shit

This is an interesting plot, a rarity in LW

Excellent so far⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Very interesting start to the story. Stereotypes described are right on. Good writing DanOctober. More please

Don't see no "cheating wife" story here, what happened to that part?