All Comments on 'A New Dawn Ch. 05'

A great story - I am really looking forward to the next chapter. One thing, however - breaking the fourth wall (story characters speaking directly to the reader or acknowledging that they are in a story) is okay within narrowly defined limits, but you were really pushing it this time. Leave the references to chapters and categories in the fore- and afterword, okay? Thanks again for a wonderful story.

... I was in a playful mood.

Barely there Reality references. Nowhere near what I would consider to be deliberately stepping outside of the story. Love these stories a whole lot. Please keep writing in this storyverse.

Awesome story as always and I for one love tongue in cheek 4th wall breaking.

Okay, I yield to the majority opinion regarding the Fourth Wall. I only ask that you not turn Johnny into the Ambush Bug of Literotica!

Good writing. Waiting for next chapter. Thanks

Utterly thrilled to see a new instalment of this engrossing and well written series, and likewise thrilled to hear there are more to come. :-)

First, I'd love to see New Dawn and Intervention combined into one chronological posting. They're becoming one story, so post them that way. I'm not saying to replace what you already have as I'm sure some prefer it this way, but it might be cool to have the option.

Second, on this whole breaking of the 4th wall. I don't really mind stories that do that (although I prefer not), but this came out of nowhere. It's one thing if the entire story is written that way, but it was jarring just coming out of the blue in the 10th chapter like this.

Very happy to see you've returned to this, had me worried you had abandoned this series and writing all together. 5 stars mate, keep going. One more thing, need reference to anything military will leave you my contact info. Fun factoid silencers are suppressors in our community.

I'd very much like to take you up on your offer. However, your contact email came through with only "Anonymous" so I have no way to reach you.

I cant wait to read some of your other goodies now! Hoping that there are more inthe same catagory. Oh, enjoyed the '4th wall' snips in this chapter, didn't know there was a name for it, they were funny ;). Can't wait for the time lapse of two years to see what kind of interesting things have transpired, AND it would be awesome/cool if the girls sneakily set him up with the neighbor girl on her birthday ;). ...I can see silk ties, a scarf blindfold and the four posts of their bed in his near future while the girls silently teach the newly legal neighbor/family member all the ins and outs (pardon...) of getting a guy sooo worked up he just can't say no to anything once they release him. (Picture dawn pulling his blindfold off him while he's eating neighbor girl to her second or third orgasm! (Sorry, can't remember names for squat!)

Which of the girls (more than one?) wants a baby? All for one and one for...?

Oh, and as a side note, how DID the girl find out about and start using the swimming pool? At first I thought she lived next door, but I recall her saying they lived five houses down?

Please, please get your moJo on this weekend and do a marathon story writing epiphany of awesomeness! Hehe

Thanks for the great read!!

M@

Just could have done without the "his cock can't hold a candle next to yours." Bit from Cyndi. That was a humiliating, embarrassing thing for a wife to tell another man. True or not, Cyndi cannot speak so dismissively and negatively about her husbands endowment to a man her husband agreed to let her have sex with and remain a decent, compassionate etc person. Nor can she claim to love her husband. It just didn't fit her character, IMO. Great job absent that though! I was ecstatic to see a new chapter had been added! Now if you quash this Tina with Johnny, Dawn with Barker stuff, I can die happy lol. That's gonna happen. Ah well.

you have to continue writing about dawn and everybody.you are a very caring and sensual writer. so please continue with dawn.oh and knock em dead johnny! from annie quick start writing go! go! go!

Enjoying the series and hope to see it continue. Just worried you are getting tired of Dawn... the implication that a marriage would mean monogamy then saying made love to her to keep it in the category and loved her, but, nothing much more than that makes me think you are ready to move on... say it ain't so!

'Ass night! Ass night! Ass night!'

What do we want?

ASS NIGHT!

When do we want it?

NOW!

these stories are terrific, both in style and humor. please keep them coming...

And always great fun to read, savour, and return to at leisure. Please keep going. 5 stars, of course!

I've read numerous stories on here over the past 18 months, but this surpasses everything else I've read.

This had everything a good story should have: hot girls, steamy sex, action packed drama and a lot of teasing.

I can't praise you high enough as an author, you are really, really good at what you do. And I'll be even happier if you add more to this story, so please consider it ? Others have asked for more as well, so you have definitely made a connection with many who've read your work.

Thanks again for a brilliant story !

busy. Writing takes a chunk of free time combined with a spark of inspiration. I've actually got a chapter that includes Ass Night - have had it for a while - but I'm not happy with it. So when I get some inspired free time I'll take a whack at it.

Thanks for reading and thanks for all the positive comments.

Worthy of a place in the upper echelons of Mainstream fiction, you capture the essence of close personal relationships and blend it with an all action thriller. Long may your pen, imagination, wit and libido keep us entertained. I look forward to seeing much more of your work in the near future.

Keep up the good work. All the best, Den

P.S. Incidentally, erotic as hell to boot.

"Maybe. Maybe in the next chapter. We'll see,"

Priceless!

Looking forward to reading Ass Night, even though I'm not into Anal, and expect there'll be some. (as I write this the chapter's already up - I really appreciate that you chose to hold off until the chapter was up to standard. I'd rather wait and read a good Chunks story, than read a half-assed one.)

It's been pretty obvious for a while that sex with Laura is on the radar, although this chapter made it more definite. Cyndi's obviously okay with the idea, even with Laura underage,considering that she said that Laura needs sunscreen on more than her back, and the other stuff about massage, although obviously you need to wait for Laura to turn 18 to keep your story legal/within Literotica rules.

Also, please remember that you've got Mary-Beth trying to get pregnant - that storyline still needs to unfold.

Re "the fourth wall", the bit at the end of the chapter was good fun, but the earlier bit about keeping it in the Incest/Taboo section seemed a bit too far through the wall, probably because it was more Chunks talking than Johny Rand.

Sorry English isn't my language of birth; I can easily tell you in my own language my experience with your stories,but not here. I do my best for it.

I'm a reader of sexual stories a quiet some time on the internet, I started after the alt.sex.stories e.s.o. (1985), with asstr.org (1989); your stories are really great to read. A little detective alternately with good sex, is was always my favourite, also when I bought novels in a bookshop (before the internet was there).

I wish you success to write more stories for your fans here, I love them, many thanks.

Eglefino.

Couldn't finish this series. Both stories and every character in them are basically the same person. All gorgeous yet shallow. None have real human insecurities which becomes boring quickly. Not a horrible effort just too monotone to continue.

Private Investors huh? Who da thunked?

Fabulous, a great introduction into more mayhem.

So sucking fucking hot. Omg what would I not give to be part of this ex crazed group. Cent crazed fucker Lanc’s UK.

With this chapter, you have recovered completely from the one I called adult cruise ship and I am happy to grant this chapter a 5* Thx.

I loved the action as well; there is a need for such interventions in the real world and the chief of police is very smart to recognize this fact.

BJ

I don't typically write reviews, that said however I consider your work well done well thought out and not just a detailed sex scene for a xxx porn script. Keep up the great work. I think your style of writing also could make you some decent money, you should be considering full time writing.

I know the serious literary critics will cringe, but the 4th wall breaks made me laugh out loud. Great story, well told, and fun too!

Another great story in great style. FIVE.

So cool, gotta say I thought of Harold Robbins & his book The Adventurers, made me hot, made me laugh out loud!!

I was bouncing along with the story and then... Heinlein! The world, the affect. I got it!

Great job! I will enjoy the rest even more now.

I could really get to enjoy these stories!!! They flow well, make sense, and read well! Thank you.